Confessions of a Female Virgin

Firstly by writing this, I'm not saying virgins are superior or non virgin are lesser and I'm not generalising all female virgins, it's just what I've experienced myself and I want to take the stigma away of us all being prudes or superior and I want other girls like me to feel impowered not ashamed of their virginity.

Why am I still a virgin at 20?

Basically i never planned on being at virgin in my 20s but I just saw a lot of other girls when I was in my teens acting like it was a race and throwing themselves at any boy who showed them any attention and they thought because they were sexually active that some how meant they were grown up and muture whilst being used for sex by boys who had no respect for them and it usually ended in tears so I stayed well away from boys till I was around 18 when I became more interested, I was a late on the that train and people just thought I was a lesbian because of it. But I've just basically never found the right guy and whenever I thought I did it never worked out.

1. We're not that innocent.

Confessions of a Female Virgin

I literally hate when people find out I'm a virgin and say stuff like "aww your so pure and innocent" no I'm not I know how sex works and just because I have not had it definitely doesn't mean I'm innocent. I constantly make rude, flirtly jokes with my guy friends and I probably know more then some sexually active girls do. just because you're not a virgin doesn't mean you know everything about sex all of a sudden.

2. Were not prudes, just highly selective.

Confessions of a Female Virgin

A big misconception is that female virgins must be prudes. Well we're not we just don't want to give a virginity away to someone who doesn't deserve it. a lot of it has to do with self respect not saying non virgin don't have that. We just want to know when the time is right it's with a good guy, who respects us and treats us right not just a one night stand who only cares about what he's getting out of it.

3. Non virgins who like to shame us.

Confessions of a Female Virgin

Yes am I'm a virgin who can't drive but why does that concern anyone else ? I've experienced lots of non virgins try and make fun, embarrass and shame me for being a virgin funny enough most theses people are also the ones who have a tendency to sleep around. It's just pure jealously because they regret the choices they made when they lost theirs. It seems kinda stupid as to why my virginity would concern others and its none of their business.

4. Creepy guy's who have fetishes about virgins.

Confessions of a Female Virgin

I'm sure there's probably some creepy guys reading this trying to find something to get there jollies off from reading this. Well yes I kinda did write this purposely for you guys but not in the why your probably hoping. Im awear of the culture around virgins and I literally laugh at them. I can't believe there's some guys stupid enough to believe if they kill themselves in the name of their religion but they'll be met in heaven with hundreds of virgins.

Sorry to disappoint you but we're not some holy mystical being were just normal everyday people and if we'd sleep with someone so immature and ignorant about women. Men like that are one's we purposely try to avoid.

5. We can't get laid

Some people just assumed because I'm a virgin I can't get laid and guys are just not attracted to be which is definitely not ture. I get many offers on a daily basis. I'm a virgin by choice. I'm not just going to sleep with anyone I'm better than that and have respect for myself. If a guy wants to sleep with me I'm sorry but he's going to be in a commited relationship with me as well.

6. We're no fun

The stereotype of virgins are usually but we're all stuck up prudes, who don't know how to have fun and are boring . Funny enough I'm the complete opposite to that. I go out partying and traveling the world all time, meeting lots of new people and having lots of crazy adventures, I have a life outside of being a virgin. Being a virgin doesn't define who I am as a person.

7. There's nothing wrong with us?

Confessions of a Female Virgin

To all the other girl who might be reading this and thinking there must be something wrong with them because their still a virgin and all their friends are not. Firstly there's nothing wrong with you and you need to get off your arse and stop crying about it or that's probably why. If you constantly act miserable about it and bring it into every relationship of crouse that guys going to be scared off because he'll feel pressured.

Secondly your virginity is not a race and you shouldn't make such a big deal out of it, it will happen when it happens and once your done your probably think "is that it" and feel silly about making so much fuss over it.

Your beautiful the way you are and you just need to wait for a guy who's smart enough to see what he's got right in front of him, don't go rushing trying to change yourself and the person you are because you think someone will love you for it because that's not what love is and you should always wait to its someone who truly loves you as much as you love them and yourself never forget to love yourself frist or no one else will.


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Most Helpful Guys

  • Why am I still a virgin at 20?

    JESUS! The section needs some periods.

    That being said, 20 isn't so bad. And you're right about losing it with someone special.
    But yeah, you look innocent as hell, lol.

    And I don't have a fetish, but the thought of popping a sexually frustrated girl's cherry really turns me on.

    And I totally agree about the Muslims and 73 virgins.

    Anyways, good take. But it's a shame that you had to write it. Actually, there's nothing wrong with you. 20 is still young.

    You're cute as hell by the way, but I don't believe that you live in Zambia.

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  • Being a female virgin does not carry the same type of weight as a male virgin does. It is considered better that women remain virgins than men, because they bear the children and men do not; the fewer partners a woman has, the easier it is to determine who the father is when she gets pregnant.

    "I get many offers on a daily basis. I'm a virgin by choice." There you go, being a virgin is entirely withing your power to change. The fact that you have never been with a man says something about your character, which adds to your value.

    For men, virginity has the opposite effect: men are widely regarded as disposable, one is as good as the next; it's not being a virgin that defines a man, it is his lack of confidence when it comes to women and his anxiety about his self worth. Men must have build up their self-worth because they are inherently worthless, barring any standout character traits, while women are not.

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    • I definitely 100% agree with you but a lot of what I wrote can apply to men as well. Men need to get off their arses and stop crying about it too. They need to learn to love themselves frist of all which a lot of these men don't. They either turn into women haters or become desperate and both them quality's are off putting to women obviously.

      They need to focus of themselves and stop blaming others for why their virgins and the good woman will come. I personally don't judge male virgins. a lot of guys lie about not being virgins and I respect the ones who deal with it and reilse it will happen when it happens its not a race.

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    • @jmstarling Plenty of science in it.
      Right now, you're on par with Vaccine deniers and Climate Change deniers. There's no point in arguing with you, because you'll deny the science at your own convenience.
      I don't care to put up with that.

      I'm pretty sure anyone who is in a homeless shelter is in them for any number of variables. Try listening to the professionals running the shelter, instead of coming up with your own theories. Being homeless, for one thing, is highly stigmatized among employers. Welcome to institutionalized poverty perpetuated by corrupt social systems. The only saving grace is the tax breaks given to certain businesses to hire homeless.

      Anyways, good luck.

    • @SomeOtherGuy Yes, your junk science is on par with climate change deniers and vaccine deniers. The professionals running them are a bunch of crooks and scoundrels who don't know anything about anything except making money off the backs of the public. picturethehomeless.org/.../PtH_White_paper5.pdf

Most Helpful Girls

  • I lost my virginity when I was 23 to guy I thought I was going to marry. Obviously it didn’t happen. When I started dating again, I went out with a guy that told me he felt it was both weird and sad that I didn’t start having sex at a younger age and mocked my religion because I wouldn’t have sex with him when I heard the same guy complaining about how girls were having sex too young (at eighteen lol). I’ve learned from this that as women we’re going to be shamed no matter what we do. Just do what makes you happy. There’s nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. I may not be a virgin myself anymore but I’m 34 years old and I can still count on one hand how many guys I’ve slept with. I still get shamed for not being “active” at my age but I’m proud of that. I won’t have sex with a guy if I can’t see myself falling in love with him.

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    • That's great and the people who shame you are stupid, what does your sex life have anything to do with them, their just jealous simple as because your a smart woman, who respects herself and you should be proud of yourself. 😊👍

  • Non virgins who shame virgins need to make others feel bad because they feel like a worn out husk. They try to convince themselves it's because they're 'desirable' and you're not.
    In most cases one could say, "Bitch, do you know how many times I could've been laid but chose not to?" I'm sure it'd be easy for you to do it right now if you wanted.
    Nothing wrong with having personal standards.

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What Guys Said 60

  • For the most part I agree with what you are saying. I didn't lose the v-card until 20 so I consider myself a late bloomer however there were reasons behind it.

    For a guy however I think the pressure is much stronger to lose the v-card whereas I don't believe that girls have the same pressure as there is value placed on their virginity but the opposite for men.

    If I were you, I simply wouldn't bring it up since people's reactions seem to bother you.

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    • I know guy's have more pressure but a lot of what I wrote applies to guys as well. I actually have respect some virgins who are men. Shows they have self control and respect themselves and women. Their not just going to sleep with a girl then dumb her once they got what they want and are patient. I don't mean all guy's who are virgins by the way some are bitter and shallow and that's why but that applies to women as well but there's plenty of male virgins and there just normal people too they should just wait for the right girl who isn't going to judge them for it.

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    • I know what your saying and I understand but I'm trying to say, I wouldn't juge a guy for it and I respect the ones who deal with it and don't turn into women hating incels or go round raping women because of it.

    • I understand your point, and think that is a mature and fair minded approach

      Best of luck to you

  • I'm a virgin, male and 22. And like you it's by choice as well. I agree with a lot of your take. As I was reading I saw plenty of similarities between our views. I saw the race and competition being what drove so many of my peers to get in relationships and/or have sex.

    Now I did partake in that race and I was friends with plenty of girls, so it made it easy since people would assume we were just dating or having sex and I stupidly made no effort to dispel those thoughts. It never came back to those girls because they either didn't associate with any of my male friend groups or because I knew them from a youth group in another town, and I was lucky. I deserved to be ripped for that. Fortunately when I was 16 I made a promise to myself that I'd only be in platonic relationships, that I'd only get to know people with the intention of being their friend and nothing more. And that's literally been one of the best decisions in my life.

    I've gained such intimate and genuine relationships with so many friends because of that decision, a decision that would soon land me where I'm at today slowly learning to love and respect myself. Like there was nothing stopping me from giving in to my lust, especially in high school. I was decently attractive, played sports, smart and legitimately kind and caring. I was this guy that everybody knew, that everybody got along with. I just happened to be lucky enough to see what was going on, and lucky enough to make a smart decision and stick with it.

    I stopped caring about my attractions, never acting upon them. It's lead me to be proud of my virginity, not because i'm better or because I could've had sex but was "strong" enough to fight my desires, but because I've gained so much more insight, love and patience. I was and am free to just to know a person without bearing any ulterior motive. I don't feel the need to have sex, or be in a relationship.

    My fulfillment comes from the community I built around myself for the past 6 or so years. I don't ever need to have a partner, which is crazy talk to so many people. And it is crazy because over the past six years I also learned that I was bisexua, I literally have the biggest pool to fish from.

    I took this time to get to know myself and other people, to enjoy being single and surrounded by loved ones. This isn't to say I'm a good person, or better than anyone. I've made so many other bad decisions, it's not even funny. Its just that I know myself better because of my decision

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  • It's easy to see that you are tired of these assumptions nad it's starting to piss you off. I basically agree with the positive insights you have expressed. First of all let me express that if it were religious beliefs it would be ok. But I have heard negative comments about virgins which I hate. My wife was a virgin when we married and I can vouch for her active and friendly disposition. And while she prefered not to tell dirty jokes she was quite sexually knowledgeable and wise to all the activities of looser women. I don't think she ever looked down on non-virgins but she did not understand the rush to get laid by somebody who meant nothing. Since I had been sexually active it was a challenge for me when I started dating her and making serious advances. But her refusals were always kind and not condemnation. We did have sex after we were engaged but we agreed to hold back and she wanted to give me things after we married. I liked that. She needed a little instruction but it was fun. I commend you for your goals of waiting for the love of your life. Good article.

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  • I want to say thank you, Most take there V card and just throw it away like its nothing to them. I'm glad someone is picky , Your risky a accidental Pregnancy. Being picky is perfect , Sex is meant to be a connection point between couples who are interested in becoming more , then just dating. Its meant to bring life in to the world.

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  • I enjoy reading and researching virgin topics. I'm 28 and feel like someone who failed in life by not doing a simple activity that everyone has done by my age. Wrong mindset of course. But I got tons of reasons though. And I believe that I will just stay a virgin by choice unless some big changes happen that could make me take the next step. And I enjoy letting people know that I'm a virgin at 28 so I can see their reaction.

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    • I know a virgin at 60 . No Joke she's from the Philippines

  • Great take! I enjoyed the read. I would add that you are simply smarter and more evolved to separate your instincts from having a goal to find someone serious someday.

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  • I've never heard of a guy that respects a woman for being a virgin unless he was born in 1850. No matter what guy you reveal it to they will instantly want to fuck you more than any other girl that's had sex. They see it as the chase, the prize. They want to be that guy that deflowers a girl and they especially want to fuck a girl who's never been fucked before (not in the kinky sense kind of way but the trophy kind of way). No dick has ever been inside of you so guys want to be that first one and enjoy that moment and also break you in. So it's best to not reveal you are a virgin until you are having sex with the guy. Never reveal it st all during the relationship cause then you'll know he's not just faking everything and racing to fuck you. Racing like being overly nice, kind, compliments you all the time, that kind of shit women get weak knees for. I've seen my friends fake their entire persona just to fuck a virgin and it's pretty messed up. Personally I avoid virgins because I need sex. But I respect your decision for staying a virgin. I'm just not the type of dude that makes it my goal to fuck you and then eventually leave. I rather do that with a girl who's already had sex.

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  • Take all that and reverse it to talk about guys and you pretty much said my thoughts on most of what it means to be a male virgin.

    Honestly only reason i would prefer a female virgin is so we could go through our first together.

    But yeah i honestly have the mind of a male slut, but i want my first time to be with someone i have respect for regardless of whether we stay together or not.

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  • Honestly, I am a virgin and I'm thrity years old.
    I see that girl in my campus and she's a virgin.
    I see Jesus Christ and he's a virgin.
    So I'm staying a virgin for ever.
    So my heavenly father is looking for a virgin spouse so he approves of her.
    Are the only days I will commit to marriage.

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  • You are saying so because deep inside you are frustrated of your virginity and are willing to lose it. But you are waiting for your perfect guy which is never gonna happen as there is nothing PERFECT in this world.
    This of your frustration keeps the topic of sex clicking in your mind which makes you think like what you have described here. And, this will go on untill you stop reading the theories and just do the practical.

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  • This is a good take. It's not easy to just put yourself out there like that. Hopefully it will help someone from doing something they may regret later on.

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  • There's nothing wrong with you.

    Confessions of a Female Virgin

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  • Appreciate your perspective here. People can be virgins for any number of reasons.

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  • My only fear with not being a virgin is that when I meet the one I am going to have regrets about not waiting to give it all to that person..

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  • What's with all the passive-agressive self-aggrandizement nowadays? You're just a number in the Ponzi scheme that's called Capitalism. Did not read lel

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  • So you went from being a virgin to in your words "Late on the train". Well there is no middle ground with you is there. ( just a joke, i refer you to points 1 and 6).

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  • Thank you for sharing! I wish more women would at least consider saving themselves before making a choice without thinking. Good post.

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  • It doesn't effect to your personality, have you had sex or not. I have never done it and it doesn't bother me a bit.

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  • I’m glad you got that off your chest. It was an interesting read and already things that I’ve known. There was one thing that I caught my attention and it was when you mentioned being made fun of and shamed for being a virgin. I made a post about this awhile back asking why virgins are shamed by non virgins and some of the women there said they didn’t know what I was talking about. I’m sure within women’s circles, there’s shaming, judging, and ridiculing of women who are virgins by those who aren’t. Some of the stuff these women comment on are the things you’ve mentioned, such as being prudes, can’t find sex, boring, innocent, etc.

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  • What's certain is that no matter if you're virgin or not, you're a quality girl.

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What Girls Said 32

  • I don't give any damn about saving it until marriage, but that person is never going to be anyone from hookup or casual sex neither.

    I cannot feel any attraction to guys I have no crush. No matter how hot they are.

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  • You're right about the whole prude thing. I've only had one partner & my friends say I'm a square or don't know how to have fun. you're right about the self respect , we don't have to use our bodies to get men & we don't just have sex just to have it. We can still be highly sexual people that have lots of self control. We choose not To act on our urges but save it for that special someone.

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  • This whole list is so spot on. I'm a virgin at 24 and I hate the first one so much. Being a virgin doesn't mean people can patronise us, there's so many reasons why someone would be a virgin and it's not always down to being a prude or waiting until marriage.

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  • 22 and virgin here. And I don't plan to lose it anytime soon

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  • I don't really understand virgin women who are ashamed. I'm virgin myself and that's far to be a shame. Without being proud of it, I don't feel like doing it yet so people just have to take their time and go at their own rythm.

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  • I am a virgin and I approve this MYTAKE! <3

    I especially resonate with 2,3,5 & 6

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  • The only people that think there must be something wrong with you if you are a virgin are those who are insecure and need confirmation from other people to build their self esteem. They assume that you tried your best to have someone and you failed. It is not true. Until i went to college I didn't even know guys that I would find dateable. There are only 2 guys I actually fell for until now. I don't view virginity as something too important. I just wouldn't slee with someone I woupdn't love abd it is a rare thing for me.

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  • All very true. I mean, I'm not the kind of person to make dirty jokes or curse much, but that doesn't make me innocent either. I'm not sure if I'm waiting for marriage or just the right guy.

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  • Ok you have got to do what is right for you. But on your first point about you not being innocent, you cannot really understand how sex works unless you have done it. Before I lost my virginity I read lots of literature and had even seen pornos but it turned out to be nothing like I had imagined and lots of little things that I had never thought of. It's like trying to imagine what an item of food tastes like without having tried it. Sex changes you as a person. I lost my virginity aged 16 and I have never once regretted it, it was my first boyfriend and we spilt up not long afterwards. After I had lost my virginity I felt a lot more comfortable talking to guys and I was more comfortable dating. I felt that instead of me being all shy and awkward when I meet a guy I really like now I can just relax more and be myself. I think that it helped me a lot.

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  • You’re right that this doesn’t apply to everyone because I’m pretty sure I’m as boring as anyone ever was.

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  • I was a virgin for quite a while too and I do have friends around who lost their V card young. They do question why am I still keeping it but there weren't that harsh, just it might make you feel insecure and thinking whether if you should go out and try it. It's a good thing that kinda feeling didn't last because i managed to keep it for the one i am willing to give. I don't regret it because it is supposed to be something special and memorable, regardless it was done at what age, young or old. I lost the V card to my fiance and it was a great experience that i will remember forever. Don't just simply hook up to show that you belong, wait for the right time and the right person. It's worth it.

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  • there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin. your body , your choice.

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    • And you're very pretty so you have every right to be picky😉. focus on school. boys last

  • 5d

    What up! I'm also a virgin :) Nice to see another, hahaha

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  • Im a virgin because I rarely go out and date. I should go date because i want to marry and pop babies out before i turned 30 but I'm too lazy.

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  • I was the first person from my friends group to loose my V-card after being in a relationship for over a year. We are still together 4 years later and I do not regret my decision. My only issue with losing my V-card early was that I felt that even mentioning my sex-life to my friends made them feel pressured to have sex. Several of them did have sex shortly after me with guys they hardly knew. My point is that if you do feel pressured by your friends to have sex they might not be doing it on purpose. I completely respected all my virgin friends (and still do), so don't have sex just because you feel pressured to.

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  • Thanks 😊

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  • This is true 👍

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  • Nice take

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  • Wish More people understood this!

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  • Nice MyTake but daily offers?

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    • I work on a industrial estates and the men there don't lack in forwardness just saying

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