It's ok to look, isn't it

[AviatorTom]

This myTake is prompted by an interesting video by Bettina Arndt, an Australian writer and commentator who specializes in sex and gender issues. In this video, she talks about how women dress, show off their bodies, and how and why men look at them. Her views may be controversial, especially to feminists.

I've known several women who don't mind when men look at them. In fact, I've never known a woman who gets upset when a man looks at them. It doesn't mean they want (or expect) the man to have sex with them, with or without their approval. And I've always been of the opinion that there's nothing wrong with looking. In fact, I dated a woman in college who used to tell me, "I don't mind you looking at other women, because I know what you're getting from me."

What do you think?

Is it okay for women to dress any way they want and not expect men to look? And when men do look, it's okay to shame them?

[Guido]

We are programmed to look at what we find attractive. If that happens to be a beautiful woman then so be it. It could be her cleavage, butt, legs, nice smile, choice of outfit or hair style. Whatever it is we see that we like, we will naturally have a longer look.

In reality, women are no different. If they see a good looking man or one dressed in an outfit that they like, they will look longer. In fact, I had a woman that told me she sat with friends on a bench and man watched guessing each guy if his dick hung to the right or left. Tell me this is any different from a man looking a cleavage.

[Ju_nishi]

As a woman who doesn't have a lot to be looked at, uses plain clothes and is very shy, I don't see any problem in men (or women) looking.

As long as they don't make it creepy and stare too intently for long, or try to touch, it is part of human nature. To look at something that pleases you.

There is a big difference in people looking at someone and people not respecting their personal spaces or think they got a free pass to annoy or harass someone because of what they are using.

[AviatorTom]

@Ju_nishi Perhaps you can explain why someone staring at you from a distance (no touching) upsets you.

[Ju_nishi]

Have you ever been in a situation where you are in a public space and every time you look at some direction, you notice that the same person is staring intently at you? That other people around also notice that the person doesn't stop looking at you? Do you think it is normal?

This is what I am talking about.

[Red_Arrow]

Often a woman who "doesn't have a lot to be looked at" is very attractive. Some people prefer women with smaller builds.

[Hawkes_Lady]

Yes, feel free to look. If I am dressing in a way that draws your eye... I am probably doing it purposely to get you to look. I most likely want and like the attention.

But, just because I dress in a tight and or low-cut cleavage-baring blouse/shirt, a pair of short shorts, a mini skirt, or any other type of clothing that is revealing and or eye-catching for the male population, does not give you permission to touch said merchandise.

[AviatorTom]

Whole-heartedly agree. That's the main point of the video.

[Hawkes_Lady]

As long as turnabout is fair play... if you have a wonderfully large bulge to stare at then I am going to be staring at you too!

[OnlyMeee]

@Hawkes_Lady from a males perspective It would be rude not to look 😊

[OnlyMeee]

Stare away lol 🤣😆

[Hawkes_Lady]

@OnlyMeee Good to know!

[OnlyMeee]

@Hawkes_Lady I wouldn't mind being stared at. I would quite like it in fact 😉😁

[Hawkes_Lady]

@OnlyMeee Well, I have to admit that I do like to look

[OnlyMeee]

@Hawkes_Lady brill. All good fun. I would message you but as you don't follow me, I can't. I'm always happy to chat ☺️

[Lara_Croft]

No Godly respectable man wants to see your boobs right off the bat. Attract him other ways. Billions of girls show their cleavage already, differentiation is a good thing

[loveslongnails]

HaHa --- And the difference between men and women is, in my opinion, ~~~~~~~~> the vast majority of men would love it if you touched, with or without permission! LOL

[orangecherry]

NO guy has ever tried to touch my boobs except bfs

[Socaljp]

But we want to🤗

[AviatorTom]

@Hawkes_Lady Do you have X-ray vision? How are you seeing me? 😎

[RavVid]

I take a somewhat retro view that if it is on show then it is OK to look at the goods and you are always entitled to read the message on a T shirt.

I've taken to describing the need to look as a call of nature here on GAG. It truly is but I have got push back on the concept.

What I can confidently say that in my primal primitive male sex circuits there are a number of synapses dedicated to unconscious continual scanning for female beauty.

I don't know about other guys but I can be walking down the street with my neo cortex fully engaged on my finances than become suddenly aware that I have an erection. My female beauty scanner has popped up an alert because I immediately know the bearing of the bestower of my erection. There is quite simply a jolt of sexual interest that suddenly and unexpectedly arises.

Today is Marvelous Melbourne Cup Day – a horse race - and, at coffee this morning, the girls walking past were all frocked up. It is more like conscious casual browsing in these circumstances as the girls are dolled up and are looking good. There is a surfeit of cleavage today. Inevitably there are going to some girls who are special enough to generate a Phoar jolt of sexual interest in my sex circuits.

Sexual interest is sparked in a more multi-modal and subtle way than simple tit exposure but it does work. Girls are disingenuous in the extreme to pretend otherwise. Often I find it quite crass but I am still going to have a good look as I still haven’t seen enough breasts yet.

It really is faux outrage at men responding to female sexual signalling. The subtext of the Tik Toks is that I’m so hot the men all have to stare. It is a form of female boasting via complaining about it.

I will continue to unreservedly answer calls of nature.

[Ladyblanche]

You have outdated views

[RavVid]

@Ladyblanche Firmware is non updateable.

[AlexisTerror]

Should be able to fully oogle and stare, and not be shamed of it.

Two sides of the same coin, women dressed up to be noticed.

Remember first time I dressed up I was really conscious cause guys fully stopped and just looked down and stared at my private areas.

Which was kinda surprising as I've seen much hotter women not get that?

But as daunting as it was, I'd alwayed dreamed of aspiring lust like that, so I was like "welp, better get going"

It's a free world, or should be, you shouldn't be shamed for using your eyes in a public place, no matter how creepy it is, a man shouldn't be forced to avert their eyes from a woman like they are a chinese empress, that in my opinion is far worse.

One of them compels someone to do something, the other doesn't.

[sparklycoconut]

As someone who hates being stared at and is also a feminist, women can't reasonably get mad at men for just looking. We are humans we all look at people that stand out to us.
Also men will look at women no matter what we wear so the "dressing any way they want" part is irrelevant.
for me, the reason I hate being stared at could have something to do with the fact that where I'm from, staring at someone is seen as confrontational

i don't mind a look and a smile but getting stared at puts me in fight or flight mode

[Lara_Croft]

There looking because a woman has her butt, boobs and everything out. And then there's looking because the woman who passed by was intriguing or beautiful. However Jesus says, if a man looks at a woman to list your her he's anyway committed adultery with her in his heart

[strateguy632]

and consider the "golden rule" look at me, so i can look at you.

[shadowowner]

No reason to shame or blame men, surely you agree. And one can't say they are the victim of society when there is an apparent anxiety issue to be dealt with internally.

[bobinnes00]

Never thought I would "like" a comment from a feminist, lol! :D

[Amy10223]

Feminists just don’t want women to appear as sexual objects for men. That’s it in a nutshell. They want us to be looked at with respect and as intelligent creatures. When men giggle, they don’t like that attention because it appears they only like us for THAT.
But men can’t help looking, and that’s normal and natural. And, honestly, when men stop looking is when we women begin to worry— that we are not attractive to men anymore. At least honest women — will tell you that.

[Amy10223]

I meant ogle, not giggle! Lol

[007kingifrit]

then feminists are dumb liars,

you are sexual objects, its the primary purpose of your life, women who disagree will die without passing their genetics on and be erased from history.

now is that all we like about you for? no. but it is the most important thing

[Amy10223]

@007kingifrit I don’t t think you understand their viewpoints. It’s beyond your realm of thinking.

[Siri137]

@007kingifrit "... women who disagree will die without passing their genetics on..."
Oh gee, what a catastrophe that will be (eyeroll). I think I'll live. LOL. God there are some utterly DERANGED viewpoints on this site! :D
And no, we're not "sexual objects"! None of us are.

[007kingifrit]

@Siri137 die without passing on your genetic material and les and less women will be feminists each year. even now less than 1/3 of women identify as feminists under 30. you don't breed, you are a genetic dead end

so we can just ignore you

[Amy10223]

@007kingifrit Apparently YOU will die off too, because thankfully we wouldn't give in to you, and WE are the ones who can carry babies.

[lazermazer]

Respect and intelligence,,, both were lost longtime back.

[007kingifrit]

@Amy10223

the birth rates of non feminist women aren't low though, you ARE giving in to me, i am winning

[Amy10223]

@lazermazer Speak for yourself, and not for other men.

[Amy10223]

@007kingifrit I understood nothing of what you said; it makes no sense. Haha! I'm giving in to you? You wish. By the way, we're not horses that you can "breed". Jeez.. where did you grow up in?

[Siri137]

He obviously grew up in a sewer.

[Amy10223]

@Siri137 hahaha!

[lazermazer]

I am speaking for myself, both were lost when woman started wearing revealing clothes.

[Siri137]

@lazermazer Define "revealing"? I'm guessing you think that anything less than a burqa is "too revealing". Ugh! Enough with your caveman views!

[lirikri4]

It should also be fair to say that boobs are the first thing I see if I pass a random women on the streets. Like how am I supposed to like her personality when I don't know her at all?

[Unknown8264]

If a woman is wearing something flashy than it’s obvious men will stare and if she thinks that this is creepy than it’s her fault for wearing that kind of outfit.
I normally wear decent like very conservative but I hate when men comment on my clothes / body even if it was a compliment. dress
Women that say they have the freedom to wear anything (like showing a lot of skin or very flashy) and then expect men or anyone else to not stare or comment are selfish. This is human nature to get attracted to opposite sex with skin showing or even flash color / style clothes

[incorrected]

It's biologically innate for men to look at women and 'scan' key regions, it's morally fine. Starring a bit too long can be uncomfortable if you're a woman and you don't want the attention, particularly from unattractive men starring from a distance, but it's also a way for men to check women's response to them noticing, to know whether it's okay to flirt or not. Some women dress to sell sex, revealing their bodies, and then complain that this broadcasting doesn't only make it to the men she wants, and some get no real attention and are so jealous of the attention attractive women get that they demonise men and pretend they too get said attention and that's why they're unhappy, rather than the truth which is that nobody wants them.

If women want Feminist equality, they're going to have to take up some of the burden by dressing modestly and approaching men more, rather than changing nothing about their behaviour and expecting men to just stop being men.

[el_Te_de_la_Rosa]

In public I don't wear revealing clothes because not all men can control themselves. Leggings are enough to have men grope and follow me home🥲. So better not.

.

I happened to have my cleavage exposed once (maybe more). I didn't notice until a bro mentioned about it to a new member (a volunteer group) I looked up and saw some men I didn't know much looking at me. Personally, I don't mind as long as I feel safe. There always were somewhat guards? to block other men from getting close to me. Not that I like it, or should I thank them❔️Many are not single, why not let me do whatever I want.

.

Well, my point is all about safety.

[Miristheiss]

Men are going to look so it is irrelevant to me if the women are ok with it. It is going to happen whether they are ok with it or not. She is showing them off so she knows that anyway.

Is it ok for women to dress that way?

I still believe in the basics of life. Just because the hook up generation comes along and preaches all of these ridiculous standards, just because in the post sexual revolution people preach the "new" standards of what is acceptable and what is not doesn't mean I live by their ridiculous, hedonistic drivel.

If a woman is in a relationship. If a woman is married then she no longer dresses that way. If she is single she may show off a bit of the body do attract some male interest but once she's committed to somebody that stuff stops. You dress modestly.

Half the degenerates today think they should be married and still dress like a prostitute. Those men who give their commitment to women like that... they are fools.

[strateguy632]

wait only the one with eye decides what to do nobody can decide how OTHERS use their eyes.

[nastyb]

well if I were on a date with you, is it ok to look at men more attractive than you?

if you can look at other women, I can look at other men.

No double standards.

[AviatorTom]

Sure... no harm in looking, guys or girls.

[nastyb]

not many guys would say that.

[Lara_Croft]

Why do your eyes want to wonder. If your date is wondering with his eyes then something is up

[strateguy632]

but that is the point! guys have NOT been fussing about girls ogling others. it started with gals calling us cheat for looking.

[nastyb]

@strateguy632

Haha all the guys i been out with tell me its disrespectful to look at others while on a date.

Just imagine how funny it would be if we both kept checking out other people during out date. We could be asking out these people hotter than us

[lirikri4]

What else are you gonna do? Go blind?

[nastyb]

@lirikri4

no i will intentionally look at men who are hotter than you. then when you mention it to me. i will say "so what? he hotter than you! why can't i look? its natural!"

[bobinnes00]

I usually date bisexual women, both our eyes wander, lol! :D

[Alltheflowers84]

Hell yes, you are so right!!!

[loveslongnails]

What about flat chested women? When there's nothing to stare at up top, it boils down to what she said initially - attention is welcomed from the "right guy" only. If she finds you attractive, a guy is granted a certain amount of leeway. If she doesn't, you're a creep.

Now with that said, I'm not advocating or condoning staring, "stalking with your eyes" or creating an uncomfortable situation for someone, whether it's intentional or unintended. But the reality seems to be that if anyone finds the person paying attention to them to be attractive, that attention is just fine within certain boundaries.

[Anemone978]

If you have it out don't complain people are looking at it.. I never understand women like that it is just stupid and they are stupid too lol

[rebeliouse]

ye they have it out but then seem to think they can then choose whos allowed to look that attitude puzzles the fuck out of me!

[Anemone978]

@rebeliouse Dumb entitled whores is all it is LOL

[msc545]

Women can dress however they want but they're going to be consequences and one major consequence is that men may look at them. If that makes them uncomfortable, they probably should dress differently or do other things to avoid the gaze of men. I think it is particularly obnoxious when women dress provocatively and then complain when men look at them.

[Socaljp]

Women love it

[veganrogue]

I remember a comedian doing a sketch based on this very topic.

It went something like this:

So I went to a club and met this woman with beautiful boobs and a low cut top and I had to do a double take. I found myself staring at her spectacular boobs as I'm a guy who enjoys boobs, and then I noticed that they were dusted with glitter!

She said, "You guys are all pigs", to which I responded, "Your boobs are covered with glitter! Take something I'm already going to stare at, and then make them extra sparkly! Why, if you don't want male attention to your boobs would you cover them with glitter?".

I think a woman should be able to dress in any manner she chooses, but if that manner is provocative, than you should expect a certain amount of male attention and not get so bent out of shape when a guy responds to his natural instincts and takes a look. She created the condition after all.

[Anonymous]

Any woman that goes out in public with her cleavage showing and then complains when men look is a moron. I don't mind the attention sometimes so I'll dress for it, but if I am not in the mood for it I'll dress accordingly.

[riverrat3]

Well said

[Jennz6]

If I dress voluptuously to get guys to look at me and they don’t look at me, I would be upset. Usually when I’m with a guy, he looks at other girls. Maybe I’m not attractive enough? When I was a Topless Dancer 💃 the guys were always looking? Do I have to take off my clothes?

[nawtee_me]

I am always looking…. ;)

[Jennz6]

@nawtee_me 💃👙💕

[Red_Arrow]

It is hard to imagine you dressing voluptuously and guys not looking at you! You would not need to take off your clothes to get my attention (although, I would enjoy that view even more)

[Jennz6]

@Red_Arrow let’s go to the Nudist beach and look at each other

[Red_Arrow]

Sounds great!

[Jennz6]

@Red_Arrow it’s in your DNA if you watched that video

[Red_Arrow]

Okay, so you know I would enjoy seeing your boobs (and other things). But is your interest in looking at me nude in your DNA? ;-)

[Jennz6]

@Red_Arrow sure, girls like to look too but we don’t tell you how much we appreciate it

[Red_Arrow]

Well, you may not tell, but I can sure see it in the eyes of many women! Probably not as distinct as in the eyes of men watching you dance, but still...

[Jennz6]

@Red_Arrow okay!

[ManOnFire]

@Jennz6 Oooooh if you dress voluptuously then you must have a thick body🔥

[bobinnes00]

He looks at other girls because, well, because he's a guy!

[Mac-One]

I look just because it is natural to do so; whether it is large boobs, extremely short skirt, other revealing clothing, or what ever. It is not necessarily because of sexual interest. I find a slim body and small boobs to be more practical and attractive.

[ManOnFire]

The women who dress for their body parts to be seen and want to pick and choose which men they're okay with looking at them, are usually the problem. I've looked at tons of women in short skirts or had bare arms out and cleavage showing and almost none of them took offense. I also openly joke sexually with female friends about their bodies and they don't get upset either.

[Socaljp]

Sounds like the ManOnFire is on fire with the ladies.🤣

[ManOnFire]

@Socaljp You might be on to something😉

[Socaljp]

How bout sending some of that fire my way lol. Socaljp can always put it to use 🤣

[Rei13]

It is hard for me not to look at woman’s boobs when she wears something low cut because a lot of the the time other women’s chests are at around eye level for me. Then I feel awkward cause I don’t want someone to think I’m staring but they’re literally in my face

[Angelo75]

Well let's flip the roles.

If I decide to dress a certain way (let's say a see-through-pants for my genitals), I can't decide how people are going to respond to it.
I could "wish", but I simply can't decide or set rules for other people.

Simply, if I don't want to be treated a certain way, I just won't dress in the way to send that signal.

[purplepoppy]

Look yes, stare no. Feel free to admire them when they're in your field of view but don't fix your eyes on them. Glance don't gawp.

[strateguy632]

but we would only know that rule from religion that teaches that. for an atheist nothing is bad.

[rebeliouse]

but your taught to study and stare at a piece of art!