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Confidence and Assertiveness is NOT a "male trait." (Page 2)
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Agreed it's not a male trait. But it's common for women in positions of power to show male traits. Many can't just let their "game" speak for itself and they have to make sure you know that they are as good as they say.
I love confidence in a women and I love it when she's assertive going after what she wants and says what she thinks and feels. As long as she is still respectful there's nothing wrong with that
it's common to anybody in power to show 'male' traits therefor they're not male traits they're traits for power.
i really don't like how everybody categorize things to male and female.
i think it's because of movies and media. for example i didn't watch mean girls or teen movies so i can't relate to any of those categorizes. now i watched some movies and realized how a huge lie movies and media put to organize men and women. i do many traits that are in between. for example i am logical and at the same time creative. i want to have romance at the same time i think about sex just as much as any teenager and if any teenage girl says she doesn;t masturbate then she's a liar.
@notgoodwithnames
No. Many women over compensate because they are in a male dominated field. Basically, they're putting on a mask and acting like the men around them. So yes they are male traits. We know this is true because women who are strong in who they are know they need to be tough but still stay true to who they are.
I think that confidence and assertiveness ARE masculine traits...
but a lack of confidence is not a feminine trait. Not all traits have reverse counterparts. Being good at cooking might be a positive trait for women, but it's also a good trait for men (I don't know if that's the best example, but you get the idea). Men who aren't confident tend to be judged harshly for it, but that doesn't mean women shouldn't ALSO try to behave with confidence.
Just curious...
Are you ever going to write any "takes"?
They are Masculine traits, sure. But they aren't exclusively meant for men. Men and women have both masculine and feminine traits inter-mingling around, balanced differently. I tend to have a slightly more feminine presence.
@Bandit74 I don't know. Maybe. :D
You should, you're posts are usually pretty interesting.
Also it could save you time.
It seems a lot of the time you're posting the same concepts on a bunch of different questions.
You could just post all your thoughts in a take and then the next time that topic comes up you could just post a link to your take rather than rewrite your opinions over and over again :/
@Bandit74 there are a few topics I'm tempted to do it for exactly that reason.
Though maybe I get better at it each time I rewrite it :D
That is true. Repetition can strengthen your opinions but after a certain point it'll plateau.
You really wouldn't have to use that much effort. You could just go through your opinions and copy and paste stuff into your take. Then just connect the dots so it's organized and flows nicely.
Culture has pretty profound affects on people. You can't really blame women for not going against the norm. However I agree that we should if we do desire.
I don't have the balls to approach anyone, I wouldn't even if I were a guy.
I like going against the norm in some regards, even if I wouldn't risk my life over it.
women come up and talk to me sometimes but i never really feel the urge to go up and talk to people so you're right but you're phrasing it like you're trying to encourage more women to be assertive when in realiy people will either naturally be like that or not? i dont get it man!
I want women to allow themselves to find confidence and assertiveness, and not feel socially pressured to indulge in unhealthy societal constructs placed on them.
I agree with most of the things in this article. I feel that some women don't approach and expect guys to always approach is the fear of looking "desperate" which is a real problem. I don't play into the whole attention seeking that many women like to do so I approach a girl once and if I get the vibe she's uninterested then I leave it alone. I don't really like the while back and forth of attention seeking and making the other jealous and shit.
So let's say I have a boyfriend. And I messaged him the other night. He didn't reply and I messaged him yesterday morning to wish him a happy Thanksgiving and I told him I love him and thanked him for lots of things (I was specific) and I thought it was quite sweet. He's been on today but has not responded. Should I be the first to tell him hello today or wait until I respond? I love your article, it makes much sense!!! I just need to know if I should wait for his response. I am confident, well I try to be. But it is hard when I tell him something so intimate like yesterday only to have him not respond
It depends on how long you've been dating him. If it's only a few weeks then you might be coming off as clingy and desperate.
You need to relax a little and give him a chance to respond. If he doesn't in the next day or so, say to him jokingly "I feel like our connection is being lost. :P" or something along those lines. Or maybe tell him something intriguing happened to you to incite conversation (even if it's a lie, in that case I would be pretty outlandish.)
If he's starting to lose interest in you, then you need to allow yourself to be able to shrug it off and move on. You owe it to yourself to find the relationship you desire.
Okay. Well it's been over a month that we have been together. So I could be coming off as clingy. Thank you for this great advice!
It's scary how many guys here did not get what this article was saying. At all.
Is unfortunate. But hey, when you try to challenge age-old ideas then you'll get those people who will blindly disregard a new line of thought without proper investigation.
Is the idea of the take that if women like us they should come for us instead of waiting on us, but it seems that everyone is thinking that women should be chasing us down instead of us going after them, it'd be better if dudes weren't little bitch boys.
STFU already with "please please girls, we beg you please approach us! we are so lazy and weak!"
guys lose interest if the girl does the chasing
guys only appreaciate what they have to work HARD for !
yes you might like it at first... keyword at first, but thats it
even if you look around in GAG, girls who make guys work to get them are the happy ones with lasting relationships !
just enough with this stupidity and man up ! just because you're too scared to talk to another human (who is generally not huge or super strong and muscular) doesn't mean WE have to make up for the shortage
you're teaching girls wrong stuff, and they regret their relationships and feel better towards men (because he left her for that other girl who doesn't even look his way unless he gives her a reason)
and yes those two traits are VERY much male traits !
most girls are even genetically attracted to it (im not saying it doesn't exist in girls but its mostly a male thing)
if you're a little pathetic "boy" who is not confident and can't make up his mind and dont know what you want dont expect ladies to be attracted to you
and great job with the posters trying to send subtle hints lmao
thats exactly like the people saying girls like nikki minaj and kim kardashian are "strong, confident women" lmao
Not all men or women are the same you now. You may be content to sit around and look like a pretty painting hoping for guys to show up, but many aren't.
Also, never use the phrase 'man up' again.
i dont do that either... i live my life and do me if the right man comes along then so be it ill let him in my life
i dont "wait" for a man
whats so bad about it?
@Riverock
If you're a little pathetic "girl" who is not confident and can't make up her mind and dont know what you want don't expect men to be attracted to you.
Just because you're too scared to talk to another human (who is generally not huge or super strong and muscular) doesn't mean WE have to make up for the shortage. See how easily I can turn that around against you?
Do you now acknowledge your own hypocrisy yet? Or are you going to continue acting like a spoiled brat who thinks she's entitled to having guys approach her because you happen to have a vagina?
Grow up. If you're this childish towards nuanced opinions then you have a lot of inner work to do.
i AM confident and i CAN make up my mind... etc but like you said "gril" !
have you read the rest of it? guys dont appreciate whats handed to them easily
why i wouldn't make the first move^
and like i said i dont think im "entitled" nor do i "wait" for men, i live my life, if he comes, he comes
Well the problem there is that it relies on guys noticing and pursuing you which isn't always the best strategy. It'd be like only buying from shops that advertise as opposed to looking around yourself. It's deliberately limiting your options which seems silly to me.
Personally I wouldn't care who initiates.
The issue re: manning up is debatable. I personally find it irritating becuase it suggests that
1. You're only a man as long as you are strong, which is pretty exhausting 24/7 and...
2. Strength is a male trait which I would have thought you would've found insulting tbh.
i dont want random people approaching me either o. O
friends of friends, friends of family... etc is not really about just noticing and stuff, they usually have some sort of contact so thy know what im like as a person too
Fair enough. I'm kimda similar. Ideally I'd meet girls through friends. Things like the club scene aren't really my thing.
Do you really think guys wouldn't respect a girl if she approached them?
i think its too weird/hard to approach complete strangers on the street
there has to be SOME sort of connection
and i think its clear evidence that the only thing that attracted that person (the one who approached) is looks and only looks... not the best way to start a relationship
well. not desrespect, more like not appreaciate as much
there is tons of girls who are like "he loves me a lot but he just can't get his mind off of this girl who won't even talk to him for a second! why?"
well thats why lol she is making him "chase" her lol
i believe most men, by nature, like a challenge
relationships or otherwise
@Riverock
Agreed. I prefer to know something of a girls personality beforehand.
I think "guys like a challenge" is kinda like the female equivalent of "girls like jerks". It may well be true but the opposite gender doesn't like hearing it. :P
@Riverock girls like jerks is just offensive and most of the time its an excuse because majority of the guys who say that are anythin BUT nice and they dont get why girls dont throw themselves at them
but guys like a challenge i dont see anything wrong with that
i really think guys like competitive games more, they like wining at dares :P, doing a better job... etc its a good thing
I agree with you on the Nice Guy thing but see it from my POV. What you're saying has similar logic to that Nice Guy argument.
I'm honestly not that competitive. Honestly, if a girl kept making me chasing her, I'd come to the conclusion she wants me to do all the work or is not interested which is no way to have a mutually beneficial relationship and I'd try and find a girl who will take responsibility for her own happiness.
But that's just me.
@Riverock maybe i was looking at it a little too black and white lol
hot damn at least there's a few women with some sense!!
men should get paid more for working the same job
Ah we all do that. No problem. XD
Honestly though I don't want a girl to make me earn her. It implies she's a trophy I win and then treat as I want. Ideally, we'd treat each other well at the start and if that changes we can always leave.
I want a partner not a trophy. She'd need to meet me in the middle.
It depends on the guy. Some would need to be 'made work', just like *some* girls might be attracted to jerks. People are all kinds of screwed up, including you and me. ;)
@Riverock to each his own i guess lol
It can work either way if both participating parties are willing to make it work in the way given. There is no point in forcing women to remain ""submissive"" merely out of a cultural bias that makes zero sense and holds no positive overall value. Downvoted.
i didn't say women have to be submissive, its not really "powerful" or "dominant" to approach people
you can super easily ask a stranger what time it is
but its a lot harder to tell a stranger woman you like her (Which is understandable and i stated my opinion on this... read previous comments)
its all in your head really.
and yea 9 other dudes also downvoted
@Mesonfielde
You should be who you are and not what you are. I have nothing against a girl who wants a guy to ask her out, but I am a guy who would like a girl to ask him out, so I find it troublesome that so frequently the guy is pressured to be the one and only one who asks because of gender roles.
As I understand it, there's a confidence that comes from understanding and acknowledging reality and one that does not. Women who possess the former kind as opposed to pushiness tend to exhibit far more pro-social attitudes and behaviors than the latter. Of course I'm going to like that.
PLEASE NOTICE ME SENPAI ;_;
... oh o: I sure do hope Senpai notices me today u_u
Who's senpai?
My crush!":)
I am the opposite of the ideal woman o: At least in this article u_u
... ;_;
You only have some growing to do. Don't fret it. :)
Yay! Thank you! :) You're the bomb. com!^_^
@Mesonfielde - From the Urban Dictionary.
Senpai - Someone who will never notice you.
lol:D Pleass notice me Senpai!! ;_;
Confidence and assertiveness are my trait which defines who I am but when it comes, it all depends whether or not you are interested in the opposite sex and tend to get to know her first before making a move to see and as long as she doesn't want my time with nonsense when things get serious (aka games)
this is spot on. I've dont a lot of approaching in the last 7 months and while girls complain they dont get approached they equally have no idea how to respond to being approached and fk it up anyhow
Great article, but I have to say, that last pic really cracks me up. The girl is struggling just to barely touch the top of the bag with her toe. And us guys are supposed to see her as tough? Ha! Reminds me of those pretty girls you find in McDojo's who are all blackbelts but can't even throw a decent punch or kick...
"Because I'm a spineless idiot, I expect you to make up for it."
Not sure who you're referring to. Me, or women. =/
you keep saying that and see how that works out for you
Well I'm glad someone finally said it, but so long as it's easier to just sit back and let the guy go to work I bet confidence will always be touted as masculine, and not just a human trait by those who benefit from it being seen as such. Sorry Mr. Wisdom!
This is good! Very well written and certainly makes a lot of sense!
My take: nice thought and it actually does happen. But the majority of the times the girls are picked up by the confident guy. While you wait for her, there is a guy going for her. So it's best to move in as soon as possible.
Unrelated to relationships - why are confidence and assertiveness masculine traits? Sounds cultural to me... could be wrong.
Everyone has a masculine and a feminine energy. Feminine is more inward. It's creative, emotional, and it looks at things as a hole.
Masculine is more outward. It breaks things down into details.
Think of the left and right hemispheres of the brain. The left brain gets stuff done. The right brain gives you things to do in the first place.
You mean whole? And I guess but those things don't sound specifically feminine or masculine to me, except maybe the emotional. I don't know. (I'm feminine enough and I'm very confident and assertive, especially assertive.)
logic is not a male trait... it's a trait for people. i really don't like these types of sortings
I didn't say it's a male trait. It's a masculine trait. Everyone has a masculine and a feminine energy. Feminine is more inward. It's creativity, emotions, and it looks at things as a hole.
Masculine is more outward. It breaks things down into details.
Think of the left and right hemispheres of the brain. The left brain gets stuff done. The right brain gives you things to do in the first place.
The assertion that logic is a masculine trait makes not one iota more sense than it being a male trait.
@Words_and_Wisdom oh honey you can call it anything. you can call creativity is a genius trait and logic is a thinker trait. they're all the same. but saying it's a muscular trait means it's a male trait. this is the thing.