Seriously are looks the only thing that matters these days?

[Anonymous]

Well there are lot of reasons i think this i have had a couple of experiences. I have seen goodlooking jerks (btw i dont mean all are jerks i mean the goodlooking people who are jerks lol) with women. They are treated like shit but they still love him whatever. Also i have been told that im 'nice' by many girls. There was this girl i talked through kik for like a month. I used compliment her she did too in return. I send goodnight texts and good morning texts everyday. One day she asks me can i see how you look like? And im like yea ok. Then i sent her my pic. Then after that we talked for like 4 hours straight. But after that 'incident' she labelled me as friends i knew coz she would send images like friends forever etc. so i did ask her later if she did think that we could maybe more then just friends. Se told me straight forwardly no i like u only as a friend im sorry. I took it badly of course but still i do send her those sweet goodnight messages and all. Now she doesn't even talk to me. Its not just her. Always at one point it would be can i c how u looklike? Well after they know how i look like thats when they become less intrested in me. so like i said are looks the only thing that matter these days?(btw the girls i liked i didn't like them for looks i liked them for their personality because we had things in common and we have good times with each other)

[abundantlyrich]

Dude, i have been in your situation when i was kind of "mediocre" looking myself as a teen. When i reached past 20 i looked better but worked on myself. The truth is you think people are gonna be nice and not judge you for your looks. This is highly unlikely to occur. Not a lot of people will think like that. You will get more opportunities as you make major improvements. That's if you take the first step to do that Cos people rarely want to work on themselves but put blame on others for not reacting favourably towards them. This is how some of the guys in gag are.
There are no guarantees what's gonna happen but there might be someone out there who will appreciates the effort, you put into yourself. Its just a matter trying. Don't give up just because you had only one rejection.

after saying all this, I'm expecting some arrogant prick to challenge me and quote my words and over analyse it. :P

[Asker]

Lol umm well tbh i do try to look good always. I have changed my hairstyle and dressing style even :p and thank you :)

[SweetSweetheart32]

Wow it's there lose looks do not matter to me it matters what's inside the person what counts especially for me a guy I like as to be creative and sweet and a gentlemen and I am so into football games , my hobbie is making worry stones and Christmas ornaments out of air try clay it's fun and I like doing it. Plus I love spicy foods. I know I sound crazy but I would be fun. You just got to find the right lady for you , there is someone out there for you I know so. Never give up and trying I find that right one , yeah rejection is hard but you move on.

[Asker]

Thank you you are a sweetheart :)

[SweetSweetheart32]

Thanks love is I bet you are handsome

[SweetSweetheart32]

If those lady's don't like you for you there not worthy it

[Bluemax]

Why do you use the phrase, "[they're] not worthy of it?" I think we might disagree here, SweetSweetheart32. People who reject people aren't necessarily "unworthy," they just aren't attracted to the person they reject.

What are "worry stones?" That sounds interesting.

[SweetSweetheart32]

Well worry stones are like made out of clay and it helps people that have anger problems like I do , I usually worry about stuff that I have no control over , these worry stones kind of help me keep calm in those situation and I just started making them for fun , it's kind of a relaxing hobbie it's fun too , my mom and me are going to try making air dry clay at home some day or night it depends , I am a lady that likes to do creatives. . It's like say you worried about a job your going to do or your worried to ask a girl or tell a guy how you feel about them , it's good as gifts too it just means you care about that person to make them something special from the heart. Sometime I think over reacted when I get rejected but it seems to get a little easier but it still hurts. I don't know why I said there not worthy it, I guess there are those people that are not worthy it a guy didn't think I was worthy it and he just wanted to be friends that didn't wok he didn't want to be friends

[SweetSweetheart32]

With me anymore because I guess he thought I was to clingy. I just don't know what went wrong he flirted with me loved the valtines card that was a while back , but love hurts and when I made these worry stones it feels like I am letting go of Ben in the love dove way. I just don't want to ruin it with the new guy mike I am intrested messege me on here if you want to here more about mike

[Anonymous]

They're not the only thing that matters, but it's important to be attracted to the person you're with. Also, I wouldn't send sweet goodnight/good morning texts to girls who aren't already into you. I know your intentions are probably good, but it just makes them feel uncomfortable if they don't like you in the same way.

Some advice too: don't waste time on kik. You should meet girls in real life, and interact and get to know them in person. It's much better and more successful than trying things online.

[Asker]

Well i thought that girl was into me too lol. She did say things like you make me feel special, ur so sweet, i like talking to you, etc soooo i thought she did hehe

[Bluemax]

A very wise response.

[Asker]

Thanks @Bluemax :)

[Bluemax]

If anyone wishes it weren't true, it's me, but looks do indeed matter to men and women alike. I'm the first to admit it isn't fair. However, you can't change 2,000,000 years of human evolution.

Now, that being said, I would note that most of the things which make a person physically attractive are within our power to change. This article might be of interest to you.

www.psychologytoday.com/.../being-beautiful-or-handsome-is-easier-you-think

If you feel your physical appearance is holding you back, why not try and improve your physical appearance?

I can appreciate your frustration, asker. It's good that you don't resort to calling the women who have rejected you bad names. Mind that you turn this frustration into positive energy, and not negative energy. Work towards self improvement, not anger. Good luck.

[Bandit74]

I've read your responses on the other opinions and I got to say I agree 100%. It's not "shallow" to admit you wouldn't date an ugly person. I can honestly say that even if honey boo boos mom was perfect , the funniest most intelligent person in the world (which she isn't lol) i still wouldn't date her. Usually you don't have to make that choice anyways. There's plenty of average looking people to choose from and like the article says an average looking person can go from average-above average with some effort and self improvement. We have always cared about looks, the only difference is that we are more self aware of this now.

[Asker]

I actually am trying to improve my physical appearance but thank you :)

[Asker]

And no i dont get angry with them at all. Just disappointed and sad

[JackKerouac77]

Nah, I'm not one for physical appearances.

But I also grew up with the Elephant Man. He was a good dude.

upload.wikimedia.org/.../...ite_photo,_c._1889.jpg

[BuchitaBuchys]

It depends. You're young, so the physical appearance seems to be the main issue. When you grow older, you will see that not many people are as shallow.

Now answer me this, if some chick that looked like Honey Boo Boo's mom was the sweetest thing in the world. Let's pretend she had an awesome personality, she was funny, she was smart, she was everything you looked for in a girlfriend. Would you be able to look past her physical appearance and date her?

[Bluemax]

"When you grow older, you will see that not many people are as shallow."
I hesitate to use the word "shallow," as that is loaded with negative connotation to describe a very human trait. As for growing older and seeing not many people are as shallow, I'm not so certain. I think it's more along the lines of as we grow older, the physically unattractive grow more aware they are physically unattractive and, because of necessity, start to look for other things.

About the Honey Boo Boo's mom question. I know you're asking the asker, but I'm going to answer, too. No, I would under no circumstance ever be attracted to Honey Boo Boo's mom. I know that this is a circumstance which might lead to sadness to Honey Boo Boo (I'm not saying I'm a catch, but other better men than I would probably answer similarly), thus Honey Boo Boo's mom has my sympathy. I recognize that unattractive people do not find other unattractive people attractive. There is nothing wrong with this.

[Bluemax]

This does not make unattractive people hypocrites, as the same forces of evolution are at work with all people, both the attractive and the unattractive and everyone in between. I would therefore advise Honey Boo Boo's mom to do what she can to make herself more physically attractive. If all I could attract were women who look like Honey Boo Boo's mom, I would do all I can to make myself more attractive.

Now I have some questions for you, BuchitaBuchys. Suppose you were born deformed, or were in an accident which disfigured you to the point where you were on the physical attractiveness level of Honey Boo Boo's mom. Could you date whatever the male equivalent of Honey Boo Boo's mom is, assuming he is funny smart, and everything you looked for in a bf? How would you feel if someone called you "shallow" for wanting a physically attractive male?

[Bluemax]

In that same circumstance, if all you could attract were men that you were not physically attracted to, could you say in all honesty and with a great degree of certainty that you would never feel frustrated five, ten, fifteen, twenty years down the line? That you would not in the slightest bit become bitter or angry?

I've known people in the very situation I've described. They aren't shallow. They're very human.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Bluemax, we both agree. It's not being shallow, it's being human. I mean it does seem more shallow when people are younger though. But I cannot say for sure cuz some would argue that I'm still relatively young, though I feel like a vieja.

It makes "unattractive" hypocrites if they keep complaining about that hot chick/guy when they wouldn't do the same. You cannot sit there and pout about your personality not being enough, saying that those attractive are horrible people, when you would do the same. When you wouldn't give that fat chick, or that ugly chick a chance, regardless of how sweet they may be. That's hypocritical to me.

If that scenario did happen to me, then I'd be fucked. I guess I would feel frustrated. But it's not like I'd be able to do anything, cuz I know I probably wouldn't be satisfied with only equally attractive men as me. But tough shit. I know I wouldn't be able to change anyone's mind by pouting.

[Bluemax]

" though I feel like a vieja."
I'm sorry! I like you, BuchitaBuchys, and I respect you, but at MY age, I can't read that with a straight face! ;-D

I would point out that the asker nowhere uses the word "horrible" to describe attractive people or the women who rejected him. That's to his credit. Although a number of people do seem to pout on the internet, I didn't think the asker's tone was all that pouty, nor does much poutiness seem to come up in his responses to people's opinions. Then again, I can't see his face and I can't hear his voice. As for those who DO pout, well there are some things to consider.

I would categorize people who complain about being ugly into two major categories. Those who bemoan their circumstances, and those who bemoan men or women for rejecting them. Those who bemoan their circumstances I don't think are hypocrites at all. It is these people I was talking about and I should have made myself more clear on that. Sorry.

[Bluemax]

Now, as for those who do pout about men and women being bad people for rejecting them and saying they are horrible people for doing so when they themselves don't try to make it work with unattractive people, I suppose that is hypocritical of them. I am, however, prepared to overlook that in most cases given their frustration and anger. By the way, you used the phrase, "when they wouldn't do the same." The verb "wouldn't" is very important here. It implies they are capable of becoming attracted to the unattractive, but refuse to. Respectfully, I don't think that's the case. I think they CANNOT become attracted to the unattractive any more than you or I can. It's not a conscious decision on their part. The unattractive are no more able to become physically attracted to other unattractive people than any of us, you and me included.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Bluemax, some people just feel older. Sorry :(
I'm not saying I feel like 100yrs old lol But sometimes I feel like a damn 50yr old. I should just retire :P

Eh, you're right. But he seems to point out that he views it negatively. "Seriously, are looks the only thing that matter these days?" This doesn't sound like a person who is rosie daises with how human physical attraction, or just plain human attraction, works.

And yea I guess you're right. It does sound like they're shifting blame to other people. We can do this, but then we have to think, why do we like who we do? Attraction, physical attraction mainly, is very tricky cuz sometimes we cannot help it. And I'm sorry, I guess I could date someone I'm not physically attracted to, but I wouldn't kiss them or anything. So if they're fine with that. Ok. But I need at least a little physical attraction to, well, get physical. I know I'm not alone. This is a human thing.

[Bluemax]

Yes, you may very well be "fucked" in the scenario I presented. You say you "guess" you would be frustrated. I do not need to guess. In such a situation, I'm quite certain I'd be frustrated. Even though I don't know you personally, I'm going to wager my right arm you would indeed be frustrated. To me there's little doubt about it (but perhaps I'm wrong). Now, given that you would be frustrated, can you say with any certainty that your thought processes wouldn't start to erode? That in your frustration, you might become more bitter as the years wear on? Can you say with any certainty that as you had to watch your friends find people to love, touch, and share a life with, you wouldn't start to pout? Not even a little bit? That at absolutely no time would you EVER let any words of anger escape your mouth or post something less than stoic about your situation on the internet?

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Bluemax this kid is UNDER 18 though!! lol Maybe throughout many, many years he can pout and let the frustration get to him, but a kid in their teens barely experienced the brutal dating game haha.
If it were me, yea. But I'm not claiming to be a nice, sweet, awesome personality nice girl. I know I'm crass, rude, in your face, know it all. So of course I'd probably vent. This user claims to be a nice person. The cliche nice guy. Woe is me type of nice guy. I know if it were exactly me, and my bitchy attitude, hell yea. But I know I'm not nice. I know I'm rude as fuck. I know I'm nowhere near a sweet person. I never claimed to be the "nice" girl. Cuz I know I'm not nice. So yea, I probably would vent with all my cats next to me haha.

[Bluemax]

How would you respond in that situation if some one simply said to you "But tough shit?" Do you tell that to disabled people? Have you ever said "But tough shit" to an unattractive person face to face?

The thing is, most unattractive people know they won't change people's minds by pouting (well, the ones I've met in real life). However, I understand that they are only human, and being only human I recognize that sometimes a bit of pouting, while admittedly counterproductive, is something that's understandable in those circumstances, and it's all too human.

I say these things and ask these questions because I have friends who are in precisely the circumstances I described. None of them blame women (or in one case men) for their circumstances, generally speaking (once in a while, in a moment of weakness they might, but they regret it afterwards). I don't think they're hypocrites and I don't think they're bad people. They're human.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Bluemax, I don't tell people tough shit unless they keep on with that pouting. I won't tell that to a disabled person. I let people vent.

What do you want from me? lol Yea, pouting is human. I know. But I'm saying that if you're ugly and you complain about hot people not wanting you, but you won't give ugly people a chance, that's hypocritical. If you're hot, and you only go for looks, you can't complain if the people you get are dicks.

What do you want me to say? Seriously. You want me to say all attractive people are assholes?

[Bluemax]

I only want to offer my comments on an alternate way of seeing things. I certainly don't think all or ever MOST attractive people are assholes, so why would I want you to say that?

If you and I don't find unattractive people attractive, then why do you think unattractive people are capable of finding unattractive people attractive? (please note I said "capable", which is a very different verb from "would" or "should")

By the way, I have had unattractive friends give unattractive people a shot at dating. It never worked out because they were never aroused by these people.

So what advice do you offer the unattractive who CAN'T (please note I said CAN'T, not WON'T, the word you chose which is very different from can't) find other unattractive people attractive, any more than you can?

[Bluemax]

Oops. I meant "even most," not "ever most."

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Bluemax ay ya yay!! Lol (read that in spanish)
Ok. I see what you're saying, and I agree. I cannot date someone who I find I don't find physically attractive. Well, I can, but I wouldn't be able to get physical. Kiss, touch, etc.

And you're right. You can't force attraction. Unattractive people cannot force attraction to unattractive people. Neither can attractive people. Neither can average looking people. No one can force attraction to someone.

What advice? I don't know. I can only give cliche advice. There are over 6 billion people in the world. Someone will find you attractive. No matter how you look. Not everyone will find you good looking, but not everyone will find you hideous either. People's tastes vary. All we can do as humans, is wait.

[Bluemax]

" some people just feel older."
You're killin' me, BuchitaBuchys! And we are indeed in agreement about physical attraction not being something we can control. Perhaps the asker needs to take this into account when he says "I've seen good looking jerks with women." To his credit, he was careful to point out they aren't all jerks. Although he says love, I believe these women are more infatuated than in love.
You have never been crass or rude or acted like a know-it-all to me, but if you say so I guess I'll take your word. Nice people vent. Crass people vent. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I just got a rather different vibe from the asker. He ever said he's a nice guy. He said, " i have been told that im 'nice' by many girls." That's slightly different from being a self proclaimed "nice guy." Others are calling him nice.

"What advice? I don't know. I can only give cliche advice."
Me too, I'm afraid.

Good talking with you. I must sign off for now.

[Bluemax]

Oops again! I meant he NEVER said he was a nice guy, not "He ever said..."

[Asker]

Lmao 'Now answer me this, if some chick that looked like Honey Boo Boo's mom ' this got me laughing so hard 😂 no i would not i guess...

[Asker]

And thanks @Bluemax :) @BuchitaBuchys i have given the so called ugly people a chance even the problem with most of them is that they dont physically take care of themselves (as in dont workout dont care about their looks etc) i am a gym rat lol and fitness is a huge factor which is why i won't date a fat woman :) though ugly if the girl takes cares of herself and is nice then i would have no problem dating her :)

[been_waiting]

"These days"
what other days have you lived in?

At your age people are extremely shallow but it does get better. But no one will date someone they find ugly just because they're nice

[Asker]

Lol i meant this generation :) they all tell me im average or im cute. Maybe they are looking for a really goodlooking guy?

[been_waiting]

Who knows.

[Asker]

Yea lol :/

[Bluemax]

I'd love to see an end to that word "shallow" as it pertains to physical attraction. As for no one dating someone they find ugly just because they're nice, it's a sad truism. I wonder why people don't recognize the truth of it and the unfairness of it.

[been_waiting]

@Bluemax tons of people think its unfair. Yet are hypocrites because they're humans too and want someone they find attractive.

[Bluemax]

Why do you say they're hypocrites?

[been_waiting]

@Bluemax because the vast majority want to date an attractive person yet hate that other people want to date an attractive person

[Asker]

Well to be honest no. I dont go for the attractive girls. I look for one with a good personality and one who has similar interests as me. Which is why fitness is important 😜

[been_waiting]

Asker you won't date someone you find ugly and you know it

[Asker]

I would and i have once :)

[been_waiting]

Sure.

[Asker]

Dont be sarcastic lol 😂 im not kidding seriously. Well the girl i did date she ditched me for her ex :( it was not from my side

[kheserthorpe]

To the extent young people and in particular young women are seeking out shorter term relationships than They did historically, yes, looks alone matter more than anything else.

[Asker]

Yea. Then im old fashioned i guess. Im looking for a long term definitely no sexual stuff (it ruins the relationship in my POV)

[kheserthorpe]

Old fashioned?

People used to get married and be having sex within months after having spent time together a few dozen times.

You know when long, non physical monogamous relationships have been normal? Never.

[Asker]

Oh ok. U would know better then me anyway hehehe thanks :)

[Tractorbeam]

Welcome to the real world. Buy yourself a pretty picture or a good looking statue. It won't be much fun to be with, but it will look good.
Join the rest of the idiots, and appreciate the good looks.

[Heyjessie15]

Nope I would die to have a sweet guy like you, but know in days they say it's all about looks, and I say it's not I think the inside matters more to me.

[Asker]

Thank you :) thats sweet

[Heyjessie15]

Lol no problem ☺️

[Anonymous]

Never and I mean Never take any dating or relationship advice from women or girls. They don't know for the fuck they want or give a rats ass about your feelings. Jerks get the girls because their like parasites that feeds off women and girls. Sought of like a Mosquito needs blood to survive that's what jerks are blood sucking Mosquito's. If you don't believe me walk around your local Mall or shopping plaza and see the kind of guys girls date. Most are tools who are tall and good looking.

[cuzzy]

If we treated chiks like that we would all be labled shallow. Any one els notice a double standard.

[Bluemax]

Most men DO treat women like this. I therefore don't see a double standard.

[cuzzy]

So just caus im good lookin u think u can label me sun. I think most is an unfair generalization 4 sure i know some players. Don't like em either. But i also know plenty of guys who go without caus they not the best lookin blokes. While ill have a few chasing me just 4 my looks. Point is m8 to some people looks r important. But MOST don't care myself included.

[kangy]

these days even more than before i guess given the media promoting all the beautiful things on screen

[investyazzy]

ouchh , but yeaah looks matter a lot bud !

[Asker]

:( oh well... I have been told that im average or cute... Maybe im trying to get girls out of my league?

[Bluemax]

Rather than frown, asker, why not try to make it to the major leagues? Why not try to improve yourself and make yourself more attractive on every level, including physical?

[Asker]

@Bluemax yea i will thanks hahaha

[DontDropIt]

To some way more than others, yes.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this but "Yes".

[Asker]

Ooook

[Opinion Owner]

It's true. Human nature determines that looks really are all that matter. They are the initial premise for mating.

[Asker]

Yea i guess. Then what is this bs about personality and all the 'it matters only whats on the inside'stuff seriously why do girls say those things if they dont mean it?

[Opinion Owner]

The social BS fed to you is nothing more than idealism. Ideally that's true, humans care about what's inside, and you as a person deserve what you get based on your quality of character. The truth is that none of this is actually true at all; a lot of life is luck and superficial.

[Asker]

Yea i guess. :/ maybe i should just give up on this gf shit and focus on other things in life :)

[Opinion Owner]

Do so. You'll find a girlfriend focusing on other things.

[Asker]

Yea thanks i will try :)

[Opinion Owner]

Good.

[Bluemax]

"You'll find a girlfriend focusing on other things."
Hmm. I'm skeptical, anonymous.

Indeed you should pay attention to other aspects of your life, asker. However, you can include improving your level of attractiveness in your list of things to focus on.

[Opinion Owner]

If for some reason actually improving yourself somehow manages to not improve your attractiveness as a person then you have fucked it all up Bluemax. Which is why you are skeptical.

[Bluemax]

Neither you nor the asker used the "improvement" until I brought it up. The asker said, "maybe I should just give up... and focus on other things in life" Nowhere did he say "improve" or "improvement" You promptly agreed with him, telling him this is the avenue to find a gf.

We agree that self improvement makes one attractive, but he didn't say self improvement, did he? Nor did you until just now. What I was skeptical is that giving up (the asker's word choice) and focusing on other things will lead to finding a gf.

[Opinion Owner]

In what universe do I care 3 fucking days later?

[luggzy123]

naw they arnt

[Asker]

Lol ur a good looking guy you wouldn't know 😂

[Anonymous]

not at all