We Don't Want to Be B*tches but Respect Women's Decisions!

We Don't Want to Be B*tches but Respect Women's Decisions!

The other day, I was sitting in the park. I was taking a short rest on my way home, and enjoying the beautiful day- the sun was out and the light evening breeze made it perfect to stay outside. There is a guy on the bench near me. I see he notices me, but he keeps on pretending to be occupied on his phone. After a few minutes he moves to sit near me, and starts a conversation. It is clear that he is interested in me. And I am not.

He isn't creepy. He is actually kind of cute. But here is the thing- sometimes a girl isn't attracted to someone, just because. And I am trying to be nice, because he is nice. But more importantly, I am making it clear that I am not interested. I am not being overly friendly, just polite. I am doing whatever I can to show that i am not flirting. A minute later, when I get up to leave, he catches my hand, smiles and says "come on, then. Give me your number." This only leaves me with one option- to reject him directly and firmly.

Guys. Rejection hurts. I know that first hand. I hate to do that to others. But sometimes, when guys approach me, I don't feel like they see me as a person. They see me as an achievement- if I get her number, then I win.

The thing I really want to tell boys is that if I chose not to give you my number/let you buy me a drink/ sleep with you, it doesn't mean you "lose". You are not worth less than if the girl chooses to do all these things.

Here's what you need to know- each girl has her own set of turn ons and offs, and a lot of them are weird. Seriously. You want examples?

Turn ons : wheelchairs, stutter, big scars, dudes over 60 years old...

Turn offs can be anything too. It can be blond hair, being overly chisled, chest hair or no hair at all, having a face which is too perfect (seriously-one friend listed that as a turnoff).

So, if somebody isn't interested, it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you- you are just not her type.

Please, please don't make it necessary for somebody to turn you down aggressively. Please respect our choices- if we choose not to date you, than we mean it.

We Don't Want to Be B*tches but Respect Women's Decisions!

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What Guys Said 60

  • I sometimes wonder if the people who gripe about these kind of things are aware how bad it comes off... "*sob* It's so difficult being a goddess among plebes!"

    Having to reject someone a 2nd time is no big deal and not bitchy. Coming on here crying about how tough it is fending off the slobs is; and all the girls who don't behave this way but are mislabeled as bitches for whatever reason have people like you to thank for it.

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    • Dude. Read this again, no judgement now

    • Hey I don't know you at all, you could be a jillion percent sincere and super nice. I'm just saying how these types of posts are usually received. Look at the name calling and vitriol from some of the people replying to your post. I've seen guys act like complete fools and certainly fit the type you're talking about but I also have seen women who try to pull off the "it's so hard being so beautiful". Not judging; opinionating.

      Thanks for the "dude" by the way... makes me feel young again. :)

  • I agree with your premises here, but I suspect what's occurring when a guy doesn't get that you're not interested is that he is frustrated in general when it comes to women and has gotten his hopes up when he saw you. I think there is often a fine line between a guy putting forth effort and being unable to take no for an answer.

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  • That's not being a bitch. Being a bitch is deciding that your husband doesn't make enough money or your wife dared to let herself get older than the day you married her, so you start whoring yourself out on Ashley Madison.

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  • Every male and female has their own prefference and type
    I would never date a girl with short hair , i fkn hate it
    Few more examples
    i dont like when she is too tall im 6.2 but when she is over 6 feet its a no from me
    i dont like when she pretends to be someone she is not - example i like parties she says ow yeeea i do too , and later i invite her on 4 parties with me and she is sitting home drinking tea and watching tv series and says she doesn't wanna go , thats pretending

    i dont like when she's lying or saying typical stuff like - its fine , when its not really fine talk to me im not a mind reader , whats wrong !
    -you should know why im mad - ow really i think im gonna leave u mad for the rest of ur life then
    -i see she is unhappy or sad- i ask whats wrong
    -you should guess - f really , that makes my blood boil - again talk to me , if u say no then good luck in future life im leaving slowly but i am , and sooner or later i will leave if u keep doing that

    Dont sell somebody a dream that they only want to hear ,
    because it will end sooner then u think

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  • 60+ year old dudes with a stutter and wheelchairs? Fuck yeah, I'm back in the game

    We Don't Want to Be B*tches but Respect Women's Decisions!

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  • I get this, I do. . . . But there are some women who take shit TOO far. . . I tried striking up a conversation with this chick with Platinum blonde hair, you know what she did? She let out a laugh that wasn't really a laugh, more like a malicious attempt at making me feel like shit. She said : "This is too funny, you tried hitting on my friend. . . This is too funny." and then walked off.

    I felt annoyed and bewildered, kind of like watching Devilman: Crybaby on Netflix and seeing the ending and you're like :"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?" but in a lighter way.

    Fast forward a few months later. I walked up to her and peacefully asked: "Hey, so I just wanted to ask."

    She just kept her headphones on and said :"Just leave me the fuck alone man, just leave me the fuck alone."

    I pressed : "Look, I just wanna know WHY you acted like that."

    She repeated her last sentence, said "Because I work here" and put her headphones in and just kept doing her chick workout until I left.

    This person. . . I don't know her name, I have LITERALLY only interacted with her twice and the amount of hateful and antisocial behavior she dropped on me was stressful and senseless.

    I realized that this is the kind of person Robert Greene warned me about in 48 laws of power.

    Trying to make peace or reconciling or understanding this person is useless, because this person is the worst type of person: Unhappy and Unlucky.

    A rejection is one thing, its a whole other matter to go out of your way to be THAT much of an asshole to somebody you barely know.

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    • Everyone goes through shit man... when someone tells me to piss off i just politely leave them because they might not want to talk plus anti-social behavior is normal these days and is completely relatedable so yeah... just leave people be if they don't wanna talk

  • "He isn't creepy. He is actually kind of cute (...)".

    Is funny what some females consider creepy. To be "a hot male" or "cute" is to not be creepy, to be below average means you are a creep. Pfff

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    • She’s actually one of the less bitchy girls I’ve seen say this. But women will label an unattractive guy who tactfully just says hello as “creepy”. It’s the most abused insult possible.

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    • @CubsterShura attractive and especially a sense of humor gives guys plenty of leeway.

    • Sense of humor does, attractive does to an extent obviously but it depends from person to person. At least in my case I don't let anyone get away with being an asshole no matter their appearance.

  • I respect women. What I don't like is that, more often than not, I ask out someone I already know somewhat, and sometimes asking her out destroys whatever relationship we do have. I think the majority of blame for this goes on the woman. I don't have a sense of entitlement when it comes to women, and I have no problem having unrequited feelings for a friend. My attitude has always been that affection and intimacy are bonuses, and that respect and friendship can weather any attraction. If you didn't have feelings for someone, he or she would not really be your friend. It's not hard for me not to respect a woman I'm interested in. The most important thing is keeping her comfortable around me, which means that I'm uncomfortable touching her without feedback that she appreciates it, so I can only assume that if she dissociates with me because I show interest that she's been badly mistreated by men in the past. It's gotten to the point tat I know longer wish to take that risk, even though I'm still only inclined to ask out a woman that I've enjoyed being around in non-romantic situations.

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  • NO, I don’t approach nor do I need to because the majority of my girlfriend s picked me up and so you would never have to concern yourself with my sexual harassment. I am glad you told this story because it reinforces my approach. Obviously, this guy was an ahole that you should have just told to fo.

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  • You gotta understand, guys and men are always taught to approach women and try to make a move. We can't read a female's mind and I view approaching women/girls like jobs, that even though it may not pan out the way we envisioned we gotta try regardless. When I approach a girl and I want to get her number it's not about a contest of how many numbers I can get, it's about 1 goal - can I potentially meet a girl that I can be happy with and spend my life with because I don't want to be 50 years old 1 day and still single and ponder, what if?

    Yes, I am aware girls/women have different preferences but if girls/women believe in traditional values of being courted, of being approached, of being swept off her feet, being complimented then how can any of that happen without a man or a guy trying? I get it that there are shady men and guys out there who only want sex and are annoying and can't take a no and deserve a swift kick in the testicles. But I think many times, girls/women underestimate men and their actions.

    I know girls who get mad at me if I can't meet up or pick up a phone call when I'm busy and those are girls I know or have spoken to. Imagine if I was like no sorry, or don't even care what a girl has to say, she's going to assume either I am the biggest asshole on the earth or that all guys/men are assholes.

    It's okay to be aware, to be guarded and to say no, but there is the other side of the coin where a girl or a woman should be like okay, whatever he seems nice I don't want to be that judgmental. That's why I try to be cool and collective in life, I don't want to be uptight (I'm not calling you uptight) life moves soo quickly and we deal with so much bullshit in this world from political views to religious views to disturbing movements by people from the alt-right with Nazi thinking, to war, famine, diseases and etc... when does it end? That's why to me, true love and finding someone special is such a magical moment.

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  • I respect decisions that aren't retarded, Toots.

    We Don't Want to Be B*tches but Respect Women's Decisions!

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  • I'm not trying to give you a hard time not at all but because of girls like you not wanting to be bothered thats why I never go up to any female and try to ask them out. I've been trained by my sister and my cousin's not to mess with any women because all they've done is complain their whole lives about men and it scares me so much and to this very day I don't go up to anyone at all

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    • Imagine how much scarier it is for women to get hit on by a guy tho. We can’t control that. You guys can control not going up to a woman

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    • Agreed with @Iron_Man

      I'm someone rude if a girl starts acting shit with me, i'll harass her and make her blush red and green...

      But also hate creepers and low males where he doesn't understands what no means, the b*tch told you NO then NO... keep your dignity and you will find better then her... she doesn't deserve you...

  • Oh please, women are just as bad, if not worse, at taking rejection. Making this a gender issue just shows how petty you are.

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  • Pick Up Artists can be pushy because they've learned that persistence works. Sometimes you just have to be firm. Don't worry that you will hurt the guy's feelings, they have been through it before. Many, many times. The guys with hurt feelings are the guys who won't ask you out because they've just given up.

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  • The funny thing that I agree with this, which everyone is okay with. "If somebody isn't interested, it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you- you are just not her type" is something I will agree with to 100 % but as soon as I mention how I tend to be attracted to Asian women or to women who are short, I will immediately get downvoted by non-Asian or tall women, or even just people who think it's disrespectful. Yet these same people would not have any problem with this message right here.

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  • Honestly I would prefer if a girl was direct and turned me down aggressively. Being passive and indecisive is just a massive turn off, so if you don't like just say it. It doesn't even have to be rude it can just be like

    "Ey you wanna go out for a drink or 2?"
    "Not a chance buddy"
    "... you could at least stop to think about it"
    "No need, i know what i want and you just aren't my type It wouldn't work"

    Something along that line.

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    • 2 reasons that doesn't happen 1. women are indirect by nature don't believe me? ask her where she wants to eat. You're supposed to figure it out. 2. Women while not being interested don't want you to quit altogether (read her post again he did this at the wrong time on another day at another time she might have been feeling him just not at that moment... please go away) They want you to stay in the game in the event the change thier mind or just want an ego stroke.

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    • @WillyD Uh yeah no I call bullshit on that. If they expect me to do all the legwork in the relationship and bend over backwards for the honor of being in their presence, then it wasn't gonna work out in the first place.

    • They don't expect you to do all the legwork just the initiating and at times they may test you to see if you really have interest. and you're right this isn't set in stone. For every rule there's an exception. This is why i tell any woman that will listen if you see a guy that you think is a quality guy swallow your pride and approach him. I think they're afraid that it sets the tone for the relationship. That if they initiate they'll be leading the whole time. How can he be man if he's too afraid to even talk to me. Simple fact is guys take rejection after rejection it never feels good but you build up a callous on your pride after a while but guys have just as much to lose choosing the wrong woman as a woman does choosing the wrong man. It doesn't give a guy a whole lot of incentive to approach a woman.

  • "He isn't creepy. He is actually kind of cute."
    Yeah, you'd be shocked at how many "cute" guys end up being rapists or worse.

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  • Parents need to teach this to their kids, (especially boys when they start noticing girls) at an early age. By the time they get on a computer, or GAG, it's like pissing in the wind if you try and explain this to a man.

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  • I don't get it. I was waiting for the rest of the story. "respect decision"? I was waiting for you to describe how he took your hand and asked your number and you said no, I'm not interested and then he just kept following you and asking you. You state he talked to you... he asked for your number and you said no. Then your example story ended.

    Unless he kept on after you after you said no than you didn't give an example of someone NOT respecting your decision.

    Was there more to the story?

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  • So you're telling us men not to hit on women? A simple "I'm not interested" vocalization should do the trick.

    Hints are highschool shit just open your mouth and verbalize

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    • Unfortunately many males can’t take no for an answer or become violent/aggressive if women reject them. It becomes a safety issue for us

    • @ktdec that is true unfortunately. But the VAST majority of guys aren’t like that.

    • @ktdec I missed the part in your take where he hit you over the head a dragged you back to his cave. The worst thing he did was grab your hand. which i acknowledge ( and a majority of the guys on this post agree) was crossing the line. But that just goes to show the cases of a physcially over aggressive guy is rare.
      Here's an option to you. you said you recognized before he ever came over and talked to you that he was interested. you could have been proactive about it. you could have walked over and pepper sprayed him before he ever approached you and ran away. Out of line? What are you talking about? You could simply explain to the cops what you have to deal with every day as a woman. I'm sure they'd understand.
      We haven't even addressed the fact... did you enjoy the fact that he hit on you? I betting you did you said he was kind of attractive. But that was enough. You wanted the guy to pay his homage to your beauty then go away. We get it... all to well.

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What Girls Said 18

  • How did he not handle the rejection though? You don`t mention he threw a fit or started stalking you. I can guess the whole situation lasted for maybe 30 minutes. I think he handled the rejection well. He saw a pretty face and wanted to go for it. I think it is necessary to have the focus on his bravery!

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    • I am not saying he handled it badly. I am actualy saying that he was the person who got hurt, not me. I could see his self esteem going down after that, and I hated that
      What I'm asking is not to be forced to be the person who rejects.
      And I apriciate the bravery, but I made it clear that I am not interested ( i got up after like 3 minutes), and if he wouldn't have seen this as a mission, then he would have noticed

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    • @Janncis
      Flirty: eye contact, close to you, acting obnoxious (depends), laughs at your jokes, helps keep the conversation alive etc.

      Not interested: polite, moving away, not much eye contact/ no eye contact, interjecting with short statements to end convo etc.

    • @Limelime i would count only moving away and short end statments, rest of them could be neutral, or shy

  • THANK YOU. GOD THANK YOU.
    I’ve been stalked in real life 3 times because i said no, jeez some people just don’t give up.

    by the way haters are gonna hate, don’t get sad for believing that they misunderstood your point.. They didn’t.
    They are just too biased to accept it.

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  • Being off the market, it startles me the few times I actually get hit on. I understand. Actually, when I get that rare alone time and just want to go about my business (hit on or just a talkative person) I don't respond verbally. Just nodding my head and nose back in my book/phone. If the person doesn't get the hint, I'll just lie and say ," gotta wrap it up, gotta make the old man and kid's dinner". He's only my boyfriend and the only kids I have is my dog.

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  • I like this take.

    We all have to learn to take a "no, thank you" gracefully.

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    • Honestly i prefer the straightforward approach. If you're not interested fine, but the least you can do is be direct about it.

    • @Malik00 Agreed. It's so much easier when you hear the 'No not interested' or 'get lost'. It really does hurt, for all of about five minutes (or five seconds) and then we move on. I feel like girls underestimate a man's ability to move on and thus don't give us that open rejection, thus 'leaving the window open', thus it gets the man hopeful and then BAM.

      Which is ten times worse than it has to be and sometimes it leads to that stalking incident, etc. Just say no the first time.

  • I agree with this. There was this guy before who told me "why are you not interested in me? Didn't you know that I dated almost every girl here? Are you a lesbo?" I was like "Are you from the planet of Apes? Why can't you understand that I'm not interested because I'm not interested?"

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  • I do believe you have just spoken on behalf of the majority of women.
    Well done and thank you.

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  • yeah, rejection is hard and it hurts but in the end it will be okay. Just means God has someone else who's more suited for you in store.

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  • I agree. It's really not meant to be offensive when we turned you down.
    But if we do that, please just go away and leave us alone.
    A month ago, I was in a park in the evening, just strolling around. When this guy approached me, and wanted to ask me out, wanted to know where I was staying etc.
    I'm not in the least bit interested and I made it known to him a couple of times but he showed no intention of giving up. Instead, he kept following me around, trying to make conversation. There isn't really anyone around except for a few homeless folks a distance away. I was honestly creeped out, so I made my way to the nearby station.
    There was a police officer or two, and when he saw them, he made some unintelligible excuse and scoot off.

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  • say it louder for the people in the back🙏🏻

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  • Nice take

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  • respec wamen

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  • Interesting

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  • Good take

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  • bitches don't get respect

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  • REsPeCt WaMeN

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  • Umm okay... so what was your decision that he should have respected but did not? He made a move, you rejected. That's how it works. Should he have read your mind that you didn't want him to ask for your number, so that you wouldn't have to reject him? Please. Grow up. This isn't about respecting your decisions, it's about you wanting to be coddled away from anything difficult in life. Good luck with that.

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  • Ya when we say not interested, just move on.

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  • True, I see so much macho crap on here from controlling guys like we were still in early 1900s. They expect girls to respond to that and want to go out. lol

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    • Such guys have girls following them and him following girls miss, just for your record... by the way what's wrong with a macho man, better then a sissy right...

      Also girls from 1900's are natural unlike today plastic dolls, same copy everywhere😏

    • @TonyMetal86 wow another tragic boy who still thinks girls like sweaty and large men. Oh and also calls most girls fake but no... they aren't they're humans too fuckin' dumbarse.

      P. S all women are different. The ones who chase are under 20...

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