After reading the title, most of you are probably thinking “What the heck does that even mean? “ Well, I can’t blame you, because right now I’m sitting in the middle of biology class writing about a deep internal realization I had about life after I barely got any sleep last night. Point is, I’m making this up as I go. But that’s not to say that I don’t somewhat have an idea of what I’m talking about, but just a fair warning that my thought process is kinda wonky.
So this started yesterday, while I was watching TV and eating some soy sauce chicken drumsticks. I’ve always known that it was best to be yourself. I’ve gone through periods of time when I thought that I wanted people to see me as a certain person. But yesterday I started to ask myself why. Why? Whhhyyy? What, do I have some weirdo personality that would make people scared of me? Do I have a legit reason why I should be afraid of people seeing who I really am? Hell nah! There’s nothing to hide, so what’s the point?
Yesterday I also rewatched videos of myself that I recorded on my MacBook. I was eating an eggroll in that video, and talking about the stupid things I did that day, all while judging my own smile and talking about how I wanted to learn how to fake smile because my smile was ugly. It made me laugh because I never realized how funny and bubbly I was when I was just being myself. In a really good way, it made me sad that I would ever try to hide that side of myself from anyone.
I’ve been talking to a guy for quite some time now, and he said that he’d want us to talk over the phone one day. That is where all my insecurity and anxiety spilled out. Kinda like how a child puts all his crap into the closet and it all come tumbling down on him over time. Yeah. It made me feel like I had a need to portray myself as someone who is smart, and funny and whatever else. But by going through that thought process, I was basically saying that there is something boring, not nice, and dumb about me in the first place, which there is not.
I mean, if he’s talked to me enough to want to actually talk to me over the phone and talk about meeting up with him, then there’s no doubt that he kinda likes me. I shouldn’t be making the assumption that he’s going to stop talking to me if I say something that was less than funny and kinda lame. He is himself around me, and he shows me his goofy and silly sides. And I know that he’s appreciate if I did the same. If I want people to think that I’m funny, kind, and smart, then maybe I should start being that way on a regular basis instead of putting on a show for everyone to see what I’d like to be like.
Hence the title you don’t pretend to be something if you want to be like that. You need to fully become and develop yourself into the person you wanna see. This doesn’t only apply to this aspect in life, but also in relationships, in the workplace, elements of trust, confidence and so forth. If you feel like you need to pretend to be a certain way to be accepted, then maybe you should question if you are even accepted in the first place. Anywhere you go, you should be aiming to succeed by being yourself and if you happen to impress people along the way, then it’s just a little bonus. It shouldn’t be your main goal.
You will also upset a lot of people along the way, however if being yourself doesn’t cause destruction to someone else and the people around you, what does it matter? Our society is all about self expression these days, but most people just end up expressing what they think people wanna see. Check through most of the girls and guys you have on Instagram and you should pretty much see the exact same concepts, colours, poses, captions, and everything on their feed.
That’s not really self expression more than it is just an interpretation of someone else through your own life. Yes, I am inspired by Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr and whatever, and yes, I have pictures and photography that reflect those values that I have. However, I’m not letting social media determine who I am. It’s an inspiration to live the way I wanna live, but I will always , make this life mine, and not that way that “it should be”. If you think about it, all these are determined by other people.
For example: Sure, be inspired by social media, be inspired by a certain person. But do not follow their footsteps exactly and let it determine what you can and cannot do. Who says I can wear stuff that urban outfitters doesn’t sell? Who says that I need to wear makeup and dress a certain way? Be inspired, but don't let your inspirations limit you. (I literally made that up 2 seconds ago lol)
Sure, you can dress and do whatever you want but is that really expressing your own values and who you are? If you are authentic, you don’t need to look at standards of what other people are doing to determine what you should be like. Just as I shouldn’t pretend to be a certain way around people that I care about and want to be in my life. There was little to no pressure prior to when he said he wanted to call me because I can construct that way that I come across to him. But farther in the beginning, I was just being plain’ ol Sherry.
And he seemed to like that, so if it’s meant to be, then a phone call where I’m totes myself will be appreciated by him highly. I hope this inspires my readers to take a risk, and to just truly be yourself.
At least this way you’ll have something meaningful to look back on and even if you regret it, you can at least say you regret trying something new than just staying in the shadows and living a lifestyle where you hide your true self.
If you know that there’s something wrong with you (selfish, jealous, etc) well address the issue. Change it. Do not sit there because I guarantee that you anxiety and regret will just have a chance to sink in deeper.
Thank you for reading :) - Sherry
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