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Why I STILL Haven't Given Up (On Men) (Page 2)
Anonymous
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I'm really sorry to all the things that happened to you. You went through what no one should go through. I really wish you more luck from now on, you certainly deserve it. And I'm happy that you could handle this situation the way you did, today it seems only part of your past cause you could defeat all those adversities. I don't know if can be called a happy ending, I prefer to believe that the happiest things will still come.
Thank you so much :)
This is one of the most touching, yet balanced "takes" I've ever read. I for one, do not see this as an indictment of men, I see it as the truth that you've seen, while acknowledging that all men are not like that (they aren't). I hope you find a man worthy of you. Good luck!
Thank you. I forgot I wrote this. I'm afraid the internet has made me bitter again :(
I don't want to be that way. But I find it odd that so many guys hate women for merely getting rejected.
I can't blame them. But now I'm getting sucked into the negativity I fought so hard to escape.
If anyone can overcome negativity it's you. I have faith in YOU. You are clearly, not just a good person, but a THINKING one, which is much rarer. If I were 20 years younger I would be pounding on your door right now asking you out.
It's no use. They've gotten to me. I'm as bitter as they come :/
All that work to build up to not hold anything against men for nothing.
I don't know anything more about you than what you've written, but you don't seem like the type of woman who gives up. I remember the fill your belly up trick too. If you don't mind my asking, where do you live (generally speaking) the USA?
Fill your belly up trick? What's that?
Chicago
Dang buchita
don't take this the wrong way; but I always saw you as the quirky girl who would write some sweet answers to peeps, without a care in Le world
but have a poop ton of respect for ya now, even more so.
Keep doing what ya doing ^_^
Thank you very much :)
I'm so sorry to hear about your abusive experience. Strong women like you are a gift to this world.
Thank you very much :)
You are a very strong person, I wish you the best in life
Thank you very much. I am still trying to achieve the best :)
Don't let anyone stop you :) Cheers
I feel like such an asshole for ever complaining about anything now. Well I wish you the best and stay strong. :) I never would have guessed that someone as positive as you has been through all that
Appreciate what you have lol I do. It's ok to complain and vent. As long as we're still grateful. I try to stay positive. Sometimes it's a little difficult.
Thank you very much :)
I forgot to mention, have you considered getting therapy? You sound really overly sympathetic towards the men, and you've had bad exes but were still kind to them. Also, for your dad, brother, and the crazy guy at work why didn't you call the police or get help faster?
I have gotten therapy and counseling.
We don't call cops. I don't know why, but we don't really like to call cops.
The reason I didn't call the cops on my dad cuz all that shit happened before I turned 5yrs old. We didn't have a phone in the house, we were dirt poor. Not to mention I was terrified of my dad.
My brother, I didn't wanna have him go the same route as my dad. Though he was leading himself down that path.
I tried to kick him out so many times, but I worked and went to school. So I'd come back and see that he had forced himself back in. My younger brothers were afraid of him.
The stalker at work, I didn't wanna feel responsible for someone losing their job. It's a tough economy. I just wanted him to leave me alone.
My problem is that I'm not the type who asks for help, or at least I wasn't.
For one reason or another, I just didn't really like talking to people, and much less to ask for help.
Also, I tagged you in Scramble's comment. I don't think it went through. But there's a lot more to explain it.
I can't write it all out from my mom's perspective because it would've made this myTake even longer.
You and your family are really tough; I'm glad you finally got help! Although, I think someone should have still called the cops, or told someone outside of your family/friends... Also, if that guy didn't want to lose his job, then he shouldn't have acted like a criminal.
My family isn't a fan of calling cops.
Yea, true. But I don't wanna feel guilty for someone losing their job.
Hmm. you shouldn't feel guilty ever, especially if you had decided to call the police.
I've seen you on here many times and you're a very sweet girl. I'm very sorry you went through this. I admire your strength.
Thank you very much :)
Wow. you're strong, thoughtful and lovely. I am sad that you have suffered a lot. I hope that you will achieve your biggest dream because u deserve it. I love you!! :')
Thank you very much :)
This has brought tears to my eyes. I was thinking how sad my life is. You are awesome.
Don't worry. It's behind me now :)
And thank you very much :)
Oh looks like there's a bit more to your story, I'm still at work but I'll post this here and read it when I get off.
To be continued...
"I cannot wait for the day I look back and laugh at this, though sometimes I do lol"
I sincerely hope so too after everything you've been through.
Yeah reading this again ill reiterate that all this has made me seriously respect you a whole lot more, especially considering that how you are now, you appear to be more motivated than ever to succeed.
But damn were you struggling... i think most people here have never known hunger like you have. Your father was a seriously cruel man and im glad he's out of your life.
What happened with your older brother? he sounds like he should be in prison.
But yeah i hope everything goes well for you from now on!
It was a very long read lol I'm sorry.
I do look back and laugh. I mean, even through all that, plenty of things I am still embarrassed about, and I am kinda ashamed. (Like learning how to drink milk without the roaches getting ingested). But you gotta do what you gotta do you know? I remember feeling so bad to see my baby brothers crying from hunger.
I don't really tell my life cuz I've had friends literally cry in front of me. I told them to not cry cuz it's behind me now.
Thank you though :)
My dad is still somewhat of a scumbag. He called and asked for money cuz he heard I was working. I haven't spoken to him cuz I forgave him, but he still wants to fuck us over. Or mooch. I don't have a problem helping, but he wanted me to send him like thousands of dollars. I don't have that kinda money lol
He has been getting better. He has improved a lot. I try to help him still. But they we fought. I'm glad he's different.
No need to apologize for the length i think it all needed to be said!
It seems like you were always there for your little brothers. :)
I understand your friends crying, i mean i nearly teared up myself a little. :/
in my opinion i don't think you should ever help your father... but then he is your father... family... so i understand its a bit complicated than to just write him out completely. You sound like you have a lot of patience when dealing with him.
Eh. He's my dad. I may not like him, but you only get one father. I don't send him money cuz he has to earn it lol
My brother has gotten A LOT better. He knows now I guess that no matter how big and strong he is, I will always stand up against him if he wants to act stupid. I don't care if I get my ass beat lol But no hitting my brothers in front of me.
Now he's calmed down.
I understand his anger and frustration too. When my dad got arrested, my oldest brother dropped out of high school at 16 and worked to help my mom with the bills.
We struggled for a long time. I was 11 at the time.
My brother basically worked for like 4 or 5yrs until I finally got a full time job. Then he went back to school to get his high school diploma at 21.
I understand why my brother resorted to selling and doing drugs, he was forced to leave school.
It was violent tendencies I didn't like.
It's a very long story, with all types of fucked up situations for everyone involved.
well thats good for your brother.
I just hope he and your father continue improving and don't slip back into their old cruel ways again
Yea. I mean, as bad as it was. I understand their actions. The more and more you delve into it, the more fucked up it was. My oldest brother had to deal with my abusive father the most. He was 9 or 10 when we went to foster. My dad was a hard ass.
My brother has improved a lot. And we do argue sometimes, but he doesn't fight me anymore. And my dad I guess has grown from it, but he's a cheapskate now lol And asks for money.
Overall, I don't hate any of them. I will admit that my goal for the longest time was to see my dad again and punch him. Not for me, but for hurting my mama.
I dropped that goal cuz holding grudges never helped.
You seem like a forgivable person which is something i don't see very often in people. I cannot even fathom what i would do or how i would feel if i were in your shoes.
People who take their freedom for granted , don't learn.
This is true.
Thanks for your response :)
Your welcome, you ve got the biggest heart in gag! <3
When you made this post, i was pretty surprised. I didn't realize that kind of strength existed on GaG
Thank you very much :)
it´s just hard to find decent people generally. it´s hard to not be bitter about it at times.
Yea, I'm well aware of that. I am not a bitter person against men as I was before.
rightfully so! ^^ there are a lot of douchebags but at least as many nice guys waiting out there :)
you are a role model that should be taught to kids in schools
Thank you very much :)
If and when I achieve my dreams and goals, I'll be sure to tell my tale to those who listen :)
I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thank you :)
I camend U'r tanasity in life & I'm glad U have never given up or let all the bad bring U into it.
Thank you very much :)
I'm really sorry for all your experiences. What gets me (pls forgive me for looking cold but it's an observation) your dad at least had a girl. What's even worse, he did all those terrible things. Versus some nice guy who would never do that but can't get a girl? It just doesn't add up and that frustration turns to anger. Anyway I'm not defending anything or saying wrongs or rights, it's all messed up but nice guys who wanted only nice things die, and from that coffin, a monster is born.
He wasn't like that when my mother met him. I asked my mother that too. And she said he was very nice and sweet.
Bitter guys always say things like "why the hell was she with a bad guy?"
But my mother didn't meet him when he was bad. He turned bad.
They were together for a few years, and they decided to get married. He was her first love. She said he was a very nice guy. He'd listen to all my mom's problems, he'd even rub her feet and shit.
And then she got pregnant.
They decided to come to the US to give us a better life. They're from a little village in Mexico.
The city life was so different. And that's when he started to change.
She got pregnant again. She was working and she noticed how he started drinking.
She ended up getting pregnant year after year, and with each pregnancy, I guess my dad regretted it more and more and wanted to "live life". She wanted to leave him, our family is Catholic and would chastise her for considering a divorce.
She met him as a nice guy, not as bad.
@Take Owner Hrm. I disagree: He probably was terrible, and you're mom just refused to see that, because she really liked him for whatever the reason. I can't fathom someone randomly turning bad/
I couldn't write it much more on my mother's perspective, it would've made this myTake a whole lot longer.
But she tried to leave him. He would harrass and stalk her. He'd get her fired at her jobs, he was a very jealous man. My mother was just trying to make money for the bills cuz he spent all of his on beer and women.
He would beat her and take her money.
She begged her brothers (my uncles) to please let us all move in with them, and they turned their backs. They said she had to learn how to deal with her husband cuz you can't just run from marriages. She'd show her bruises and ours too, and they told her to find ways to keep her husband happy.
But they did get mad at my dad and kicked his ass. They told him to stop cheating and beating us, that my mom was ready to leave him. And then they dragged him underneath a barbed wire fence and he was sent to the hospital.
When he came out, he was pissed off. He found my mom's stash of money and gave her another beating for telling.
It's a very long story. And I could write a novel on this, but I don't wanna overwhelm anyone with details.
In the beginning, in the little village in Mexico, he was the sweetest thing to my mother. Neither of them had ever even set foot in the US, so they only knew the little quaint village life.
Coming to the city was very different. The little village only had a population of what? 20people? And the city had millions.
There were bars and clubs, malls, stores, and so much more.
Not to mention they were both still young.
I'm not saying the city tainted my dad, but it seemed like he regretted marrying my mom and having kids young and he wanted to live his youth, the city way. Going drinking, clubbing, banging different women, etc.
He tied the knot too soon. Cuz he and my mom are from a little village, so it was a culture shock.
He was a very sweet man, but I guess he wanted to live his youth and then he turned to shit.
@HeartsBloodDupree read the rest of the replies. I somewhat explain it.
I'm sorry, but I find it disturbing that what you take away from this, is some Nice Guy scenario.
Buchita is sharing her personal struggles, and all you are thinking is how the evil men in her life had girlfriends and you don't.
Listen, some really awful guys get girls. Some really awful girls get guys. Its not just women who end up with a piece of shit for a partner. Men do it as well.
When a man hates women, its because he's been rejected too many times.
When a woman hates men, its because she's been abused and/or mistreated/cheated on
Whether it be sexually, physically, emotionally, etc.
I think that says something.
when a woman tells you about how the men in her life beat her, molested her, starved her, etc all you can think of is your struggle as a "Nice Guy" who can't get a girlfriend.
And they say we don't need feminism.
@been_waiting Calm down. I did take a "nice guy" approach to this. After take owner explained more of the situation, I even understand more where the father comes from. I can quote it from a book if you want how "Nice guys' who don't succeed, settle for things. Its never what they choose. They then get frustrated because their life isn't going as planned and it simmers. Then they snap and project this anger on others or do stupid shit. I ask these questions to test the waters. Take owners dad totally fits this bill. I wouldn't know this if I didn't ask these seemingly cold questions. P. s. I do suffer from bitterness that comes from nice guy syndrome (psychologically its logical to be despondent) but I never hurt women, lash out at them or blame them. In fact I studied Criminology and compiled a self defense course aimed at helping women and children escape an attacker.
Good job at shoving your foot further in your mouth.
Can a man never be truly an awful person, without blaming women?
Being rejected too many times doesn't turn you into a monster. Anyone who can abuse people to tgis degree is probably genetically screwed up to begin with. it wasn't that he was nice in the beginning and then some wretched women hurt him and he became an abuser. It doesn't work that way
I appreciate asking questions. But it did seem callous. What my mother and my siblings and I went through because of my father is not really comparable to a man getting rejected multiple times. In fact, if I had to choose, I'd much rather have that be main problems growing up.
The point of this myTake was to let others know that sometimes we do get bitter from how we're treated. But also, that it doesn't last forever. At least not until you wanna change, your thought processes, prejudices, actions, etc. I'm not gonna try and tell you that you need to stop being bitter against women. It's not up to me, it's up to you.
I'm just saying how liberating and much better my life has been and my mind is more at ease by letting go of prejudices, bitterness, hate of the opposite gender.
As usual, I agree with been_waiting. She explains what I wanna say so well lol
Even if you are treated like crap, it's up to you as an individual to realize not all men/women are as bad as your abuser.
You both distorted what I said, seriously. I didn't say that your dad was rejected by women and that caused him to do those terrible things. In fact, both of you are very wrong when you think a nice guy becomes bitter due to rejection. I nice guy can't connect with attraction to begin with to cause a rejection. I said "nice guys " settle for things (all things, not just women) and don't get their wants in life (including women) and know the feeling and the frustration that comes with it. Then they snap. It's the reason why he seemed nice to her first and then went psycho. Its just an explanation and one that I would put $100 down on. It's not always that a guy is born screwed up, it's debilitating behaviours instilled in him when he was young and couldn't break that cycle, leading to frustration and anger in all the wrong ways.
Yes, but you're still saying he was nice and snapped because he didn't get what he wanted. My point is that abusers typically have deeply rooted psychological problems.
Exactly what I'm saying. But you must understand that it's not a once off thing when it comes to not "getting what one wants" the stuff from the book I read about nice guy syndrome shows almost unanimously that nice guys struggle with inner turmoil due to a lifetime of..."self inflicted bad choices" and where you are on the money, it's deeply rooted in psychology from their childhood. Marriage or birth is a trigger for nice guys because it cements their bad choice that they settled for. I have the unfortunate privilege of having two best friends who's dad shot themselves after they were born (my friend saw his dad blow his brains out) you are right though, it is psychological but I'm trying to point out the pathology that leads to that psychosis.
Hey @BuchitaBuchys I'm sorry for the passive aggressive question/dig that I did. Been waiting is correct on that. That was leaning towards troll. Tbh, if there was a bar under a bridge, I probably would be a real life troll. A drunk shrek with no donkey. Anyway it's an amazing thing you did to put your face and name to this story.
It's ok. You recognize that mistake.
I'm not gonna try to convince you that you shouldn't hate women and be bitter to them. It's not up to me, it's up to you.
The point of this myTake wasn't for people to say "Hey, well at least your dad got a girl. While nice guys can't even get a date. Sorry about men physically, sexually, emotionally abusing you and starving you. Women reject men and make monsters."
That's kinda callous and sociopathic to be honest. But whatever, I cannot change your mind.
The point of this myTake was for bitter cliche "nice" guys to see that it's normal to be bitter if you feel and observed how the opposite sex has wronged you (and loved ones). But also that that feeling doesn't last forever. And it's more liberating to not feel grudges and prejudices.
I do get annoyed sometimes at idiocy of the bitter "nice" guy rants. But at the same time I can't blame y'all cuz a few years ago, that was me.
I'm just hoping that y'all realize that it doesn't help.
Thanks but please know that I don't hate women or blame women at all. That's where you are wrong about me. Some of my sweeping generalisations were callous though and I apologise. I am bitter, but again, i don't blame women (except my mom and dad to a degree), I blame myself. But to summarise your last post, you are 100% and reminds me of this adage: hate/bitterness is like drinking your own poison expecting the other person to die. Anyway... I will return to under my bridge:)
You are the embodiment of true strength.
Thank you very much :)
You are a very strong woman. I give you props.
Thank you very much :)
Of course.
That which did not kill you made you awesome.
Haha thanks. I still have a long ways to go.
One day I hope to be as calm and mature as you are with your responses and not get pissed off easily like I do lol
Thank you Bluemax :)