When you meet new people for the first time, do you usually like most of the new people that you meet? Or do you find that you usually dislike new people, unless they can eventually prove after a long time that they deserve your friendship?
Perhaps you have never thought about this before. And you may even wonder if it’s really important. Does it really matter very much if you like most people when you first meet them, or if you decide to like them much later, after you get to know them better?
Your attitude towards the new people you encounter will actually have a big impact on the number of friends you make, and the social life you enjoy. Why? Because the attitude you have when you first meet somebody will affect the way that you treat those people, and the impression you make on them.
"When you meet other people, give other people a break, and give yourself a break too."
When you have the attitude of liking someone you have just met, they will feel pleased to know you and will want to know you better. They will probably sense that you like them, and they will be more inclined to judge you in a kind and positive way.
If you like most of the people you encounter, you will have a far larger group of people in your friendship pool. When you genuinely like other people, they will be much more inclined to like you back.
On the other hand, when you don’t like people when you meet them, they will feel uncomfortable in your presence and will want to avoid you. They may sense that you don’t like them. They may even decide to dislike you in return. Every person that you dislike will automatically be excluded from the pool of people who can become your friends.
When you don’t like the majority of people that you meet, your friendship pool for making friends is much smaller.
If there is one secret to having friends, it’s a simple one, and here it is:
Like Other People!
If you dislike almost everyone you meet, how many friends do you think you will make with this attitude? Very few of us want to get closer to a person when we sense that he doesn’t like us.
If you usually operate with a big long mental list of reasons to reject others, you will assume that other people are also deciding to reject you. If you routinely dislike other people because you are looking for their flaws, you won’t believe that others can really like you. When you reject other people for trivial reasons, you will also assume that others will reject you for trivial reasons.
This negative attitude will make you very suspicious when you encounter others, since you will be anticipating rejection from other people at any moment.
Wouldn’t it be easier and more effective to give everyone a break? When you meet other people, give other people a break, and give yourself a break too.
When you meet people for the first time, start out with the assumption that most people you encounter are nice human beings and worthy of your friendship. You can choose to believe that just about everybody you meet actually likes you, and that you like most other people. People who are very socially confident and have a lot of friends tend to have this attitude.
If this hasn’t been your attitude so far, you can work to change it. How can you change this?
"Whenever you meet someone new, actively look for things to like in that person."
Whenever you meet someone new, actively look for things to like in that person. Look for their interesting and unique qualities. Suspend your need to judge and analyze others, and simply meet them as ordinary human beings who are struggling and evolving, and making their way through life, just like you. Find things that you like about each person, and let yourself feel that you actually like them.
You will find that when your attitude changes, the world will become a friendlier place, because you have become a friendlier person.
What Girls & Guys Said
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2Opinion
I agree with The Box. I've gone through periods of my life where I've had tons of friends and other times where I have a few or none at all. I have always liked people, but one thing I've noticed is that aren't many people who are open to making new friends. After reaching a point of comfort, people don't really want bother with new people when they've got ones they have a history and a ton of memories with.
Indeed, this is a crucial and valid point behind making friends. If you assume the worst, they'll feel you're uncomfortable with them or just generally don't trust them, and stay away.
However, it's not the only factor. Those below say this is not enough. And it's true - there are many people who have been hurt and hide in their shell - and they're waiting for people to befriend them. Essentially, once you are a friendly person, you should also take initiative at making friends - many won't.
There is no one secret to making friends. To each person, there is a certain factor that keeps him or her from that goal. I like people, but I still don't have friends meaning something else must be wrong.