Girl's Behavior

The story of a feminist traditional girl

Anonymous

Hello everyone, my name is Anabelle. Today i wanted to write a little myTake on one part of my life that other might be able to relate too.


Please note: What I write are my opions and experiances in my own life and in no way should dictate how you should live your life.


The story of a feminist traditional girl



Early life:


I grew up in a small town in Europe to immigrant parents and was the youngest child of 4 sisters. When i was 6 years old my father succumbed to lung cancer and was probably the first time i felt like a hole had been punched through my heart. Thankfully my father had worked and saved enough money to sustain ourselves through my college years. When my father died, my mother became obsessed over the years with feminist culture probably having come from a very traditional background.


She always groomed us to be the independant strong women that the media and various stems of society would teach to young women. For the most part i believed in equality and feminsim in my formative years and still do to some extent. My mother would always tell me that it is important that we stand on our own feet and not be dependant on a man to take care or provide for us. In some ways she would also covertly drop hints to me and my sisters, that men are more inclined to use women and take advantage and would want to seek control over you.


So i grew up to be a strong independant women with much of the feminist views and so did my sisters and little did i know at the time it was causing an internal conflick for me, a raging battle between my heart and mind. No matter the views and opinions of my mother i always felt different to her and my sisters but always shied away from expressing them in fear that i would upset them.


The internal traditional girl vs. external feminist girl:


For as long as i can remember i always wanted to be in a traditional relationship, you know the kind that is a stay at home mum that cooks and takes care of her home and family, Ahhhhh!!, i said it (i'm so proud of myself, yipeeee!!) I have been wanting to say that for years, phew!! glad i got that over. I know not every girl feels like this but i always have felt this way in my heart. So as you can imagine the internal drama i had growing up in a world where i was taught to be the indepedant career driven girl when all i longed for was to be the dependant girl who wanted kids and a loving husband. It was torture growing up with my mum constantly breathing down my neck and getting me to follow the various academic accolades of my older siblings.


By the time i was in college (studying commerce) i had become somewhat reclusive and oblivious to relationships and the idea of settling down with someone although deep down i could feel a huge disconnect in my life and i would often wollow in a depressed state.


The Muffin Boy


One afternoon during my third year of study i found myself writing down some information from the school noticeboard and i just happen to glance at a flyer that read "Bake till ya drop" or something like that. It was basically a short course on baking cakes. Something made me pick up the phone and make a reservation for next Saturday. Skip forward a week and there I was all kitted out standing next to a guy(handsome i might add) who i had been randomly paired with. Our first task....MUFFINS.....yummy!!


Serveral minutes into following our instuctors directions my aprin bow on one side had come lose and was hanging rather uncomfortably, unfortunately my hands had milk and flour on them. Just them this guy i had been paired with said don't worry, i'll get that and he came up to me and and put his hands around me and tied the bow tightly again. Its the first time i had a guy do that and i kept looking at his face thinking to myself "You are so handsome, please don't let go". I felt so weak when he did that and I just kept smiling.


Over the next few weeks we got to know more about each other and i let my heart take over. We dated for 3 years before we married.


Equality


During our dating years i was always taught to go dutch when we went out (mother, sisters influence). I always had this fear in the back of my mind that if i let a guy lead or take control that i would somehow be left hurt and heartbroken. During those initally dates we always saw each other as equals but it always felt confusing and out of wack with who i really wanted to be. For many months i often toiled with the idea of having him lead and living a more tradiotional relationship but was always scared to do so.


Some months down the line our dates had become somewhat boring and robotic, we always did things so mechnically. you did this for me so i must now do this for you. The bill is $110, so you pay $55 and i'll pay $55. If felt so dreary to me. To my surprise he made a suggestion to me one night. He suggested we do things on our own account for each other and live a little less selfishly.


We started living a more traditional relationship, and we were loving it. We both felt more at ease with each other and found more time to spend with each other. I was so scared to let this happen as it was going against the grain of everything i was taught as a young girl but my word, but it was magic.


He would treat me out for dinner, holding the door open for me, pulling out my chair. I know you are probaby thinking i must be an entitled women for making him do all of that but when i asked him why he wants to do that his response was beautiful "Annabelle, i do it becuase i love you and i want to see you happy and when you are happy my heart skips a beat". Did i expect him to do it everytime for me, off course not. But we loved the role playing and for the first time in my life was happy with my inner personality and i felt like i didn't have to hide it away from him.


As time went on i felt more comfortable with opening myself up to him and i started inviting him over to my apartment where i would cook lunch and dinner for him and we would spend time relaxing together.


Marriage life


I will skip the part about trying to convince my mother that i wanted to get married becuase of all the drama it caused between us. Anyway i was always reluctant to show my other side of my more traditional personality to my mother and sisters even during the early times of our marriage. When my mum died i felt it easier to move on with how i wanted to lead my life. I told my husband that i wanted to have a family and that i needed his support and only together can we suceed. I was so scared to leave my career but at the same time excited to experiance something i always had a buring desire to be a stay at home mother.


My husband and i agreed that one of us should stay at home to bring up our kids. I worked for a while longer until i was pregnant and gave birth to our baby boy who is literally the light of my life. I consider myself lucky to have found a man so in love with me. We consider ourselves to be a team working together to achieve a common goal. He takes care or being a provider and i take care of all household issues(he calls me a home executive). We don't feel pressured becuase we have depandant tasks to support our family as a whole. Yes i cook for him becuase i want to and i love him. He works to build a secure environment for me and our kids. When my kids are gone to school i take care of sorting out all his accounts manage his finances and he has given 40% of his salary to me to manage groceries and other household items.


Yes we don't have the benefit of 2 income streams but you know what i'm happier and so is he. We budget out expenses and spend accordingly. I feel we have a common goal to bring and raise a family and that each one of us contributes in our own way. The best part is that we never worry about being equal and independant becuase we consider ourselves deeply dependant and in love <3 When we go out its never about her money and my money, its our money and i love it.


I often look at my eldest sister and her husband, they both work, both independant have one child but seem to be distant from each other as she often tells me. They both come home having little time to cook up meals and start doing household chores. She doesn't spend much time with her kids becuase of he long hours at work.


Summary


So what exactly am i saying?


Please don't see this as women should "get back in the kitchen" nonsense. I wanted to reach out to some more traditional girls and guys who feel trapped like I did, living a life that i was forced into. I have found it easier and less stressful to have a role in a relationship and i don't feel less empowered becuase of that. I actually feel liberated and have the best times of my life with my husband and kids. I'm not saying that traditional relationships are the only way to go for happiness either.


So i hope i was able to reach out to some of the more traditional girl/guys out there. I know and understand that there are many guys/girls who have had their hearts broken from these types of relationships but if there comes a good girl/guy in your life it may be something to look into.

The story of a feminist traditional girl
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