Looking for Definite Signs of Interest

[ak666]

I see so many questions on this site dedicated to determining signs of interest.

He glances at me often. Does he like me?

Who knows? Maybe he likes you. Maybe he thinks your face looks funny.

There's no definite answer to these things. Every individual/situation is different and trying to become a master sign-reader is generally a fruitless route.

What I also notice in these cases is a general absence of social interaction and initiative. If I was a similar way and never took any initiative towards a girl I liked until I was almost certain she liked me back, I'd be a very lonely guy.

Forget the Subtle Signs

For people most guilty of doing this, my suggestion is to actually err on the side of forgetting the subtle signs completely. I never bothered and it never hurt me much. If I saw a girl I wanted, I went for her without even bothering to look for signs from afar. That worked far better for me than when I was a shy teenager gazing at girls from afar.

I suggest an approach of initiative and interaction. Approach the person you like. Strike a natural conversation with him/her. Flirt if you want. Touch each other. Take action!

For Girls

For the girls out there, some might believe that guys should be the ones taking initiative when it comes to the most forward things like asking a girl out. Even if you believe this, typically a girl needs to take some initiative just to give a guy enough hints to make him ask you out.

It's helpful to say "hi" to the guy, be friendly to him, pay attention to what he says, flirt a bit. Some level of initiative was almost always historically necessary for a girl even if she wasn't the one asking the guy out. That was true even back in the days when women dropped their handkerchiefs.

Otherwise the only hope you'd have is to encounter a guy who never needed a single sign of interest from you, even during a conversation up close, to ask you on a date (about the only time I come close to this is when I'm completely drunk).

Controlling Your Love Life

If you want to have some say and choice in who you date, you have to take initiative. You can't stand around hoping for someone you like to do it all for you. That's hoping for miracles to happen when you could be making things happen yourself.

For those who lack initiative, you have the ability to start getting some say in who you date. You can't do this if you just stand around hoping for people to take all the initiative.

Gain some level of control over your love life.

The "Big Gamble"

Typically the mindset accompanying those who seek all these subtle signs absent of social interaction see the whole process of interacting with that person as a "huge gamble". They're so afraid of rejection and attach such a negative value to it that they need a near-guarantee of mutual interest just to engage another human being.

It's like a person playing poker who just folds every single hand unless they're almost certain they have the winning hand. That's a strategy that's generally going to make you lose all your money.

Again people who do this excessively tend to be very lonely.

It's Not a Gamble

The easiest attitude to embrace is to stop seeing this as a gamble. Stop feeling like interacting with another human being and showing some level of interest through initiative is putting yourself on the line.

Stop feeling like you need to be able to practically read another person's mind from a distance to take some initiative. Feeling this way is almost guaranteed to make you quite lonely throughout your life.

Learn to shrug off rejections here and there, accept them as a fact of life, and don't see them as the end of the world. Grow comfortable with yourself.

It's about compatibility. If someone rejects you, it's simply an incompatibility. It's not the end of the world and it's not an indicator that you're unwanted by the rest of the human species.

Keep the interactions with another person light and casual. Show interest through them without making some grand confession of love and it's not going to be a big and awkward deal if they reject your advances. Get the hang of doing this casually (possibly even playfully and humorously) and it'll become easier and easier to move on in those cases.

Take Action

For those who have these tendencies, my ultimate suggestion is to take action. Say hello to the person, talk to them frequently, show signs of interest. Do this sooner and it'll be less awkward than if you wait around and develop this crush from afar. You'll get drastically more information about whether or not they like you through the process.

If they don't show mutual interest, move on. It's not the end of the world, especially if you're taking initiative sooner.

[JastyForLife]

Thanks for the guide. Very true. I talked to a crush for the first time 3 weeks ago. It was so much easier than I thought. I was like "What the fuck! Why did no one ever tell me it was this easy!". I was rejected but I am going to move on. It was pretty vague so before I do I will see what she does for the next month. If she makes a move. Anyways thanks for the guide really helpful. Keep it up bro.
-Jasty

[bellaf666]

Very good and useful take! I really feel for all those people on here trying to read really subtle signs that usually mean nothing -- I hope they get to read this, because trying to understand those 'signals' is pointless and only makes you paranoid.

[candyaurora]

All valid and pragmatic points except for the cases where expressing your interest outright can make things awkward and cause disturbance.

[ak666]

Cheers. What I mean there is that for people who are very afraid of embarrassing themselves or getting rejected or anything of this sort, a more casual approach to expressing interest (flirting, playful, humorous) will generally make things a lot less awkward if the other person isn't interested than a grand gesture (ex: a lover letter to a crush as a polar opposite of "casual").

[natured]

As always, amazing MyTake my amigo, you stated some valuable facts, and I hope a lot of people will understand them.
Good job <3

[NYCQuestions1976]

Very good Take. Well done. 👍