9 Do's and Dont's For A Relationship To Work - For The Ladies.

[Amaralovely1990]

1. I will not pursue a man ALL the way.

If a man does not call, text, or IM me back, I do not flip out. I can be worried about more important things like myself. I will always be in control of my emotions.

2. I will not try to convince a man to do something or feel something - never ever ever!

C'mon men will be men & if they don't want to do it, they're not going to. You're just going to push them away, especially if you're trying convince them to get into a relationship or feel something.

"If a man does not call, text, or IM me back, I do not flip out. I can be worried about more important things like myself. "

3. I will not nag about something over & over.

Back to convincing - it doesn't work, not going to cut it. If something's wrong, it's my job to try to fix it EMOTIONALLY for my guy.

4. I will not obsess over a guy.

Back to # 1 - I have better things to worry about like myself. I will not let doubts, or crazy thoughts about what he's doing, or what he isn't doing, get to me. If he likes me, he will keep coming back.

5. I will relax when he begins to pull back become his anchor.

Guys usually tend to pull back when:

• A. You're coming off as needy - this is when you text him every day & freak out if you don't hear back. C'mon they have a life too! If they are with somebody else, and you're not in a relationship, it's a fair game, or ...
• B. When they start getting feelings for you. This happens, ladies, & when it does all you do is sit back and relax DO NOT PUSH FORWARD. IT PUSHES THEM AWAY! Be the anchor. You're still there, but you're relaxing, waiting for them to pull you back up.

6. I will agree to disagree.

Arguments seem to never end well, so here's for the ladies - LISTEN!!! If he isn't right, WHO CARES? PUT YOURSELF IN HIS SHOES, SEE HIS SIDE OF THE STORY, THEN SAY "YES, YOU ARE RIGHT," EVEN IF HE IS NOT. You don't want to make it harder for him. THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT EVENTUALLY IF HE IS WRONG.

7. I will go with the flow.

What's the rush? Love does not tell time... if you're interested & care about him, you will wait as long as it takes. He will come around. I'm not the salmon that swims against the current, I'm the one who swims with it catching on here...

8. I will never INTENTIONALLY HURT HIS FEELINGS.

We all get mad, but you have to think before you speak. If you know saying something will hurt him DON'T DO IT, ITS A LOW BLOW & YOU CANNOT TAKE IT BACK ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES 2 FAMILY, OR KIDS.

"We all get mad, but you have to think before you speak."

9. I will always be myself.

HERE IS THE MAJORITY OF WOMEN'S PROBLEM RIGHT HERE ... they become someone else to make there partner happy don't do it if hes gonna like you he will take everything you have 2 offer good or bad morning breathe & all I will always be TRUE 2 MYSELF!!

[xEdoru]

Wow.

1. I agree that a lot of women unnecessarily try to change anyone interested in them into ""adoration machines" that will always be there for them and there is truth in all of your points, but

2. If you can't deal with negative comments, or comments that oppose your view, why did you post this online?

3. Points 1, 3-8 disprove point 9 almost completely, at least in the way you've written it.

Some men WANT to be pursued

relationships work BOTH ways

suppressing feelings/ideas is unhealthy

[sixstring]

Toulouse, it's not because something doesn't apply to you, that it doesn't apply to most women. It will just not apply to all women.

The way you described yourself earlier on this website, you are one huge exception to pretty much the average woman. Not that there's anything bad with that.

I might not be able to say how right she is about some things because I'm not a girl. But you sure do look at things from your own perspective much more than she does.

[toulouse]

its never ONE persons job to fix anything in a RELATIONSHIP. that's a fling. not a relationship.

Text-who freaks out if someone doesn't text?

Nagging.. I don't know what you're referring to, because if there's a problem I talk it out rationally. if he's irrational and immature about it- I have better things to do with my time than be in a relationship with a baby.

what do you mean 'force'? no one gets involved or magically develops feelings when they don't want to. all that's volitional. not forced.

Arguing-

[Salohcin22]

I agree with everything here. I didn't agree with the anchor part, but the you explained it. I believe that girls should make a bit of an effort too, but, as you put it, shouldn't be that one extremely needy girl.

I would also like to add talking things through without being aggravated as this saves relationships a lot.

Also, I would like to add if you tease your guy about something a lot and he tells you honestly that he doesn't appreciate it don't get pissed off at him. Joking can be bad

[sixstring]

I agree with almost everything she said here, at least the guy's side of her article.

About the pulling back part. When guys get in a relationship, our testosterone level drops. We feel less manly, so sometimes we pull away to just be a guy. Do some manly stuff and get our testosterone level back on track.

like you said, chasing the guy will just push him away.

[toulouse]

thats fine. that's your business. w/e you feel comfortable ding go for it. but you are not speaking for all women. these are your rules/ issues. not everyones.

A cheat sheet doesn't help you get to know a person on their / and your terms. how do you learn about others boundaries and how to be respectfui and compassionate at the same time if you're following precncieved notions about who you and he are 'supposed' to be?

you don't show up with a crib sheat and back off asnytime you think

[toulouse]

You have your own views don't you, obviously they are differnt than his or it wouldn't be an argument. if you don't stand up for what you believe, but instead agree with ihm w/e he's saying. how exactly are you being yourself?

an argument is about sharing your-differnt- views. not pretending to be the same person.

none of your kist sounds like a person who is being themselves. you sound like you have to keep a lid on your natural tendencies. which are obsessiveness nagging and freaking out.

[toulouse]

this is complete bullsh*t.

if you have better things to do why are you sitting around making rules about how you are allowed to act around a guy you're with,.

if you guys can't figure out how to relate to each other by doing i. but instead you need a robo-list to do it. yore neither as relaxed, as understanding or as rational as you seem to think you r. you're also assuming A LOT about a lot of women. that do not fit into any of the stuff you've posted. which is minimally -annoying.

[kitty007]

thanks for this, I agree with a lot of this stuff. I was feeling pretty torn up about some stuff with guys and after reading this I felt better about the situation--most of the stuff I read on the internet makes me feel worse. I especially like #5 and #7.

[kholland65]

The only thing I disagree with is point 6. There is a point where you just look crazy, but at the same time, if we have feelings for you, we like to see you reciprocate a bit to let us know we have the green light to take things a bit further. Guys like to test the water to see what you are OK with. If he gets a positive response, then he'll take the next step. Pulling away will make him take a step back because he senses you are uncomfortable or disinterested.

[helpmealitttle]

In regards to your first rule, what if he has arranged to see you and stay the night after being together for a few months and he stands you up and does not even give you a simple message to say he isn't coming, doesn't answer your calls or messages to find out what happened and you go out of your way to find out that he moved the night before due to an argument with a family member he lived with and you finally get him to message you back but he doesn't explain anything as to what happened?

[Amaralovely1990]

IF You HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO GET THE F*** OFF MY DAMN ARTICLE AND KEEP YOUR 6 COMMENTS TO YOURSELF I WROTE IT TO HELP SOMEBODY WHO FEELS IT HELPS IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT TOO BAD YOU PROBABLY SUCK @ GETTING A "GOOD" GUY ANYWAY MY TECHNIQUE WORKS MIGHT NOT BE FOR EVERYBODY BUT FOR SOME IM KEEPING MY ARTICLE SO WHY COMMENT ABOUT HOW ITS BULLSHIT?

[txcos20]

I agree with everything you said, and I foloow those same rules myself. I;ve even met a few guys who do 'chick' things like freaking out when I don't respond within 10 minutes, and to me it is a turn-off, but you hit it spot on!

[hopelesslylost]

So basically don't:

1. nag

2. be needy

3. be a b*tch

Funny how so many women are told this a million times and yet they still don't get it! lol

[DocClassic]

you seem to have a surprisingly good handle on male thinking...very good actually. I disagree with 5B but I guess we will just have to refer to rule 6 in that case haha

[Weirdstuff]

Actually, this is also a good guide for making friends for insecure people :D

[von33]

i love this! printing and posting it in my room for those days...cause they do come around haha

[Jaybabe77]

Honestly, who doesn't know this? I mean there are a few exceptions but really?

[RedSmartie]

I've known a few guys who could use this advice as well.

[TheDigitalSaint]

Easily one of the best articles written by a girl on this site. Bravo.

[Tripz]

I think all women should read this, bloody well done

[Amethysteria]

The article starts out strong, then...slowly, the grammar takes a dive.