Wanting a man is so pointless

[bmarthinusen]

Us woman, don't NEED a man. Stop acting like its a necessity.

Us woman feel like we can't live or breath without a man by our side, someone to live for. I have recently been through a stage where I was so "in love" with a boy who turned out to be the most average guy in the world, he hurt me and made me his bitch and I took it because I always had preconceived ideas in my head that he was so great, when in fact he wasn't, at all. I one night lay in bed and realized I don't need him or like him at all, he was so not worth the four months I spent crying and wishing I had him. I feel stupid, but have learnt so much.

So now that I'm over him and his idiocracy it got me thinking.. I only wanted him because he didn't want me. How ridiculous, it's beyond stupid. But it's the truth and I feel like a lot of woman are the same as that. We need to own ourselves and not want what we can't have, we must wait till the right guy comes along that wants us just as much as we want them.

Stop relying on the quotes and fantasies of how badly we need a man and all this relationship goals crap .. We don't need any of that. Take yourself out. Read a book. Become intelligent and independent. ALL YOU NEED IS THE BEST YOU.Then when someone comes along you will be ready and it will be perfect.

I really hope if anyone is going through what I went through, realize what I've realize now, I feel like a million bucks. Yes it's hard not messaging him and seeing him with other girls but remember..and this is hard.. If he liked you he would be messaging you already and be hanging with you mot her.

GIRL POWER.

[Anonymous]

"Us woman feel like we can't live or breath without a man by our side, someone to live for." - Not a woman, but I highly doubt that this is generally true for women.

" I have recently been through a stage where I was so "in love" with a boy who turned out to be the most average guy in the world, he hurt me and made me his bitch and I took it because I always had preconceived ideas in my head that he was so great, when in fact he wasn't, at all." - Okay, so you had a bad relationship...

"I one night lay in bed and realized I don't need him or like him at all, he was so not worth the four months I spent crying and wishing I had him. I feel stupid, but have learnt so much." - Okay, so you didn't need HIM.. or like HIM...

"So now that I'm over him and his idiocracy it got me thinking.. I only wanted him because he didn't want me. How ridiculous, it's beyond stupid." - I agree.

"But it's the truth and I feel like a lot of woman are the same as that." I find this to be true... but mainly with younger women/girls.

"We need to own ourselves and not want what we can't have, we must wait till the right guy comes along that wants us just as much as we want them." Okay, so you must wait.. I agree that if you want to be with someone, it should be with someone that wants you just as much as the other way around... but if you don't need men, then "you must wait" shouldn't apply. Instead, you mustn't wait at all.

"ALL YOU NEED IS THE BEST YOU." - In order to survive in life? In order to find the right man?

So, in one instance, you don't need men.. but this is said in the context that implies that you don't want a man in your life.. Then, go on to say that you need to be the best you... in order to find a guy that you want that actually wants you back.

As for wanting a man is so pointless? Well, then why do you want a man that wants you as much as you want them if it's all so pointless? Also, it's only pointless if there is no point. However, there is always a point...

[inamorata]

Tell that to the dying population in Japan where women don't need a men and men need a women. They also have the highest suicide rate out of all the rich countries in the world. Many are too depressed and addicted to medication because of it.

This is fucking ridiculous. As a human being you DO NEED other humans. There is science to back this up. You literally become physically sicker without them. You NEED them as friends, you NEED them as family and you NEED them as lovers (which would be men in this case).
The only way you don't need a man is if you're a lesbian and only a woman could be your romantic partner.

I also love how you acknowledge this on some level, when you casually promise "the right one will come along" in there. Even you know you're saying nonsense.

That's like a high school dropout yelling: "Hey people! You don't need school! You can do without it. I didn't, I just dropped out and don't feel the consequences just yet, but trust me..."

See if you write this article when you're popping anti-depressants at age 40.

[muspelhem_5]

This ^

So agree, and it has been bugging me reading all this shit about going it alone on here. Very well put.

[muspelhem_5]

But to be fair on Take Owner, all she was saying is that there are plenty more fish in the sea. Plus Japan is allegedly pretty fucked up with regards to gender roles. I mean, as far as I understand, women's liberation has a long way to go there?

[inamorata]

" I mean, as far as I understand, women's liberation has a long way to go there?"
That is completely wrong. The only reason they have gender roles is tradition and the fact that their working hours don't allow for two working parent household.
They hold very close to their traditions, but their men are the most emasculated fags in the world, and their women pretend to be dumb children desperately trying to be more feminine that those shemales.

Women control everything in Japan. The husband earns yes, but women control the money and give him allowance. It's pathetic. Their "gender roles" are mere parody of actual gender roles.

Take Owner may be saying unclear nonsense that means "I'll get back up" or whatever hirt people say. But too many future-anti-depressant costumers will take her seriously to mean literally what she wrote.

[hypno-trip]

japan must die more.

[hypno-trip]

@muspelhem_5 japan is fucked up in every way, just check their modern history, bloodshed to the highest degree, people who think japan is a developed country are fully mistaken.

[inamorata]

@hypno-trip Don't be racist. -_- They may be socially awkward people in large percentage, but that doesn't warrant wanting them to die. That'd be like saying Americans need to be wiped out because they are fat... :/

[hypno-trip]

Japan is evil its decline is a very good thing

[inamorata]

@hypno-trip Dude, just go racist somewhere else.

[Northeast106]

@inamorata very true

[lumos]

I agree that NEEDING a man is stupid. You shouldn't NEED someone else in order to feel happy. Yes, obviously it's easier to feel happy if you're close to someone else, but being extremely dependent on said person is not healthy. It's not fair for that person either. It must feel bad to have so much pressure on you because you feel like someone else constantly depends on YOU to make them happy.
I feel like everyone is in charge of their own happiness. If you can't be happy by yourself, I doubt you'll be able to be truly happy with someone else. That kind of happiness isn't always sustainable either, they might leave you, or worse, die. Then what? People should simply learn how to make themselves happy, like your picture said. People are not always going to be there for your and cheer you up, on rare occasions you might have to fend for yourself. And then it's good to know yourself and know what makes you happy.
A girlfriend or boyfriend should be a plus. They should be that extra person who's capable of making you happy, yes, but shouldn't ALWAYS be in charge of your happiness. There's nothing wrong with WANTING a girlfriend or boyfriend as long as it's the healthy kind of want. It's only natural to want someone to be close to and to share a special bond with. But it shouldn't be a necessity, it shouldn't be an obsession, and you shouldn't always completely depend on them to sort your shit out for you.

[joshhutchersonlover]

that's so true

[DeltaDanner]

So what I got from this is that you are angry at both this guy and yourself for wanting him, so you are thinking all men are useless and trying to make yourself feel better. Well I guess you could say you don't "need" a man in the aspect of you don't "need" him so you can live, you don't "need" him to baby you, you don't "need" to be in a relationship. However, all humans need a connection. They need to be connected to someone in order to feel whole. Being in a relationship isn't something you would die without, but it's something that, if done right, makes your life better. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, I truly am, but putting off ALL men won't help you. I had a bad relationship too, I even had resentment towards women. I thought, "I don't NEED a woman to be happy." And I grew bitter. Eventually I felt very lonely, and I realized that I needed somebody to share this life with. Now I am in a happy relationship with a girl I love.
So yes: you don't "need" a man to live, and you should learn to love yourself before trying to love others, but you can't just give up on almost half the world because of one person.

[LeeLFC]

Love your opinion

[DeltaDanner]

Sorry this is so late. Thank you @LeeLFC

[emmabee11]

I agree... men are still believeing so many old-fashioned notions but women hav broke away from them but yet still men keep dragging women back into these notions just to control their women and make them be who they want to, it's like a man can fart or burp but a women can't... therefore a woman isn't a human being, she can't be as human as a man for doing the things that come natural to any human body, she can't build, paint a wall, fix a computer, lift furniture etc... because she's obviously a tooth pick... and it won't make men feel "needed" and just insecure... but why should women give up themselves and their own individuality to be with a man? why must they ask us to always pay that price to be with them?

It shows love from most men is conditional not unconditional... only someone who can see outside of all the pre-concieved notions, beliefs, labels and peer-pressures of society can truly be thenselves, but women are left in a pradiciment that if they don't give up their individuality for a man then they will be unmarried and never experience real love or respect in their lives... that isn't right whatsoever... i'm always left disapointed by men whenever i tried to date them because each time i knew i could never truly be myself. Only time i can ever be myself is when i'm on my own... it's sad really...

[Anonymous]

Men and women do have a need for each other in some cases. That is just a fact of biology. We are built to compliment one another. What people shouldn't do is to allow their own self worth to be determined by if they have a partner or not. Maybe that is what you mean, but I doubt it. It sounds more like you are in pain and trying to pretend men have nothing to offer women.

You clearly aren't over him yet, but seem to have taken a step in getting over him. When we start to get over someone we often start to look for all their faults, and learn to hate them. If we see all the reasons how bad they were then we can convince ourselves we are better off without them and it is easier to then move on. Unfortunately this anger often gets transferred to all members of the opposite sex and this seems to be what you are currently doing.

Anyone that needs to rally around a phrase like GIRL POWER, is really just looking for comrads in their anti male view. It is also one of the fastest ways of letting a guy know you have issues with men. Anger at the opposite gender is common after a break up so I am assuming that isn't what you normally believe. However not dealing with your issues properly can make effect your future relationships.

If you start to look at every guy you date as not a true partner that you rely on, but as just an option that Miss Independent doesn't need, then you will end up sabotaging every relationship you get into. I see men and women doing this all the time.

[bloodmountain1990]

This goes both ways but is a bit of a double standard. A girl can complain about how she needs a man in her life and people take it as her just expressing her needs and wants but if a guy says he needs a girl and is down on himself about it, he's seen as desperate, needy, and insecure.

That being said I agree with your take, it probably just could have been worded better. But for both guys and girls, you have to be happy with yourself before you can get into a relationship. If you're not happy with yourself unless you have a bf or gf then you're placing your happiness into the hands of others and letting them control it which is unhealthy.

This isn't meant to discourage anyone from trying. But like you said, you shouldn't make having a SO a priority in your life. When you focus on having a bf or gf as well as a perfect relationship the chances are it's harder to attain because you stress over it. I've been guilty of this myself and it's like you can either stress out about it and then have no luck or you can still try but be worry free and something will come along eventually. All I'm really saying is live your life and enjoy it and don't depend on others for your happiness.

[lusciousB]

I don't think it's about girl power or feminism or US versus THEM as if men are bad. A man should not need a woman either. He may WANT one though. He should be able to be by himself independently and LOVE HIMSELF FIRST before loving another person. Just as a woman should be able to love her self and be okay with herself before being with another person. That is the difference between NEEDING (filling a hole) and wanting (BECOMING WHOLE). So if a man or woman constantly needs a significant other, bf, gf, fling to validate themselves it means they are LACKING IN SELF ESTEEM. They are codependent and WILL ACCEPT ANYONE by their side so long as they have someone. In essence, codependent people cannot stand being alone because they can't stand themselves. They NEED to fill a void. A person who loves them self first can give their self and be fully vulnerable but only with the right person - meaning they won't settle.

[heavensgift2girls]

Thank God for women like you that understand the difference and don't have an, its us against them attitude.

[lusciousB]

Thank you. Men, women, and transgenders should all be treated with fairness in my eyes. We are all people after all, and are sharing this human experience of life. Our circumstances may be different, but I believe very strongly that self love is the key to happiness in life for any person. I always wish that peace for everyone even those who've dissed me. :)

[bmarthinusen]

it was never about woman against men, all im saying is have faith and strength to be able to live on your own and not wait on the chance of something maybe happening

[lusciousB]

100% agree

[justbanANNAz]

i agree that u dont need a man to survive, i can survive on my own.

but from the title, u did contradict urself [sorry I'm all about wording]. WANTING a man is so pointless.

Huge difference between want and need. a woman can want whatever she... wants to want.

Anyone can dream. no harm in that. I want to get married, and I want to meet someone I can love forever. Do i NEED it? and right now? of course not. But no one can stop me thinking of what I want in this life, which is mine and only mine.

[bomba78]

There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner in crime.

the REASONS might be the wrong ones. If a woman needs a partner to make her happy, well that is not going to happen. she has to be happy and perfectly content by herself first.
A relationship should only be the icing on the cake for an otherwise already happy life.
A relationship or your SO should never be your center of the universe.
Have a life, live it and be an autonomous person. If you are, having someone special on your side is awesome and just a big plus.

Don't waste time with people that don't deserve your time.

[bomba78]

same goes for men as well :-)

[Genie23]

Best answer... I agree

[Hidden_P]

Well, we do need men. I mean, I could close my eyes and click my heels together, but if I want a child I need a man. And that's regardless of if you are a lesbian or whatever.

I do understand - there's a difference between needing and wanting and most people don't get that difference until after a breakup. But I have some issues.

1. The quotes everything DO have a place. Sometimes you can be drowning and lonely, feeling like there's nothing left. Although the quotes aren't healthy to obsess over, they prove you are normal.

2. You say you are over him, and congrats. But, you have the break up stage where you are in pain, heartbroken and crying. You have the lull afterwards where you feel numb to everything. And you have hatred to that person. I'm not sure you can be over someone until after the hatred. I mean, it shows you have feelings on some level?

But I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm glad you aren't in pain anymore.

[Monroe4799]

I don't know what everyone else got from this but I basically got... Learn to love yourself first type message!
& I can respect that!
Woman or men being completely totally dependent on there significant other for self esteem boost or whatever can tend to be a bit unhealthy...
A lot of people settle for less than because they don't want to be alone even though the person there with treats them bad.
That's not healthy!
Maybe I got a different message but I've went through something similar for 2-3 years... Similar situation my thoughts have been the same... time to focus my time my love my energy on myself!
Rather then looking for someone else right now. Just not ready for all that. Time for much needed me time!

[Queen_naki5]

Look, the only thing that you NEED is food, water and shelter to be honest. We as humans generally enjoy the company of others, it's our nature and it shouldn't be something that is frowned upon either. Wanting a significant other is a good sign of personal/emotional growth because that is what ultimately makes us human, being able to connect with someone on an emotional level. You fell into the arms of the wrong guy obviously and while you may not need that, don't call it a mistake, call it a learning experience. You now know that his actions and behavior are not what you look for in a potential future partner. No man is an Island, and we're social beings. Of course you don't NEED a man, but it's certainly nothing wrong with wanting one :-)

[Joey7993]

Perfection!

[Queen_naki5]

Thanks @Joey7993

[FutureCheryl]

I'm fine with or without having a man but having a man, it feels different and special, u get to have fun and share your secrets with each other and stuff like that, its good to be single too but u will lonely and in future nobody is going to take care of u when you r older, and u know what God say?
Men shall not be alone, that is why He created women and there's Adam and Eve
I wish to have a husband, a son and family but if I'm chosen to be single then I let it be because He wants it that way which is also part of His plan, there's 3 choices that I know, first is u want to be single, second, is He has chosen a partner for u, last, He chose you to be single for a reason
I'm 17 this year and I know its too fast for a relationship, just that I wish to have fun with my future husband =) and a son to sleep on top of me when we r watching TV

[phanindra554]

Superb
I saw lots of practical and good things in this
Nice job:)

[FutureCheryl]

Thank you =)

[Killer-Queen]

No way, I thoroughly disagree with "Us women feel like we can't live or breath without a man by our side, someone to live for." Obviously you're a feminist and you should live how you want to but all women do NOT feel like they can't live without a man just because they would like to be settled down and happy with one. Also, I refuse to let a bad experience with a man make me bitter towards all men. I'm not going to be so woman enough to not want a man. That doesn't even make sense to me.

[kxera]

Feminism isn't about being bitter. You've got femist and feminazi confused.

[Killer-Queen]

I'm not confused about the difference between feminazi and feminist.

[RebelliousRoyalty]

I don't even know what a feminazi is lol

[peachblossomluck]

I'd like a man who respects me but if he's a jerk I don't need him. Better to go single if you aren't being treated the way you ought to be. It's a normal desire to want someone but if they are creating more problems than they solve, forget it. She is simply being practical. There are all kinds of desires we have in life which aren't necessarily needs. I have already been married and widowed and a mother so I don't need to do that again. Someone who has never had a husband or children would desire this more.

[FatherKnowsBest]

There is much about your article that I can agree on. All of us should pursue our highest level of academic/professional capacity. Yet it is not inhuman to be longing for a significant other in your life.

While reading your narrative I could not shake the nagging suspicion that there exists an element of anger in your sentiments. Apparently you're ex treated you poorly to say the least. Don't let the frustrations of one bad relationship taint future possibilities.

Go on with your life and educate yourself. You were spot on when you wrote: "we must wait until the right guy comes along that wants us. ."

I met my wife when I stopped looking. Over 40 years ago. It happened for me and it can happen for you.

Try not to carry the burden of anger too long. Network with your female friends and don't raise your expectations too high. Let things develop slowly and date those men who can appreciate all that you are.

😊

[missjayne]

Honey, you are still angry and bitter. That's ok because it takes time to sort through your emotions. And don't try to deny that you aren't because you admitted it in your last sentence. Heartbreak sucks! You do need a man, you do want a man. Just not that man. BOB can only do so much. Batteries die! WE need MEN! And there ain't a damn thing wrong with that. Now go get you tissues, grab some ben n jerrys, and watch a marathon of pride and prejudice ( kiera knightley version) and get it out of your system. Oh and block his ass on FB!

[bgrgbgrg]

*****RED ALERT RED ALERT******
*****RED ALERT RED ALERT******
*****RED ALERT RED ALERT******
We have a MAN HATING WOMAN here !!!
*To all men and women no one needs to be inspired or be in a relationship with people like these who says that "we don't need men/women," in this case "men".
LOVE YOUR PARTNER, STAY HAPPY IN YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP

[trieze]

I think all of you are missing the point and trying to put her down unnecessarily, I think what she meant was that life shouldn't be all about men (or in some cases women).
You are right.
You don't need a boy.
You deserve someone better.
You shouldn't fall into society's trap of obsessing over partners, there more to life.
Successful women will find themselves the company of successful men.
So just go out and live your life and abandon this fear of not finding someone.
So you can live your life to the fullest.

p. s. the language could use some work

[Ozanne]

She speaks the truth. I did exactly this and got to know a lot about myself just by enjoying time alone doing things *I* wanted to do. I found hobbies I liked that I didn't have to worry about what someone said about them, or find time to do them. I went to movies alone, and watched what I wanted. I got in to my car and explored my city and region again, going places I put off going because I felt I had to go *with* someone. Without even knowing or seeing it coming, it took a few years, but it was after finding myself that I met my husband.

[grimmrenard]

I agree to an extent. Wanting other people in my life doesn't make me any less smart, or independent. Now, I don't want men in my life, but that's because I'm not into men, I'm into women. But the same follows.

I don't need a women who is abusive, or treats me poorly in my life. But I do need a women who will stand by me and be someone I can count on. But I also am not going to spend weeks waiting and feeling sad.

I continue to work on myself and if that lovely lady shows up, so be it. 😊