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Great mytake.
*Sigh*. I don't know what to do. Girls rarely approach guys and I have no charisma or experience with the opposite sex. Guess I better hope the I can get a one night stand when I'm older, because no one will ever ask me out.
Just keep working at it. Practice by interacting with chicks as much as you can.
simple answer is:
if you're not comfortable approaching a dude, then don't. If you like what you see, then go for it. Quit overanalyzing the fear of rejection or the "hidden motives." You will know quickly enough if he is being true to you as much as he will know of you are being true to him.
Steve Harvey had a quote about women dating. The gist of it is that women are the prize. Men are the ones that need to impress. I agree. And that would make it part of the men approach the woman. It shows his attraction and desire for her. It makes her feel special and desired that he approached her out of all others.
However, I have approached a guy, if for no other reason than to show my interest. After that it is on him to further that if he wants to.
To make yourself visable and approachable for your reasons above , thats ok.
Was this comment meant as ironic satire?
"Women are the prize"-biggest fallacy in gender relations ever. Neither are a prize, it's about building something together.
I think who ever wants to approach, should do so.
One problem is that there's stigma around women approaching men, and both are at fault for this. Many men find it weird when women approach and get the impression they must be desperate to do so. And women often assume that, which is understandable but also stupid. To get back to my initial point, if you want to approach, just do it.
Some of that is true, though I really would find it hottest if it was a woman I actually was into who made the first move.
So are you really a girl or a guy, SandPlanet?
Obviously everyone would prefer to have people who they're attracted to approach them.
And what?
You being SandPlanet.
@Pamina Then I'll take that as a yes.
I don't get it, sorry.
@Pamina No, you get it entirely. SandPlanet was/is a sexually deviant user here. And you're just them with another account. Dude, everybody already knows it.
WTF okay whatever.
There isn't that sigma around women approaching though. Most of the rationalizations that women use are not at all reflective of guys attitudes. This is one of them. you said it yourself that they assume that.
Also, guys approaching women is desperate and their is a stigma around that, so...
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
But I agree that everyone should be proactive. It's just a positive trait for life in general. Take action. I think it's something that doesn't come that naturally to guys I think it's learned through shit like this; being aware that you cannot trust at all that a woman will make something happen. Guys are *forced* to adapt, it's not a case of "they're just like that."
This is a good point @Pamina https://youtu.be/h_0ojDuOHyU
ManOnFire... take your meds and shut the fuck up!
Nether is it right.
You're the anomaly when it comes to approaching preferences.
The right strategy is to encourage everyone to do it. Saying women should do it is not saying men should wait, which seems to be something you're flirting with.
It's more common but that's relative to it not happening at all. It's a *little bit* more common but not something you can ever count on. But you were never meant to get the impression that you could count on it. That's a mistake.
Also, saying it's not that simple for them is a mistake, it's not like it's any more complicated for guys. It seems like you're suggesting that they're just too insecure and fragile to do it. But if you're going to reward them for being fragile then is it any surprise that men would not approach too?
"Saying women should do it is not saying men should wait, which seems to be something you're flirting with."
- No. I'm saying that guys who WANT women to approach them feel like they should wait for it.
"It seems like you're suggesting that they're just too insecure and fragile to do it."
- Women are, yes.
Okay no, most guys who want women to do it aren't excepting themselves from doing it as well. They'd *like* it to happen and they'd *like* to wait for it to some extent, but they definitely don't feel like they *should* wait. Though I think there's a different function where they've tried and also notice that no women approached in that time frame as well so drop both strategies and just focus on their own well-being.
"They're too fragile to do it"
So what?
So women shouldn't be trying to seem big and bad by declaring that they should approach guys when most women are too fragile to do it.
So is your point is that they shouldn't say they do it or that they shouldn't encourage themselves and other to do it?
That they shouldn't say they do it. I laid that out very early on.
And then you also gave the impression that they shouldn't even try or be encourage to -- and then that it's appropriate for them to do nothing.
No. Not that they shouldn't try. They shouldn't talk about the right to approach but not doing it.
Women want equality but only the easy or convenient equalities. They don’t like equality when it means approaching men, paying for dinner, jumping in front of a car to save a mans life, or having a man retaliate physically when she starts a fight. Women are actually pathetic beings
I think women always waiting for guys is just traditional, or something. Personally, I think girls should seek out and approach just as much as guys do. Life’s not a fairy tale with every girl being a princess with a knight in shining armor coming. Some guys are too shy.
I disagree with your point that women take rejection harder than men. I don't see women murdering dudes who've said "no" to them.
I've read stories of such and its despicable that it ever happens at all on any side
@yogagirl777 Out of the dozens of men who've done that, millions more men do not. And the ones who did usually took a long time for them to reach that point. And on a flip side, violence from rejected women is very common but in situations of a wife or girlfriend being cheated on, called crime passionelle. Nor are their cases as publicized as rejected rampaging men.
On average, regular everyday situations women do indeed take rejection harder than men, they just don't act violently about it. Their answer to the situation is to blame the guy, say he's "intimidated," gay, or has some other problem for why he wasn't into her. They're not used to it so they need to come up with some explanation for why things didn't go her way. Most men don't do that.
Each to their own but I would never approach a man. There are far too many men about who only want women for casual sex, and they often tend to assume that if you ask them to go out that is what they will get. I have had enough problems with men trying that on with me where they approached me.
Think it is different if you already know the guy and are not approaching a total stranger based solely on their looks or both being in the same place.
Men assume that because it's very rare for a woman to approach, and men are not even entirely wrong to assume it because I think many times if a woman is approaching a guy it probably is because she has a hidden motive
Regardless of gender, if you like them, approach them rather than waiting around for them to figure it (which probably will never happen then). That way you get the person you want and don't torture yourself with a long wait.
If I had more self confidence I would approach men. If I knew I won't be ridiculed or humiliated, I would walk up to guy and strike a conversation. Once my friend and I were at the bar and I asked some guy what drink he was having. He looked at me like I was invisible, almost with boredom and indifference.
I don't see why I would want to put myself through this ever again.
That's basically what I was saying, yeah.
"If I knew I won't be ridiculed or humiliated, I would walk up to guy and strike a conversation."
I guarantee you that unless you deliberately ask an obvious douchebag out, you willnot be made fun of.
"I don't see why I would want to put myself through this ever again."
Question: Why should *I* put myself through it again? I have been through this not once, but countless times. Getting demeaning and ridiculing looks from women is a common thing for men.
So let me ask you - why should men approach you, if you aren't willing to do it yourself? Why are you so entitled?
@Benedek38 I'm not entitled. I know I'm not attractive enough to approach guys. If I were pretty I would be approaching them with no problems.
I basically know what I am and what guys want. I'm just being realistic.
No guy would like being approached by an ugly girl.
"I know I'm not attractive enough to approach guys."
As if guys had such high expectations...
"If I were pretty I would be approaching them with no problems."
But then you wouldn't have to, because men would approach you.
"I basically know what I am and what guys want. I'm just being realistic.
No guy would like being approached by an ugly girl."
Not entirely true. I seriously doubt that you could be ugly enough for most men to reject you.
@Benedek38 That's just how I feel and I'm getting used to the idea that I will be alone. Hopefully it will get easier as time goes by.
My mom always taught me a girl who makes the first move doesn't have good intentions. That weirdly just always made sense to me.
Kinda the same for me too. Usually that has turned out to be the case for me when a girl shows a kind of interest that just seems suspicious.
Girls get impatient, but really, they'll never respect a guy that can't or won't take the lead. It's a bazillion years of biological programming.
You don't want women to approach you, because you don't women that aren't attracted to ask you out. You think its a bother. You'd rather have that freedom of going to girls and making that move, am I right?
Wrong. It doesn't matter if she's attractive or not, it wouldn't bother me that she's making the first move, I just like doing it. Guys generally are familiar with approaching, women aren't.
Not very organised or thought out of a take.
I hate games. people should say what they feel and allow the world to react. if we have a rule that women can't approach men, then they have to invent games to bait men into making the "first move". I guarantee you that about half of the first moves you've made have actually been initiated by the woman, but in a MUCH more subtle way.
Men approach to take matters into their own hands instinctively. I think it's the man's responsibility to approach first
However having said that
Women who approach show assertiveness and I like that 👊
I agree. Men are still the ones who do the approaching 99% of the time. Women judge guys who aren't confident enough to approach them but are too shy or nervous themselves to approach a guy.
I wish women would approach men more. It would make things a lot easier. Maybe there would so many lonely miserable people in the world.
Oh, women should 100% approach men... otherwise no one would be doing the approaching.
The likelihood of men approaching women is much higher than vice versa. 5 to 1.
Not in my world...
@LittleSally Maybe you don't make yourself very approachable? Not sure. I remember you telling me where you're from and it does seem like women there are kind of... stern? Not sure if that's the word.
Not really... Haha
Croatia. People are people. And most people in general here are a bit reserved, although friendly.
*The 'not really' was for women here being stern.
I, however, am most probably stern... and may seem unapproachable - because I look a lot younger than I am so I have to compensate for that to help my image as a professional person - professor and translator.
(Which then translates to my everyday life I guess.)
So I definitely can't get away with just sitting around waiting for someone to approach me.
@LittleSally Yeah, you've even acted stern here. As if it's just the way to go about life. I look younger than I am too and I don't need to be like that with people to be taken seriously. You simply act with maturity, not make people want to avoid you.
Oh, people definitely have never avoided me. Maybe online (at least maybe on here) - but never in real life. Haha
Well, you're a guy - you don't need to do anything but exist to be taken seriously. Trust me. There are Ted Talk videos on a woman who used to be a man and how she's been taken seriously no matter what when she was a man, but now that she's a woman - she's always questioned.
But hey, I know plenty of women - who aren't stern - and they never get approached either.
It's just the culture we're in now. Men don't approach, so women should.
@LittleSally "Well, you're a guy - you don't need to do anything but exist to be taken seriously."
- In some sense that's true, and in another not so much, as even women can not take men seriously because they might view him as a softy or nerdy.
Women do overcompensate to be seen as strong or tough. And it is true in situations like the workplace that men can treat women lower or lesser, yeah. So women do tend to overdo it with being tough.
Maybe men don't approach in Croatia but here in the U. S. it's still pretty regular, to the point women are always whining about some guy hitting on them. If women really wanna change the game then they need to grow some tits and be serious about it.
More approaching means more chance you will find the person you are looking for. But also more chance you will find people you are not looking for.
So I am for women approaching men more often.