Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad Boys

Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad BoysI suppose anyone can read this Take although it is more directed to guys to put this classic issue into a better perspective for them and to help them get a good understanding of what’s going on around them, especially with their female peers.

People usually say that guys who complain about women not wanting “nice guys” are just mad because she didn’t pick him, but there actually is some element of truth to women not really wanting nice guys. Or rather, decent guys.

Quick facts on females who like bad boys: race, country, and age…

Some will cry foul - “generalizations! Racism! Booooooo!” yah yah, but it doesn’t really matter; it is what it is, like it or not. And, yes, I am black for those who don’t know. And I’m talking about other races here too.

I won’t go as far as to say most, but many young women today - mainly in the Americas, the UK, and Europe - have a thing for bad boys, or just the tough, rough, streetsy types. And it isn’t just black females who are into them like a lot of people think but plenty of Latinas and white girls as well, and many of the bad boys are not just black either but also white and Hispanic, and some are Asian but I don’t see that often. I don’t include other races of women because to my knowledge this is mainly a simple-minded appeal young women have in America and in some demographics of the UK and Europe. I have NEVER known an Asian, direct African, or Indian girl to ever be interested in bad boys or want anything to do with them, though I have known some secular Arab girls who have been born and raised here who do. If other races do like bad boys, please fill me in. But to my knowledge this is usually an exclusive Western world thing.

Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad Boys

And as I iterate, it is yes, mostly young females who are into this, in their teens and 20s. The vast majority of older adult women do not find any appeal in bad boys, especially since some of them did play around with them in youth but eventually grew up and got wise - or burned by them - and realized the senselessness in the thrill. However, some women in their 30s do still think bad boys are sexy, and I even have a co-worker who is 34 and makes it no secret that she likes such guys and sleeps with them.

The scoop...

The appeal that young women have in bad/wild boys is actually very similar to the so-called “Madonna-whore complex” that some guys have, in which a guy may have romantic feelings for a kind, decent girl but really is sexually attracted to promiscuous or slovenly females who have had many partners or have been known to please men in bed. These guys like the wildness of these women, her experienced sexual performance, and her willingness to do whatever they want.

Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad BoysIn a very similar way, a lot of young women like the same thing in grungy guys but somewhat differently. They think tough/bad/hood/gangsta/streetsy/wild guys are the epitome of a real strong man, are thrilling and “fun,” and what they perceive as the kinds of guys who will fuck them like a real man or do all the stuff they like in bed. They think street-wise or socially rebellious studs are cool, especially if they have a way of talking shit flirtatiously that is charming to them. And they ignorantly think there is something smart or manly about a guy who breaks the rules, disobeys authority or his parents, or can out-think people with street smarts. Young females perceive these guys as having a confidence that others don’t, and they would rather take that over more intelligent men, who they in turn perceive as soft, nerdy, geeky, boring, annoying, less manly, or even virgin-y.

Although people try to teach young men that women want respectful gentlemen, a tough truth is that a lot of today’s young women do not really want gentlemen or soft, romantic type guys. Society tries to depict women’s desires in men as more pure and deep than they actually are. Many do not really like or appreciate those kinds of guys, especially in young womanhood.


Well, in a lot of my experience with them, young females who like these kinds of guys are just that - young. And stupid. Their hormonal minds somehow see sex appeal in the danger and confidence aspect of bad boys, until they end up somewhere dead on the side of the road or with a baby from a father who didn’t want to be the father.

Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad Boys

And then other girls who like them often are empty inside and have little love for themselves. Some would tell me how untrue that is but if you’re sharp you know how to read people beyond what they can tell you. There is a very strong element of truth to the modern pop-cult saying that women love men who don’t respect them, especially when they don’t respect themselves. Subconsciously they are praying to be treated like shit and sexually used by a guy because they see no value in themselves.

Sometimes it’s poor background...

Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad Boys

In other cases, some women like streetsy bad boys because that’s what they’ve largely been exposed to, particularly with some black females and Latinas who grew up in the street life or the hood. Sometimes macho gangstas and Chicanos have been all they’ve really known, and were not educated to want any other kind of men. In their minds, these guys are what they perceive as real men who are strong and masculine and will take care of you and be fighters, yet overlook the very ironic facts that these guys often are socially crippled and disadvantaged themselves and by their own wayward choices, with little or no education, years of going in and out of prison, poor employment history or no employment history, having kids from different mothers they didn’t even stay with, and ultimately having no love or respect for their own selves. Yet somehow ethnic females growing up in the street life see men like these as desirable.

Some females don’t like decent guys because they feel like they’re out of their league...

And then other times, other females pick bad or stupid guys because they actually feel like they can’t compare to more intelligent, mature guys. They feel like these guys are out of their league. And you will know this is true by the way they act around you compared to how they act around other males.

Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad BoysGuys, have you ever taken the time to observe this? Maybe you are a smart dude who loves books, academics, or just intellectual things in general that most girls don’t really care about or think about. Maybe you’re a deep guy with a significant maturity level who likes to have deep conversations. Maybe you’re a very realistic person with serious views about life. Maybe you’ve met some girls and tried to chat with them, tried to have a serious conversation, but they either didn’t say much and just looked at you dumbly like a shy little kid, or they thought you were nerdy and annoying, even if they tried to hide it. And later did you observe the way she acted with other guys and even girls? She was all fun and giggles and chatty with them instead.

This is usually because your line of thought is just too big for them, and treating you as if you’re annoying is their way of minimizing you. They simply can’t relate to your level of intellectuality or even your maturity, or feel like you’re just too pure for them. They don’t think deep, or they don’t really care about themselves or anyone else like you do, so they’d rather stick with superficial people who don’t have to make life feel so scary or “serious” for them by getting deep or even showing them pure love that they haven’t really experienced.

Cut these girls out…

To be sure, I am not a wild kind of guy, and make no apologies for it. I grew up in the hood, but never became it. I can be gritty on sex. I can be quite colorful and amusing. And I am a hell of a flirt. But in general I am not a simpleton. Nor am I a shallow, fun-and-games type guy either that a lot of young females find to be entertaining. And it’s for these reasons that I’ve almost never done well with younger women growing up. To be fair, I've certainly met those who are surprising, deep, and mature, but most don’t really appreciate or respect guys like me, but to also be fair I don’t respect them either, and am not really attracted to them. We don't relate. They're not on my level. Which is why older women are almost all I ever go for.

Distance Yourself From Girls Who Like Bad BoysSome guys have felt like they should try to become hip or hood for girls, or at least try to become something they think wildboy-loving girls will be interested in. I’ve seen it before, especially with white boys, and it’s sad, and I don’t mean that sarcastically either.

Do not become something just to get a girl’s attention, and more importantly don’t do or be something else just because these girls don’t like how you really are and think you’re goofy, nerdy, annoying, or soft. I actually advise that you don’t even associate with them anymore honestly. Keep it at a basic hello-goodbye in passing with a smile type thing, but don’t try to really talk to them or get their attention. Even I do that with my co-worker who I mentioned earlier.

If you are different, if you are not bad, wild, or hood, why would you want to get involved with girls who like all that stuff? Simply let them be, and continue to be who YOU are with no shame. There are still other girls out there who think guys like you are great company, and like your intelligence.


ManOnFire is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with the cultural premise of it. I'm Indian in India and no girl with some sense would go for a 'bad' boy'. Most girls here like smart, educated, funny and gentlemanly guys. The ones that can hold a decent conversation. Heck, I'm kinda sure that many would choose average guy with these qualities over a handsome jerk.

    Even I never saw appeal behind bad boys. I like guys I can I have some intelligent conversations with. The kind which makes me go 'wow' with his smartness. I don't like guys who sleep around, do drugs, have no aim in life and constantly put me down. Just no.

    • Exactly. And it's probably because in your country men are jerks to women, so you girls want something good, not bad.

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    • Maybe personally you don't find bad boys appealing and go for sort of intelligent type of guys, but believe me that's not true even for other Indian women as well. Everyone wants someone handsome, tall etc etc guy no matter even if he sleeps around, is a bar boy or whatever

    • Is a bad boy*

Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with the premise. I don't see why guys complain about girls liking bad boys. Just don't date the ones who are like that. Simple.


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What Girls Said 56

  • This is really an over-simplification of the issue. I wish there was such a thing as clear-cut "bad boys" and "good guys," but there's not. A lot of so-called "nice guys" aren't so nice. Same goes for girls. People are complicated and deeply flawed creatures.
    That being said, the final paragraph I agree with. Be yourself, and there's no point in getting involved with someone who clearly isn't into your type. I had a boyfriend who had a bit of Stockholm syndrome going on and apparently had a thing for girls who treated him like shit. I was very young and TOO nice back then, willing to do anything for him, and probably too clingy. Well it turned out he was still stuck on his emotionally abusive ex and not that into me. He tried to get me back later, probably thinking he missed his chance with someone who was theoretically a "catch" (compared to what he usually dated). I'd already moved on, and told him I didn't think we were right for each other anyway. Do I fault him? Not really. You can't control what you're attracted to, and clingy, obsequious behavior will never be attractive.

    • I think you're kind of over-complicating it. For most girls like this it really is that simple. Most men are not the same as women in this regard, and your ex with that situation I don't think is a very common thing for men.

      Sometimes it is true that we can't help what we're attracted to, and other times it is dictated by how we feel about ourselves inside or what we are inadvertently influenced to find is attractive.

    • Yeah it's something stereotypical of women, but it can happen to anyone with low self-esteem. You start to think you deserve to be treated that way. So I agree that women who consistently tolerate guys who treat them badly have a poor image of themselves. However, what I'm trying to point out is that guys who treat women badly do NOT always have the "bad boy" image and are NOT always so obvious. Many guys who call themselves nice are really rotten. I feel like in some way women have evolved not to trust "nice" men.

    • Some guys do pretend, no doubt. But regardless of it, the main point is that a lot of young women go seeking an obvious bad boy much more than really being into any nice guy, even if he is pretending. She won't know he's really bad until later, and when it's inconvenient for her.

  • I married a bad boy... and divorced a bad boy. Now I'm totally in love with the introverted, shy intellectual type of man. Now that I've grown up that is

    • have you ever cheated on your introvert dude? Do you miss the thrill that you got from hot guys (bad boys)?

    • @allwomenwantme nooo, I've nvr cheated on him. Even though we aren't bf/gf yet. It's been 4 years since either of us has had sex... neither of us date anyone else either... he is in introvert and shy, but a freak in the bedroom. Once that shyness is gone most of the time this type of man is way more attentive in the bedroom. Sexual drive and techie have nothing to do with being and introvert and shy after the line for shyness has been crossed

    • @Marsha003 Wowww. You guys haven't had sex in 4 years? Interesting.

  • Bad boys.. bad boys Whatchya gonna do when they come for you.. bad boys bad boys. Whatchya gonna do when they come for you.

    Call ManOnFire. Obviously.

    Totally agree with you though.

  • I don't like bad boys. I also don't like 'nice guys' because most are white knights or they're just push overs. A good balance is better.

    • I don't think you can balance good with bad. I think what you want is what I call a 'decent' guy.

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    • @Blonde401 I'm not that complicated unfortunately, I'm perfectly capable of looking like an (unintentional) bellend on any occassion, let alone saving it for a first date! ;p;

    • @AndrewMG 😂 We all can man!

  • I love men who have everything together.. men who work, who have a sense of humor, who appreciate a submissive woman...

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What Guys Said 74

  • 1|9
    • So true!!!

    • Show All
    • @samhradh_leannan I'm not denying that guys do it too with girls it goes both ways and both are wrong

    • @samhradh_leannan Yeah, but those women may not necessarily be bad. They might be airheaded or shallow but that isn't exactly comparable/parallel to a bad guy. And men who date those kinds of women generally are not destroyed, used, or abused by them to an extent that bad boys do to women.

  • Why don't you just be a good bad boy. Let me make something clear to you. It is not because they are 'bad boys' that make them attractive to girls. It is because the general traits that come with being a badboy are attractive. For example, being not afraid to say your mind, being courageously confident, not afraid of others, having the ability to bring out the naughty side of girls. All those traits are just embedded in the view of a "badboy" and it makes some girls wet.

    Why not be the good guy that you are, but also have those traits? like the case is with me? I am the most genuinely nice guy anyone can ever meet, and at the same time, i am pretty damn confident, i speak boldly, and not afraid of anyone no matter how bigger than me or intimidating they are (if you are wondering why then that's a whole another story but you can pm me about it). and... i definitely.. definitely can bring out the naughty side of women, which is by the way one of the most important key in all this.

    You see... just like you or others are nice, decent, respectable guys. I am pretty damn sure that you have your own naughty sides and thoughts. The only difference between you and badboys, is that you don't have the courage nor confidence to bring it out in public. It will stay inside you hidden in secret forever or until you actually get into a relationship. and because you hold it in for too long and too secretly, it could be the reason that you might seem creepy. Sometimes bringing out your naughty side like "Sorry Emily, but you look too hot in those tight pants and i won't be able to stop myself from occasionally staring at that ass... i am after all, a Man. so please forgive me" can change the entire situation upside down, but it all depends on her reaction when you say that and that's where you have to be super ovbservant weather it bothered her or not. I know that you just thinking to say that will seem to stupid and impossible to do, because you are scared of her reaction and maybe also not that confident (in other words, you are not a badboy). But at the same time if you said she is thinking: Omg... i can't believe how audacious and bold he is.

    One last point to make: you see the point i explained where no matter how decent or good guy you are, you are still damn naughty deep inside? Same principle applies to girls bro. No matter how decent or good she is, she will still have a naughty side. And by having those 'badboy' traits, it will be easier for her to bring itOut

    • Oh I agree with you about the naughty side, and my own personality is much like how you describe yours, but why would it have to be boxed into a badboy thing?

      As I said in the Take, much of the appeal is hormonal for these girls. Momentary thrills. They're not serious about life, themselves, or guys either.

    • Im saying, you can become both. The momentarily thrill (which can easily transfer to permenant thrill in this case) and at the same time the nice and kind guy that will display niceness and kindness when it's actually needed.

      So in an overall look: you will be known as a genuine confident nice guy who exerts a lot of charisma and attraction force by just being the open person that he is, not afraid to show his wants and needs with witty but naughty words coming out of his mouth. In other words: you can be the genuine kind and caring guy that can easily satisfy and fulfill every girl's desires and fantasies in bed, and she could even feel that she can't keep up with him in bed (but thats up to the guy and how much sexual energy they have, in my case... its over 9000). Its important to point out that im a virgin, who had easily over tens of opportunities to get laid. And i said the "keeping up in bed" even though im a virgin because it is a deduction i made from personal experience xD

  • I guess I get your mytake. It is okay. I just wish you would leave out a lot of rhetoric about why women make the choices they make. Who cares? And I don't understand lecturing them on their choices. Like you say about bad boys, they won't change. So why try and make these women? They do nothing but excuse their horrible choices. So to me, it comes off a bit whiny because of those two points. But it is better than other posts I have seen on the subject.

    Here is my response. Of course a lot of women are attracted to bad guys. But Manonfire (beautiful handle, btw), that's because they are horrible people!!! I don't understand why men don't get that. When I left my wife, I found what I thought was a good friend at work. I was going through my divorce. She had just been through hers. And we were both miserable. I thought after a few months of being together that we were a good fit. Well, she friendzoned me. And said she really valued our friendship. Then I got an understanding of why she had only dated jerks who physically abused her. Later, we met at our company's summer party. She was drunk as a skunk. And she was hugging me, kissing me and telling how much she liked me and how we could be a good couple. She invited me back to a bar at her hotel where a few "friends" were getting together.

    Then I realized, that this story sounded familiar. Almost all of her relationships began with drunk sex with some guy she knew. So I politely declined and did everything I could to distance myself from her going forward.

    There are a lot of women out there who are bad relationship material. I think your mytake should have been a warning to "nice guys". "We" need to stop chasing them around.

    1. If she is rude, maybe she isn't a good person.
    2. If she friendzones you after you ask her out, maybe she isn't worthy of your attention.
    3. If she has a history of dating horrible men, what is wrong with you? Put distance between you and her.
    4. If she is angry with men, maybe you shouldn't date her. . . seeing that you are a man.
    5. Stop projecting positive behaviors onto women just because you think they are hot!!!

    When I dated dating a better class of women, I found I became a much happier man.

    Try it out!!!

    Mila Kunis' character was so much better than Kristen Bell's in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall".

    • Righteous and evil don't mix just like water and oil don't see eye to eye.

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    • @JohnDoe3000 So you are a child? That was an example. It can be anything. It can be bowling. It can be playing pool. The point is those women remind me of Mila's character in the movie. I have met women who knew networking design and engineering. I met some who spoke several languages. One woman I dated was a microbiologist. She had actually helped to write federal legislation passed and signed under the Clinton administration.

      Again the point is, because these women were not held up and put on pedestals, they had to develop themselves in other areas. They are 3-dimensional. They have character. They have depth.

      But you don't have to date them.

      Just go back to whining about women and the bad boys. That seems to suit you.

    • @lacorine197 Yawn. . .

      Jim. . .

      Is that you?

  • bad boy = extremely good looking male with intimidating looks, usually perceived as a "bad boy" by women. It's the type of looks that women are attracted the most to. It's the type of looks that women sell their virginity for. It's the type of looks women would kill their family to get it. Women are attracted to masculinity and the bad boy image is the highest form of it. It's the type of genetic material that meets all requirements for a woman from biological perspective, or in other words, women are hardwired to fuck these guys with priority. While she might not date him, she'll gladly fuck him in matters of minutes.

    And it has to do nothing with personality. If it had to do anything with personality, then everybody would be a "bad boy", right? Just be a bad boy and women will drool over you, - sounds like a heaven for most males. As stated before, bad boy image is just a perception due to his looks, and that is also projected to a perceived personality. So if you will try to act like a bad boy without having the bad boy looks, you'll be seen by women as sth between wanna-be, idiot and a complete moron.

    typical bad boy looks, which women drool over:

    • Omg they lokk like prettyboys!! You call that bad? LMFAO!!!

  • some women won't get it.. or admit it. there are plenty of other code words that they use to describe guys who have a thing for riskier behavior. I've seen a number of comments and videos from women who suggested that nice guys just wait their turn.. Basically these women will grow old of those bad boys.. and want to settle down for a nice guy..

    In other words, when they are all used up and abused.. No thanks.. I am not the type of person to fault a woman for being into who or what she is into.. At the same time.. im not into women who want to play with fire.. and then complain when they get burned.. Good luck however,..

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