Girls, why is being depressed so unattractive?

[DepressedPanda]

I am 23 years old boy, and only had one "experience" with a girl. We were not really dating, but we kissed and slept together a couple times, without having sex (Just cuddling the whole night). I loved her so much, and can't seem to get over her, and was diagnosed some months ago with clinical depression and made several suicide attempts.

I've recently tried subscribing to a dating website in the hope I would find someone who would make me forget her, but I only had a very few answers. Most of the girls who were talking to me at first suddenly stopped answering. I've noticed many girls say in their profiles that they want someone happy and outgoing, and they all seem to think depressed guys are not worth the time spent talking to.

I've been often told I was handsome and intelligent, but I feel completely worthless, and the fact that no one is interested in me tends to confirm these thoughts.

So, girls, what do you think of a deseperate guy like me? Do you think I will never ever find anyone who will love me?

Depressed guys are totally a turn-off.

It would not really matter to me.

[nicole_SOA]

The only problem I have with it is sometimes its hard to do because I have depression too and I can't help someone else before I help get myself better. Which I mean im in a good spot now, I'm actually really proud of myself because I've stayed really positive the last two weeks. But when I am on the edge and my guy is also depressed I can't handle being with him because it hurts me even more. But I don't find it off putting at all. You'll find your girl. Someone strong. Who can help you. And you can help her when she's down too.
I think I personally am not good with personal relationships and keeping them so I tend to stay out of them. But it's not offputting or bad It doesn't matter. You are who you are and your depression isn't apart of that. It's here for the ride for a little bit. It will get better and it will slowly start to decrease butyou gotta be willing And in a place where you can be happy if you try your very hardest. there's gunna be plenty of girls out there who will want you. Give it time. Ik its hard. eveyone says give it time, it will get better and its not really the time that makes it better its when your able to wait patiently for your girl, and she comes. She will. Don't worry. Girls are still interested.

[Michamabelle]

It's not a turn off darling but if the person isn't emotionally stable, a relationship can't really work. You'Re right, being alone doesn't help to recover, but search for the love of your family and close friends before the love of a woman. Learn to re-enjoy life with their help and trust me, you'll be so much happier that your smile will make girls fall for you. Good luck and never give up :)

[DepressedPanda]

Just... thank you.

[Michamabelle]

you're welcome :) xx

[fauchelevent]

I've been diagnosed with a mental illness in the past (and my boyfriend's currently recovering from an eating disorder) so it wouldn't really turn me off from you because I know how it's like. But I would possibly re-consider before getting into a relationship with you. Depressed people can sometimes bring other people down, and I'm still trying to recover and deal with my own issues and I wouldn't want to put myself at risk.

[DepressedPanda]

I can understand, in your case you have to deal with your own insecurities...
I think I should not have made this poll. The results clearly confirm my fears; no one wants someone like me, all it brought me is tears running down my face.

By the way, your Clannad made me smile. It's awkward, isn't it? Smiling and crying at the same time alone in front of a screen.

[fauchelevent]

I guess all I can say to help you with the poll is to remember that a lot of people on here are young adults and probably want a fun, easy-going relationship right now, but being in a relationship with someone with depression might not provide them with that, so it's not what they're looking for at this moment in time. The thing to remember is that you need to concentrate on you. You come first, you look after yourself first and you do your best to make yourself happy. What other people think doesn't matter and there is someone out there who's right for you and you will find them, maybe not yet, but it is going to happen. I know it's hard to believe but eventually it will come true. But right now, you don't need a relationship, you need to focus on yourself before you think about other people.

And thanks, Ryou's a cutie :3

[snowangle]

Here's the thing. Depression is an illness, and it really affects what kind of person you are. It's hard on you, but it's hard for your loved ones, too

My boyfriend became severely depressed for a short time about a month after we'd started dating. It really put our relationship to the test. Normally so outgoing, he suddenly became extremely withdrawn. Sometimes he would snap at me angrily for my optimism, sometimes he would send me hopeless messages that scared me to death. I continued to be there for him any way I could, but I promise you, it wasn't easy. If I wasn't already in love with him, I don't think our relationship would have made it.

You can continue to try to find a girlfriend if you want; just remember you'd be asking a lot from her. Personally, I recommend taking care of yourself first and then looking for love

[snowangle]

(Hit post too early)

I recommend taking care of yourself first and then looking for love after you feel better.

[DepressedPanda]

It might sound stupid, but I feel like being alone and not having any sort of love around me doesn't help me recovering from my depression..
I think if I had someone I knew I could trust and who would be there for me, (like you did with your boyfriend), it would ease my pain by a really large amound and help me get better faster.
I guess I'm stuck in a vicious circle: I have no one, which does not help, and no one wants of someone like me because they think I will bring them down with me.

[spuitkaas]

Well depression is not attractive because of obvious reasons. Nobody likes to be around a person who doesn't feel like doing anything and feels like shit all the time and that's good, because people should first fix themselves before starting a relationship or your happiness will depend on the strength of the relationship. So if it doesn't go very well, what often happends in relationships, you could get creepy and obsessive, because you're scared to get depressed again. Also, a relationship comes from 2 sides. If one side is not really there because of personal problems, there is no relationship. Learn how to be happy single and then look for a relationship.