Never Ever Date A Damaged Girl! (The Follow-up)

[RodneySaySo]

Whatsup people! I just wanted to let you guys know that I appreciate your take on my previous topic, "Never...Ever...Date...A...Damaged...Girl!" I took the time to read all of your comments and opinions, and they really resonated with me. I was very interested in what all of you had to say. I liked a lot of you guys' opinions, but I only had the time to direct my follow-up response based on a few because there were so many views and opinions on this topic. So let's get started shall we?

A young guy asked me this question...

This is a great question. Think of it this way...how do you spot a rotten apple out of the bunch? You can't; not until you peel away that first layer. That is what these type of girls do; they make themselves appealing until they nab a man, and then peel that first layer away to reveal the rotten part. Some of these girls will say that there isn't anything wrong with a damaged girl. But if that was the case, then why do most decide to appear normal until they get their man and then show those true colors afterwards? That's how you will know, my friend. When she IMMEDIATELY becomes a completely different person after she nabs your interest in her, that's how you will spot her. A good apple has the same consistency before and after the first layer comes off.

This girl gives a perfect example of how you can spot a damaged person...

Futhermore, these two individuals give an insightful take on damaged people and dating in general...

I could not have said it better. There are intelligent men AND women who realize that this is universal; it applies to men and women alike. Not all people think that they are damaged like some will make you believe. And the ones who aren't think that the damaged shouldn't be in a relationship until they learn how to work on themselves. Nobody can fix another individual; don't let someone lead you to believe that nonsense. They have to make the choice to fix themselves first before building with another person.

Aaaaaaaaand then there's people like this who say retarded things, such as...

This photo of me LITERALLY described my face before bursting into laughter..

LMAO!!!

Let me clear something up you guys. I am not a "Nice Guy", I am a "Good Guy". There is a HUUUUGE difference. Let me explain...in every relationship, when you're with me, you are treated no different regardless of my past. I will give you a clean slate, trust you, give you respect, and treat you like a woman should be treated. But the minute you start acting up and transforming into Mighty Morphin' Power Bitch, I will put you back in your fucking place. All that "sugar and spice" shit gets put on lockdown. When YOU hit me up and admit you were wrong and that you were on some form of female crack that day, I accept your apology and go back to treating you like a woman should be treated (That's if I haven't concluded that you're girl #1-3). That's how I was raised; to not let a woman nor anyone run over me. You are given respect when you earn it. Also, let me make this crystal clear for some of you dummies who think that a guy is only allowed to possess one personality...just because a man smiles, calls you beautiful, and caters to your needs, doesn't mean he can't have the ability to bark at you and kick your ungrateful ass in a puddle of shitty water. A "Good Guy" isn't a jerk and he isn't a nice guy...he's someone who treats you fairly. When you're good, you get treated well, and when you're bad, you get treated like shit.

I am not some scrawny little dude who sits in a corner playing Pokemon (even though Pokemon was the shit I ain't gonna lie). I was a pretty well known guy who played ball in highschool, and I went to two proms (could've been three but the third chick was girl #3 forreal). The only girl who has ever broken up with me, EVER, is girl #2, and even she tried to rekindle years later after having multiple kids and a baby daddy behind bars. Furthermore, I was the one who broke up with girl #1 and girl #3, within the first month, and both of them begged me to stay with them. Til this day, I never regretted it. I know my worth.

So why am I mentioning all these things? Because I am a regular guy who's dated plenty of girls and had the opportunity to experience different spectrums of women, and I know that there are great women out there who are somewhat hurt, but NOT DAMAGED! Meaning...there are women out there who are beautiful, happy, caring, considerate, and who will not make you the blame for their pain, the footrest for their ungrateful feet, or some type of hurdle jumper. But the women who are below that standard will always make you feel like you can't do better.

They will say things like...

And things like...

NO, it takes a real man to stand up and realize that he doesn't have to deal with that shit. I'm here to empower men and make them see that they are of just as much value as women, and that they have just as much power, dating wise, as a woman does. Free your minds from this bullshit, men. Don't let an emotionally bitter girl entrap you into thinking you're just as broken as her; that's complete and utter bullshit! That's a form of psychosis that keeps you dangling on their deceitful little finger.

Even though I didn't get the opportunity to direct my response to all of your opinions, don't feel bad. It's not easy trying respond to all 100+ opinions. I just hope I did enough to have you feeling like this...

And saying this...

It was my pleasure.

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest I didn't read everything you wrote, but here are my thoughts on this (coming from a damaged girl):

1.95% of people have baggage big or small... so if you avoid every damaged girl out there well... your left with pretty slim pickings buddy.

2. The comments about how your ugly and any girl would dump you were not true and immature. I'll give you that.

3. There are different kinds of damaged people, some who are so damaged that they make everyone around them miserable, and some who have gone through things and are now trying to be happy even though they might have some leftover insecurities problems from what they went through.

4. Basically what I'm saying is I agree with you that some girls are nuts (constantly looking at a guy's text, always saying there ugly, complaning about missing a two week anniversary etc...) either because there "damaged or a bit too high maintenance" but not all girls with emotional scars are like that...

[ccthecurious]

Damaged girls can also be so the lonely or shy type of person, who thinks that because she thinks she is trouble or that she isn't capable to give her evething, so she chooses to be alone (with a partner) and usually 74% to be exact choose to keep that as a secret... the list goes on and on...

I wouldn't leave my partner even if I knew he is damaged... just to put it out there for all those ignorants...

You wouldn't know if you dont know too well that person obviously!!!

I agre with you completely on everything you said! MHO!

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you :)

[Anonymous]

If women aren't willing to date damaged men, why should we date damaged women?

[johnvanjohn]

yeah i've heard women saying shit like who am I his mother, to help him get over his issues? but that's a fucked up overly egoistic mentality, cause they don't know what will happen to them in life one day. no one does. when my wife met me, she knew i was greately affected by the recent then death of my father, but she stayed on my side, gave me strength, and together we moved towards a better tomorrow... some times it's exactly that support that will help you deal with the demons of the past...

[heavensgift2girls]

I think it's telling of the women in your post seem to think that a "real man" should be able to handle a broken woman. It can never be her fault, but rather the fault of every single man that doesn't want to date her, or women like her. The fact they think it is acceptable for a man to prop them up emotionally shows that those women really shouldn't be in a relationship at all, and have a lot of work they need to do on themselves.

Relationships are a two way street. In a healthy relationship, both people need to accept the other person is going to have some emotional baggage, and to be supportive. You can't expect someone else to be constantly strong enough to support you, or that they are never going to need support themselves. If your partner is doing most of the work, then you need to step up and start acting like a better boyfriend/girlfriend. It can't always be about you all the time.

Like most things in life it is about balance. I don't think I have ever met someone that isn't damaged to some extent. If anything, it is more important to learn when someone is too damaged to currently be in a relationship, rather than just if they have some damage at all. Some people just need to take some time off from dating and work on themselves.

[crystalt70]

I was prepared to read ignorance after reading the title, because so many people spout off about damaged women in a disrespectful and unintelligent way. Many guys will consider a woman to be damaged just because they have an ex with kids, were cheated on, hit on, etc. Yes, those things definitely do damage. Many women cannot get past that, but there are just as many women who pick themselves up after some time and continue to live their lives. Too many people (men and women) will get hurt and immediately self-destruct, while bringing another person into the mix. That is not fair to either party. I have dealt with my fair share of crap from my ex,--yes, I have kids with him, he cheated, did drugs, hit me, etc---but I was smart enough to realize that I needed time alone to work on myself. My heart was hurt and my head was a bit messed up. Fortunately for me, I am a relatively intelligent woman. I learned to love myself again. I gave myself time to heal, and it definitely takes longer than most people think. I have been single now for 6 years. I have to say, I am way happier now than I have been in a very long time. Am I ready for a relationship yet? Yes and no. Until I can say 100% yes, I will stay single. Why am I not ready? Well, I have a slight fear of committing to the wrong person and I LOVE my free and happy life with my kids. Will I transfer what I went through to the next guy? No. He doesn't deserve that. It wasn't his fault. Would I have done so had I immediately rebounded? Yep. I couldn't see clearly at the time that all guys weren't the same. I had to be open and experience friendships with other guys to see that each person is different. There was a cloud over me before, but bright skies now.

[crystalt70]

I hope men and women alike can take the time they need for themselves before starting a relationship with another person. If not, you will self-destruct and ruin what could possibly be a great thing. You need to learn to love yourself again and to have a clear head and heart. And, remember, not all men and women are alike. Just because the last guy/girl hurt you, doesn't mean the next will. NEVER transfer past relationship experiences into a new relationship.

[crystalt70]

by the way @RodneySaySo, you are not an ugly guy. You are a very good looking guy. Whoever said that was just mad, but I am sure you already know that based on your response. Lol.

[RodneySaySo]

Thank you I appreciate your feedback and I totally agree where you're coming from. I just wish that more of these women were as smart as you are.

[Calex]

No no no no.

Plenty of people are damaged and have bad pasts, it's all about how those individuals let that past and damage affect their personality.

A woman/man can be damaged, but be strong enough to not let it affect them or others.

The rotten apple part is also looked at from a different angle. What if those people who "put up a nice act" actually try hard to not let their damage affect them?

Nobody wants to be seen in their dark side, not even the people themselves. The thing they have to learn to do is control them.

Your partner isn't a therapist, although, they are your emotional support, very much like family. Which sometimes helps a lot more than therapy itself.

The girl who said that it takes a real man to handle a broken woman implies that women cannot handle men. When you actually "handle" someone, does this mean breaking up or tolerating them?

Half would choose to tolerate and half would choose to leave. It's more complicated than just black and white.

"Only healthy people should enter relationships" confused me. There are so many people out there with so many health problems, be it mental or physical, we would have a rough 20% healthy people, half that to attractive people 10% and then half that to people with good personalities 5%

Those are my speculations. You can choose not to take them seriously :D

[DailyAlice]

Half of me agrees with you. You're throwing everyone into one category, and I must insist you change this title to "never date a damaged person".

There are different kinds of damage. I'll define a couple from opposite ends of the spectrum:

A) People who are always angry and miserable. They do not trust you because of their life experiences, either from home life or past relationships. They are impossible to communicate with, every argument is a HUGE fight over who will win instead of using that opportunity to figure out how to move on from that situation and have a better relationship. These are people that put blame on you, cause drama (because they love it), twist your words around, always misunderstand you. They are miserable and they want to make others miserable. This person is too jealous, they have zero trust for anyone. Someone who puts on a facade for a few months then turns into the biggest a-hole. (I just came out of a 4-month relationship with someone like this).

The other kind are those people who are not at all like the above. From the beginning to the end they are the same. They have some insecurities. Maybe one time they'll get jealous, and they'll bring it up without the intention of causing a fight. After addressing the issue they'll actually try to work on these issues. There are some things in life that you need other people to show you. For example, being unable to trust people because of men or women who cheated in the past. Maybe being with someone who actually cares about you will help you overcome your trust issues. I have trouble trusting men. Lots of my friends are men who cheat. I know lots of men who cheat. 3 of my bf's cheated.

The latter should be given a chance in my opinion, but the former? Once you discover it, run for your lives. I completely agree no one can fix you, you can only fix yourself otherwise you'll rely on that person the rest of your life. Find your own happiness. Relationships are not the be-all end-all.

[Anonymous]

The reason you got so much shit is because "damaged" can mean a lot of things. Even that girl that you quoted (whose boyfriend acted this way) said "I'm not sure if I'd call those women damaged"
As @Calex says, plenty of people have had bad things happen to them, but it's not going to affect them all the same way.
You say "women who are below that standard will always make you feel like you can't do better," but this is not necessarily true. In fact, I once knew someone who was "damaged" and would say things like "You deserve a better relationship than one with me," etc. You seem to talk a lot about girls who are manipulative, which is more than just "damaged."
The anonymous girl who recently replied said she is "damaged" because her parent's relationship was messed up and now she doesn't know what a healthy one looks like. That doesn't mean she's manipulating and purposefully messing with any guy that tries to date her. Based on what she said, I'm pretty sure that she's the type who will TRY to make a relationship work and TRY to learn what is healthy and what is not.

Don't get me wrong - people like what you described exist. You are right, men and women need to stay away from those people, because they deserve better than that.
But when you claim that ALL "damaged" girls are like that, then of course people will get mad at you, because you are implying "if a girl's been cheated on, she's not worth dating anymore because she might be paranoid." It doesn't matter whether you actually believe that or not, that's what people think you are saying, so yeah they will get angry because that is absolutely not true. Any kind of generalization is wrong, basically.

[RodneySaySo]

I'm not here to please everyone. I'm here strictly to inform and empower men. No disrespect, but I can give two shits if people get angry. Out of every debate, there will always be that one person that gets pissed off. But I say FUCK EM! Take it how you want it, but there are intelligent people on here who get what I mean and who can read in between the lines.

[jollo80]

"Mighty Morphin' Power Bitch" Literally Lmao, and I absolutely have no ass in the first place. The comments and this post cracks me up. I'm a blunt and very honest person and I get a kick out of people's reactions when I tell them "oh you don't wanna even try to date me honestly. No I'm serious, I'm damaged plenty, have kids that are complete ass holes, and I'm working constantly so I can graduate from college." Lol I don't hide any of my flaws one bit. That seems to never work because many guys & male friends tell me to stop trying to push away anyone that has an interest in me. That's not me pushing them away! That's me being me, straight to the point, no bs & telling them right away "hey if you wanna get to know me then good luck pal because it's gonna be a challenge." I wished there were more men like me... keepin it real. I've encountered many mentally messed up guys because of them not having the ability to let go of their past. But that doesn't make me run away. I just reassess the current situation & change to the friend only mode. Only because I know I can't deal with all that drama & I'd hate to cause anymore mentally unstable behaviors in the person because I won't stay with him. But I'll help & give him pointers on moving forward & also help him finding the correct lady for him. Because that's what friends do. 😛

[Anonymous]

"I will give you a clean slate, trust you, give you respect, and treat you like a woman should be treated."
This is the part you misunderstood severely. I didn't say that you're an unattractive nice guy because you let women walk all over you.
I said you are one because you don't know how to take charge of a woman regardless of her being a bitch. You're passive, boring, unattractive.

It's not about you retaliating once she does something wrong. It's about her not even thinking she should ever dare to do something wrong. If she fucks with you and THEN you "act like a man", so far you must have been the annoying nice guy.

"Also, let me make this crystal clear for some of you dummies who think that a guy is only allowed to possess one personality..."
I did not tell you to treat a woman like shit and have only one type of personality, I told you to lead her.

"A "Good Guy" isn't a jerk and he isn't a nice guy... he's someone who treats you fairly. When you're good, you get treated well, and when you're bad, you get treated like shit."
Clearly showing everyone why women are dumping you. You have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. You treat women like you treat your friends... That's what they'll be then.

[alphadoggystyle]

this is so stupid i dont even know what to say.. if a woman treats a man good and is nice to him, then why would we need to dominate her? (other than in bed)

If the reason they become bitchy is because we are nice to them, and if we retaliate and somehow that makes you want to leave, then that is all we need to know that that woman is not worth keeping.

Women like that are essentially sabotaging their relationship on their own and will never be satisfied. Probably will end up alone with some cats too.

[RodneySaySo]

@alphadoggystyle I couldn't have said it any better. Its hilarious to me! How many cats do you think she has...4...5? LOL

[Anonymous]

I agree,
I think I am a damaged person, sadly because of my parents relationship. I never grew up in a normal family, so I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. I like to think I'm not like them, however I'm scared to end up in a relationship like theirs (wheather I'm the one doing the damage, or some guy treating me like crap). I've had guys wanting to date me, I always declined as I knew I am not fit to go into a relationship. And everytime guys would show interest that would be my cue to take a step back and keep the distance. I need help, yet I can't at the moment. I do want to change, sometimes I do get lonely, sometimes I wished I could let someone in, yet I never do. I really don't want to hurt anyone, or bother them with my past. But I guess I'm also proud of myself I can keep myself from hurting another person :) no one deserve's to be treated like crap.

[RodneySaySo]

I applaud you. You're the type of person that make women look good. You deserve a great man and I'm sure you'll get it. You are considerate of others and you don't make excuses. Once you get a chance to speak to someone who can help mend you Im sure a great guy will be knocking at your door.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you :)

[bubble_tea]

How to spot a 'damaged' girl? For one, they idolize and love to quote Marilyn Monroe. Examples:
img.pandawhale.com/...mpatient-and-a-lit-aFlN.jpeg
crunchmodo.com/.../...-quotes-tumblr-i18_large.png
What I think:
kbrocking.files.wordpress.com/.../...6469164_n.jpg
I had a friend who idolized her... :/ RUN, just RUN and don't ever look back!

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Haha, love it ;)

[bubble_tea]

@ScruffyNerfHerder thanks ;) I'm waiting for the female downvotes haha

[ReneDS]

hmmm i partially agree with you but at the same time i disagree, if i love someone and slowly i find out she is a damaged girl, doesn't make me run away. i know this by first hand, i tried helping her, till i could no longer do it anymore. love kept me going but it was slowly destroying me, because there were no results. when she said she made an appointment herself with a psychotherapist , i thought finally. i told her i respected her so much, but it only lasted for 2 weeks, she never went to one and called me the crazy person. yes i am seeing a councelor because i couldnt handle it anymore, i feel depressed, i shared a miscarriage with her, now i lost 2 people that ment the world to me. if the person you love and date is damaged, and they are willing to look for help, than stay, if they dont want to face themselves that they have problems, than walk away for your own good.

[RodneySaySo]

I can definitely respect that. In my opinion, like you said, its all about knowing your limits. If you offer someone all your love then its a good thing. But if they ask for more than you can physically give then they are manipulative.

[Xelebrum]

Honestly I've always hated the double standard that if a woman is broken or "damaged" then she's looked at as some kind of beautiful angel who was just wronged by asshole guys but if a GUY is broken/damaged to the same extent, he's looked at as some kind of sicko and that it's likely his fault that he's the way he is.

I've dated a damaged girl before and honestly, I regret not ending it sooner. She was manipulative, emotionally abusive, she kept me a secret from her family and friends even though I told my family and friends about her, constantly blew up at me for NO reason whatsoever, and even threatened to commit suicide (more than once) every time I tried to leave.

I REFUSE to ever date another "damaged" girl like her again. Fuck that shit.

[rjroy3]

I believe you shouldn't treat your partner like shit regardless of if they act good or bad. I'm not saying ignore her actions, but you don't lower yourself just because she's at her worst in that moment.

I do agree it's a bad idea to date a damaged woman however, depending on what the damage is that she's dealing with. We're all broken to some extent, we all have a little baggage even if we can't see it or admit it to ourselves. Some damage can make a relationship REALLY hard and it would be better to avoid.

In my book, that damage applies to women with extreme trust issues that can't trust you because she can't let go of her past yet.

All of that said. You can flip it around and apply it to men as well. The same holds true. We should expect the best from eachother and do our best to lift eachother up when we fall short.

[energizerbunny]

Some of theses I agree with. I will admit I am a ''Damaged" girl, and I make that clear without going into great details before I start a relationship. Yes some have walked away, some have called me crazy. But it don't always end with a bad note. My fiancé knew from our first phone call I had rough past. And its been four years now since we've been together and still very happy. If a guy knows you have a rough time or past and still says that's OK... You know then it will be worth the time.
Very good points again but don't judge a book by its cover. That book could be amazing.

[forgottenmonkey]

Interesting topic I will defiantly read this later when I have time. I have dated 2 girls who were pretty damaged or came with a lot of baggage. Both of them heavily used alcohol but both were extremely different. The first was super bubbly and happy and hide all her issues way down to the point of denial and would dismiss any issues I had. She basically wrote off any problem. Cheat on me, oh thats not a problem Im just over reacting. It was crazy. The second girl did the total opposite and just let all her past baggage hang right out. She was crude with no filter or patience. She drank heavily almost every day of the week or was high. She practically jumped my bones on several occasions and the minutes we had a talk about emotions she totally jumped ship. Honestly Im pretty fucked up so I like someone who can understand me but there are lines. I think everyone gets fucked up and even they need love they just shouldn't date till they are past it.

[Drake]

would you consider an attention whore a damaged girl? Cause they seem so fragile ex: girls comes out of relationship, puts on mask of freedom. But what she really is dying for again, is a male guide. SO she'll say things like i dont need them, but will be twirling around their fingers all the time. Ending up with a onenightstand she never wanted, being broken after you ask her: if she considers herself attention seeking and even briefly confirming it stating: i dont like it when they call me this, makes me think im actually doing it. Would you consider this a damaged girl?

[crystalt70]

Eh, it depends on the girl. Some women are just attention whores because that is their personality orthey were spoiled as a child. Paris Hilton is an aattention whore, but that's based on her life circumstance. Same thing for Kim Kardashian. One who comes out of a relationship saying she doesn't need a guy, but sleeps around definitely has issues. She is lying to herself and self-destructing. You stay away from girls like that.

[Drake]

i dont consider kim k an attention whore tbh. Well what if the girl likes to be around men to much, and when she can't get any attention, she just flips in tantrum mode or just gets mood swings.

[crystalt70]

She just has issues. Run.

[armenia4ever]

I agree with almost all of this.

I've dated and fooled around with some "damaged" girls and its hard to ever build real intimacy with them because they often won't let you.

One girl I've fooled around with recently has bad "daddy" issues. Her father really messed her up. Because of this, she distrusts men as they all in some way remind her of her father. (I. E. Putting my arm around her in public made her feel like an object.)

Both that girl and another that I dated both mentioned they were raped. Pretty sure the first was lying and this current girl actually was.

Actual real Rape damages a girl. It also should be a gigantic red flag, one that I've ignored too many times now. Stay away.

One other major red flag is the girls obsessed with their careers. Stay far away. Their career will always come before any romantic relationship, meaning that you are in a situation with no actual future. Avoid this like the plague.

Kudos, like you say - respect really is earned.

[girl_in_norway]

My mind is playing the inception game:

If you date someone who is "damaged", (as you so nicely put it), which totally mindfucks you, and puts your whole mental self out of balance, doesn't that mean you too become damaged, and therefor undateable?

Are you trying to tell us you will stay single for the rest of your life?

[RodneySaySo]

Hell no! Lol I don't suck an innocent person into my past... That's just idiotic and immature to me. And the girls that I currently date all are great women who think those type of women or coocoo. I love my dating life and I enjoy the women that I meet. The fact that people defend themselves for being damaged instead of working to fix that shows that they're comfortable and that they will always want to be like that. THOSE people will be the lonely ones in the end.

[smilesarenice]

For the first time in my life I am with a "damaged" man. He has depression and I didn't know this until after we had dated for more than a year and a half. I felt a little like someone had pulled the wool over my eyes. It has been a couple months since this started and we are now at the point that if it doesn't get better I have told him I will leave. In the end, you have to do whats best for yourself. You can't live someones life for them. But I will be supportive until that time comes.

[RodneySaySo]

And you know what? That's all that you owe that person. You've done everything that you can. You are absolutely right; the only life you can live is your own. Do what a best for you.

[booo159]

Dude, this is literally the first mytake I am commenting on, this is the real shit.
I love this.

[RodneySaySo]

Thank you, friend. I will be sure to keep the real shit coming for your entertainment.

[Xonen]

haha, why is this dude getting downvotes?

[CrazySag]

I miss the first discussion, what do you mean by "damaged?" I'm guessing you could not possibly be over 30 and if you are. I'm concerned. ALL women are emotional, it's just part of our make up. Furthermore ALL people are damaged. I believe you can try to avoid dating who may seem crazy, I mean like fatal attraction crazy but anything in between involves acceptance. If you are trying to find a perfect woman or a woman who hasn't been through anything at all, then you will be single and disappointed a very long time.

[Belgie]

It should come as no surprise that a girl with the word Crazy in her username, thinks that men think "emotional" = "damaged"

Go and read the first discussion, before making such a ridiculous assumption.

[CrazySag]

No, I believe you need to read my very first sentence which is a question to clarify what he means by damaged. The rest is my opinion based off my assumption of what he meant. I don't have time to hunt for the first discussion and furthermore Crazy Sag" is not referring to myself as being mentally "damaged" but there are aspects of my personality that may be deemed crazy by the average person because I'm adventurous and love to take risks, I enjoy life and go beyond what most people are terrified of. So before you pass your weak assumption judgment think about it first before you speak. People love getting tough behind the computer screen.