Shy Guys And The Shy Complex (Page 4)

[SomethingClever]

Normally, I follow a mantra when it comes to following advice from a woman about dating, which is don't do it. But everything you've said is true and I would advise all guys (because players and micheal cera wannabes alike can and will get nervous around that special girl) to do what you said and just go for it. Great article

[Enchanted_x3]

Rahim517 - I couldn't disagree with you more. Just because I am obviously not a guy and young (age is just a number) doesn't mean I'm incapable of empathy. I'm able to put myself in a shy guy's shoes. Being shy is in fact a label and it's used quite often in today's dating world. I haven't misconstrued the 'shy guy' in the least, rather I believe that I hit the nail on the head and addressed many underlying issues to said insecurities and low self-confidence.

[Enchanted_x3]

Haruko- Actually, I don't consider myself to be a hypocrite in the least. Last time I checked, this article was entitled Shy GUYS And The Shy Complex - nowhere in that do I see a reference to girls. I was just adding my personal opinion to johnnyhustle on the issue of girls making the first move, which I personally do not agree with.

My impression and intention was to help guys get over their low self-confidence and overall insecurities when dealing with asking girls out and I believe I helped.

[haruko]

I genuinely enjoyed this article as it does address some ways to help get out of the shy zone, until I read your reply to johnnyhustle,

You're saying for men to suck it up and get over it. I agree, however the fact that you seem to be completely against sucking it up yourself and having the balls to ask a guy out makes your entire article seem rather hypocritical.

Excuse me if I'm wrong, its just the impression your giving, a good read nonetheless for the shy guys, though

[Enchanted_x3]

Why thank you! I would love to work for Cosmopolitan or some other women's magazine, but unfortunately I don't intend on majoring in English and I don't have an in, in the PR world. But I'll have to settle for spreading my wisdom to the users of GAG. :P

[Enchanted_x3]

WeaponZero - I see your point and it's clear we don't agree on this. My article was intended to merely help shy guys who are afraid to approach girls gain the confidence and know-how to do so. That is all. And I have thrown in my opinion throughout.

johnnyhustle - Because I don't need to go out and ask guys to date me. If they want to date me, they can ask me. I'm perfectly fine being single and not tied down for the time being.

[johnny_hustle]

TripleTia, just wondering, why is that you will never ask a guy out? I am getting this because you said in your case the guy does the chasing plain and simple. So with that being said, I am curious to why you will not take the initiative to ask a guy out. I'm not saying you should have to chase a guy, but why not go up to a guy and ask him out on a simple date. If he says yes, then its a date, if he says no, then its not, and if he says idk, move on don't waste time on him by chasing.

[NMMan]

I don't feel that it should "always" be a requirement that the guy makes the first move, but due to the long-standing social norms that were cited in the article, overall a guy should certainly be *prepared* to make the first move. Because even as progressive as our world has become in many respects, that is an aspect of society that has proven to be somewhat resistant to change.

[WeaponZero]

A lot of men have been burned in the past by women who pretty much used them and took them for a ride, and when they're considering you for a date, they're going to start looking for you to show that you're not like those other girls. And they probably won't give you 4 or 5 dates to prove it. They're going to start looking on the very first date. So just, put a little effort forth of your own, that's all. Show them you're not like the gold digging whores they've had past experiences with.

[WeaponZero]

All I'm saying is, yes, it's ok to let the guy make the first move if that's what you want. Just don't wait until after the 3rd or 4th date to start contributing some effort of your own into the process. There are things you can do starting on the very first date to show him you're worth the effort because you're willing to put effort into it too. If you don't you just might find yourself alone in the long run, because men aren't looking to entertain a disillusioned fairy tale.

[WeaponZero]

I know that one person has to take the first step. That's not my issue. And I know that usually that has to be the guy. I'm uncomfortable with that but willing to live with it. My problem is that when the guy has to take the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th steps too. At what point then does the girl stop to think "hey, you know, maybe I should do something for him to show that I'm not like the others and not just using him/along for the ride?"

[WeaponZero]

It's easy to say "this is how it is" when your gender's role traditionally to sit back and watch while guys bust their asses to get you. But the world is changing now and women need to, at the very least, think about things from the man's point of view to see whether or not you are making yourself seem worth the trouble you're putting him through. And when you're not willing to do something--anything at all--to help the process along, then really... are you?

[WeaponZero]

Look at it from the guy's point of view. If you're not picking up some slack on your end to make his job easier, not picking up a check here and there or arranging some dates yourself, then why should he look at you as being any different from all the other girls out there? What are you doing that should, in his eyes, make you seem worth the trouble?

[WeaponZero]

First of all, who says I don't have the balls to ask a girl out? All I'm saying is that I want to have the girl meet me half way. When I initiate everything, make the plans, and pay for everything while she contributes nothing, you know what that makes her? A whore. So tell me, what do you contribute to the process? What do you do to carry your weight so that you're not some gold digger along for the ride?

[johnny_hustle]

Okay you say that guys should be the only one doing the asking out because of the social norm. well that's f***ed up, stop doing what everyone else is doing just because that's the way its been done. learn to change, I agree guys need to grow some balls and ask a girl out if they like them. However, if a girl finds a guy attractive she should make the first contact, because maybe he didn't see her. all in all, if you like someone, regardless of gender, you should take the initiative.

[WeaponZero]

If you can't answer those questions above, then the answer is you're not worth the investment of time and money. If you're not willing to do something--ANYTHING at all, to show him that you're willing to put something on the line, to make some sort of sacrifice, to make some sort of investment into it or put some effort into it, then you'll never be anything but a one night stand in his eyes. If you're just along for the ride, then that's exactly what he'll take you on. And nothing more.

[WeaponZero]

Look at this from the man's point of view: He's doing all the work, he's paying for everything, and you're just watching and being entertained by all this. What is his motive to continue on any further? What is it you are doing during this whole process that shows him you're more than just a gold digging drama queen? What are you doing that shows him you're worth his investment of time and money? What are you doing that shows you're willing to put effort into it?

[WeaponZero]

The bottom line is that girls, especially in the beginning when you don't know them all that well, aren't worth the hassle. And that's exactly what they're giving you when they stand by and expect you to do everything, a hassle. Bottom line: I don't know you (by you I mean any girl I'm considering approaching) well enough to consider you worth the price of a bottle of Excedrin, so you'd better not give me any headaches. Otherwise you're out with the rest of the trash.

[WeaponZero]

I'm going to be blatantly honest here. I've known a fair number of girls in my time who didn't live according to the "guys have to do EVERYTHING" rule and took some initiative for themselves. and I've come to learn that they're the only ones worth going for. See, as men, we are taught to respect people who are willing to work for what they want and fight for it, and to look down on those who aren't.

[Brando]

I think the impossible needs to happen. I think we should all get rid of natural born prejudices, misconceptions, and pre-notions. I'm not a good small talker so if there's nothing to talk about, guess what? I don't talk. I'm not a pushover, I'm not afraid of what people think, I don't care to please anyone's view of me. But being quiet makes people assume that about me. Which leads me to "Just be yourself" = bullsh*t. You have to put on your best behavior in order to stand out to her. Nature :(