Why I Never, Ever Text Guys First

[amandaaxo]

I am only 19, so this speculation might apply more to my age group than older men and women.

From a young age, girls are surrounded by advice telling us we have to act like a prize to be won. Guys like the chase. If a guy likes you, he'll come get you. That's what everyone has always told us.

Then, we are faced with another layer of this mentality. In school, kids make it seem like it's cool to not care. It's cool to slack off in school, to be rebellious. But when it comes to relationships, it's also cool to be the one that cares less. It's somehow cool to have people wanting you that you don't want back. And if you ever show your interest in someone, you're labeled as 'clingy.'

In order to avoid being called crazy or clingy, and also to avoid texting someone and not receiving a response, I followed society's advice. I never texted first. I would wait for boys to text me and make the first move.

But then one day, I decided I was tired of sitting around waiting for boys to text me. I was going to start being a first-texter. So, I disregarded my inhibitions and I texted away. And, honestly, I was met with very poor results. Several guys would just not answer if I ever texted them first. And many of the guys who did answer were extremely standoffish or unresponsive. They would give me one word answers and basically make it very clear that they were not interested, even though they had been very fun and interested when they had decided to text me all on their own, just a couple days ago.

My conclusion was that if boys really wanted to text me, they would. If boys liked me, they would put in the effort to basically 'chase' me.

When I don't text first it's not because I'm 'too good' to reach out and put in the work. It's because I feel that if a boy hasn't been reaching out to me, it's because he literally just doesn't want to. I know that boys must be faced with this same anxiety when they are expected to text girls first, so I thought maybe some guys would be glad that I texted them first. But honestly, nothing good has ever come out of me texting first and I always end up making a fool of myself.

I think that society tells us that boys should text first because they are suppose to be aggressive, and girls shy away from it because they don't want to seem clingy.

What are your thoughts?

[AleDeEurope]

You do know that guys get the same type of responses when a girl is not interested in them right?
You didn't get those replies because guys don't like when the girl texts first, but because they weren't interested in you.
If you don't get the reply you want, then take it, suck it up, and move on to the next guy... just like us guys do.

Do you also have the same approach when it comes to getting a job? Do you just post your profile on Indeed. com or LinkedIn. com and wait till employers reach to you? Or do you get up and go to employers to hand out your resume?

Imagine if everyone had the same approach as you... no one would get in relationships, because no one would approach anyone.

If you want something, you move your ass and you go and get it. I wouldn't text you first either, you don't sound like a strong and independent woman :/

[Djaaaaaay]

That's is to true... That's just how you do it !!

[AleDeEurope]

@Djaaaaaay Not surprised about the female downvotes xD

[Djaaaaaay]

Aledeeurope. Down votes only tell me of those who don't understand the mechanics or mechanisms of true ambition or strong social skills... Shock and Awe !!

[akadatank44]

Damm straight my brotha

[amandaaxo]

I think you're mixing up the cause and effect that I was geting at. I wasn't thinking that guys didn't like me BECAUSE i texted first, i was thinking that if they did like me, they already sould have texted.
And applying for a job is something way different than casual dating in college... if you want to make a valid point maybe dont try and compare apples and oranges next time.
And my approach is efficient and logical, and based off of literal results. Did you actually read my take? Because I explained my thought process fairly clearly. I wouldn't text you at all because you sound kind of like an ignorant conclusion jumper to me:/

[Djaaaaaay]

The answer to your question would be ; when two people text , it should be continuous always , never missing a beat. No excuses

[Djaaaaaay]

To add; It doesn't matter who initiated the text first. Communication confirms intentions.

[AleDeEurope]

I did read the my Take, and I still stand behind what I said, you gave me more reasons with your reply.

[RedVulcan]

Listen @amanadaaxo to the voices of over 20 male up votes. I've literally never seen this huge number before on a single comment and I agree with most of what he says.
His first paragraph is near perfect. You'd never ever get a good or overly positive response from a guy who doesn't like you, just like us guys who usually initiate. Such is life, I personally pick girls to text who I have reason to believe may like me back.
It's true he may be comparing apples to oranges when he mentions job applications, but he also wants to get the main point across that by initiating either you're saying that you want the job or the guy. Somebody has to approach someone else.
The last bit could've been better phrased. Nobody should be here on this site to judge how others "sound". I would personally be polite and even try to develop an interest in a girl who approaches me first, because the fact that she likes me makes me want to like her back.

[lumos]

My thoughts are that this is insanely hypocritical.
What if he thinks the same about you? "Huh, she's not making an effort to contact me. I don't think she's interested. Better move on."
If anything, this will just make you come off as boring and disinterested. So, no wonder that some guys stop talking to you.
Showing interest in guys is 50% of the fun. The other 50% is reciprocation of course. Just sitting back and expecting him to do the work is boring and a waste of time.

[amandaaxo]

well, thats kind of my point. No guys really seemed to appreciate my effort to contact them first, because all the guys that were actually interested would already contsct me first. i dont expect him to do the work, i just noticed that when I try to make the first move, I generally get rejected.

[lumos]

Guys who aren't interested in you will reject you, regardless of you making the first move or not. The guys who are interested in you will contact you first, sure, but it's only a matter of time before they get bored of you not reciprocating and playing hard to get. Contrary to popular belief, not all guys enjoy chasing girls. Some like it for a little while, but they do want to see some type of change in your behavior eventually, that shows them that what they're doing is working. Contacting them first is one way of showing interest. And a very big way too.
You shouldn't be scared of rejection, it's healthy. Plus it helps you move on from those who clearly aren't into you like that.

[xplaydates]

In this day and age, everyone is so diverse. I feel like in modern times, if you want to talk to someone, do it. If they don't really respond back or whatever, then they're not worth your time, if they're not interested-- so move on, find the right people to fill your life.

Society says a lot of things, and many, many of them are close-minded, shallow, immature, and wrong. First thing, I think everyone cares too much about what other people think. It's okay to care, but these days people over-think everything and end up being deceiving, mind-game playing, short-minded people.

You should just be you, do what you want to do, and know that not everyone is compatible with you because of how diverse we can become. So those who aren't compatible with you, don't waste your energy or time on them. Those who are, keep them in your life, keep positive, good people in your life and you'll be much happier and you can spam them as much as you want and they'll love you for it.

That's what I think.

[amandaaxo]

thank you !:)

[Phoenix98]

Um yeah lol few things wrong with what you've said lol.

Guys will text first if you text first it's just starting contact, it's possibly that they were busy or away from their phones when you texted because we do have lives to.

My conclusion was that if boys really wanted to text me, they would. If boys liked me, they would put in the effort to basically 'chase' me.

Just because a guy likes you doesn't mean he wants to play games or finds you worth chasing, especially if he knows nothing about you. A lot of guys don't actually long chases after gals, or playing games.

And there is nothing clingy about a girl saying hi, hello, what's up or something like that. What makes clingy is when you want to talk every second of everyday 24/7 and never leave us alone, that's clingy. Starting a conversation is not clingy at all.

The only time I'll chase after a woman is after I've gotten to know her a bit, her likes, dislikes, mentality, hobbies etc and just know her as a person. If at that point I like her and want to pursue something with her and she has me chase after her a bit, I'll generally find it worth it to pursue.

But if your a stranger who I know very little or nothing about, I'm not going to waste my time on you at all. Especially not when there are women who aren't going to play games or make me chase em and instead will just let me get to know em better right off the bat.

And if you text I won't always answer because I may not have my phone with me or I may not realize you texted or I maybe working or something. It doesn't mean I don't like you, it just means I'm busy at the time.

If a girl wants the guy to text first that's fine but don't you think as things progress that the gal might start texting first to lol? I mean I have nothing agaisnt texting first in the beginning but as things go on, you outta start talking first to.

[GoldenWing]

I love your persistent attitude!!! It's a trait that I find appealing in men; it's a sign of strong character & confidence. Right on. 👊😀 - I also agree that once things progress, the woman can also give more by texting first.

[Phoenix98]

@GoldenWing Thank you ^^ indeed, that's good, good luck on things.

[Tenseven]

@Phoenix98 this is a great response, thank you for this. 😉

[Phoenix98]

@Tenseven You're welcome ^^

[Máiiréad]

Hahaha I remember randomly messaging you out of the blue to tell you how you look like Nick Jonas.

[Phoenix98]

@Máiiréad Haha yeah I remember that to, and you were right *whips curls around* I do look like Nick.

[amandaaxo]

I didn't mean to talk about "chasing" and all this overanalysis as a game; just thinking that I could save effort and weed out guys who turn out to not be interested in me by only texting with the guys who seem to reach out to me first, because they seem to be the ones who are actually interested.
And i totally agree with you; once i get to know a guy i would have no problem with texting first and i wouldn't even think twice about it !

[Phoenix98]

Lol I wasn't analyzing anything, just saying a quick observation, and yeah I get what you mean but at the same time that can annoy some guys to or they won't be in the mood to go after you if they have no reason to. As it's kind of hard to be that interested in someone you know nothing about vs someone else who you may know more about or who is easier, doesn't waste our time etc. So why bother if they're are other women who are easier.

And at the same time a guy may put in all that effort only to meet you and then not like you after a date or after meeting you in which case both your time has been wasted.

It's a double edged sword., again just a quick observation.

ah ok good ^^.

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/.../miles-crossed(c).gif

There are a million things wrong with this kind of behaviour but the question begs whether those guys you happen to text first weren't interested in you because they just weren't interested in you, or they were extremely put off by the fact you texted them first. If it is the latter, then I would argue whether you would really want to be with someone who would just judge you that way.

What does interest me about girls who try to approach first and get poor results just realy don't want to accept the guy wasn't interested first and are quick to blame it on superficial reasons like "guys are supposed to do the approaching" and such.

"When I don't text first it's not because I'm 'too good' to reach out and put in the work. It's because I feel that if a boy hasn't been reaching out to me, it's because he literally just doesn't want to."

The main problem with this belief is that girls' would think less about wanting to improve themselves and their approach and would just think that there was nothing wrong.

But to me, you are just reinforcing the trend with girls not choosing to text first.

[QuestionMan]

This ^

[GoldenWing]

I've texted men first a lot of times, & they still liked me. The secret lies in keeping it light, playful, fun, & flirty. That's all texting should be used for between men & women. If you feel like having convo's over text, rather text your girl friends.

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/animationgk/miles-bow(b).gif

@QuestionMan Thank you so much!
@GoldenWing Glad to know it is working out for you!

[amandaaxo]

I think you misunderstood my point. I did not mean to say that my texting first would draw guys away and turn them off. I just meant that it was kind of pointless texting first, because all of the guys that ARE interested would text first anyway. So yeah, I agree; guys that wouldn't answer my text were ALREADy not interested and it had nothing to do with my text.

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/.../miles-point(c).gif

@amandaaxo Actually no, I didn't misunderstand your point.

"I just meant that it was kind of pointless texting first, because all of the guys that ARE interested would text first anyway." This what I believed your point was from the beginnning and this clearly is what is the issue. Not all guys who are interested text first. Since that's the case, "you are just reinforcing the trend with girls not choosing to text first."

Now here's why I mentioned the point about about the guys you happened to text first were not interested; you used these outcomes to reinforce the idea that guys would text first if there were interested. The reasoning here is not logical since you would have come to a different conclusion if you were successful in you approach (leading to my third point).

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/animationgk/miles-aha(d).gif

If you really think it is "pointless" to text first then "girls' would think less about wanting to improve themselves and their approach and would just think that there was nothing wrong."

www.court-records.net/.../miles-shrug(e).gif

I. e. Reinforcement.

[Stazz76]

IMHO, this whole debate about the importance of who texts first is way out of proportion. A relationship is only going to work when both people are interested in each other, and are good at communicating with each other. It doesn't make a scrap of difference who texts who first.
If you are interested in someone, but you don't communicate in any way with them, then you are your own worst enemy.

What's more important than texting first is actually having something interesting to say! There are so many things you can say that are interesting/thoughtful/insightful/funny that won't come across as being aggressive or clingy. It's not that hard. Definitely avoid admitting anything like 'I've got the hots for you" that could potentially be used against you if feelings aren't reciprocated. Save that for several dates later.

Just don't shoot yourself in the foot worrying about silly "mustn't text first" mind games. If you do start the conversation and they aren't interested, then just accept it and move on. You can feel proud that you have successfully reached out to the other person, whatever the outcome. You'll quickly become better at starting conversations when you try more. I'll leave you with my favourite quote: "Successful people have often failed more than unsuccessful people have ever tried."

[AllThatSweetJazz]

"Guys like the chase. If a guy likes you, he'll come get you. That's what everyone has always told us." And you take that bullshit seriously?
"it's also cool to be the one that cares less. It's somehow cool..."
You recognize that this mentality is a bit silly, but still take it all seriously?

You were right when you decided to go against that.

"Several guys would just not answer if I ever texted them first. And many of the guys who did answer were extremely standoffish or unresponsive.
Sorry in advance for the tone but... Holy breadballs, it's almost like you're in the exact same damn position guys are in! Go figure. But oh noes *you* feel like you're making fool of yourself. So even when the genders are reversed our culture still has to put the girl's feelings first?

"I think that society tells us that boys should text first because they are suppose to be aggressive, and girls shy away from it because they don't want to seem clingy.
What are your thoughts?"
Frankly, I find it offensive. Even when I would initiate things, if I learn that the girl insists I approach and has all the ideas that bring about that attitude then *that* would make me not approach. You'll have my respect if you participate in my situation, but if not, then in my opinion the *very least* you could do is have respect and understanding for the guy's situation.

As if I've never made a fool of myself.
As if every conversation I've had with girls has gone swimmingly.
As if the *vast majority* of conversations I've had with girls has gone swimmingly.
Get real.

You entered into a situation that you found tough and backed out because you felt bad about it. But consider that this; "I always end up making a fool of myself" is the norm of that situation, and guys can't really back out of that.

[Stacyzee]

I am older than you and I can tell you it isn't because of your age group , it's because that's usually how women operate.
As sad as it is, dating starts off as a game.
If you give too much you come off clingy.
If you give too little you come off as not caring.
I usually like to create a healthy balance in a relationship I establish.
I let the guy text me first a few times... then there will be days where I will initiate text first (to show equal interest).
If I'm always letting the guy lead the way... I will come across as cold and not caring, that is the last of what I want to do.

[LoayHr]

Well, To be honest with you and its just my opinion I traveled to many countries and I contacted many girls, after a while when you have such an experince honestly its the same from guys point of view also, its like I will give an example:" Now I go on into a dating app/ instagram /Facebook whatever " and I send a message to a girl I dont get a response, not even sorry not interested ( it happened before ) so when it keeps on happening even guys tend to stop being " first texter " and wait untill someone takes the first move, specially if they have self confidence that it will happen when they catch someones eye, as a Conclusion I dont think you should or should not text first but if you liked someone why not? Maybe he never noticed you or maybe he is afraid to take the first step because he was rejected in a mean way before so he had enough, and don't think that guys are okay with getting rejected we are not ! Some are but not all, or I know I am not okay with that so I personally stopped taking the first move in texting a girl, she likes me she can text :) and its working well for me and in fact many girls I have been with they actually liked this about me that I didn't just started texted them and played hard to get and they were pretty or in my opinion they are pretty (: and yes you are right about the society, but also the society told you simple rules to follow such as:" If you want to talk to someone do it, if something doesn't make you happy change it or leave it ! " so always do what makes you comfortable and happy even if you felt like a fool its okay at least a happy fool :)

[Relentless_Hippie]

If I wanna talk I'm going to call. If I want to see you I'll ask to hang out. If I want to do anything I'm not going to hide my feelings because that's disingenuous and it's practically lying.

Pretending to be one way in order to win the person over only to find out later in the relationship that you're not right for each other is both stupid and a waste of time. I'd rather let him know how much I like him right off the bat, and not feel ashamed of showing it.

That's what I did with my boyfriend, and at first he thought it was annoying but guess what? At least he knew I'd always be this annoying from the jump lol. Now here we are two years later and planning on marrying each other. :)

[AlwaysBelieving]

Good for you and congratulations.

[Relentless_Hippie]

@AlwaysBelieving thank you so much. :)

[teawrecks]

I text first the majority of the time with my fuck buddy.
I sent the first message on tinder, too.
Sometimes, randomly, he'll send a text first.

But I am unapologetic in letting him know how much I'm into him, and he's unapologetic in returning his mutual feelings.

You have to look at it in the way of: what's the subject matter when the guys are texting you vs what's the subject matter when you're texting them.

Most guys aren't big on texting, so if you're just talking nonsense, then they're going to get bored FAST. If you're not flirting or making any plans to mee up with them to hang out, etc. it's just gonna... make them lose interest.

While females can usually stay content just shooting the shit and not going anywhere with a conversation.

[red324]

That's the problem, 90 percent will banter back and forth through text message, but have no intentions of ever wanting to meetup. Makes it hard on guys because we think she likes us when really she's just bored.

[Annojohn]

@red324 If your just going to banter with a girl over text she will pop you in the friend zone and your a dude she texts to get shit off her chest and when she's fed up. Personally i hate texting it's easier and more real to walk up to a girl and introduce yourself to get to know her and it shows confidence which girls like. If i do text its only after we have spoken a few times to arrange a hook up or if its something important thats all. Most girls have lots of people to text so save the chit chat for when your in each others company.

[ManOnFire]

This was a nicely written, brief Take. I honestly neither agree or disagree with what you've said. A lot of us guys get the same thing in return when we message girls first too.

Often it is the cast that when you're the one who shows interest, most times the other person doesn't say anything back unless you keep talking. Sure, they reply to you, but if they're NEVER the ones who one day want to have something to say to say to you, then you know they're most likely not the people for you. That's what I've learned on the other side of it.

[bloodmountain1990]

Very true. You feel like you're bothering the girl when that happens.

Same way goes for "friends" too. I mean there's aquaintances but if you find yourself only hitting up the friend and they'll respond but never ask to hang out or further the conversation then I'd question that friendship.

[ManOnFire]

@bloodmountain1990 Completely. That's exactly what I've noticed.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I mean there's nothing wrong with having aquaintences but you just gotta realize they're just that.

Having said that, I've had a lot of frustrations with dating. I've had a bunch of hookups, flings, dates but no relationships. Got old after awhile. It's like having nothing but aquaintences instead of a few best friends. Can't rely on them.

From most of my experiences, the girl was either a flake or super clingy. Neither extreme is good.

[ManOnFire]

@bloodmountain1990 Wow, dude, I notice the same things! You should write a Take about it.

[bloodmountain1990]

@ManOnFire what are you referring to that I should write about?

[ManOnFire]

@bloodmountain1990 The frustration with dating and how it bored you. Would be great for women to know that it's not always sunshine for guys either.

[bloodmountain1990]

I think I will write a take on it. I'm going through some serious shit myself.

[Puppylove94]

I'm the same way as you. I actually was able to test this exact thing on one guy. I was crazy about him at first and everyone kept telling me to go after him, telling me it's a women's world now and all that shit. So I did. I initiated things for awhile and he just didn't seem that interested tbh

I completely backed off cause I didn't like it. I don't want to be with someone where I'm more into him than he is into me.

A week later he texted me and asked what was going on and I just told him I was busy. From that point on I've let him text me whenever he wants to talk and he texts me every day. Guys do like the chase.

I think it has a lot to do with independence. If a girl is constantly texting them, it makes it seem like they'll be needy when they're I a relationship. If you let the guy take the initiative, you appear more independent. Like you want him in your life, you don't need him.

[amandaaxo]

yeah I agree !

[CSindia]

no one likes a chase. im a guy. especially women like to think men like chasing because women dont like in the same way men dont like. there are many misunderstandings about men. they dont like chasing. they want to pursue but also want to be pursue. they also want feel desirable for their beauty. no difference

[Sinister]

Sounds like I'm hearing you quit too early & at the same time agree with if the guy really wanted you he would contact you. Me personally & hypothetically speaking IF you gave me your number, I'd tell you when I would be CALLING, not texting. If I tell you I am going to call you tomorrow I will. I didn't just waste my time talking to an attractive girl and getting her number to blow it away... who the fuck does that? Lastly, I could careless what "society" says because most times its a bunch of bullshit to begin with. So, my advice if you want to give your number and make the first move do it guys like me will definitely know you are a girl with ambition and that's a turn on or don't do it and wait for a guy to chase you. Do what you want.

[Anonymous]

I think you have been given two lousy bits of advice, from other women.

And that is because, poor you, you did not realise that all women are forever in competition with you, and will always give you sucky advice. Magazines like Cosmo have made entire careers out of giving women the worst possible advice.

So first, you were told "act like a prize, if a guy wants you he'll chase you". Which is bull. And second, you were told the whole "Don't be too obvious, he'll think you're clingy" bullshit.

You'll learn - just as you learned that teenage boys don't know how to handle an assertive woman who texts them out of the blue.

[YourFutureEx]

"Several guys would just not answer if I ever texted them first. And many of the guys who did answer were extremely standoffish or unresponsive. They would give me one word answers and basically make it very clear that they were not interested, even though they had been very fun and interested when they had decided to text me all on their own, just a couple days ago."

Same thing applies to girls.
If we text, we are creepy and if we don't, we'll be forever alone.

[Prof_Don]

If a girl never, ever, EVER texts me first, I will presume she isn't interested and move on.

So many women are so cowardly to tell a guy she isn't interested anymore, and would rather "go ghost" instead.

Just about every guy on this website by age 20, has dealt with a girl who wasn't into him anymore, and he kept messaging, and kept getting ignored, and got fed up... and stops chasing girls who don't reciprocate.

[Tenseven]

This totally happens to girls too.

[tyber1]

@Tenseven I think that's beyond the point

[Tenseven]

@tyber1 beyond the point? I'm a little confused. Do you mean beside the point?

[tyber1]

@Tenseven yes that was autocorrect I misspelled it and it changed to another word.

[amandaaxo]

If a guy texted me I would totally text him back and not be rude. I just found that whenever I DID text a guy first, it never really went well. also id had a less obnoxious title originally but the site changed it to make it more opinionated !!

[tyber1]

Ok well just because you specifically would text a guy back doesn't mean that all or even most women would. Most of the time when you put yourself out there you're going to flop and that's true regardless of what gender you are so your complaints are irrelevant.

[akadatank44]

This is a game and I hate playing games with dating and relationships. I'd become uninterested with a girl like you so fast. Don't care how hot or how your personality is. If you don't treat me like we are just people having a normal conversation over text than it ain't gonna work.

You will be far better off just being yourself and texting whoever the fuck you want cuz the guy who always texts back and let you know what's up and whrres he's at that will be the dude you'll end up with and happy. Thats how I have found out. None of this don't text first or don't double text. If the people who received them make it an issue they aren't good enough for you and don't waste your time. Loose yourself in the convo not your head about should I text him now or 5 minutes or 30 minutes or tommorrow. Just be in the moment.

[amandaaxo]

I dont really consider this a game... I dont have a problem with putting in effort and being honest and upfront with a guy after i think he's interested in me. i just decided to stop wasting my time chasing after guys, because it always turns out that those guys aren't even interested. i think you're right and i do focus on the conversation, this was just one pattern i'd noticed and wanted to share.

[anonman32]

"nothing good has ever come out of me texting first and I always end up making a fool of myself"

so you'd rather have us making a fool out of ourselves all the time? do you honestly think that if we text you first 100% of the time that good things come of it most of the time? no its just like fishing, you put your rod in the water and 90% of the time there's nothing.

its very simple for me, if you are not reaching out to me equally as much as i am reaching out to you, you are not worth my time.

[Pacificblue62]

Who cares what society thinks. Too many people base their decisions on what society thinks. Do as you please. We all make a fool out of ourselves and sometimes we think we are making a fool out of ourselves when we aren't. It's never good to think that people are thinking the worst of you when they probably aren't. That thinking drives people crazy. No one knows what is truly going on in someone else's head. Honestly, women who text first are attractive. I have no issue texting first at all but if the woman was to text first that shows me that she is willing to break the societal norm and do as she pleases not caring what society tells her. That's a sign of security to me.

[bloodmountain1990]

I see what you're saying but the thing is, each person is different. I always try to keep texting at a medium. One women could think you text too much while another could think you don't text enough. I've dealt with the ones on both opposite ends of the spectrum.

Regardless, trying to find the balance between not being overly interested and not too interested is tough at times. You can't read a person's mind to know how much attention they want.

I've always noticed that the ones I've had more success with were the ones I was not all that interested in or interested in but still trying to feel it out.

If I liked someone and got ahead of myself, overdid it, etc then usually that'd ruin it.

[Pacificblue62]

@bloodmountain1990 Exactly. That's why I think it's best to do as one pleases. never want to give off that vibe that you're trying too hard or thinking too hard about how to text her or please her. It's best to be one's self acting completely natural and comfortable in their own skin. If she's into you she's into if not move on to someone or something else.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I was just saying everyone moves at different paces. I've had some want to meet up right away or text right away, even a day after we first talked on sites, some wanted to wait awhile before we texted and that was even after 2-3 weeks of messaging.

It's not a black and white thing is all so sometimes you gotta act accordingly which is easier said than done.

[Pacificblue62]

@bloodmountain1990 Its obviously not a black and white thing. I'd say it's more just acting normally and being in the right mindset. Everyone has their own preferred styles of texts they'd want to receive from someone. But It's most important not to appear needy or desperate and you want to appear like you have a life. The worst thing I think you can do psychologically is put the girl on a pedestal and constantly try to cater to her needs, to the point where she always feels in control and gets bored. It's best psychologically to have confidence in yourself even in your texting style. Don't doubt or overly question what you are doing because then you'll risk not exuding that confidence. Give off the vibe like "Hey this is what I'm doing and to me it's the right way. If some people hate it that's ok, but I don't always have to change my style for them. I like my way of doing things".

[ParamountArmada]

"From a young age, girls are surrounded by advice telling us we have to act like a prize to be won. Guys like the chase. If a guy likes you, he'll come get you. That's what everyone has always told us."

yeah you girls get told this total bullshit from other girls who have no clue on how to treat guys right, or dont go for the right guys, plus your told by jerk alpha male players who want to trick you to keep you girls for themselves, and use you. plus girls end up always only going for players who dont care about you girls and just want to use you for sex. you girls are always soo gullible.

[andrewjohnson1993]

No, you have to show interest, when I text a girl first all the time and she doesn't, I get the message that she doesn't want me or she's not single , just give him a hint, dont text first all the time yeah, but you must give a sign that you are interested, men are not good at reading signs, and we get NERVOUS too! so you have to show us. When you meet a guy and exchange numbers he has to text you first time, then you have to text first, then pick up from there, and dont text first more than twice.