It all depends on the person. Men have a very important role in society. It is not about NEEDING a man, it's about what makes you feel happy and satisfied. If you feel as if you don't need a man, that's fine. But it doesn't neccessarily mean that if you have a boyfriend or husband it's because you are hopeless and you can't function properly without them. The fact that you had an unsuccessful relationship doesn't at all mean that wanting a man is pointless. Don't judge by one relationship, people are different. And ''girl power'' is not about not needing a man, it's about taking action into your own hands, REGARDLESS of whether you are with one or not.
Well, without men, we (women) wouldn't be able to have children. That is the most important role. But except that, men generally do a lot harder (physically) work, which would be potentially risky for women to do. Professions such as, construction worker, firefighter and policemen are vital, and luckily there are mostly guys that are working in these fields. If there is a war, the vast majority that would be obligated to go would be men, not women.
I was in a relationship where he used me. I spent days crying, and I thought I can't live without him, but now I believe I was stupid because I believed he loved me. I always made excuses for him if he did something bad.
Now I don't cry. I was the one who told him to stay away from me.
A man can be a vital part of acwoman's life. I don't want to say that men don't have any importance, because then I would be lying to myself. What I want to day is that a woman needs to take care of herself first. She needs to feel confident. Then if someone who deserves her shows up, it's good. If not, she will continue being happy without him.
I agree with you. I was just discussing about this with some good friends of mine. It is like the lyrics of the Spanglish lyrics, "Don't expect an hombre to support you with wealth, go to college and be successful do it for yourself, Nunca vas a ser shit without knowledge of self, Mamis with cultural ineptitude are bad for your health, thats the type of mujer that i'd put back on the shelf, and go to the pack crowd and look for somebody else." - IMmortal Technique It's basically saying that women should be independent, intelligent, and not depend on a man financially.
0
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I have done the independent thing and I actually in a way pushed someone who I really loved away from me because I was so focused on being a successful, independent woman. Now I am at a point where everything in my life is set. I have achieved all of my personal goals except one... finding the right guy who I can settle down with.
I think it's important for us as women to be self sufficient and not rely on a man to take care of us but as someone else said we all do need people in our lives to love and to give us love. If we don't do that then really our lives are lonely and I would say for me unfulfilling. I look forward to seeing my friends on the weekends or seeing a guy if I am dating someone. I do not look forward to work or paying my bills in the same way at all haha.
There is no point in chiding others for wanting someone by their side because in the end we all need love...
I agree, but I think it is also important to love yourself so that you can love another. Because people can be the opposite extreme and always seek love and validation to the point where it is unhealthy. To the point where they are unable to be alone at all and always need a fling to keep their mind off themselves. However, love is beautiful and if people love one another that is a wonderful thing.
I am glad to see that you can admit you pushed him away, instead of acting like he was intimidated by your success like a lot of people do. It shows that you have really reflected on how your choices effect others, and that you don't place all of the blame on other people. That shows a lot of maturity. It sounds like you really are ready for a relationship, and I would bet that soon the right guy will notice that.
The whole thing with being independent and self sufficient is good, I think the neediness comes from lack of self worth. The truth is the other person, the guy/girl, is only a companion in your life, and one day you may not be with him/her anymore, so by being the best you can be- for yourself, you can keep your independent nature, in a relationship or single.
I want a man, just like how I want friends, it's a necessity for functioning socially, sex is a need, at least it is for me. No one (at least I hope you wouldn't) discourages people from wanting friends, so why would you discourage people from wanting a partner? Let live and be free and do you.
This advice works for guys too, because you see a lot of them on here totally depressed and down on themselves for not having a gf or having sex. Well, the more depressed and hopeless you are, the LESS attractive you will be. And certainly guys chase after the ones they can't have, same as girls do, wasting so much time and effort. Many guys think their life would be fixed somehow if they could only find the girl to complete them. Actually, you need to fix your life FIRST, get to that place where you're self-sufficient and happy with yourself, before anyone will want to be with you. Guys may be attracted to low-self-esteem girls but it doesn't work the other way around. Feeling you NEED a woman only makes you needy.
Mmh, okay, women should not obsess over finding their partners but still don't think men don't do the same. This site is full of questions that sound like "Will a woman ever love me?" - "Will I ever find a good girl?" So it goes for both men and women.
I don't NEED a man. I WANT one. Some people like having someone there to make them happy. Just because your relationship turned out to be garbage that doesn't mean that everyone else's will.
I wasn't meaning it like that, if you are happy that's great all Im saying is don't put your life on hold and think you worthless if you dint have someone
This is really great. I agree with this because these girls don't realize how bad they look when they are so reliant and dependent on guys and their attention. Just be happy by yourself and when the right guy comes along you'll be ready! No guy worth your time is going to want a girl that is a boy-crazy, over the top attention seeker.
I feel the same, I don't need a woman. It would be nice and all but I can't be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. That's unfair to both parties and it won't last with that underlying fact festering over time. Show me the right girl and of course, I would want to be with her, but she has to be on the same page.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
A relationship I've been in for over half a year recently ended with me being blocked by her without so much as a warning or explanation. She stopped answering me in the middle of a text conversation (which to that point had been cordial enough, it was the first time we spoke all week owing to her school schedule) and, a day of silence later... she's just gone.
What the hell am I supposed to make of that?
I'd say your advice here is applicable both ways. I've probably been focused too much on her, what I can do for her, and not enough on myself.
It does bother me. This is the first relationship I've ever been in. I loved her, even if our distance and her schedule limited our contact. I can't fault her if she lost interest, but I'd have thought what we had would have meant more to her than this.
I'd been doing research for her. Universities where she could pursue residency after graduating med school. She stopped answering while we were in the middle of discussing my findings. Tried messaging her once the next day when I saw she was online, and she didn't answer or even read it. Day after that, I was blocked.
I think she probably wants out of it and didn't have the courage to flat-out say it. Unless she's very insecure or maybe just independent, and the thought of you two getting closer freaked her out? It's messed up either way. She should still have given you some sort of an explanation, but maybe she will in a few days or so. I'm sorry you're going through this! I've been through something similar, so I know it's rough. Hang in there.
I'll respect her wishes if she no longer wants anything to do with me. I just wish that, if that's the case, she could have come out and said so instead of just going quiet and blocking me. I'd be happy to do this research for her even if she doesn't see a future between us, I've told her that before.
I just don't know what to think. I have one last avenue of contact I can try, but honestly, our communication has been slipping for the last few months. I've been torn this last month or two trying to decipher whether she was legitimately too busy to talk, as she said, or simply lost interest. I don't know what's going on at school beyond what she tells me, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt, gave her space, kept my private concern private and tried to stay upbeat on those occasions we did get to talk. Got to the point where I'd message her once, maybe twice per week, so as not to be a pest. I'll wait, see what happens. I just can't believe she'd do it to me like this.
I understand. Based on what you're saying, you didn't do anything wrong, so don't give yourself a hard time. It's on her for not communicating about what she was feeling. You deserve the respect of at least having a conversation. Now you're left in a sort of limbo not knowing what to think. It's messed up.
I'm sorry =( I'd give it another week or so and if I hadn't heard from her, I'd reach out to her. I know some people say, "No answer is an answer." but still. I'm the kind of person that likes to tie up my loose ends and actually talk about things and it sounds like you are as well. If she doesn't respond then definitely let it go and move on. Try to focus more on bettering yourself and spending time/energy on the people that are in your life. Of course there is a grieving period, and you should fully embrace that, but don't let yourself sit and perpetuate negative feelings for too long - that just makes it worse. It's gonna be rough for a while but time heals.
Facebook is the devil... looks like Facebook Mobile (which I use almost exclusively) and the app were showing me all the signs of having been blocked, but the full web version clearly states she deactivated her account. It happened once for a brief period last year when we were just getting acquainted. If I had to guess, she's probably under a lot of school pressure and shut it off so it wouldn't be a distraction, but all I have at this point are guesses.
Fail fail fail!!! This take was such a fail... LOL
and by the way you don't need a man... You need self respect and a lot of it... So that next time when a guy uses you, you don't let him do that... And dump him... and choose a right partner.. For yourself...
I see 1,000 cats coming in your near future. lol Stop being such a sour prune and accept the fact that we ALL need a partner. Especially as you get older. A life alone is not a life to live.
I think it's pretty personal. I'd say I "need" a woman cause it's a huge part of my life plan, not much would make me happier than a wife and kids of my own to give my love to. Same with a lot of girls, they say they "need" a man, but aren't inherently weak, and they still focus on stuff they want to.
Why do people think that wanting meaningful companionship means that you don't love yourself? The same could be said for friendships. Why would someone need/want friends if they were truly satisfied being alone? Women simply want a more emotional connection, whereas men usually don't. It's easy to tell a woman that she's unhappy with herself if she desires a romantic interest, but it's simply not true. It's just that what women initially want is different than what men initially want.
You're blaming that guy for your own obsession because he simply didn't like you back? Learn to take no for an answer. So if a girl comes on to me real strong but I'm simply not interested I'm the bad guy for how much she tortures herself for wanting me? You're shaming guys for choosing to not want to be with you. Grow up...
5
1 Reply
Opinion Owner
+1 y
God your take seriously made me sick to my stomach. The difference between you and a sex offender is they are aggressive when someone denies their affection whereas you're passive-aggressive when they reject you and so you're bad mouthing them as revenge. Despicable... Learn to respect when someone doesn't have attraction back for you. Just because you like them doesn't mean you're entitled to them..
Usually, women want a man, and men want a woman. It is wired into us. Of course, we should develop our own lives and not *need* the other person, because it may not happen.
Good on you for bettering yourself and I agree a poisonous relationship can destroy someone, but it also happens both ways and I know this from personal experience from mate of mines. His missus was destroying his relationship with his family. On the other hand a relationship is also beneficial in many ways. It just comes to both sides putting in 100%. At the moment im focussing on my career which is also why im unable to commit 100% to someone, but im just fine having a friends with benefits to ease the stress
I guess we don't need one to live. But everyone should know that. But people want companionship. And when they can't or have trouble getting it they become desperate and depressed and may think something is wrong with them... which isn't usually the case.
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It all depends on the person. Men have a very important role in society. It is not about NEEDING a man, it's about what makes you feel happy and satisfied. If you feel as if you don't need a man, that's fine. But it doesn't neccessarily mean that if you have a boyfriend or husband it's because you are hopeless and you can't function properly without them. The fact that you had an unsuccessful relationship doesn't at all mean that wanting a man is pointless. Don't judge by one relationship, people are different. And ''girl power'' is not about not needing a man, it's about taking action into your own hands, REGARDLESS of whether you are with one or not.
if you don't mind me asking, what is that important role? just thought I'd ask :)
Well, without men, we (women) wouldn't be able to have children. That is the most important role. But except that, men generally do a lot harder (physically) work, which would be potentially risky for women to do. Professions such as, construction worker, firefighter and policemen are vital, and luckily there are mostly guys that are working in these fields. If there is a war, the vast majority that would be obligated to go would be men, not women.
I like your post girl.
I was in a relationship where he used me. I spent days crying, and I thought I can't live without him, but now I believe I was stupid because I believed he loved me. I always made excuses for him if he did something bad.
Now I don't cry. I was the one who told him to stay away from me.
A man can be a vital part of acwoman's life. I don't want to say that men don't have any importance, because then I would be lying to myself. What I want to day is that a woman needs to take care of herself first. She needs to feel confident. Then if someone who deserves her shows up, it's good. If not, she will continue being happy without him.
It's just social and media pressure basically.
agreed
I agree with you. I was just discussing about this with some good friends of mine. It is like the lyrics of the Spanglish lyrics, "Don't expect an hombre to support you with wealth, go to college and be successful do it for yourself, Nunca vas a ser shit without knowledge of self, Mamis with cultural ineptitude are bad for your health, thats the type of mujer that i'd put back on the shelf, and go to the pack crowd and look for somebody else." - IMmortal Technique
It's basically saying that women should be independent, intelligent, and not depend on a man financially.
I have done the independent thing and I actually in a way pushed someone who I really loved away from me because I was so focused on being a successful, independent woman. Now I am at a point where everything in my life is set. I have achieved all of my personal goals except one... finding the right guy who I can settle down with.
I think it's important for us as women to be self sufficient and not rely on a man to take care of us but as someone else said we all do need people in our lives to love and to give us love. If we don't do that then really our lives are lonely and I would say for me unfulfilling. I look forward to seeing my friends on the weekends or seeing a guy if I am dating someone. I do not look forward to work or paying my bills in the same way at all haha.
There is no point in chiding others for wanting someone by their side because in the end we all need love...
I agree, but I think it is also important to love yourself so that you can love another. Because people can be the opposite extreme and always seek love and validation to the point where it is unhealthy. To the point where they are unable to be alone at all and always need a fling to keep their mind off themselves. However, love is beautiful and if people love one another that is a wonderful thing.
I am glad to see that you can admit you pushed him away, instead of acting like he was intimidated by your success like a lot of people do. It shows that you have really reflected on how your choices effect others, and that you don't place all of the blame on other people. That shows a lot of maturity. It sounds like you really are ready for a relationship, and I would bet that soon the right guy will notice that.
Aww thank you! I hope you're right :)
The whole thing with being independent and self sufficient is good, I think the neediness comes from lack of self worth. The truth is the other person, the guy/girl, is only a companion in your life, and one day you may not be with him/her anymore, so by being the best you can be- for yourself, you can keep your independent nature, in a relationship or single.
Well said, and I absolutely agree. Men should take the same advice.
I want a man, just like how I want friends, it's a necessity for functioning socially, sex is a need, at least it is for me. No one (at least I hope you wouldn't) discourages people from wanting friends, so why would you discourage people from wanting a partner? Let live and be free and do you.
This advice works for guys too, because you see a lot of them on here totally depressed and down on themselves for not having a gf or having sex. Well, the more depressed and hopeless you are, the LESS attractive you will be. And certainly guys chase after the ones they can't have, same as girls do, wasting so much time and effort. Many guys think their life would be fixed somehow if they could only find the girl to complete them. Actually, you need to fix your life FIRST, get to that place where you're self-sufficient and happy with yourself, before anyone will want to be with you. Guys may be attracted to low-self-esteem girls but it doesn't work the other way around. Feeling you NEED a woman only makes you needy.
Mmh, okay, women should not obsess over finding their partners but still don't think men don't do the same. This site is full of questions that sound like "Will a woman ever love me?" - "Will I ever find a good girl?"
So it goes for both men and women.
I don't NEED a man. I WANT one. Some people like having someone there to make them happy. Just because your relationship turned out to be garbage that doesn't mean that everyone else's will.
I wasn't meaning it like that, if you are happy that's great all Im saying is don't put your life on hold and think you worthless if you dint have someone
This is really great. I agree with this because these girls don't realize how bad they look when they are so reliant and dependent on guys and their attention. Just be happy by yourself and when the right guy comes along you'll be ready! No guy worth your time is going to want a girl that is a boy-crazy, over the top attention seeker.
I feel the same, I don't need a woman. It would be nice and all but I can't be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. That's unfair to both parties and it won't last with that underlying fact festering over time. Show me the right girl and of course, I would want to be with her, but she has to be on the same page.
A relationship I've been in for over half a year recently ended with me being blocked by her without so much as a warning or explanation. She stopped answering me in the middle of a text conversation (which to that point had been cordial enough, it was the first time we spoke all week owing to her school schedule) and, a day of silence later... she's just gone.
What the hell am I supposed to make of that?
I'd say your advice here is applicable both ways. I've probably been focused too much on her, what I can do for her, and not enough on myself.
If it was TOTALLY unprovoked then maybe you should let it go. And if it bothers you ask her. Otherwise just try to love yourself and relax.
It does bother me. This is the first relationship I've ever been in. I loved her, even if our distance and her schedule limited our contact. I can't fault her if she lost interest, but I'd have thought what we had would have meant more to her than this.
Perhaps you should ask her. Don't assume anything. Be brave.
I'd been doing research for her. Universities where she could pursue residency after graduating med school. She stopped answering while we were in the middle of discussing my findings. Tried messaging her once the next day when I saw she was online, and she didn't answer or even read it. Day after that, I was blocked.
I think she probably wants out of it and didn't have the courage to flat-out say it. Unless she's very insecure or maybe just independent, and the thought of you two getting closer freaked her out? It's messed up either way. She should still have given you some sort of an explanation, but maybe she will in a few days or so. I'm sorry you're going through this! I've been through something similar, so I know it's rough. Hang in there.
I'll respect her wishes if she no longer wants anything to do with me. I just wish that, if that's the case, she could have come out and said so instead of just going quiet and blocking me. I'd be happy to do this research for her even if she doesn't see a future between us, I've told her that before.
I just don't know what to think. I have one last avenue of contact I can try, but honestly, our communication has been slipping for the last few months. I've been torn this last month or two trying to decipher whether she was legitimately too busy to talk, as she said, or simply lost interest. I don't know what's going on at school beyond what she tells me, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt, gave her space, kept my private concern private and tried to stay upbeat on those occasions we did get to talk. Got to the point where I'd message her once, maybe twice per week, so as not to be a pest. I'll wait, see what happens. I just can't believe she'd do it to me like this.
I understand. Based on what you're saying, you didn't do anything wrong, so don't give yourself a hard time. It's on her for not communicating about what she was feeling. You deserve the respect of at least having a conversation. Now you're left in a sort of limbo not knowing what to think. It's messed up.
Thank you, @chillerbee.
I love her, and I know she once felt the same way. I don't want it to end like this.
I'm sorry =( I'd give it another week or so and if I hadn't heard from her, I'd reach out to her. I know some people say, "No answer is an answer." but still. I'm the kind of person that likes to tie up my loose ends and actually talk about things and it sounds like you are as well. If she doesn't respond then definitely let it go and move on. Try to focus more on bettering yourself and spending time/energy on the people that are in your life. Of course there is a grieving period, and you should fully embrace that, but don't let yourself sit and perpetuate negative feelings for too long - that just makes it worse. It's gonna be rough for a while but time heals.
Men can be jerks, and women can be bitchy.
It's kind of equal.
Facebook is the devil... looks like Facebook Mobile (which I use almost exclusively) and the app were showing me all the signs of having been blocked, but the full web version clearly states she deactivated her account. It happened once for a brief period last year when we were just getting acquainted. If I had to guess, she's probably under a lot of school pressure and shut it off so it wouldn't be a distraction, but all I have at this point are guesses.
Fail fail fail!!! This take was such a fail... LOL
and by the way you don't need a man... You need self respect and a lot of it... So that next time when a guy uses you, you don't let him do that... And dump him... and choose a right partner.. For yourself...
PoW!!!
I see 1,000 cats coming in your near future. lol Stop being such a sour prune and accept the fact that we ALL need a partner. Especially as you get older. A life alone is not a life to live.
Great practical thinking
I think it's pretty personal. I'd say I "need" a woman cause it's a huge part of my life plan, not much would make me happier than a wife and kids of my own to give my love to. Same with a lot of girls, they say they "need" a man, but aren't inherently weak, and they still focus on stuff they want to.
Why do people think that wanting meaningful companionship means that you don't love yourself? The same could be said for friendships. Why would someone need/want friends if they were truly satisfied being alone? Women simply want a more emotional connection, whereas men usually don't. It's easy to tell a woman that she's unhappy with herself if she desires a romantic interest, but it's simply not true. It's just that what women initially want is different than what men initially want.
Men don't want an emotional connection?
Bull.
You're blaming that guy for your own obsession because he simply didn't like you back? Learn to take no for an answer. So if a girl comes on to me real strong but I'm simply not interested I'm the bad guy for how much she tortures herself for wanting me? You're shaming guys for choosing to not want to be with you. Grow up...
God your take seriously made me sick to my stomach. The difference between you and a sex offender is they are aggressive when someone denies their affection whereas you're passive-aggressive when they reject you and so you're bad mouthing them as revenge. Despicable... Learn to respect when someone doesn't have attraction back for you. Just because you like them doesn't mean you're entitled to them..
We can't pretend we don't need other people. If any one of us was the last person on earth we'd go crazy, literally. Humans are social creatures.
It's important to work on yourself so you can love yourself but loving others is also important too. And there's no better kind of love than romance.
Thats sum REAL honesty eight thur lel
Right*
Usually, women want a man, and men want a woman. It is wired into us. Of course, we should develop our own lives and not *need* the other person, because it may not happen.
this
Good on you for bettering yourself and I agree a poisonous relationship can destroy someone, but it also happens both ways and I know this from personal experience from mate of mines. His missus was destroying his relationship with his family. On the other hand a relationship is also beneficial in many ways. It just comes to both sides putting in 100%. At the moment im focussing on my career which is also why im unable to commit 100% to someone, but im just fine having a friends with benefits to ease the stress
I guess we don't need one to live. But everyone should know that. But people want companionship. And when they can't or have trouble getting it they become desperate and depressed and may think something is wrong with them... which isn't usually the case.