We Don't Want to Be B*tches but Respect Women's Decisions!

[dayafterday]

The other day, I was sitting in the park. I was taking a short rest on my way home, and enjoying the beautiful day- the sun was out and the light evening breeze made it perfect to stay outside. There is a guy on the bench near me. I see he notices me, but he keeps on pretending to be occupied on his phone. After a few minutes he moves to sit near me, and starts a conversation. It is clear that he is interested in me. And I am not.

He isn't creepy. He is actually kind of cute. But here is the thing- sometimes a girl isn't attracted to someone, just because. And I am trying to be nice, because he is nice. But more importantly, I am making it clear that I am not interested. I am not being overly friendly, just polite. I am doing whatever I can to show that i am not flirting. A minute later, when I get up to leave, he catches my hand, smiles and says "come on, then. Give me your number." This only leaves me with one option- to reject him directly and firmly.

Guys. Rejection hurts. I know that first hand. I hate to do that to others. But sometimes, when guys approach me, I don't feel like they see me as a person. They see me as an achievement- if I get her number, then I win.

The thing I really want to tell boys is that if I chose not to give you my number/let you buy me a drink/ sleep with you, it doesn't mean you "lose". You are not worth less than if the girl chooses to do all these things.

Here's what you need to know- each girl has her own set of turn ons and offs, and a lot of them are weird. Seriously. You want examples?

Turn ons : wheelchairs, stutter, big scars, dudes over 60 years old...

Turn offs can be anything too. It can be blond hair, being overly chisled, chest hair or no hair at all, having a face which is too perfect (seriously-one friend listed that as a turnoff).

So, if somebody isn't interested, it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you- you are just not her type.

Please, please don't make it necessary for somebody to turn you down aggressively. Please respect our choices- if we choose not to date you, than we mean it.

[yucychan]

I agree. It's really not meant to be offensive when we turned you down.
But if we do that, please just go away and leave us alone.
A month ago, I was in a park in the evening, just strolling around. When this guy approached me, and wanted to ask me out, wanted to know where I was staying etc.
I'm not in the least bit interested and I made it known to him a couple of times but he showed no intention of giving up. Instead, he kept following me around, trying to make conversation. There isn't really anyone around except for a few homeless folks a distance away. I was honestly creeped out, so I made my way to the nearby station.
There was a police officer or two, and when he saw them, he made some unintelligible excuse and scoot off.

[ragequeen]

How did he not handle the rejection though? You don`t mention he threw a fit or started stalking you. I can guess the whole situation lasted for maybe 30 minutes. I think he handled the rejection well. He saw a pretty face and wanted to go for it. I think it is necessary to have the focus on his bravery!

[dayafterday]

I am not saying he handled it badly. I am actualy saying that he was the person who got hurt, not me. I could see his self esteem going down after that, and I hated that
What I'm asking is not to be forced to be the person who rejects.
And I apriciate the bravery, but I made it clear that I am not interested ( i got up after like 3 minutes), and if he wouldn't have seen this as a mission, then he would have noticed

[ragequeen]

Well I understand but sometimes you have to reject people, and they will deal with it. I don`t think he was as hurt as you think. You were strangers, not friends for years. You can`t say yes to everyone. You don`t want to be the person who rejects? Sorry, that`s not exactly your choice. Boys you are not interested in will approach you. That`s life.

[crazy8000]

It's a huge difference in getting hurt and being persistent.
People takes a direct turned down better than than that childish mind reading behavior.
Than you have, to many female's wants that persistent behavior to prove that he is really interested in her to spark feelings.

The best thing you can say is "I'm emotionally unavailable right now. Good luck with next one" or something like not open for that.

If it was a player he wouldn't care less if you turned him down, next one. (some people are also like that even if they aren't players)

You can't take responsibility for the other one only that you aren't mean unclear play with others feelings.
Be direct with words like "I'm not interested, good luck with next one" not with hints or trying to cotton coating since that are mean and misleading.

[Janncis]

@crazy8000 men golden words.
Girls please be straight about it, we men ofter are clueless about your signals. And can easly mistaken soft sweet no for playing hard to get. Just be polite and firm.

[Limelime]

@Janncis
Flirty: eye contact, close to you, acting obnoxious (depends), laughs at your jokes, helps keep the conversation alive etc.

Not interested: polite, moving away, not much eye contact/ no eye contact, interjecting with short statements to end convo etc.

[Janncis]

@Limelime i would count only moving away and short end statments, rest of them could be neutral, or shy

[DesertCreature]

I sometimes wonder if the people who gripe about these kind of things are aware how bad it comes off... "*sob* It's so difficult being a goddess among plebes!"

Having to reject someone a 2nd time is no big deal and not bitchy. Coming on here crying about how tough it is fending off the slobs is; and all the girls who don't behave this way but are mislabeled as bitches for whatever reason have people like you to thank for it.

[dayafterday]

Dude. Read this again, no judgement now

[DesertCreature]

Hey I don't know you at all, you could be a jillion percent sincere and super nice. I'm just saying how these types of posts are usually received. Look at the name calling and vitriol from some of the people replying to your post. I've seen guys act like complete fools and certainly fit the type you're talking about but I also have seen women who try to pull off the "it's so hard being so beautiful". Not judging; opinionating.

Thanks for the "dude" by the way... makes me feel young again. :)

[DiegoO]

"He isn't creepy. He is actually kind of cute (...)".

Is funny what some females consider creepy. To be "a hot male" or "cute" is to not be creepy, to be below average means you are a creep. Pfff

[sonnysunshine]

She’s actually one of the less bitchy girls I’ve seen say this. But women will label an unattractive guy who tactfully just says hello as “creepy”. It’s the most abused insult possible.

[DiegoO]

@sonnysunshine It is.

[CubsterShura]

How do you know that by cute she meant his attitude and not looks? I know plenty of guys who aren't necessarily attractive but their attitude makes me think, he's so cute.

[DiegoO]

@CubsterShura sure, his actitude.

[dayafterday]

@CubsterShura confirmed:)
Objectively good looking guys can be creepy too, and vice versa

[CubsterShura]

True. I've seen attractive guys who are creepy. No level of attractiveness can make a jerk get away with doing whatever he wants, at least not in front of me.

[sonnysunshine]

@CubsterShura attractive and especially a sense of humor gives guys plenty of leeway.

[CubsterShura]

Sense of humor does, attractive does to an extent obviously but it depends from person to person. At least in my case I don't let anyone get away with being an asshole no matter their appearance.

[Wammu]

I get this, I do. . . . But there are some women who take shit TOO far. . . I tried striking up a conversation with this chick with Platinum blonde hair, you know what she did? She let out a laugh that wasn't really a laugh, more like a malicious attempt at making me feel like shit. She said : "This is too funny, you tried hitting on my friend. . . This is too funny." and then walked off.

I felt annoyed and bewildered, kind of like watching Devilman: Crybaby on Netflix and seeing the ending and you're like :"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?" but in a lighter way.

Fast forward a few months later. I walked up to her and peacefully asked: "Hey, so I just wanted to ask."

She just kept her headphones on and said :"Just leave me the fuck alone man, just leave me the fuck alone."

I pressed : "Look, I just wanna know WHY you acted like that."

She repeated her last sentence, said "Because I work here" and put her headphones in and just kept doing her chick workout until I left.

This person. . . I don't know her name, I have LITERALLY only interacted with her twice and the amount of hateful and antisocial behavior she dropped on me was stressful and senseless.

I realized that this is the kind of person Robert Greene warned me about in 48 laws of power.

Trying to make peace or reconciling or understanding this person is useless, because this person is the worst type of person: Unhappy and Unlucky.

A rejection is one thing, its a whole other matter to go out of your way to be THAT much of an asshole to somebody you barely know.

[Limelime]

Everyone goes through shit man... when someone tells me to piss off i just politely leave them because they might not want to talk plus anti-social behavior is normal these days and is completely relatedable so yeah... just leave people be if they don't wanna talk

[Pejtu]

Every male and female has their own prefference and type
I would never date a girl with short hair , i fkn hate it
Few more examples
i dont like when she is too tall im 6.2 but when she is over 6 feet its a no from me
i dont like when she pretends to be someone she is not - example i like parties she says ow yeeea i do too , and later i invite her on 4 parties with me and she is sitting home drinking tea and watching tv series and says she doesn't wanna go , thats pretending

i dont like when she's lying or saying typical stuff like - its fine , when its not really fine talk to me im not a mind reader , whats wrong !
-you should know why im mad - ow really i think im gonna leave u mad for the rest of ur life then
-i see she is unhappy or sad- i ask whats wrong
-you should guess - f really , that makes my blood boil - again talk to me , if u say no then good luck in future life im leaving slowly but i am , and sooner or later i will leave if u keep doing that

Dont sell somebody a dream that they only want to hear ,
because it will end sooner then u think

[thatguyfromtoronto]

You gotta understand, guys and men are always taught to approach women and try to make a move. We can't read a female's mind and I view approaching women/girls like jobs, that even though it may not pan out the way we envisioned we gotta try regardless. When I approach a girl and I want to get her number it's not about a contest of how many numbers I can get, it's about 1 goal - can I potentially meet a girl that I can be happy with and spend my life with because I don't want to be 50 years old 1 day and still single and ponder, what if?

Yes, I am aware girls/women have different preferences but if girls/women believe in traditional values of being courted, of being approached, of being swept off her feet, being complimented then how can any of that happen without a man or a guy trying? I get it that there are shady men and guys out there who only want sex and are annoying and can't take a no and deserve a swift kick in the testicles. But I think many times, girls/women underestimate men and their actions.

I know girls who get mad at me if I can't meet up or pick up a phone call when I'm busy and those are girls I know or have spoken to. Imagine if I was like no sorry, or don't even care what a girl has to say, she's going to assume either I am the biggest asshole on the earth or that all guys/men are assholes.

It's okay to be aware, to be guarded and to say no, but there is the other side of the coin where a girl or a woman should be like okay, whatever he seems nice I don't want to be that judgmental. That's why I try to be cool and collective in life, I don't want to be uptight (I'm not calling you uptight) life moves soo quickly and we deal with so much bullshit in this world from political views to religious views to disturbing movements by people from the alt-right with Nazi thinking, to war, famine, diseases and etc... when does it end? That's why to me, true love and finding someone special is such a magical moment.

[jmstarling]

I respect women. What I don't like is that, more often than not, I ask out someone I already know somewhat, and sometimes asking her out destroys whatever relationship we do have. I think the majority of blame for this goes on the woman. I don't have a sense of entitlement when it comes to women, and I have no problem having unrequited feelings for a friend. My attitude has always been that affection and intimacy are bonuses, and that respect and friendship can weather any attraction. If you didn't have feelings for someone, he or she would not really be your friend. It's not hard for me not to respect a woman I'm interested in. The most important thing is keeping her comfortable around me, which means that I'm uncomfortable touching her without feedback that she appreciates it, so I can only assume that if she dissociates with me because I show interest that she's been badly mistreated by men in the past. It's gotten to the point tat I know longer wish to take that risk, even though I'm still only inclined to ask out a woman that I've enjoyed being around in non-romantic situations.

[Anonymous]

While I understand where you're coming from and your motive for this post, you're off base on a couple of very important points.

Firstly, you made the assumption that men do what you're discouraging here to achieve something beyond just wanting to ask you out. While that may be true for a few guys, in my experience it's not the case in the vast majority of cases.

Secondly, and more importantly, guys are taught that persistence pays off, and they are taught that lesson by your women. I have known many, many instances of a guy getting a date with a girl who turned him down initially, and she ultimately agreed to go out with him BECAUSE he was persistent.

Guys are the aggressors in the dating game. We have to be, because women sure as hell won't. And many/most women find it attractive when we go above and beyond to show our interest rather than just making a single attempt and then giving up. You play hard to get even when you want to be gotten. Those are the rules, and whether you acknowledge it or not, it is you women who make those rules.

Here's the bottom line. Women love it when a guy they ARE interested in approaches them and is persistent, bet they don't like it when a guy they are not interested in does exactly the same thing. Problem for us guys is we'll never know which one we are until we try, and either succeed or fail.

So ladies, this is a problem of your own making. Either get used to it and stop complaining, or change the rules you've set in the dating game, but you can't have it both ways. We men deserve better than that.

[Miristheiss]

I don't get it. I was waiting for the rest of the story. "respect decision"? I was waiting for you to describe how he took your hand and asked your number and you said no, I'm not interested and then he just kept following you and asking you. You state he talked to you... he asked for your number and you said no. Then your example story ended.

Unless he kept on after you after you said no than you didn't give an example of someone NOT respecting your decision.

Was there more to the story?

[TonyMetal86]

I agree with you, to tell you the truth that i have never approached girls on my life, i don't know why everytime the girl approaches me, not asking for my number but they are doing anything to tell me that go ahead we want you but i treat them like you did with this guy, because i'm just not into them and i think that it isen't the appropriate time yet... they do understand and remain polite with me and sometimes in try to ignore them and walk in a different way when i see them...

I will never ask for a girl's number unless she was so much into and knew each other and if she fits my criterias, i'll tell her to give me her number and herself too 😄

I think when someone wants to approach a girl or a guy, they must be ready for rejection and they will be lucky if the person is polite and didn't hurt their feelings...

[TonyMetal86]

Heyyy, by way i don't have six packs or muscular or anything, i'm over weight...😄

[Klemen777]

Hi. I think you mixed your turn on and turn off's, but i might be wrong.
Other than that you are spot on, it's not easy to be an attractive young girl, i support you 100% you did well. If talk is all it takes to get with beautiful girls... Well than guys would not have anything to brag about any way.
+ it's not like guys talk to any girl, no we pick the girl we like and than approach! So first we pick you, than you need to pick us back! It can't be a one way game.
I would not worry, it will happen a lot lol. Good luck in the future!

[Aynsof]

I agree with what you write here I would just add a little to it though
There is in the way men and women have been taught to interact with each other where the men is the persuer and the women the persued one
Part of this is for the woman to weed out the unworthy candidates by turning them down a few times so they may test their determination and resolve and men of course have been taught that yes means yes and no means try again
I never found this to be a healthy way of doing things for any involved it is however sadly very often the way it is
Though I doubt most people who act in this way really realize what they are doing

[Lish89]

Lol oh soooo Totally true! If you just move on to the next girl, we know it's not us at all and all about just laid lol. So sometimes persistence pays off and shows us you really want to know us.

[Anonymous]

Only hearing your side of the story here but from your side the only negative thing he did was grab your hand and asked for your number. Him making an approach and trying a little small talk to break the ice is normal. Unfortunately for him you just weren't into him. Sometimes a girl can not being into a guy at a certain time because she's not interested in anyone at that point in time. Maybe had he approached you in a different situation your thoughts on him making a move would've been different. A lot of it really boils down to timing.

So, bad timing plus he made one grave mistake and that was being too aggressive and grabbing your hand. The only time grabbing someones hand can work is if there's already been an established connection between the two. Never do that to a complete stranger you just met.

[passinby]

NO, I don’t approach nor do I need to because the majority of my girlfriend s picked me up and so you would never have to concern yourself with my sexual harassment. I am glad you told this story because it reinforces my approach. Obviously, this guy was an ahole that you should have just told to fo.

[humor_me]

I agree.

[Logorithim]

I agree with your premises here, but I suspect what's occurring when a guy doesn't get that you're not interested is that he is frustrated in general when it comes to women and has gotten his hopes up when he saw you. I think there is often a fine line between a guy putting forth effort and being unable to take no for an answer.

[dayafterday]

Great insight, thanks!

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

60+ year old dudes with a stutter and wheelchairs? Fuck yeah, I'm back in the game

[LegateLanius]

LMAO

[HereIbe]

That's not being a bitch. Being a bitch is deciding that your husband doesn't make enough money or your wife dared to let herself get older than the day you married her, so you start whoring yourself out on Ashley Madison.

[Anonymous]

That’s fine. But you got to respect that guy for having guts to approach you. He had no idea what was going on inside your head until you just said no. Also I’m GLAD you didn’t label him a creep. Many women will use that as a cop out excuse to reject a guy your not interested in. It hurts well meaning guys more than you imagine.

Yes it’s annoying for you and i imagine you might have encountered some legitimate aggressive creepy guys more than once.

But imagine if the show was on other foot. Imagine that it was always up to you to make the first move and risk rejection. Most women, especially attractive women don’t comprehend that.

Don’t worry though because one day you will get older and fewer and fewer guys will be interested.

[Opinion Owner]

*shoe was on the other foot

[Opinion Owner]

by the way he shouldn’t of grabbed your hand like that. I’ll never touch a woman I don’t know unless I offer a hug goodbye.

Funny though I have had plenty of women I’m not interested in touch me with no repercussion in the past.

[A-mac]

Being off the market, it startles me the few times I actually get hit on. I understand. Actually, when I get that rare alone time and just want to go about my business (hit on or just a talkative person) I don't respond verbally. Just nodding my head and nose back in my book/phone. If the person doesn't get the hint, I'll just lie and say ," gotta wrap it up, gotta make the old man and kid's dinner". He's only my boyfriend and the only kids I have is my dog.

[Anonymous]

THANK YOU. GOD THANK YOU.
I’ve been stalked in real life 3 times because i said no, jeez some people just don’t give up.

by the way haters are gonna hate, don’t get sad for believing that they misunderstood your point.. They didn’t.
They are just too biased to accept it.

[Bananaman177]

I respect decisions that aren't retarded, Toots.

[InTimoreDei]

Exactly

[CubsterShura]

Asking to be respected and asking people to respect people are totally different. You should be having that genuine respect anyway.

[Bananaman177]

@CubsterShura What is the difference?

[CubsterShura]

"Respect me because I'm a woman"
"Respect women because you're a man"

[Anonymous]

How did he disrespect you? He shot his shot and got rejected. The End.. You sound as if you really want to come off as a bitch with this post. If it's wheel chairs you like so be it - then tell the guy to break a leg for crying out loud. But I agree with one thing you said - wheelchairs. I enjoy wheelchairs as well. But unfortunately some girls don't enjoy the luxury of a wheelchair.

https://youtu.be/H66UnSqW9is

[Iron_Man]

I'm not trying to give you a hard time not at all but because of girls like you not wanting to be bothered thats why I never go up to any female and try to ask them out. I've been trained by my sister and my cousin's not to mess with any women because all they've done is complain their whole lives about men and it scares me so much and to this very day I don't go up to anyone at all

[ktdec]

Imagine how much scarier it is for women to get hit on by a guy tho. We can’t control that. You guys can control not going up to a woman

[Iron_Man]

Just smile and act like you're doing something else that you're busy then he'll get the point

[ktdec]

Don’t we all wish it was that easy. An entitled persistent guy won’t care if you’re busy if he wants to talk to you

[Iron_Man]

How did this turn into your situation you are not even the question asker? How else are people going to meet each other Strangers in the Night? You think everybody meets and is introduced through friends only? I don't think so

[Iron_Man]

You make it seem like it's a crime approaching a woman sitting on a bench by herself. So what? If he's a creep then get out of there, if he becomes hostile then Mase him. If he's not a creep then you got yourself a new boyfriend :-)

[TonyMetal86]

Agreed with @Iron_Man

I'm someone rude if a girl starts acting shit with me, i'll harass her and make her blush red and green...

But also hate creepers and low males where he doesn't understands what no means, the b*tch told you NO then NO... keep your dignity and you will find better then her... she doesn't deserve you...

[Iron_Man]

Thanks