I suppose anyone can read this Take although it is more directed to guys to put this classic issue into a better perspective for them and to help them get a good understanding of what’s going on around them, especially with their female peers.
People usually say that guys who complain about women not wanting “nice guys” are just mad because she didn’t pick him, but there actually is some element of truth to women not really wanting nice guys. Or rather, decent guys.
Quick facts on females who like bad boys: race, country, and age…
Some will cry foul - “generalizations! Racism! Booooooo!” yah yah, but it doesn’t really matter; it is what it is, like it or not. And, yes, I am black for those who don’t know. And I’m talking about other races here too.
I won’t go as far as to say most, but many young women today - mainly in the Americas, the UK, and Europe - have a thing for bad boys, or just the tough, rough, streetsy types. And it isn’t just black females who are into them like a lot of people think but plenty of Latinas and white girls as well, and many of the bad boys are not just black either but also white and Hispanic, and some are Asian but I don’t see that often. I don’t include other races of women because to my knowledge this is mainly a simple-minded appeal young women have in America and in some demographics of the UK and Europe. I have NEVER known an Asian, direct African, or Indian girl to ever be interested in bad boys or want anything to do with them, though I have known some secular Arab girls who have been born and raised here who do. If other races do like bad boys, please fill me in. But to my knowledge this is usually an exclusive Western world thing.
And as I iterate, it is yes, mostly young females who are into this, in their teens and 20s. The vast majority of older adult women do not find any appeal in bad boys, especially since some of them did play around with them in youth but eventually grew up and got wise - or burned by them - and realized the senselessness in the thrill. However, some women in their 30s do still think bad boys are sexy, and I even have a co-worker who is 34 and makes it no secret that she likes such guys and sleeps with them.
The appeal that young women have in bad/wild boys is actually very similar to the so-called “Madonna-whore complex” that some guys have, in which a guy may have romantic feelings for a kind, decent girl but really is sexually attracted to promiscuous or slovenly females who have had many partners or have been known to please men in bed. These guys like the wildness of these women, her experienced sexual performance, and her willingness to do whatever they want.
In a very similar way, a lot of young women like the same thing in grungy guys but somewhat differently. They think tough/bad/hood/gangsta/streetsy/wild guys are the epitome of a real strong man, are thrilling and “fun,” and what they perceive as the kinds of guys who will fuck them like a real man or do all the stuff they like in bed. They think street-wise or socially rebellious studs are cool, especially if they have a way of talking shit flirtatiously that is charming to them. And they ignorantly think there is something smart or manly about a guy who breaks the rules, disobeys authority or his parents, or can out-think people with street smarts. Young females perceive these guys as having a confidence that others don’t, and they would rather take that over more intelligent men, who they in turn perceive as soft, nerdy, geeky, boring, annoying, less manly, or even virgin-y.
Although people try to teach young men that women want respectful gentlemen, a tough truth is that a lot of today’s young women do not really want gentlemen or soft, romantic type guys. Society tries to depict women’s desires in men as more pure and deep than they actually are. Many do not really like or appreciate those kinds of guys, especially in young womanhood.
Well, in a lot of my experience with them, young females who like these kinds of guys are just that - young. And stupid. Their hormonal minds somehow see sex appeal in the danger and confidence aspect of bad boys, until they end up somewhere dead on the side of the road or with a baby from a father who didn’t want to be the father.
And then other girls who like them often are empty inside and have little love for themselves. Some would tell me how untrue that is but if you’re sharp you know how to read people beyond what they can tell you. There is a very strong element of truth to the modern pop-cult saying that women love men who don’t respect them, especially when they don’t respect themselves. Subconsciously they are praying to be treated like shit and sexually used by a guy because they see no value in themselves.
Sometimes it’s poor background...
In other cases, some women like streetsy bad boys because that’s what they’ve largely been exposed to, particularly with some black females and Latinas who grew up in the street life or the hood. Sometimes macho gangstas and Chicanos have been all they’ve really known, and were not educated to want any other kind of men. In their minds, these guys are what they perceive as real men who are strong and masculine and will take care of you and be fighters, yet overlook the very ironic facts that these guys often are socially crippled and disadvantaged themselves and by their own wayward choices, with little or no education, years of going in and out of prison, poor employment history or no employment history, having kids from different mothers they didn’t even stay with, and ultimately having no love or respect for their own selves. Yet somehow ethnic females growing up in the street life see men like these as desirable.
Some females don’t like decent guys because they feel like they’re out of their league...
And then other times, other females pick bad or stupid guys because they actually feel like they can’t compare to more intelligent, mature guys. They feel like these guys are out of their league. And you will know this is true by the way they act around you compared to how they act around other males.
Guys, have you ever taken the time to observe this? Maybe you are a smart dude who loves books, academics, or just intellectual things in general that most girls don’t really care about or think about. Maybe you’re a deep guy with a significant maturity level who likes to have deep conversations. Maybe you’re a very realistic person with serious views about life. Maybe you’ve met some girls and tried to chat with them, tried to have a serious conversation, but they either didn’t say much and just looked at you dumbly like a shy little kid, or they thought you were nerdy and annoying, even if they tried to hide it. And later did you observe the way she acted with other guys and even girls? She was all fun and giggles and chatty with them instead.
This is usually because your line of thought is just too big for them, and treating you as if you’re annoying is their way of minimizing you. They simply can’t relate to your level of intellectuality or even your maturity, or feel like you’re just too pure for them. They don’t think deep, or they don’t really care about themselves or anyone else like you do, so they’d rather stick with superficial people who don’t have to make life feel so scary or “serious” for them by getting deep or even showing them pure love that they haven’t really experienced.
Cut these girls out…
To be sure, I am not a wild kind of guy, and make no apologies for it. I grew up in the hood, but never became it. I can be gritty on sex. I can be quite colorful and amusing. And I am a hell of a flirt. But in general I am not a simpleton. Nor am I a shallow, fun-and-games type guy either that a lot of young females find to be entertaining. And it’s for these reasons that I’ve almost never done well with younger women growing up. To be fair, I've certainly met those who are surprising, deep, and mature, but most don’t really appreciate or respect guys like me, but to also be fair I don’t respect them either, and am not really attracted to them. We don't relate. They're not on my level. Which is why older women are almost all I ever go for.
Some guys have felt like they should try to become hip or hood for girls, or at least try to become something they think wildboy-loving girls will be interested in. I’ve seen it before, especially with white boys, and it’s sad, and I don’t mean that sarcastically either.
Do not become something just to get a girl’s attention, and more importantly don’t do or be something else just because these girls don’t like how you really are and think you’re goofy, nerdy, annoying, or soft. I actually advise that you don’t even associate with them anymore honestly. Keep it at a basic hello-goodbye in passing with a smile type thing, but don’t try to really talk to them or get their attention. Even I do that with my co-worker who I mentioned earlier.
If you are different, if you are not bad, wild, or hood, why would you want to get involved with girls who like all that stuff? Simply let them be, and continue to be who YOU are with no shame. There are still other girls out there who think guys like you are great company, and like your intelligence.