I know, I know many of you believe that many "irrational behaviors" are simply "just female behaviors'. And you more than likely think that there's no point in trying to understand us further.
But that's not quite true. Allow me to explain.
Here are common crazy/irrational "female" traits, which are actually low confidence traits:
DISCLAIMER: THIS IS BY NO MEANS AN ALL EXHAUSTIVE LIST, JUST THE MOST COMMON IN MY OPINION. NOR DO I CLAIM THAT WOMEN CAN'T BE CRAZY, MANY WOMEN DO HAVE GENUINE MENTAL DISORDERS. MY ISSUE IS THAT MANY BEHAVIORS ARE JUST BRUSHED OFF AS CRAZY, WITHOUT ANY FURTHER THOUGHT. (ALSO, SORRY FOR SPELLING S L U T THIS WAY, BUT IT KEEPS CHANGING THE CATEGORY TO SEXUAL BEHAVIOR IF I DON'T PUT SPACES, AND THIS IS GIRL'S BEHAVIOR)
1. Catty "Female" Jealousy
This is an obvious low confidence/ self esteem trait. Jealous people will always find a way to put others down, regardless of the gender. It's why some girls will call the girls with huge boobs in a bikini a "s l u t" while not even caring about the A cup chick in a triangle top. She sees the other woman's "assets" and feels threatened by her looks. This is even more especially evident if she is with her man, and worse, he checks that woman out. But not only do this, you will see men tear down other men too. "Shirtless pics are douchey". If you're unhappy with yourself, you're more likely to try to make others unhappy too.
2. Overly obsessed/clingy girlfriend
This is often just brushed off as crazy too. The girlfriend who just refuses to hang up, stop texting, or give you alone time. It even became a meme. But why is she so damn clingy? Is it because she is just so into you? Probably. But it is also possible that she has low self esteem and doesn't think she's good enough, and she is afraid that you're going to leave her. Or she is afraid that you secretly don't want to be with her and you don't really like her. Or she could be afraid of being alone, because she's insecure. However, there are many clingy boyfriends too. So this isn't an exclusive female trait, not even a mostly female trait.
3. No Female Friends
This one is a behavior of that is mostly a "female" thing, but it is still a low confident one in my opinion. Ok, so I know a lot of those "I'm just one of the guys" types of chicks are gonna hate on this but fuck it, I'm not here to please everyone. It is inherently strange to not want to associate at all with others like you. By human nature, we instinctively go for "group mentality" (I'm not saying it is good or bad, it is what it is), we group with those like us. Not always, but many times I notice that chick that has no female friends is extremely insecure. It's kind of like when you see someone who is let's say a white guy and is constantly bashing other white people "I only hang with minorities because white people are just racist. I'm not like other white people". Again, bringing others down just reeks of insecurity. I'm not saying you MUST associate with groups like you, but it is strange to not only refuse to befriend them, but also give a stereotypical reason why. Also, many girls are threatened by the presence of other girls and that's why they refuse to have female friends. Just another sign of low self confidence in your own likability as an individual. Y'all must really not get out the house much if you think only women backstab each other. And for that note, saying "I don't hang out with girls because they're too much drama" is a huge red flag that you actually do love or are the cause of the drama. Which brings me to my next point.
4. "I don't like drama"
People who usually claim they don't or aren't something so vehemently, usually are or do that said thing. It's why a lot of adamant homophobes are actually closet gays. Or why many dudes who say they are "nice" constantly, usually don't come across as genuine. Saying you don't like drama is red flag that you usually central in drama. No one really likes drama, it doesn't make you special as a woman nor as a person. It's as pointless as saying "I don't like evil", for one: it is very vague, two: it is a given since most people don't: it is unnecessary to keep reminding everyone and comes across as disingenuous. When you keep pointing out a mundane trait, it comes across as low confidence in yourself as person (like the nice guys) without anything else to offer. Or even a stellar trait can become mundane quickly.
5. Extreme Vanity, even to the point of pain/harm
One trend that comes to mind is the waist trainer craze. Did we not learn our lesson back in the old days? Did our foremothers crush their organs for beauty in vain? (Y'all are really going to think I hate waist trainers lol Which I do, they're not healthy). Plastic surgery is more common with women than men. And I'm sure that many have scars or irreparable damage. In Spanish, we have a phrase "La Belleza cuesta" which literally translates to "beauty costs", but means more along the lines of "beauty hurts". Our mothers tell us this when brushing the tangles of our hair as we scream, or when we buy an expensive thing (it does cost literally in this sense, but also hurts our wallet lol). Vanity is a sign of high insecurity. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive, but there is something problematic when it is done at all costs, even to the point of harming yourself physically or negatively. Or when that is the only form of "self improvement" you strive for, (improving yourself is fine and encouraged, but people in general like well rounded individuals. Don't focus on one aspect. Otherwise it looks like overcompensation. Kinda like with guys and pimped out monster trucks/SUVs)
Why are women so lacking in confidence? I would say because many things tell us that the opposite makes us look "full of ourselves". We have this false sense of "humbleness" with low confidence.
-It is natural to feel jealous of people at times, but we have to remember that we also have traits that make us awesome. Comparing yourself to others is damaging, regardless of gender. So stop calling girls with big boobs s l u t s if they wear a low cut top, it doesn't make you look better.
- Stop being afraid of being alone! Romance media does enforce this notion that a "prince charming" will come and you will never be alone and always be happy. But it is ok to be happy and single. Don't let your happiness lie exclusively or mostly in someone else, otherwise you'll never be secure in yourself.
- Women are not your enemies. You don't have to tear other women down to build yourself up. That's not how self esteem works, thinking otherwise is really damaging.
- Pointing out only one trait comes across as overcompensation most of the times. You have more to offer than just your lack of "drama". People want well rounded individuals, not a one trick pony.
-It is ok to find yourself beautiful! (it is also ok to not be beautiful too)I know we're so used to if you say you think you're pretty, people will call you conceited. If you say you think you're ugly, people will call you sad, insecure or looking for attention even. There are so many songs, stories, etc that enforce this notion of the "girl who is beautiful but doesn't know it, and that makes her more beautiful". Hell, even 1 Direction sang a song like that with almost those same lyrics! And this is a song marketed to tween/young girls, training them while their young I see. Ladies, there isn't anything wrong with the mere acknowledgment of your physical beauty, and this false equivalency of "humbleness" if women do refuse to say it needs to stop. It is damaging girls' self esteem that she carries on to adulthood.
Why aren't men showing these traits when they have low confidence? Well, they do. But they're told too repress those emotions or actions far more often, so they're not as common or evident. Also, men have other ways that their low confidence manifests itself (I am not a man, so I cannot say how. I'd be interested to know, though. So please, any guy reading this, write a take and let us now.). Now there are truly "crazy" women out there, but not as many as we say when we throw around that word. Thank you for getting this far, and I'd like to know any ladies (and men) thoughts on this if they struggle with self confidence, and do any of these sound like you? Have you worked on self confidence exercises?
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