Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

*Disclaimer: Not everything you read on the internet is actually true or legit. But this totally is.


I've seen many takes trying to help unsuccessful nice guys™ and bad guys™ to become good/real men™ instead. So I've decided to make something similar for women. :D Although this is for women only, I am honestly doing guys a favor by trying to transform unapproachable women into actual wife material.

Well spoken and well-mannered

A good woman does not use vulgar and inappropriate language. She does not use these words: f***, s***, b****, n****, crap, stupid, damn, vagina, eeewww, creep, asshole, jerk, douchebag, dumbass, stop, I have a boyfriend. etc.

Instead, she uses more ladylike expressions such as: love, dear, honey, handsome, sugar butt, sexy daddy, ouh la la, hhmmmmm, yes, could you please, thank you. etc.

In addition, good women always shows men that their chivalry and compliments are greatly appreciated. When a man catcalls you, a "thank you" and a smile can go a long way in showing consideration and appreciation for the valiant efforts of good men.

Well dressed

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

Good women do not dress inappropriately. They are aware that wearing a micro skirt and a tube top can make men feel uncomfortable in public. But they also do not overdress or pay too much attention to fashion, because confident women are aware and not ashamed of their sex appeal. So good women show a reasonable amount of skin of their most appealing body parts.

Feeling comfortable is not as important as feeling attractive. Because the more attractive you are to men, the more comfortable you will be with yourself.

Annoyingly positive and pathologically optimistic

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

A good woman always smiles even when she doesn't feel like it. It goes without saying that being sad, angry or worried are not an acceptable option. A good woman is optimistic, not realistic. So you should never worry about the risks/consequences of your actions or think about the "bad intentions" of men.

Being happy sends positive vibes and happiness attracts people. So the bigger your smile, the more approachable you will be.

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

Generosity and kindness are woman traits

A good woman is generous and donates at least 10$ a month to charity. She is also generous when it comes to sex or displaying her generous curves.

In addition, a good woman never says no and she always puts others before her own needs. She will sacrifice time, passion, dreams and ressources in order to satisfy the man of her dreams.

Do NOT eat your emotions

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

Good women do not try to eat their emotions with snacks. They exercise and burn their emotions away. And if they do eat comfort food they vomit it right away. How much of your fat are emotions that you were too lazy to burn?

Feminist and proud to still be considered unequal

A good woman is a radical feminist. Sure, everyone believes in equal rights but the good woman feels the need to wear the label to feel special and above others. She is very in your face about her convictions and constantly generalizes and demonizes men. This is a defense mechanism to keep all the genuinely nice and honest men away and attract only the Real/Good men who obviously lack any respect towards their silly ways.

Manipulative men are a more exciting challenge for manipulative women and they usually have bigger testicles. A man listening to or agreeing with a feminist would not be standing up for himself or his gender and therefore be a complete turnoff. So good women use feminism as a test to see which men would make the best and most resilient partners.

Talk a lot

Yes, men love women who always have something to say. It doesn't matter if you are interesting, intelligent or boring because chances are real men aren't even listening to you anyway. So just keep talking.

Interrupt or be interrupted

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

A good woman interrupts others while they are speaking but does not allow others to interrupt her. This is because a good woman is above others and she is aware of it. She feels self entitled to attention. She pretends listening to others but mostly listens to herself.

Being inconsiderate is also a turn on for some guys (i.e. the guys you care about). Men who like arguing will become impatient and verbally violent towards your disrespectful behavior. Take this opportunity to slap them and engage sexual intercourse.

Dishonest, tricky and hard to get

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

A good woman plays games. She does not make it obvious that she likes or dislikes a man. She always tries to make them paranoid and she enjoys playing with a man's heart. The more hearts you break and the more guys you reject, the more powerful and desirable you become.

Unreliable and unpredictable

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

A good woman procrastinates and is never on time. Arriving on time would be showing impatience and make you appear overly desperate. It is important to keep men constantly anxious, wondering and worrying about everything. It also makes them feel happier and hornier when they finally see the women arrive on the scene.

Although it is encouraged to be late, sometimes you should also arrive 1 hour in advance to "mix things up" a bit. This is to keep men confused and surprised, as your occasional punctuality will be more impressive and mysterious to them. It will also make them feel guilty for not arriving earlier themselves.

Made for home

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

A good woman is not afraid to get down on her knees, use her hands and get dirty! Good women have few passions, little ambition and are mostly interested in staying home and cleaning the house. She does not see the interest in pursuing a male dominated career or any carreer for that matter. Because she knows good men will provide for her needs.

One mean cooking machine

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

A good woman isn't afraid to spend most of her time in the kitchen. In fact cooking a good meal for her husband makes her feel empowered and in control of his diet.

Be natural and be yourself

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!

Men dig natural girls (as well as naturists) so don't be afraid to just be yourself and follow your most basic instincs. Unless of course being yourself means you are not being a good woman. Then be a good woman instead.

Negative/Evil types of women

Finally, now that we know what a Good/Real Woman is, here is what you should avoid being at all costs:

Tomboy girls™
Tomboy girls™ are too masculine which is a turn off for real men. In addition they are fake and hypocrite and do not make good friends or good partners. Because tomboy girls™ are typically only in it for sex that's why they have so many guy friends with benefits.

Girly girls™
Girly girls™ are too cute which isn't a good way to provoke a boner. They are selfish and close minded because they only care about their boring girly stuff (e.g. makeup, fashion and chick flicks) and show no interest in masculine hobbies like sports, cars, action movies, death metal music and video games.

Hippie girls™
You know the annoying vegetarian granola kids who think chanting and dancing will save our planet? Kum bay ya, my Lord, kum bay ya, O Lord, kum bay ya. Down with capitalism, save the whales. etc. Hippie girls™ are delusional, full of themselves and arrogant. They believe in a utopia which means they are disconnected from reality. They only pretend to be selfless and kind but they are not genuine like the Good woman.

Asian girls™
Asian girls™ seem quiet, submissive and friendly on the outside but are quite mischievous in reality. They usually only want to steal white girls boyfriends so they cannot be trusted.

Cold girls™
Have you ever smiled to a girl and she didn't smile back? She is a Cold girl™. Cold girls™ are not worth anyone's time because their standards are too high. They are snobs and don't understand how to act like a real woman. The next time you see a cold girl™, give her the cold shoulder.

Cool girls™
If you ask a girl to do something and she does it, she is a Cool girl™. Cool girls™ may seem attractive on the surface but are actually quite monstrous on the inside. They are only pretending to be cool in order to please you and be your friend. That means they are ill intentioned and bad/obvious manipulators which makes them not cool at all.

Note: Not to confuse with Cool Chick Carol™ which is the epitome of a Good/Real Woman™.

Fat girls™
If a girl is overweight/chubby, she is a Fat girl™. They should be avoided because Fat girls™ are known for their gluttony, negative whiny attitude and lack of self control. They are not interested in being healthy so why should healthy guys be interested in them?

Shy girls™
Nothing is a bigger turnoff than a girl who turns red and doesn't talk a lot. Shy girls™ are only pretending to be shy because they always want to on the receptive and passive end of a conversation, and they expect men to do the talking for them. Being shy shows weakness and imperfection and nobody wants that.

Outgoing girls™
Outgoing girls™ are too intimidating and disrespectful. They don't know when to leave a man alone and they feel entitled to unwanted conversations. They are trying to be friendly but their extravertedness is quite emasculating. Let the man decide who he wants to talk to. If a real man doesn't approach you, it's because they think you're not worth their time. And that means you are not a real woman.

If you feel like you are one of the negative/evil types above, then I implore you to question your personality and ask yourself: "How can I improve as a person and become a better manipulator as well as a more attractive woman?"

To recapitulate

14 tips to increase your luck with guys:

  1. Be well spoken and well mannered
  2. Be well dressed
  3. Be annoyingly positive and pathologically optimistic
  4. Be generous and kind
  5. Do not eat your emotions
  6. Wear the feminist label proudly
  7. Talk a lot
  8. Interrupt or be interrupted
  9. Be dishonest/tricky and play hard to get
  10. Be unreliable and unpredictable
  11. Clean
  12. Cook
  13. Be natural and be yourself
  14. Don't be a negative/evil woman

Thanks for reading. I hope this helped a few women understand how to become better human beings. ;)



(If you haven't guessed already this was a satirical parody)

Are you a real/good woman? Learn how you can become more approachable!
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Most Helpful Girl

  • LastGirlScout

    I'm not sure where I fall, but its not in the Good Woman section. Thank you so much for this enlightening article, I'm going to go strip off and make my man some dinner. Then I'll clean the oven and give a lecture on how global warning isn't that bad after all.

    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • NateInAk

    You should've just left off the disclaimer and the note that it was satirical and seen how many women blew their tops haha

    Is this still revelant?
    • Haha, yeah that was tempting and it would have probably created a shitstorm or flamewar. :P

      But honestly the reason why I wanted to make it clear I was joking was because I'm aware there are many young 13-16 years old girls on this site so I didn't want them to take any of this crap seriously.

    • NateInAk

      Yeah good point, girls who didn't get it could've seriously had their feelings hurt.

What Girls & Guys Said

107
  • srslyly

    The lists they constantly produce of things I'm supposed to be doing for them are so vapid and pathetic that I didn't realize you were joking until about three paragraphs in. Good Job!

    • Yeah haha. I was trying to make it obvious from the start but apparently a few people didn't get that I was making fun of these types of articles.

      There's no good or bad way to be a woman/man. But for some reason men are still expected to fit specific personality traits and gender roles.

  • urgarlayessica

    wow you put me under the bus... I am a cubby girl and its not true.. I work out and I am trying to lose weight but its hard... work, kids, home... but everything else I have...

    • I was only making fun of Kezia Noble and similar "How to be a real man" guides. As well as taking a jab at the feminists who generalize and demonize male personality traits.

      Please don't take any of this personal as it was a joke. Satire/Parody

    • ok... lol

  • MaskedSanity

    This is the best thing I have ever read on this entire boring-ass website full of uppity people.

    Great satire, five stars!

    • Good lord, the butthurt in the comment section... all of you people are sad sad fucks. /facepalm

  • COCOCHANEL

    i'm often told i'm cold (by men who aren't my type) and well... it's a necessary mechanism. it means ”rather than sleep on my floor you should take the hint and go home” but yeah you're right about feeling empowered by being in control of his diet. i love it ♥︎

    • Haha, this wasn't all that serious though. :P It was supposed to be humoristic. :)

      But yes I have a lot of admiration for women (and men) who are good at and love cooking. It's a skill that I'm lacking unfortunately but it's always amazing to have a friend or a SO who is passionate about it. :D I can tell you are waifu material for sure. xD Especially since you are from japan because japanese food is too yummy. :)

  • PineappleBreath

    How about next time you do satire you make it funny

  • Findesemana

    erm... i like how you promote kindness and tolerance.. yet bemoan.. well most women in Western culture...

    just be yourself... I think the Web has made dating too complex than it needs to be..

  • LittleSally

    The sad thing is... it's not even entertaining... :/

  • SirBunBun

    I'll just be myself, and find someone that are themselves. I'd happily be imperfect for happiness 😊

    // I did notice it's a parody yes xD

  • dwiller943

    I'm shy because it's NATURAL for me. Plus I have a GOOD reason to be shy.

  • AngelinaJones

    So just because I'm shy and girly means im a turn off? I don't think so... I am shy when I talk to people im not comfortable with yet guys still talk my head off and junk. Being shy doesn't mean im weak sir. Im STRONG on the inside and the outside. Im also a girly girl. I care a lot about my appearance but that doesn't mean I don't like to do anything active. Actually I love to exercise. So, I don't understand what you mean by shy and girly guys being turn offs because im both and I sure enough know how to turn a man on.

  • RalphBlack

    I am reporting this to Kezia Noble this instant

    • Oh nnooo I'm so scared. Please do report it to her, chances are Kezia Noble will be very impressed by my intellect and profound understanding of her philosophy. Who knows, we might even date because of this and I might become just as rich and famous. :D

    • RalphBlack

      DONT SASS ME!
      I wear the pants!

  • Mysterio421

    Lol this is gonna be a long night. *Grabs Popcorn*

  • kangy

    I dont want to be feminist

  • DumpliingPrincess

    Lawl satire

  • soHotttZac

    Cute as long as I know you will get me off to

  • Anonymous

    what's left bruh? you mentioned all types of girls... and i don't agree every girl is different from the other girl and every girl is sweet in her own way

  • Anonymous

    I understand that this is satirical, but it still bothers me because I think you're being a tad dramatic. Guys are expected to be outgoing and have the balls to approach girls. It isn't fair, but also isn't comparable to everything you put in this article. This is an article of a dozen ridiculous expectations when men only have two in the dating game.

    • It's a little more than two things. Men are expected to be: outgoing/social beasts, overly confident/have impeccable self-esteem, be overly optimistic, dominant, show leadership, like arguing, show minimal emotions, be honest but not be an open book, be nice but only part time, be serious/mature but still funny, be cocky/arrogant, have ridiculous ambitions, have a good job, be tall, be athletic etc.

      "The Real Man is the polar opposite of the Nice Guy. He is the manifestation of traits in a man that women universally and naturally feel attracted to."

      By saying things like that you classify 80% of guys as not good enough and make them think they need to change and become 100% manly to have a chance. You also demonize romantic/chivalrous guys by generalizing and insinuating all the 50/50 guys are "nice guys" and thus manipulative and undesirable. It is highly ironic considering it is teaching genuinely nice and honest men to become more manipulative instead of just being themselves.

    • The point I was trying to get accross is that there is no "good" or "bad" way to be a woman. There is no such thing as a woman who is too masculine, too girly, too shy, too kind or too dominant. So it should be the same way for men. We should all just aim to be morally just and comfortable with ourselves.

    • Anonymous

      Who actually expects men to be like that though? The only people I see saying men should be that way are PUAs

    • Show All
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