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No, you have to show interest, when I text a girl first all the time and she doesn't, I get the message that she doesn't want me or she's not single , just give him a hint, dont text first all the time yeah, but you must give a sign that you are interested, men are not good at reading signs, and we get NERVOUS too! so you have to show us. When you meet a guy and exchange numbers he has to text you first time, then you have to text first, then pick up from there, and dont text first more than twice.
"But honestly, nothing good has ever come out of me texting first and I always end up making a fool of myself."
Guess what, this has happened to most guys 100-200 times by the age they are 25. And then girls wonder why guys become emotionally flat =P
This is a really backwards.
If you're dealing with guys who text you every blue moon, you're already not at great odds. So they may very well feel kind of indifferent to you and just text you now and then out of boredom.
Either way, if you text them and they give cold responses, they're not the type of person you should date.
If a girl never texts me and doesn't put in the effort, I just forget her. One sided is always pointless.
I completely agree with you, and I will want my daughter to be like this too.
Though I do agree that this can be very very frustrating for me and sometimes makes me want to not talk, I do think it's for the best.
This is because it helps me filter out the easy girls from the girls that are worth chasing. Not all girls who play hard to get are worth dating but I do think most are.
When I also chase a girl and win her then it's more rewarding for me. It's like I've achieved something.
I also think that girls who behave like this at the beginning are warmer later and more loyal.
Nice take.
Agreed, BUT, you want a woman who IS NATURALLY hard to get, because she actually has a busy life - she IS busy; not someone who feels it is necessary to MANIPULATE men into chasing her because she has a low self-esteem - PLAYING hard to get is the work of women who are highly DESPERATE in my opinion.
@GoldenWing I partially agree with you. Especially about being busy and everything. At the beginning some girls should test a guy of what he's intentions are. If he doesn't put in the effort then he most likely doesn't like her and wants a short term thing.
That's why I want girls who actually filter out guys, not someone that wants attention from everyone.
Of course she's got to be warm after knowin he actually wants her
Why are women so naive? Do you think men strike gold whenever we try to text a girl? Most of the time you're gonna fail. That's true for both genders. It has nothing to do with guys wanting to text. Chances are that you're doing something wrong. Just like guys, if you want to have success you have to try to fix what you're messing up or you're gonna be annoying or weird or boring. They're called social SKILLS and like any skill some people have it naturally and others try to get better and some people just let themselves suck. Stop hiding behind lame excuses like a little wussy.
You are not Totally correct, there are a lot of guys around who are extremely shy and can't approach a girl EVEN if she give signals. I am one of the biggest example of that, I am always told good looking guy (above average) I also workout a lot and I have a great pysique. However I've never had a girlfriend in my life and I dont think I will. There were a lot of hot girls who were staring at me, giving me signals to approach them but no I couldn't do anything because of a stupid experience I had years ago. I was rejected and humiliated so it broke my bravery and f*cked up my social life. Everyone isn't same, you may think he isn't interested in you but what if he is kind of shy guy like me or anyone else? You are not false either, woman must be noble and musnt be clingy but my advice for u is, if you really liked a guy and if you are "really" sure he likes you back but can't approach, give him more signals at least if you can't approach.
You don't think guys feel the pressure to not look "clingy?" Not to mention, we're the ones who have been rejected for more times than most women have.
Texting first does no harm for anyone. It doesn't make you look clingy at all. I don't know who told you that or why you think that. Guys will be that as bold, and if he likes you back, he will respond.
Yeah especially when you like a girl early on and you start to be aware of how much you are both texting each other so you don't over do it and come off needy.
It can be tempting to talk all day to a person you have a ton in common with but if you do that, the one you're interested could mistake that for clinginess.
Having said that, do you think clinginess is a double standard, to an extent at least? Meaning women are able to get away with acting a little clingy, compared to men?
Yeah, I do think its a double standard unfortunately.
But I do think that when so many girls say they are afraid to look clingy, they're making excuses. They're so afraid of asking men out because they don't have that experience of constant rejection, that they won't face their fears and actually be proactive and go for the guys they like. I hope they don't have that mindset in every other aspect in life.. FFS its the 21st century!
Yeah I've had women accuse me of blowing them off or playing them when I couldn't see them one day and offered to reschedule. If I accessed a girl of that, especially early on, it'd be over.
Personally, I'd like it if a girl I'm interested initiates contact at least every other day, even if it's just a simple hi. Doesn't have to be 24/7 but at least some effort of them reaching out.
If it's just me that's doing all the initiating then I feel that the other person has lost interest and I'm probably bugging them and can't take a hint. I'll also feel like I'm clingy/overly interested.
if you expect me to text me first, it just shows YOU don't know what you want. i'd rather you defy social norms than be just as terrible a communicator as every other woman out there. you have to realize that the poor results you got from texting guys, are still better than the poor results men get from texting girls. you're just on the receiving end of that inconvenience. you know how that feels? we feel like that every day. we suck it up, and we find a better way to do it. or we wait for a girl who can actually show SHE'S interested in us, because at the end of the day, we're not the gender that has a problem with that.
if someone is interested in you it won't matter who texts first. Playing games to get men is going to get you the men who like who your pretending to be, not for the person you are, not a great way to start a relationship.
Your just going to have to accept that rejection is part of the process, so put on your big girl pants and move on to the next person when you get rejected, instead of resorting to games.
I dont see it as olaying games. I dont text first because when I do, i get rejected. With guys that are actually interested innme, i am completely upfront and genuine.
That is playing games though... Besides why waste so much energy trying to catch guys who aren't even that into you?
You have to understand that the guys who didn't text back weren't interested in the first place... you texting first didn't make any difference whatsoever.
If everyone thought people would approach them first no one would get approached so you have to stick your neck out at some point. If you only wait for them you'll join the legions of women who complain there are no "good guys" out there because guys who aggressively chase you are mostly player types...
Well, that was my point! Haha I didn't think that whether or not i texted first changed anything, just that if guys were interested they alreay WOULD text first. you're saying the same thing that I was explaining
No. They won't text first if they are not interested, but the reverse is not always true. They can be interested and still not text you first*, or at least not within whatever time period you think is appropriate. With a no-text-first rule you would miss out on those guys.
* I remember one time I was drunk and had a new phone and the next day I found out I had pushed the wrong buttons so her number wasn't stored. A guy can also get the impression you were just trying to make a new friend when you talked to him and gave him your number.
I think you encountered some jerks and have condemned the rest based on those few.
You seem to think you are somehow unique and special, and forget that you're far from the only person who has a vagina.
By making a guy do all the work, you risk sending the message that you are high maintenance, or that you simply aren't interested.
Im sorry if you thought I was conceited in my take, I was trying to be as objective and possible and it had more to do with what id observed in mens behavior than anything about me at all. i dont think that im the only girl or that im better than everyone. i do think im unique but that is very irrelevant. and i dont want a guy to do all the work. i just have better results with men that show an initial interest in me, rather than the other way around. after a guy shows interest in me i have no problem doing my share of 'the work. '
Nice take! I think you should be careful though. Don't play mind games. With good guys, you not texting them will make them think you aren't interested at all.
thank you:)
On dating sites, women get a much higher response messaging men first, then men do women.
Players like the chase, normal guys hate it. If you're trying to ensare a player, then playing hot/cold hard to get might help. On a normal guy, he will give up and move on.
I have always applied the same policy too. Never do i text a guy first. If he's interested let him do the work. Why do we have to put ourselves out there and be judged as clingy, easy, or desperate? I agree with you all the way. Thanks for writing this article. I dont feel so alone in this batte anymore.😊
Interesting read. The problem with that for me is that way you don't know whether it's a good idea to actually try to pursue you or not. In my culture, it's common for women to play hard to get and if you push a little harder you might convince them. Unfortunately it seems that here in America, if women don't show interest in the beginning they are not interested for the most part and pushing harder will just get you in trouble.
Thats true and i dont really have an answer.. I guess that I've always found it seems to be men who are slightly more bold when it comes to risking rejection, so they tend to be kind of persistent sometimes. if i am interested in a guy i will definitey show it though after i think he's interested in me
I feel the same way. I don't like the fact that I don't text guys first. I don't like the stereotypes and gender roles that guys are supposed to chase what they want nd girls are supposed to just wait around. The thing is I don't have enough confidence or courage to actually initiate something with a guy. Every time I've tried it's been a complete disaster. So I'll just stay in my comfort zone.
If those guys were disinterested it wasn't because you texted first. It was because they were disinterested and nothing ever was going to happen between you and them. You're probably going to miss out on dating a couple of guys you like because they'll never know you liked them since you did nothing but wait and thus you won't contact them and they won't contact you.
I think you're just rephrasing my point. I wasn't saying that boys were uninterested BECAUSE i texted them first; it was that if I had to text them first, they most likely werent interested in the first place. Or, all the guys that were interested actually did text me first.
Ok see so I felt like you were making it sound like you texting them first made them feel disinterested. Honestly though some guys might just be intimidated by a girl and won't reach out because they think SHE might not be interested.
Just because you dont text them first does not mean you are being chased. In fact, sometimes, you have to show them a sign to start the chase. These are men, not mind readers.
There is a fine balance between showing interest and sitting there hoping they can read your mind.
"These are men, not mind readers." Amen. Some men can be downright clueless. I have a friend who was interested in a guy but her efforts were met with indifference because he thought she was just being friendly! Luckily she didn't interpret anything he said or did as a rejection, because after three months of this (no, that's not an exaggeration!) he finally saw the light and they became a couple.
@JenSCDC Amen indeed. I'm really really bad at taking hints.
It's called "playing games". It's very cute in high school but not so much as a grown up. I'll send a girl a text or call her and if she doesn't respond after the second time she doesn't answer, she's deleted from my contact. I have zero time for games.