How Bullying Affected Me As A Person

[Dog19]

So...

I just thought about well how people want women to be. And how society thinks women should/ need to be in order to be acceptable.

Now I used to be really quiet because I feared if I talked or became more social I'd anger everyone around me, because I thought ugly girls like myself shouldn't talk unless spoken too. And I shouldn't try to be friends with others because they didn't like how I looked. So I took that to heart and that caused my social life to crash. I could have talked to people and I could have made friends and made my life less depressing, but I wanted to please other people.

So since I was so silent, people bullied me all the time and I never said anything even when I was called a n** and screamed at by a person I thought was my friend, I stayed so silent. In fear of causing conflict. And sadly I am still that way now. Almost all of the time I walked with my head down or all alone because in a way I choose to be that way.

People always told me to talk more, stand up for myself and ask me why was I so silent? and I'm pretty sure my quietness worried a lot of people, but I just stayed to myself all the time even though inside I was so sad and depressed and put up with so much abuse at school. Since I would not say anything I was the perfect target for bullying. And it only got worse. Should a girl really be this silent? Oh yeah and I spent a ton of time alone. I was rarely around others.

By high school I lost weight, changed the way I dressed and curled my hair. After that I was finally considered a pretty girl. Or finally considered attractive. Bullying finally stopped at school. The hostile nature stopped. In a way I felt like I was different person socially wise. But even now sometimes I feel like going back to the sad, silent bullied girl who would just put up with anything/ abuse and not say anything ever. I try not to go beck to her but a part of me still pulls me toward her. Pushing me closer, I scream out as our eyes met the same gaze of..

Sadness.

[MaskedSanity]

Bullying results in one of two things: you either become stronger or completely break.

I was hoping for a take where you tell us you overcame your bullies by standing up for yourself, but unfortunately you've simply changed your appearance to fit in without addressing the underlying issue.

The truth is, shitty people don't end with high school. You'll find a job and encounter new bitchy people that will find a target to prey on. You may look like a "pretty girl" now, but what if at your new job you won't fit in with what is "in" there? What will you do then? Change your looks again?

You need to address the meekness of your character lest you want to remain everyone's punching bag for the rest of your life.

[FakeName123]

Bullies bully those who they perceive as weak. You said it yourself already. Head down, staying silent, fearing conflict. Perfect target for any bully.

To quote my mom: "They only bully you when you let them bully you". Big lesson in life for me during first grade.

[guynextodoor]

bigger lesson for me during six grades

[Spiorad_Aisce]

That is very sad - I am sorry that happened to you - I am never too sure how to advise in areas of social bullying - Maybe join clubs or groups at school where you may find like minded people - Spend time on the net, talk to people who like you for who you are - To totally withdraw or change yourself to fit in I feel takes away from who you are - Any change you do should be for yourself not others.
It worked out for you as you grew older, you probably felt more attractive and became more confident. At the heart of most self esteem issues is your self confidence.
Your final paragraph, if I was you, I would still look at that girl and think what was good about that girl and bring it forward to the current day to incorporate it into your life. You don't have to cut her off completely but take the positives.
I was very different in school and while I was never bullied thankfully, anytime I changed I always brought forward the positives from my previous personas.
I got rid of negative stuff but kept positives.

[fueledbythc]

I was known as a bully in high school. I got laughs at first and had people joining in on it. I had like 5 specific kids back then that I really hurt with my words. I know physically hurting someone will heal but words hurt way more and I knew that. It got to a point where my classmates didn't find it funny anymore. Girls saw it as gross and I could never get girls back in high school because of my reputation. The jocks starred to defend the victims and I would have to get into battles with the football guys but I was a big boy at that age so they even treaded lightly on me cause I was really good with my insults verbally. I eventually was marginalized by my class. And I deserved it. My peers would always call me a bully to my face and I experienced another form of bullying. It made a mark on me as I really select who I befriend. Also, it made me think I'm a really ugly person inside and out to the point where if a woman is checking me out I feel creeped out because I think they are staring at me because im ugly or weird or a threat. I'm slowly healing from that but at the same time I deserved that treatment from my peers. I built my own reputation back then and I feel like that reputation is still there as I don't keep in contact with 98% of my classmates. Just two friends I had from my grad class which one of them was my friend since I was 3. The scars I have from that doesn't amount to what I said to the victims. The hurtful actions I did. The fear I caused. I know it's all in the past but people don't forget traumatic experiences. I hope they are much better humans than me because I feel like scum everyday.

[Raven1990]

enough of negativity... it was even hard for me to read that until the end.
nobody had a perfect life. i bet for sure that at some point of most people lives' they have already been bullied by their peers in a way or another. you are not the only one.

plus, your atitude does not solve your problem. it's not by playing the "victim role" in your life that you are going to get something. that would only feed your negativity in a spiral downway. you need to know you are worth. you need to know that you are no piece of shit as you may ever thought in the past because of the bullies. you need to think yourself as good and maintain that mindset no matter what others may say and behaves towards you. good luck

[Dog19]

Yeah. I was watching the tyra show and I got depressed from the video. So I wrote about how I used to feel about myself. And how deep down wished I had a higher self esteten. This was actually promoted and labeled awesome and great by the people running the website, I don't see how it is. It's just about me feeling bad because this YouTube video just crushed me..

[Raven1990]

what is tyra show a youtube video? so you are just making a drama with this MyTake and it's not what you really live nowadays? by the way, what's the usefulness of having a higher self steem? to have an inflated ego?

[Dog19]

I didn't think no one would read it..

[Corine]

You are basically being pulled back to being the person you really are, instead of being this dolled up girl who has lost her individuality in her quest to fit in.
You are 17, so I daresay, you still have a chance to be the person you really are, instead of your peers' version of attractive. Although I was never bullied, I know what its like to be made fun of for not fitting in. So, I know what I'm saying. Its going to be a tough road ahead, and you must prepare to face some old enemies. But at the end of the day, its better to live by your beliefs than a bunch of other people's.
And if you fear conflict, then simply ignore their reactions to you. You don't have to prove yourself right by jumping down their throats. Just hold your ground.

[CHARismatic110]

As someone that was bullied, it makes me sad to hear stories about it. I fear for kids in school these days. With the Internet and social media being so popular these days, bullying is so much worse. I used to be able to get a bit of an escape from it once I got home. But kids today don't get a break. Even when they aren't in school it's still happening online. It's horrible.

I encourage you to start speaking up for yourself. People prey on those that see as weak. I made the mistake of never standing up for myself for years and I finally snapped. And it wasn't pretty.

[AnayaWilliams]

I can relate to your story. I was bullied to when I was younger in elementary school. Mostly because of my body shape and because I didn't speak to a lot of people in my class. I tried making friends but people always ignored me. It was mostly because I wore glasses as well and I was very skinny, I'd say. They'd call me names, and ask me for food, or ask me to buy them something. When clearly they never even spoke to me. I was very reserved to when I was younger and always kept to myself. I didn't start getting out of shell or my comfort zone until my junior year of high school. The bullying stopped after my dad's job moved us. I don't have to deal with being bullied as I much as I used to when I was younger, my school actually does something about it. I also learned that if you want someone to leave you alone you have to speak up or else no one can hear you or help you. You have to stand up for yourself because if you don't, no one will. Close mouths do not get fed.

[TheAngryBanana]

Speaking from personal expreince i can understand roughly some of the pain and miserey for stuff such as being quiet and comming across as timid, but that being said do not think of this in a negitive way but view the silver lining and use to progress and become better.

Use the expreinces you have gained to train and sharpen your mind the the forging of a strong steel sword. Confront the emoitonal distress and use it to develop a thicker skin allowing you to become more hardened to people such as these.

[Anonymous]

I went through the same but I didn't know that saying or doing nothing made people easier targets.

I was always shy or quiet but bullies just made me want to avoid it all since they'd make a scene out of nothing or cough while you're talking to answer a question that the teacher called on you for.

In one way it shaped me because I don't trust blindly anymore, I say Hi to people but wouldn't consider them a friend. I did eventually stand up for myself but wished I'd done so sooner... And being prettier doesn't really help caz sometimes I still feel ugly, even though I know I'm a swan now

[Phoenix98]

That's quite sad I was bullied as a kid to pretty badly but unlike you it made me stronger and it drove me to become who I am today and I didn't tolerate it for long I took care of the people who bullied me myself and never let it happen again.

And when highschool came whenever I saw that shit going on I broke it up and made it very clear what would happen to the bullies if I ever saw them doing it again. It's a horrible and disgusting thing, and you should never let yourself become a victim.

Bullies attack those that won't put up a fight and they perceive as weak and easily toyed with. My advice to anyone suffering from bullying, don't let yourself be a victim when it comes to bullying the best way to stop it is to defend yourself and stand up for yourself whether it be verbally, physically both, but never let yourself be a victim, you'll only be one if you let yourself become one.

[Phoenix98]

Bullying is the one thing I can say I honestly hate with a passion and it makes me quite sad when I see people like yourself who don't deserve it become victims.

[randomocity]

as a person who has been to 13 different schools in my life, i have met very many types of bullies. And weirdly enough i thank them, they taught me never to trust anyone and dont fall in love because all it causes is more pain then a bully could inflict. not everyone may agree, but bullies showed me the ugly of the world early on and how to avoid it completely. now the only thing that hurts me are my thoughts, but there isn't much i can do about that so im good

[SakuraChii]

I was also under the impressiom that no one would bother me because I was quiet, its the toral opposite. It broke me when a couple of upperclassmen guys who I didn't know would pick on me and be hostile for no reason. If people dont see you interacting with peers then they will find that weird and they will put their anger out on you because quiet people have the stigma of being doormats.

[madhatters4]

thanks for telling your story. bullying is one of those life shaping things that happens all too frequently at key times in social and personal develop for young people.

i was bullied too in school. not to the extent you were and only by a few people. i don't know for sure but it certainly shaped who i am in some way i'm sure.

it was great of you to be the bigger person and not retaliate or stoop to their level.

[Anonymous]

I have a story so similar to yours.
I was bullied since I was 8, by everyone in my school. Even some of the teachers. And it was harsh bullying.
The summer after I turned 13, my life took a real turn. I was sick and tired of everything, used my whole summer to lose weight, started straightening my hair each and every day, and spent all my money on make up and new clothes.
Since then, I became a ''popular girl''.
Now I'm 17, left with tons of anxiety, depression and panic dissorder. And it SUCKS. I still wear makeup and straighten my hair every day, and if I skip those things one day, I make sure to stay inside so no one sees me. It's really breaking my heart, that I used to be such a free little girl, but now... I don't even know who I am honestly.
Sending you all my love, you are not alone.
Hugs. <3

[HentaiMaster23]

I wish I was in the same school as you, I could of been your friend, and made sure you were treated like a person, but unfortunately I couldn't, but I'm here if you ever need someone, I've been through bullying, which led to my depression, but it wasn't because of how I looked, it was because of my interests, and stuff like that, but you know, talk to me if you need someone

[Anonymous]

I can relate. I was bullied in middle school and a little bit of high school. I never contemplated suicide but in the long run gave me an inferiority complex, low self esteem and felt shy because I thought everyone was criticizing me, especially if they gave me dirty looks.

That being said there some behaviors I did that were weird and awkward and looking back. I wish I knew back then that it was not socially acceptable. And my issue was when people would tell me not to do certain things and yell at me, I just thought they were being mean and I should have taken it as constructive criticism.

[Opinion Owner]

And another thing I noticed is that when you get older, people may not bully or harass you if they don't like you but instead flat out ignore you and avoid you. That can hurt just as much because you don't know what you did wrong and it makes you feel worse because you don't know what to change about yourself.

I've definitely changed my life around though and am much happier than when I was younger.

[lovelywiz]

you need to study universal attractions
meditate a bit.
understand that the whole world will NEVER agree.
smile.
confidence puts you places.
know that people bully for reasons.
I used to be traumatized due to bullying but I finally broke free after I found out who I was. A strong foundation is key to life

[ConsultantIsBack]

Bullying seriously breaks my heart. It's so sad. That's why I could never become a school teacher like @desidoll or @justbanannaz , I would literally start beating kids up if they bully people hahaha, I'd get fired.. and go to prison..

[justbanANNAz]

yeah it's quite sad to witness... or even be on the receiving end. hahah good thing ur a consultant :P
omg i gotta tell u this though. not all teachers give a shit about how their kids feel. i went to a school for some experience. there was a kid at the back of the class not working. i asked the teacher, 'what's up with him?', she goes 'he just refuses to do any assessments. he sits like that every lesson'.
so i said 'i see. maybe something is bothering him that isn't motivating him to study?'
she replies, 'i dont know, I'm not a psychologist, that's not my job.'

OH MY GOODNESSS i got so angry in my mind. it's because of shit teachers like that, that bullies can get away with what they're doing.

[ConsultantIsBack]

@justbanANNAz OMG! wow that is... appalling, yes that's the right word. Appalling. Well, if u were in US you would probably be headed for the private/charter schools for higher caliber teachers. US is turning like that, like Puerto Rico. Where the higher income parents send their kids out of public schools for a much higher quality education. I think it's trending that way more and more here.

[justbanANNAz]

yeah the amount of self control it took to respond with some kind of professional looking smile...
yeah i can totally understand that. it kinda plays with ur mind though because while u know that you'd b so high up in a quality school... you know it's the shitty schools that are in desperate need of quality teachers.

but anyway as u can see, we're alike in that we both like talking about our jobs :P

[CHARismatic110]

I feel like that about my nephew. Someone was bothering him at school and I wanted to rip the kids off when I saw him. I've been through it. I know how it feels. And I HATE the thought that he's feeling like that. I fear for kids today. It was bad back when we were in school. It's 10 times worse now. It really sucks.

[desidoll]

@ConsultantIsBack: Being a teacher really needs a lot of passion and yes bullying is one part of the issue that we teacher have to deal with. I've a few students who always bully one of my special kids whenever I ask him to read aloud something. They will laugh and follow after him. What I do is I'll ask them to stand with their hands on their head facing the main door for 30 minutes. Also no break time for them. I don't care if they wanna complain to their parents. I'm ready enough to answer them.

[SakuraCherryBlossoms]

I think it's cool how you take responsibility for the way you acted and changed, but the people who bullied you had no right to do what they did. They took advantage. You're still in highschool right? Since you're 17... why don't you confront the people who bullied you since it's your final year?

[blondfrog]

Why would you want to be friends with a bunch of people who drink, party, smoke and do other stupid shit? Most people just try to rationalize their behavior and pass off what they do as "cool or smart" even when its complete bullshit. That's how the popular kids were in school and that's whats wrong with society people like you just take shit, you wanna be happy stand up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

i was bullied in high school due to being very short (5'1 or 2) and fat, 5 years later at the age of 20 i am just under 6' tall, dark, handsome with a good build and said fuck off to the girl that rejected me back then when she just said hi on facebook, feelsgoodman