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Shy Guys And The Shy Complex (Page 5)
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I'm not suggesting you ask out every girl you lay eyes on. Obviously they should be girls you want to actually get to know and be serious with in the long run. Stop misconstruing my words.
And solidranger, girls shouldn't have to make the first move. Guys, by the social norm, should. I'm not saying it's right or fair, but that's the way it is. Hence why you need to get over your shyness and grow some balls.
@solidranger: this article is aimed towards guys, not girls, but I still agree with you.
Unfortunately, the gist of the article is just "we understand, too bad". Out of all the advice here, the one I hate most is "For every 10 girls who say no, there will be that 1 girl who says yes." While this is true, it's also basically saying "take what you can get, don't look for one that meets your standards." I'd rather be single than just ask out random girls in hopes of getting just anyone.
What this article is missing is understanding for the shy guy wanting to do the right thing.
face facts, women have the edge but choose to waste it.
when it comes to facing rejection, guys have it harder. in an age where a woman can get a guy sued, fired or arrested for sexual harassment, sometimes the guy is just not gonna risk it. I used to have a job in a hotel years ago, and us guys had one unwritten rule, never say hello to the women who work in sales. they were on a power trip.
From reading the comments it's clear that you are sexist and that you want olden day tradtional values with the benefits of todays updated values but you turn a blind eye to the changes that have occured that you don't like.
Then I saw you saw saying this "they're shy in the first place but what I don't understand is why they stay that way." This leads me to believe even more that you wrote this article with no prior knowledge about shy guys and just for attention.
Enchanted_x3 You don't know a thing about what it's like being a shy guy, so don't go preaching that you have all the answers when you have no clue of what your talking about to begin with. You are effectively telling guys to be someone they're not because of your own personal preferences.
A person being shy and confidence are drastically different things, Shy describes a personality, confidence is having a third party think that you are confident by the means of which they percieve/see you.
Ha, fun to read this, the comments, and then your change in mindset a bit :P
Though I do think most did miss the message from this article that is good. I.e. try and work on just getting out there and talking. And that's something ANYONE who is shy needs to take to heart. Be it for love or just friendship, just work on what you can. It's what I've done/been doing :P it works. Just talking lightly here and there and slowly working up talking more and more and opening up. It's a good thing.
@moviedude714- You will force yourself to practice or you will stay alone. That's all there is to it. Good luck.
@whoblitzell- Clearly you did not get my intention. There is nothing wrong with ebing shy.
@nelsl- Good for you.
@drvannostrand- Thank you so much for the feedback. :-)
Get a clue.
"...you are afraid and shy"
Shy is being afraid to talk when you are wanting to talk.
Introverted and extorverted personality types are something we are born with. Pick up a book from Carl Jung on the personality types. (INFP, INTJ, ENTJ, ENFP, etc.)
Introverts just don't want to talk and they don't care to be in large groups of people. They are the ones that are peaceful with silence.
There are some "Shy" extroverts.
AfricanD- Guys base attraction on looks 99% of the time, shallow but true. You should have no problems going out into public and seeing at least 10 girls you wouldn't mind dating. I'm not saying you need to ask every single girl that tickles your fancy out, it's just that there are viable options everywhere. And it's up to you to make the most of it.
Heya very cool article TripletTia! Um there is this girl who works at a cafe that I go to alot. She seems sweet and nice and that's why I like her so I wrote on a piece of paper "I LIKE YOU! x" and I gave it to her while I went to pay for a pepsi. She said wow that's really sweet and she smiled. I didn't give her my number. Should I go back and see her and give it or should I ask for her one so I can take her to the movies or should I just play it cool and wait a bit? I gave the note 2days ago.
Like if you knew this person well enough to know that they would not ask, would you want to leave it at that? You could be missing out on something great. However, for guys (myself included) you do need to man up so to speak, and these pointers in the article are pretty accurate. However if there is a married couple that are happy after the girl made the move, there's nothing wrong with that. There should be no stigma attached to it.
The main thing I want to say is that I don't think there should be any rules. If two people end up happy together that should be the main thing. You could say I'm not much for social etiquette. For either sex, asking out a stranger is tough. If you have a friendship or know each other at least a little.. it's a lot easier. I don't know if it's about growing balls as it is about thinking to yourself.. imagine there is someone you think could be "the one". It's worth the risk isn't it?
I say screw the "norm". You know there is this saying that people say, tell me if you've heard of it. They say "Ladies first" or "Ladies go first". Its about time that women make the first move because it seems as though for a long time women have been considered the "weaker" sex. If you women can do that then in return we will take care of you, protect you from harm and help you raise a loving family and try to be successful in life.
Enchanted, you need to just bag it and cut your losses. You don't have the first damn clue about the experiences guys go through in dating, and it's extremely childish of you to presume that you do. I don't know how many more times or in how many more ways you need to be told that you're talking out of your nether regions. Stop, just stop. Save yourself the personal embarrassment and realize that you are hopelessly out of your depth.
Your article doesn't go deeper on rejection, rejection its part of life I know that. But most men will like to know why they get rejected. If you just say its part of life, deal with it, it doesn't give an explanation to why that happens and it would make men wonder for days and even nights why that happened. Unlike you women we cannot actually just accept it without an explanation.
To somebody who lacks self-esteem "hopefully" its not really good advice at all and just leaves them on a limbo wondering when that will happen. What's worst is that you say no pain no gain, you are even worse there, pretty much you expect men to get rejected, just swallow it without complaining and without any sort of psychological pain and hopefully just hopefully, gods know when, you will get somebody to talk to you. Its easy said when you only have to stay there and guys come to you.
Although you are right on what you say, this is easier said than done. For instance "for every 10 girls only 1 will want to talk to you", for a shy guy this is very hard to swallow. I mean can you imagine getting rejected 9 times before you get the opportunity for a girl to talk to you.?. A shy guy's mind its very complex; let's say he is tired on being lonely and he wants to go for a girl, and he gets the best version of himself really confident and then what happens...rejected.
Boring.
Because it is simple as that - if you like someone, you make the move (regardless of your shiness). And it doesn't matter if you are a girl or a guy. I think it is the most archaic concept that males are the hunters. We are not animals. I am mostly surprised, that women turn into hunters only then, when their "prey" hasn't noticed them yet and is already in another relationship.
I mean - come on, how hard is to bear it in mind that if you like something - YOU GO FOR IT!
You do state your opinions with conviction, misinformed though they might be. It's typically instructive for people of the opposite sex to give each other feedback on relationship and dating issues (hence the idea for this site), but there are things you can't understand or speak substantively about unless you've been in another person's place or you have exceptional empathy.
You may have written this article with the best of intentions, but it comes across as somewhat condescending and presumptuous towards young guys who perhaps aren't big man on campus. I think that you, like a great many young girls, misconstrue the true nature of shy/introverted/[insert meaningless label] guys. Remember that you are very young, and as such, don't necessarily have the requisite life experience to understand and appreciate the endless complexities of people.