Inside the Mind of a Catfish

[LucyxD]

I’m not much of a writer but someone inspired me to do a Mytake. I had no clue what to write about until I read through some others. Someone asked about why people pretend to be someone else online. Well grab a bag of chips and your favorite drink because I’m going to share my story.

This isn't me. I can't stress that enough. This is an image I grabbed from google.

About 8 years ago I was the quiet girl in the 8th grade. I wasn’t smart or brilliant in any type of way. Debate teams and academic clubs were the furthest thing from my mind. I was clumsy and uncoordinated, so sports weren’t an option. My breasts hadn’t developed, and my acne hadn’t cleared up, so I was overlooked for the prettier girls. There wasn’t much that excited me but dolphins.

Yes. I said it. Till’ this day I am obsessed with dolphins. They’re my favorite animal. Back then I spent most of my time reading books about marine life and dolphins. In, fact I was often sent to the office for reading these books while I was supposed to be working on class work. Kids laughed at me when it happened. I mean come on. Who gets sent to the office for reading about dolphins?

That pretty much sums up my middle school life. I was the quiet girl with a weird dolphin obsession. I laugh as I type this because I even had a dolphin backpack. My mother got it for me for my first day in middle school and I loved it. Anyway. Things didn’t change until I met Jessica Towers.

Still not me. Also not Jessica Towers. This is an image I found on google.

Often, I would get picked on for being the weird quiet girl. Reading my books usually made me feel better. But it got to the point where I would sneak away to the restrooms during lunch to read my books. I remember wishing how I could just be a dolphin part of a school of other dolphins. Things seemed easier and more peaceful for dolphins.

One day while I was reading one of the girls snatched my book from me. It was before the period bell, so I wasn’t expecting it. The kids always left me alone when the teachers were around. But I hadn’t noticed the teacher wasn’t in the room. She snatched it and started looking through the pages. I had always been bullied but this memory is still so vivid.

She laughed at me telling me I should know everything about dolphins since I read about them so much. I thought I was going to make her look dumb by telling her, “Well that’s stupid and impossible. Scientists are discovering new things about marine life every day. How can I know something if it hasn’t been discovered genius?”

I felt so smart when I said it. I was proud to know that because I did know a lot about dolphins. But there was so much more to learn. I imagine that’s how a ballet feels when sticks her first twirl or how an athlete scored the winning point. I got this sense of confidence when I said that. But they all laughed at me. Almost every single kid in that classroom laughed at me.

Not me. Not anyone I know.

It crushed me. It was like a huge part of me had been spat on. I had never felt so isolated and humiliated. I kept looking around wondering if the teacher would come and stop it.

“Do you even have friends?”

Silence. It felt so heavy and loud. Everyone was looking at me when she asked. I didn’t have any friends. Not one. Unless you wanted to include family. All I wanted to do was read my book. When I reached for it she held it away from me and repeated herself.

“Of course, I do, and she’ll kick your ass when she finds out you messed with me today!”

I shouted it without thinking. But when I heard the kids whoo and suddenly turn against her, I felt safe. I felt like I wasn’t alone. She looked back at me, laughing and telling me to tell her who my friend was. That’s when Jessica Towers was born. I told everyone that the reason why I was so quiet was because my best friend was way cooler and more mature than any of them. That she was a high school freshman at an advanced school across town. I even added that she was a cheerleader. The teacher finally came back and that’s when my tormenter gave me back my book and walked away.

So, then I had another problem. Jessica Towers. Not only did I accidentally start a rumor that she was going to beat up Angela (we’re calling her Angela) but I also created a person that seemed to get everyone’s attention.

What school does she go to? You know a cheerleader? Is she coming to fight Angie today? What’s her Facebook?

Oh well I can’t just tell you where she goes. You’ll stalk her. Something came up, but trust me she’s coming to see Angie. I can’t give you her Facebook,

Angela got braver, as the time passed, and people started thinking I was lying. This was back when Facebook was starting to get popular. I went online and made her an account under a fake email then I looked everywhere online for a picture. I didn’t want one that was easy to find or hard to believe. So I thought it would be smart to use a picture of a girl who wasn’t from America.

Not me or Jessica. I don't know this person. She's the closest that looks like the image I had of Jessica though.

Jessica Towers was a 16-year-old from Scotland. She had long and curly hair that went to her back and her face was acne free. Her breasts were bigger than most girls my age at the time and something about her picture just made me feel charmed. We all know those people who just have those faces that put us at ease. Coincidentally she was a cheerleader, so it was easy for me to keep up the story I made.

It turns out that getting Facebook friends was easy when you’re a cute girl. After Jessica’s profile was made, she got friend requests fast. Back to back. This worked in my favor because it made her seem more genuine. After she had over one hundred followers, she sent Angela a message. The gist of it was back off or get a black eye. Angela left me alone after that.

When I thought it was over, it had just started. Jessica started getting requests from people I knew. People who never spoke or even looked at me. In little less than a month she had over 500 friends. Lucy (me) only had around 80 friends who were mostly family and cousins. But Jessica got requests from guys ranging from middle school age to my grandfather’s age. I accepted them all. I never felt that kind of attention before and the things kids I knew were saying to Jessica shocked me.

They were nice to her and wanted to know her. They even complimented ME in order to get to her. Kids that had either made fun of me or never spoke to me, claimed that I was their friend and that we talked all of the time. When I was at school kids suddenly started treating me better. Some even asked me about dolphins. Before I knew it I was getting warped into this fantasy I had created.

Not me.

I’d go home every day excited to be Jessica. I even had her write messages to me and comment on my wall. It really felt like I had a best friend. I even had her take up for me when mean guys from school asked her out.

“No. You’re too short. No you’re not buff enough. I only date older guys.”

It felt amazing. Through Jessica I was living this life where everyone loved me and never made fun of me. And through Jessica I lived another life where she was my best friend who never talked bad about me and loved dolphins as much as I did. But I will admit, it also made me feel empty knowing she wasn’t real and that I still didn’t have any real friends.

Jessica Towers got a lot of messages from guys. She’d talk to them but never started anything that wasn’t platonic. That was a boundary I never crossed. For the most part she was meant to be a means to an end. On impulse I came up with this character to escape from my bully’s tormenting. But I kept her going because I liked knowing what it was like not to be the quiet weird kid.

Towards the beginning of summer and the end of middle school, I had Jessica Towers move away to another state. I told my parents that I wanted to go to a different school for high school. They don’t know about Jessica. But I needed a fresh start. Once summer break started I deleted her account and promised myself I’d make real friends in high school.

At least this was/is how I felt/feel. Being who I am feels liberating, regardless of who likes me or who doesn't. by the way not my quote

So there you have it. Inside the mind of a ex-catfish. I didn’t do it for love or to scam anyone. No act of vengeance or troll account. I was a 14-year-old girl who had no friends. All I wanted was to be left alone so I could read my books. But kids can be mean. Sure, looking back now I could have hit her in the face or ignore her. But back then that’s not how I thought. I was small and I felt vulnerable.

I’m not saying this is every catfish’s story but I’m willing to be that most of them are hurting somewhere deep inside. Some are bad. But I believe most are running from something the way I was.

[AllieOops]

I wouldn't call you a catfish as you in no way tried to get anyone to give you money or date a girl that didn't exist. I don't think you actually hurt anyone in the process but you gained friends you wouldn't have had otherwise and also gained their respect. It made you feel better about yourself and actually probably saved your sanity from the bullies that can cause a person to commit suicide. It was actually very good reading. I think you could be a good author and you might even consider writing a short story or even a book about I, not using yourself as the character but someone just like you. If you wrote such a book I have contacts in movie production and if someone could write a good screen play of such a short story or book, and some produce liked it, you could be another JK Rowling. And all that from a love of dolphins

[LEETSBEREAL]

Really good my take your story had me hooked. I really think you should consider making it a book like @Jjpayne suggested and even getting in touch with Nev from catfish and see about getting it endorsed worse he'll say no and you can still do the book call it Jessica Towers a cat fish tale. There is no book called Jessica Towers right now so its available. You can probably come up with something better as a title. I know this took an hour and writing a book takes ages but you have options. You can do a bit a day or you can dictate the story and have it transcribed if you really don't want to sit typing it out. But trust me this is your story to write.

[Jjpayne]

Thanks i was beginning to feel like I was off a bit by suggesting it

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I would sell it to Netflix for the trouble she went at least earn few dollars out of it

[LEETSBEREAL]

@Jjpayne no in fact you were on point with your suggestion. Right now this is what one would call a short story but the way it's got readers hooked it could translate into a book but of course layers and detail would need to be added so it's a commitment @LucyxD my lady you are blowing up on here please at least think about/consider making this into a book? I know your thinking it's just a Mytake nothing special nothing amazing. I normally skim through Mytakes read the beginning skip to the middle and then to then end. I read and envisioned every single word off yours. I know its a lot of work and you might have other things going on. If you need any support we are all here update the Mytake we will all be notified. Know and have in your heart we are all rooting for you and think this story is AMAZING (bring out the pom poms lol) Go Lucy 🥳🥳

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Lord I got the chills I felt every line some what in smaller sense can relate.

And if you are not a good writer then I can fly.

And the funny thing you did with photos love it pure divine and legit.

The way you took the story i bet you can make a Netflix show "Someone Named Jessica Towers".

You chose right and to write this absolute beauty the content your real life might have been hard but you turned into the best person possible I appreciate your struggle and braveness and I do beleive sometime we need to be our own hero.
I am felling short of words but you ate something Special Dolpin lady and you are a winner 🥇😎💃👏👏👏👏

[Jjpayne]

This is a fun and amazing story!!! You could even seriously write a book about it. Thanks for sharing it! It's almost too cool to be true! 😎

[LucyxD]

Fun and amazing? Cool? It's was the most depressing year of my life lol. A book? Yeah right. It took me an hour to write this.

[Jjpayne]

To be fair, I'm referring to the Facebook friend you invented and how you got to be cool during that time as being her. It's something that's kind of crazy yet fun. I understand she was not real but it's kind of a fun thing to pretend to be someone else. Given it was at a sad time of your life but you used that fake person to make things right. I say book because you can try and add more too it. Heck you can do a fiction book and try to add in different imagined scenarios to make it a little bigger. But I've seen kids books and they don't have great amounts of text. This is something I could see a lot of girls relating to and wanting to create a friend to help them. It kind of makes me think of a Disney channel movie. But again the focus is not about the bullies but what came out of the interactions with the bullies. It seems like it could be interesting to write a story about it

[coffeewithcream]

It was a great read. :)

[Anonymous]

You are quite the writer, this is an interesting my take. This opened up my eyes a bit because I have been cat fished before. I think what you did is justified because you were young and although I don't know how old you are but I do believe you did it for the right reason where it provided you solace. I'm curious to know if you went into marine biology because you are fascinated with dolphins and mind you that's perfectly okay.

We tend to get lost in trying to please others but people should be themselves. We live in very dark times where there is so much negativity. Many of my guy friends from public school to high school I don't speak with anymore because either they do drugs, or got married and have their own life. Out of all the guys from my friends from grade school I was the only one who to university and then grade school. I worked hard and created my own path.

I totally get where you are coming from but I think it's important to have faith in yourself and implement this idea that you will have to do things in life alone if it means achieving higher success. Your story reminds me a bit of myself, I grew up a Chicago Bulls fan from the 90s with Michael Jordan. I was good at basketball even at a young age but I was extremely quiet so guys wouldn't pick me to play basketball with them and I would often be standing watching from the sidelines. But in terms of when people are in their late 20s or 30s and beyond who use fake profiles on dating websites then that's not right in my opinion. Because people do use dating apps in hopes of finding the right person and getting married or potentially being in a relationship.

There are many cat fish profiles of fake accounts of girls who are posing to be others or even guys posing as women or attractive girls for some sort of attention. I think when were younger our self esteem is not developed and we seem insecure, fragile and raw for who we are what we provide to this world. But I've read so many stories of people who are successful where they had to dig down deep and fix themselves to better their life. We can't wallow in misery forever because I believe that is a wasted life. I feel bad for girls because what is portrayed in the media for how girls should look and act. The same for guys, even on here I read what girls say about "the ideal guy" he should x-masculine, he should 6ft+, blah blah blah it's this perfect image of how a guy should be and girls should realize there is no such thing as a perfect guy.

They are chasing this image of a perfect guy but what is truly in his heart. Don't get me wrong even in religion it mentions there is nothing wrong with finding characteristics in someone but we tend to overlook someone's heart whether it's a potential friend or a potential mate. We live in a society driven by greed and selfishness, this individualism and I am not a fan of the enlightenment period of the 18th century because it pretty much led to this greedy ass, hateful world today. I am not saying it did not exist before but times are different now. I grew up in the 90s playing board games and walking with a few friends around the block to grab chocolate from convenience store, simpler times.

[Opinion Owner]

meant to say grad school not grade school lol

[Anonymous]

Wow I appreciate what you've written, and I relate to it in so many ways. This is going to sound incredibly strange but I've always suffered from my own sort of identity crisis too. Ever since I was very little, people have considered me the epitome of Chinese beauty. In China people would, and still do crowd around me, come up to me and take photos of me. I've had several job offers in the streets. I'm half English, half Chinese, and lived between the two. In England I was always that quite little loser bookworm from another country, and I never fit in. I grew up in the UK and I have an authentic accent and culture, just never fit in because of my looks. I also got big headed when I was an early teen from being so spoilt in China, and having such an ego deflation in the UK when I was just like everybody else. Spoilt you could say.

When I was about 15 and 16, I would make up many far fetched stories to make myself seem either more British or more interesting to strangers and friends. This resulted in me struggling to keep up with all the various lies I'd told to different people. I was a huge mess and a total liar and a real life catfish. I felt very guilty and like I was pretending to be someone I was not. Despite fitting Chinese beauty standard very well , I hated being half Chinese, I hated the culture, I saw it as inferior, something that made me inferior to everyone else, hence all the stories to make up for it.

I think now I've mostly overcome it. I've tried to strike a better balance between the two parts of myself and experience more of my heritage. I also don't lie anymore and apologised to the people that I lied to, which was the hardest thing I've ever done - admitting my confidence is low I was a complete phony. I also try to stop focusing so much on beauty. China has is obsessive with beauty and I'm trying to make myself let go of that. Still the odd race comment will make me oversensitive and over defensive, but I'm getting there.

[AlexanderBrunnrgaard]

I understand your reasons and why this whole thing came to pass. Catfishing is in principle always wrong, and in the majority of cases carried out by selfish and cowardly people, toying with other people's emotions. In these cases I do not concern myself with their emotional baggage but only with the pain they cause to their victims. To catfish is always an active choice that you have to take responsibility for.

But this story was somewhat unique.

I'm sorry this was a part your childhood. That has to have been a lot of pain.
I don't understand what your classmate's problems were though. There's nothing wrong with liking dolphins.

[ManOnFire]

This was really a great post, a true and honest story told well, and one of the few Takes I ever really care to read. Catfishing is awful thing in these times, often even leading to crime like rape or robbery, but I understand your reason behind it.

I can say that I also created a fake account as a female on another site years ago, as a way to try to talk to a friend again who was mad at me lol. And then I've also been catfished more than once as well. One of those was actually 14 year-old girl pretending to be 18, who was using all her sister's pictures for her account. Once we all found out, she left the site and deleted the account.

There is a sort of thrill to the type of catfishing you did, yes. And then it can also be extremely painful to find out that the person you were talking to is someone who is nothing like the profile they created.

[Sensmind]

Very interesting story , thought provoking - Some of it probably does translate to most catfishes, I think a lot depends how you view catfishes , I think of them as a very large group with sub groups, ranging from people like you who needed to be someone else or wanted to be someone else to those who maybe are doing it for financial gain. Hopefully the latter are a small minority and I will throw in the people who want to mess with someones head as well though they are not as bad , I believe we are talking about a small number.
What I say , who is themselves online, I don't think anyone is , I am not, I am close but I am a cooler more collected version of myself, I have time to think before I type, I don't get that luxury when I am speaking in real life. I am probably 95% totally honest on here so in a sense we are all catfish.

[zollo]

Great My take this could've seriously been me lol. Now that your older and I read that your studying marine biology (Go you!) have you "come out of your shell" as they say? Being a weird/ lonely kid myself at points I can now look back and tell that i'm so much brighter now in every way but making friends is still hard for me. I have much more confidence in myself than I did before and I'm not the quiet kid anymore, iv'e become much more of the leader the young me wanted to be but the one point of making friends still persists. Do you have friends now? Do you still have trouble making friends? Aren't Dolphins like serial Rapists or something or is that just being blown out of proportions?

[Apope16]

My heart and hugs go out to you. This is truly a sad thing. But it does not make catfishing an okay or acceptable thing. When guys go on dating sites and this happens to them, I don't think many people think that women do it out of vengeance or the other ways that you describe. I think most of us pretty much agree that it is based on self esteem issues and insecurity. Most of the time, we see on dating profiles or websites, over weight girl who filter themselves, who only show pictures from the waist up, who post 10 year old pictures from when they were skinnier, or pictures of other girls because they are insecure over their looks.

It is still simply not okay. Its fraud. Its lying. It is playing on the emotions of men or women who are looking for love and want to authentically get to know you. It is my hope that in time, you can get the help you need, build up love for yourself, and live a truly authentic life.

[Mikeilito]

Dear you and everyone in the cyber generation is fucked up! None of you are going to be well well for yiu will be yiur lies. It’s why all o have to do hear with the millennials and gen ex Is call there bluff I know bullshit and snell it from far away! In this generation X it’s how most live today sheltered through this world of make believe my generating was one of the last to live what most hear make up it’s why disrespect is so coming wut your generations never had to learn respect! So don’t worry your harmless and so are the others me being older it took a long tine to understand. Why yiu all were si decietull it hurt me at times but I had to learn what I’ve Learned. sounds like you’ve got a little street cred through this maybe yiu could be of help to others that are goin through. What you did help with them being Bullied

[Dongtai]

Wow. This is amazing. Your first Mytake and it got featured. I love this. And it’s so personal and in depth. A lot of these Mytakes are either opinionated or argument bait but this was just about a personal experience some people might be able to relate with.

I’m sorry you were bullied though. But it sounds like you’re well off. Good for you for making your happy ending. Keep going 👏👏👏

[Mroz75]

Sorry you had to go through all of that, and hope you're way better now, way wiser and surrounded with real friends that's way better than Jessica

I absolutely loved reading your story, how deep it is, how real it felt. I don't know how you think you aren't a good writer because i literally felt everything like I'm in the picture! I don't know if it makes sense lol anw that's a very amazing story!

If i may ask psychological question, Have you adapted Jessica's personality?

[Blueeyes81]

That was by far and away the best mytake I've read in quite some time. Thanks for sharing. Seems like most mytakes anymore are meant as a method of attack so it was very refreshing to read such a heartfelt mytake that directed at helping to understand a view point vs convincing someone of a view point.

[SpiderManFan2002]

Wow for someone who "isn't a writer" you sure are good at writing. :P

It was a really interesting story and I enjoyed reading it, I also think it's an example of why we should never judge anyone for their actions because we don't know what they've been through or what they're going through.

[Lynx122]

Nice story :) You definitely dealt with bullies better than I did. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of that. Maybe I should be better at lying :D I really liked your writing. It's funny how muh you want peple to know that the pictures are not you though :D

[MsMusic]

I just wanted to say I know how it feels to get in trouble for reading. I loved my fiction chapter books. I always did my classwork first, but read as soon as it was done. One teacher made me sit in the hall for 3 days (I still stood up for my right to read) before the vice principal saw me in the hall and told him he needed to let me in. And that I was allowed to read.

I also got teased for my books, and barely had friends.

[luvstoned4him]

This was so beautifully written and heart felt. I feel for you and I know high school can be rough, trust me.

There is a saying, "Fake it till you make it and if thats what you need to do to feel in control and safe and loved, no judgement in that.

[FreyaRed]

Nice story.
Without emotional abusing or financial fraud it isn't really catfishing. You played a sockpuppet that was surprisingly socially accepted from your perspective, because it was you with another pic.
There are many conclusions possible with those facts as well as your fondness for dolphins. However it isn't my profession.

[Saville_Row]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but I would disagree about you not being smart enough. The way your mind found a solution when a lot of kids keep being bullied by classmates each year... wow! Besides, anyone "talking" to Jessica for her looks or because they thought she would punch Angela were a bunch of immature people. They kind of deserved it.

[jazzyk55]

I’m so sorry you went through this girl! I can see why you thought there was no other option and considering the fact that you were only 14 years old, you did not know how else to handle the situation.
I think cat fishing is wrong because I know someone who does it for love and validation and she actually tricks the guy into liking her.

[Android_21]

Sup Jazzy, I'm not a fan of them pink walls. Ever think about repainting them all white with an accent cream color wall behind the bed? Put some carpet down as well. As for the bed you should get a set that has a bottom frame. Maybe go for a brown frame because you don't want too much white or cream colors.

Also try getting a cream color dresser without a mirror. If you need to see yourself buy an elegant full body mirror you can put in the corner.

[jazzyk55]

Lol did I ask you? I’m fine with how my room is and I was thinking of painting my room a lavender colour. I did not ask for your input and it is out of the blue

[blondfrog]

Yeah see that's what happens when you lie. Your lie keeps growing and growing and you have to keep making more and more excuses and the lies became more difficult to create as time goes on. There is no excuse for what you did and honestly its disgusting. That picture of that woman you stole... you could have destroyed her reputation.

[Dongtai]

She was an 8th grader dude. You’re talking to her like she was an shot back then.

[blondfrog]

@Dongtai Hey that's no excuse. How come when I was that age I didn't do that? I got bullied too at that age.

[Dongtai]

Your story doesn’t invalidate anyone else’s. You’re not special. No one is.

[blondfrog]

@Dongtai Right exactly neither is she, so you don't have to defend her for doing something so disgusting and explicable.

[Dongtai]

Why does it bother you so much?

[blondfrog]

@Dongtai Because that girls photo she used could have potentially hurt her. She not only lied but her lie was so big it hurt others around her and that girl she catfished. Catfishing has dire severe consqeunces.

[Dongtai]

She said she didn’t lead anyone on and from what she wrote she didn’t ruin anybody’s rep? You’re reaching. You just want people to think she’s scum but you’re the only person here who thinks it. Give that negative energy where it’s needed. You’re wasting it here.

[blondfrog]

@Dongtai And how do you know that? Yeah I am reaching but maybe I am right? Did she ever meet that person's photo she stole? No! Also she's lied before so is most likely bound to lie again.

[Dongtai]

Too many maybes and what if’s in this argument. Were you catfished or something? This seems personal.

[blondfrog]

@Dongtai If your on this site who hasnt? Sure I've been catfished, not to that severity but I still have. You have too much cardio so I am gonna let you win this one. I simply do not care to further indulge in this argument. Being on here for so long I am sick of these back and fourth arguments. I just know that I would not want to live my life like she has, and maybe she has learned from this and if so good for her.

[Dongtai]

Cardio isn’t the word you’re looking for. Endurance works better here. I’ll accept your admit to conceding.

[VIVANT]

@blondfrog

I agree it wasn’t cool to use a strangers pic. She didn’t know what kind of consequence it could have.

Unforeseen Circumstances and unintended consequences. We can’t control how things work out once we do it.

She could have stood up to the bulky not knowing what woujd happen

Or steal someone’s pic not knowing what would happen

One affects her the other a stranger. She chose wrong. I understand the incentive but it was wrong.

[JimRSmith]

That was an interesting read.

I don't think your experience is the way most of this site's catfish operate, though. Interestingly, at time of writing, none of them have commented upon this Take...