Why do I feel emotionless after a heartbreaking split with my girlfriend?(please read the whole description)?

[DanteSparda]

Hey G@Gers, I'm a 21 year old College student and I've recently broke up with my girlfriend who I've dated for over 1 year. I loved her with all my heart and she was everything to me. Before our official break up, she told me she does not love me anymore and she still have feelings for her ex BF. When she told me that, my heart stopped and I cried my eyes out. I just couldn't imagine my life without her and seeing her with someone else.When we actually broke up, she told me she didn't want to have a future with me and I shouldn't wait for her.If I was a bad person, or if I cheated on her, or if I disrespected her, I can say "Forgive me." But this was totally different. Not wanting a future with me is just... game over. There's really nothing I can do or say about that. So I had to let go of her and I felt like I was alone.How weird... after 3-4 days, I feel emotionless. I feel no pain at all. I'm not happy or sad. Is this normal? I heard many people say that it will hurt for weeks or even months. But it was only been 3-4 days... Why do I not miss her? I try to keep myself busy to not think about her, but I should still feel sad whenever I think of her once in a while.. But I feel so emotionless.. Can anyone tell me why this is happening to me? Is this Normal? Or is it just me?

[sweatgirl]

The opposite of how I am feeling after my breakup with my exboyfriend. Maybe you feel like that way because you are so busy with school and working out. Maybe you realize that it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes when the relationship is over is when we realize that we weren't suppose to be with that person. When things seem to be going well in the relationship and you are happy we don't look at the things that we don't like about the person we are with. Nobody is perfect, but there are always a few things about the person that we don't like or wish we could change about them. Now that you aren't with her maybe you have realized what things you didn't like about her. I think you are also smart enough to realize that you have a lot to offer the right person and that if she wanted to go back to her exboyfriend who treated her like dirt then you shouldn't be with her. You are smart enough to be with someone who could show you the love that you would give in return. Maybe you thought you were in love with her when really you just liked the idea of being in love. What is normal anyways? What maybe normal for some people maybe not normal for you.

[Paulina528]

Aw :( the fact that you cried your eyes out makes me feel so sad and still have hope that their are guys out their who really do care and actually care so much as to CRY over a break up. I wish my ex would have done that. I feel like when she told you she didn't want a future with you, you got the closure you needed and realized there is nothing you can do now to make her change her mind. Plus her saying she still has feelings for her ex is TERRIBLE. I'm sorry :( don't worry, you deserve better. I mean I guess I see where you're coming from though. About feeling emotionless. Personally, I still think about my ex every single day and wish we were talking.. But the first 3 days after our break up which was 2 weeks ago, I thought my eyes would fall out if my head from crying so much.. But I've kind of just realized there isn't much I can do right now about any of this and I kind of just have to go with the phrase "if it's meant to me, it will be." And if not you will find something better.

[DanteSparda]

I agree with you.
I've also realized the same thing.
Maybe that's why?

[Paulina528]

Yes most likely :) good luck with everything!

[DanteSparda]

Thanks :)

[SüßeJäger]

I think most guys cry over a breakup. I have cried over all of them except one.

[Paulina528]

Why didn't you cry over that one?

[CursedAngel]

I've bored you with talks about 'him' so many times that we both have lost count :P
Trust me, its pretty normal to feel the way you feel. Its been 9 months since my breakup and I havn't gotten back my feelings and emotions yet. I smile, I laugh but everything still feels so empty? I keep on looking at his pics, I think about those moments we had, those promises, and everything just stabs me like a million knives together and I experience the only real feeling that I really have-lot of pain.
You feel nothing because, all your emotional energy is spent on dealing with the pain of breakup. Its just like

[DanteSparda]

Hey c'mon you haven't bored me :)
Thanks for your opinion tho.

[CursedAngel]

Its just like hypothermia... You don't feel anything after the initial burn of the cold.
And the treatment takes time. You cannot just put your affected body part in fire to revive your body. It will take time and only time will heal it. Not feeling anything, is not the sign of healing but, feeling the pain again, brings back your senses of touch. :)
Just like that, only feeling the pain will bring you back your feelings and emotions. Don't be afraid to face them. Its all for your good.
Also, remember,
Ups and Downs in life will teach us what happiness and sadness really is. If we never had sad memories, will we ever really understand what happy memories and moments are? won't the happy moments be just.. Moments otherwise?
So, its ok to engulf yourself into sorrow and feel all the pain. Going through the pain helps heal better!

The remaining part. Sorry, sucky net
connection..

[HandsomeRaj]

Dumped you w/o an explanation IS BAD. But guess nothing in life's perfect.

Ah and there's no age or bar on these feelings. The 'problem' is when we let down all our guards & THAT's when we get caught napping :) THAT is exactly what happened to me (while I'd discussed & explained this to her as 'my concern' between us) & guess that was what her aim was with me lol though she's not a bad person for sure.

These feelings are similar to accidents, happen unexpectedly & there are times the mind / heart behaves like the body i.e. numbs the hurt area so that the pain is not felt much & that is exactly what @DanteSparda is experiencing :)

In my case it isn't that way ;) I am in terms with what exists - it's a call, a choice we make for better & good of everyone especially the one we love & ones who love & care for us :)

[CursedAngel]

Yes, @HandsomeRaj. That is exactly the case. He broke up over texts.. I felt heartbroken... Shattered... I wish I didn't have to go through all of this... But then, this is life... Guess its always been like this for everyone... With highs and lows... And guess this is the Mariana Trench of my life...

[CursedAngel]

Thanks for the MH, Devansh :)

[DanteSparda]

yw :)

[HandsomeRaj]

1. When it comes to love this is my take on it 'there's no past tense in loving someone, it's either you always will or you never did'
2. Most women like a certain amount of 'bad / naughty boy' in their guy most times, being too good doesn't really help - I was that way in my preteens and I realized that. It's kind of complicated to explain but I know what it is inside my head :)
3. In your situation there probably was some other reason why she came to you in 1st place but probably / maybe not malice. There are times when people realize something at the cost of someone else and unfortunately in this case it was with you :)
4. You are a doctor aren't you? Will you explain to me the phenomenon of someone grievously injured but feels no pain, everything in him/her goes numb? - The same principle applies to the human mind too :)

[CursedAngel]

Handsomeraj, I loved your first quote. It took me 9 months to know this fact. I denied missing him and loving him not just to others but even to myself because of all what he did to me and still... even to this day, I cry for him and I'll not think twice before taking him back.
He dumped me 9 months ago without any explanation..

[LionHeart_]

If I'm completely honest, she never left anything for you to mourn over. She sort of took everything from right under you; usually there would be things that you could do to make amends. By telling you what she has she did you a favour in terms of not leading you on, the only question remains is how long had she known she had feelings for her ex. Your current state is of emptiness, which is completely normal. This could be the result of shock or the fact that there's nothing left for you to do. I'd give it 2 weeks, if you feel the same, I wouldn't question it any more.

[38rakia38]

Numbness in my experience has usually been related to just, shock, or not wanting to come to terms with what has happened.

I recently screwed up royally, but there's a silver lining to this story, and I assume there must be one for you--you just haven't realized it yet.

I have been on and off with a guy for almost a decade now, and it's never amounted to anything. But I always give up anything I've built so I could be with him. Well, when everything hit the fan as it always did--I found myself giving into a coworker who had quite the intent to be near me. I went into it half-heartedly, and I realized a few months in that I really, REALLY liked this guy.

This awkward Administrative Coordinator was quite charming, quite fun, and we had a close bond despite only screwing around for a few months. I swore up and down, despite us not being in a relationship, I wouldn't sleep with my ex on a camping trip.

Guess who slept with her ex on a camping trip?

<----------This idiot

Why? Why would I totally screw over this wonderful person? Well, my coworker had made it seem to me that he wasn't interested in anything past just fooling around. He was screwing another woman and I didn't see why sleeping with someone I had known and loved for 6 years was an issue.

Well, I lied to my coworker when I got back. I admitted a half truth. He asked for his space. He asked me to choose between him and my ex. I refused. Apparently, he "knew" I would choose my ex. He said a few other things about how he didn't have time, he didn't want to lie to grandma... whatever... either way.

Our relationship was never the same.

Now we're not even friends.

Do I regret doing it? EVERY. FREAKIN. DAY.

But he's in Georgia, and I'm in California. He left everything behind to do what he needed to do, and even told me not to visit in case he had a girlfriend in 4 months. Seriously. I felt heartbroken and betrayed... much like I assume he must've felt about me and my ex.

[38rakia38]

The silver lining? A very close old high school boyfriend and I regained contact. And it's wonderful. We're not together. But it's great to have someone who values the connection enough to keep on after me, even after years of being f***ed over.

There's always a path elsewhere. There's always better, right in front of you. Do I still think about my coworker? All the damn time. But, I need to put my effort into someone else.

[justbanANNAz]

i was like that too. I'm the one who broke it off with my ex and it was really hard for me, but i didn't miss him after that. because when i broke it off, he got angry and swore and me, and was very rude about it, when i just needed him to remain calm. but understanding his anger i took it all in and didn't retaliate.

anyway, ur not emotionless Devansh…. this is normal. i think its more a sense of… being free. ur finally free from this relationship or those words she said that weighed u down. they hurt u very much and u parted ur ways. but this 'emotionlessness' is just u feeling like a burden has been lifted off ur shoulders. dont force urself to feel sad. u dont wanna do that to urself. keep moving forward and dont look back. the future is way too good to keep ur eyes on the past.

sorry for this late response. i do hope u feel better

[DanteSparda]

You don't have to say sorry :)
please take care of yourself too.

[HandsomeRaj]

A response from you & a wise one at as usual that will make ANYONE feel better :D :D :D

[Dzindzer]

It's pretty normal, don't be sad about not thinking about her. If she doesn't want a future with you it's better for you to forget, the sooner the better. Feelings are weird sometimes you think one person (or thing) means the world for you, but when it's gone you realize it's not that big of a deal. Whenever I'm sad or heartbroken (I am one of those persons who can get heartbroken by listening to a love song, so weird) I just shut it all out like it never happened. We all deal with it differently, so it's perfectly normal :)

[DanteSparda]

Thanks for understanding, Ginger :)

[Anonymous]

As someone who has experienced major depression, I know how odd it can feel, if odd is the word, to be emotionless. Almost dissassociated from your own body, and more dead than alive. If you continue to feel this way with a bit of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts, I urge you to go talk t someone you trust and care about, a lot of emotions, good and bad, can be released from talking to a person about your experience and how it affected you. The emotions will come back, good and bad, and you will start to feel less shocked and you will be able to function with out her. Stay strong, and I am sorry that this happened to you. Hang in there!

[DanteSparda]

Well I'm not depressed nor I have suicidal thoughts.
I'm just feeling that my mind is becoming like a robot's mind :/

[Opinion Owner]

If I was you, I would still talk to someone so that you can start living again rather than going as in a dream.

[DanteSparda]

I talk with everybody.
The break up haven't affected my social life.
But I think that incident made me think more rationally.
Though I'm not sure if that's the real reason, that;s why asked the question.
But I appreciate your opinion.
thanks :)

[Opinion Owner]

No problem.

[bellegirl16]

This is completely normal. I think it's your body's way of dealing with the shock and pain. It could be that you are mentally somehow in denial and just haven't come to grips with it yet. Or it may take time to fully realize that a major part of your life has changed. The tears and heartache will come (unfortunately) and then your happiness will find it's way back too. If you never feel pain about it I would say you didn't have a deep emotional connection to her and it was probably more physical, something you can easily replace and therefore no sadness is required, or so thinks the voice in the back of your mind. ;) Good luck with it all!

[HandsomeRaj]

OH YES we are on the same page :)

[bellegirl16]

Being on the same page with you handsomeraj is a real compliment. :)

[Caren-Field]

Being broken up with is like going through a grieving process. You will experience a range of emotions and feelings over a period of time. Think of it like a roller coaster. Sometimes you'll be up, sometimes you'll be down, and sometimes you'll be upside down! But be assured it will end at some point. Numbness and loneliness are all part of the process. Don't worry if you are not happy or sad. You are what you are, which at the moment happens to be numb and lonely, and whatever that is it's just fine.

You are grieving the loss of the future you had imagined with her. Get busy creating a new future for yourself!

[MaskedSanity]

There is an image floating around the internet about how men and women respond to break ups.

1.bp.blogspot.com/.../...Breakup-Boys-Vs-Girls.jpg

For guys, the realization doesn't sink in as quick, because their ego gets in the way. "Fuck that hoe, I'm so much better off". The grieving process needs to start before the healing one can begin and a lot of guys are in denial of what happened or try to convince themselves they don't care.

You will feel sad soon. Maybe not now, but it will come round and it will hit you hard. As it's been a month since you posted this, you're probably feeling really down right now.

Let it all out, scream and cry. It will hurt, but when you let it out, it DOES feel better.

[curbin]

I think that when people experience heartbreak, they have an initial shock that wears off fairly quickly, but it takes most of the emotional drive out of them afterwards. I've gone through the same period of feeling detached from everything when my relationship took a hit.

The reason you don't miss her is because SHE did something that hurt you -- it wasn't an unfortunate, unplanned event, it was her as a person that said the words that caused you to hurt, and it was her that ended your relationship. Later on down the road there may be a part of you that wants to see her in a good light, however right now you're "gut" feeling about her (probably) is that she did you an injustice. You're conflicted, and so rather than feeling a combination of regret and anger, you feel nothing.

It's fine to feel the way you do, you'll recover, but it will take some time for that to happen. For me it took several months, but it's different for everyone.

[RedRain]

I think it's a defense mechanism from your mind not to hurt. And that's ok. You may get sad in a couple weeks, or even angry, or both. Like you may go through different phases... But you'll be just fine.
And yes, it's normal, some people do go emotionless in those situations.

[GoldCobra]

I agree

[DanteSparda]

Thanks for your insights :)

[VENOMMM]

you are starting to feel the acceptance that it is over. you got closure when she said she didn't want to have a future with you. now you could be in shock and there will be a wave of emotions about to hit you. either way stay strong. you will be fine

[THChowder]

I agree with him.

[NoblesseOblige]

It's really good if you're over it so fast lol. I always break up with girls so I always feel happy afterwards, but it still takes time to fully get over it. Looks like crying helped you get over it faster :)

The real test is if you can successfully get a new girlfriend who isn't a rebound. If you go for rebound grade girls, you know you're still messed up from it.

[Deft_maiden]

You are still in a shock. It hasn't fully sinked in yet.

[DanteSparda]

Thanks for your opinion but what I can't able to understand is, it has been one month and I should miss her like a normal person but I don't :/

[Deft_maiden]

Well maybe at some deeper level you are relieved or are not as attached you thought

[findingdreamland]

You will suffer. Not right now but later. Try to get rid of your baggages as soon as possible. Cry, shout at, do sth. Otherwise you will sabotage your next relationship.
Move on and forgive. This is the best solution.

[Snakeyes7]

It’ll come back trust me. I had the exact same thing happen to me. girlfriend of one year dumped me because “God told her to”. For basically 6 months, if I wasn’t crying or furious by a slow computer or something like that, I was emotionless. Everyday events felt irrelevant, I want really interested in making new friends to recover I pretty much isolated myself and wished she could come back. Now I am indifferent and while it would be great if she came back, I’m not holding my breath.

[Tracilopez]

Maybe you are still in shock. Stay strong though.

[DanteSparda]

Maybe.
It's been one month since that incident though :/

[Tracilopez]

Well maybe you didn't love her like how you thought? Sometimes we think we love someone and it's really infatuation or just attracted to them a lot. Because love hurts there's no ands ifs or buts about it. Not saying you didn't care about her well being buy maybe you didn't let her in like how you thought you did..and hey, good 4 u :-)

[DanteSparda]

I think that's a possibility.
Thanks for your opinion :)

[Tracilopez]

Your welcome :)