Losing hope in finding good people or "real" friends

Life quote
Life quote

I feel so hurt right now. Time and Time again I open my heart and let them in. So many people I give my friendship to so many and they take it for granted. They use me up and then put me down.

Seriously why can't anyone be a human? Literally at work I made "friends" with some people and it feels like anytime something good is happening to me they don't want it to. Like one girl I'm friends with I am so nice to her and when we first started working guys at work would hit on me and try to give me attention and she would be like hey, why are they giving you attention, why are they talking to you!!? I want them to talk to me. I'm gonna copy your style tomorrow so they can talk to me. And she is engaged and has a fiance. She's always bragging about him so why does she care if a guy is interested in me. Like WTH?

And one guy who was interested in both of us chose to talk to me and take me out and she became so jealous over it. Like why didn't he ask me , why? And I'm like well I don't know but you are engaged. And she's like yeah I know haha. Also when people at work compliment me and tell me I look so pretty or beautiful, she always gets mad. And starts telling me how pretty her friends are and how pretty random girls are etc. Like WTF? Also when she gets jealous of me she starts to joke with me but she's like low-key trying to diss me and make me look stupid.

Like, hey why are you so slow etc. And honestly I have done nothing but be kind to her. She's not the first person who acts like that around me. Other girls who I have treated like friends have done this type of thing too. And I only have like.1 or 2 people who are my friends who don't act this way. Sometimes I wonder if I've done anything wrong to deserve this type of treatment but I always try my best to not be a bad person. I just think I'm too young and naive for this world.

I probably have a lot more learning to do when it comes to dealing with people and how everyone is not genuine. Lots of people are fake, only looking for their own benefit. I don't like thinking this way but I guess I have to accept that not even around me who says their on my "team" are really for me. A couple of good words only go so far when all the other actions point in a different direction. Oh man at times I lose seeing the point in carrying on worth anything but I guess it's just a process of living and learning.

Anyways please don't hate in the comments. I was just here to vent, I've had a pretty sad day today because of a build up of a lot of bad events. And cried a lot. This is where I'm letting my feelings out. Thanks.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You sound like my kind of lady!

    Well, you may consider a few things...

    First, you think this girl is a bitch, put bluntly. Which ofcoarse, sounds obvious until you think "Why do I hang around this person or even tolerate them?" So it's important to really establish that because even though you cone to realise that, there's times where your instincts will drive you to forget about it.

    Second thing, you aren't neccessarily smacking the girl out, like you normally should. Ofcoarse, you aren't allowed. It may seem obvious but again you might be overlooking what you already know. Especially, in that in knowing you have to tolerate her you don't have to blame yourself for what happens to you around her. Like, don't feel humiliated or feel like you have to defend your honour that you got a dirty insult thrown at you underneath the table when you know you can't do anything about it anyways. People you don't care about can't hurt you emotionally with words.

    Which brings me to my next suggestion. Only those you let close to you will leave you feeling betrayed. You might need to more heavily judge a person before you make friends with them. Holding them as guilty of bad behaviour as you would a sworn enemy will immediately remove any circumstance that your exceptions have lead to.

    Don't let these people have power over how you feel either. Not everyone in the world is bad and you're just in a bad spot because you are likely too nice too have told these bad people to truck off. It's not that everyone is bad, it's that you don't separate the good from the bad vecause your being too nice. You don't have to go Rambo and kill the bad guys but just don't treat them with your special honours right away. Like they are around you because that's who you let stay around you.

    But most of all, appreciate yourself. If you are being truthful then your one of the good guys. You've just began to realize how people can be and it's time to start trusting in your own intuition before you trust in other people. They do this because they live their entire lives decieving people, they live with like minded people and they don't like anyone who aims to uproot their evil.

    And when I say trust in yourself I don't just mean your thoughts. Look at your own body and psychology. Deep down you know what trouble you are in, you can't help it either. You are surrounded by harmful, treacherous people. Understand that your niceness, this passivity and trustingness is there to protect you. Your body is telling you to stay off their radar. Get away from them and you will see yourself unfold as you should.

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    • Wow, thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it and loved reading it. Yeah i definitely need to work on choosing my friends more carefully and not so easily trusting every person. I am going to keep referring back to this advice ! :)

    • Show All
    • @Evilpumpkinman yeah for real. It feels that way

    • Please don't feel bad if you find it difficult to distinguish the sincere from the insincere. A lot of people are very good at pretending to be something or someone they're not. Even older people (who've had a lot of life experience) can be deceived. When someone tells you who they are - sometimes with subtle words or gestures - then you'll know how to handle the situation (of course, with time and practice). 😉

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What Guys Said 3

  • 1-2 good friends is excllent. It isn't easy to find well adjusted people you can trust. To me, its a good friend if I could give them the keys to my house or theirs to me.

    That girl seems to be competitive and insecure, or just playing in a wa that doesn't suit you. Maybe you dont' like sarcasm and she does? I see lots to be grateful for in what you wrote. sorry you had a bad day.

    It's good to write, therapy!

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  • I understand where you are coming from. People you meet, you hoped to see the best in them, only to be disappointed when you realised that it was never the case.

    If you really want to find friends, sometimes you gotta look in yourself and see what kind of person you want to associate with.

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  • This whole piece is about one bitch at work. You're losing hope just because of her?

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    • Lol she was just the main topic for that day. There was many friends like her I've had in the past. But I couldn't write about all the crazy experiences or it'd be too long. Let's just say I've went out of my way a lot of times for so many people just to be let down. It's been a week since I was really pissed about her actions. Now I'm beginning to feel more grateful because I've learned a lot. I shouldn't expect so much from people and I also shouldn't trust them so easily that way in the long run I won't end up so hurt. Not to mention this jerk invited my crush to our girls night hangout and tried to give him a ride all alone with the two of them. But I inserted myself in the car too. And she was trying so hard to flirt with my crush that night... all while she has a fiance and is engaged. When my crush isn't around she brags about her fiance and when he's there she won't even bring him up at all. Anyways now I know to stay very distant worth her. And keep all my personal life stuff away from her.

    • One person - someone you spend the biggest part of your day, (day in and day out) with - can be a big deal! And I think the author was using this one person as an example. Haven't we all experienced someone like this co-worker?

What Girls Said 3

  • Some people are just jealous of others' success. You're better off without those people in your life - sometimes they try to sabotage you or your accomplishments.
    You possibly get more attention from guys because you're a nicer person and they probably feel more comfortable with you.

    It's nothing you've done, hon. It's their inadequacies - possibly stemming from low self-esteem. They're the problem, not you.
    Unfortunately, there are too many people in this world who will only be nice to others when there is something in it for them. I would recommend reading the (free) book: "Are Women the Stronger Sex?" by Josette Sona, so you know you're not alone. It also gives examples of character traits to look out for (in both men and women) when you first know someone. It may prevent you from getting in too deep with someone who's not healthy to be in a relationship with (either romantically or platonically).

    The way I see it, having jealous and envious people (false friends) in our life just makes us that much more appreciative of sincere, genuine, real friends - when we find them. 😊

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  • Good take

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  • Why are you generalizing from one psycho to all women? Most don't act like that.

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    • I'm not generalizing lol I was just going through a lot that week and needed to vent. It was hard because at the time I was only surrounded by a bunch of assholes but of course not all women are like that because then I'd be saying the same about myself and any loved ones around me that are women and I have like 20+ girls friends that I love who don't act this way but what I was referring to when I wrote the piece was the people who I went out of my my for time and time again and believing them to be good people and in the end they turned out to be some of the worst people I have ever met. Also I didn't write about the other incidents... the stories are way too long and I didn't want to type everything out cause it would take too long.

    • I guess you could say that the title is misleading lol 😅 but once again I wasn't thinking straight when I wrote this and was angry/upset

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