Why don't good guys ever approach me?

[Anonymous]

The only guys who ever approach me are the player type or the guys who are always in trouble. All I want is a nice guy, not somebody who is constantly in trouble or those only-want-one-thing type of guys. I don't know why nice guys dont approach me or even talk to me though, I don't do bad things myself so I don't know why only guys who are bad for me approach me. I dress like a lady and I try to act like one too so I don't give off a vibe that I am into those kind of people and I'm a virgin so I don't know why I attract guys who have been with so many girls.

[Anonymous]

Guys who are only looking for sex have lower fear of rejection then guys who are looking for a partner. They also need to hit on far more girls, because even when they have success, they're still always looking for new targets.

Because of this, these guys hit on an order of magnitude more women then average guys do. It makes some women think -most- guys are players, when in fact most are NOT. It's like if i thought 'most phone calls i get are from telemarketers, so i guess most people do that for a living'. Nope, just those people are calling all the time!

I wouldn't assume you're doing anything in particular to get those sorts of guys to hit on you. They hit on every decent looking girl.

Normal guys? They take it harder when rejected, they move slower because they want to know what the girl is like, they are actually off the dating market sometimes because they're IN relationships, etc.

So you need to meet them half way, flirt with guys you're interested in, make some effort to meet normal guys, etc.

[thorthorley]

Well a beautiful girl like yourself will attract any kind of guy who is attracted to you whether they be players or nice guys or whatever.

Generally players often approach lots of girls where a nice guy will only approach a girl who he is genuinely interested in. So by mathematical probability you will probably be approached by a lot more players than nice guys.

Im sure the type of guys you like are around. You just have to find them and work your flirting magic and hopefully they will talk to you.

[Asker]

Okay and thank you. 😊

[Anonymous]

You're probably not putting yourself out there enough and meeting new people.

"Players" are bold and approach pretty much everyone to increase their chances, so it's not strange they're the only ones you're getting approached by if you're usually a more quiet, shy person.

Make sure to get out of the house more and talk to more people.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try approaching the guys instead of them having to approach you. They might be under the impression you are out of their league

[GingerGuy]

Try approaching them. Those type of guys that are approaching you now are the only type that are going to approach you likely because they don't care as much, more self confidence etc. The type of guy you want is more shy and has all the same insecurities and thoughts that you might about approaching them.

[Asker]

I don't mind approaching anybody but I am pretty shy myself.

[konge]

Approach the nice guys then.

TBH, nice guys have other things to do as well.
Not all of them are beta males either.
Some are in between. Some won't tolerate female BS either.

They aren't players so they don't focus on you, they are focused on doing nice things. Also their interests may not be the same as yours, you've got to know them first then. Perhaps as a friend first then move forward.

Yeah some of them actually require work.
Players require no work they will just game you, and trick you that's all.

[Asker]

I know all of that I'm not insisting that a guy had to be shy and easy. I would prefer if I could get to know him that is exactly what I looking for, granted he is a good person worth knowing.

[Curmudgeon]

What happened to the nice guys? YOU did. (No, not you personally, but read this and see just how many women to which it applies):

www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

drhelen.blogspot.com/.../...-to-all-nice-guys.html

[purplepineapple]

You might be to beautiful. Show off your inner beauty. Wear little to no makeup, dress cozy, and talk to a lot of people. If you really want a nice guy do things nice guys do like volunteer work etc. Find a hobbie and join it loads of nice guys in hobbies. If you wanna attract a nice guy the easiest way is to smile it will melt them till they are a puddle in your hand.

[akadatank44]

Players are players for a reason. They have game and they know how to approach women. So they do it on a consistent basis. So that's why your get approached by them becausebyour attractive and they wanna hook up with you. You'll meet a nice guy someday. Guys are timid and afraid of rejection these days. Women don't bite. Just go talk to them dudes!

[CantStopWontStop77]

Well the dickish dudes (often) are more confident to approach a girl, plus are less concerned about offending her. Believe or not, I consider myself a good guy. I fear a girl will just think Im objectifing her if I approach her basically randomly.
Have you tried approaching the good guys?

[Asker]

Yes once but I got rejected because I didn't know he had a girlfriend. Other times I would try to think of ways to talk to the guys but I couldn't relate to them. It was easier when I was in high school because I got to see guys often, but now that I am in college its much harder to find guys who I can relate to or talk to because I really don't have much reason to and its not easy to get to know the guys here. So the only guys who approach me are guys I already know and I know for a fact that those guys are players.

[CantStopWontStop77]

Aww, that's tough. :-\
And i definitely relate to it being harder in college. High School was so casual. In college half the people are career driven and not looking for a relationship, and the other half are immature partiers:-p

[GreatnessRevamped]

What is your definition of good guy. Start with that.
I don't see a guy who wants sex from you to be a bad thing. Would you like the opposite?
Avoiding trouble guys is smart. However, men are risk takers, and sometimes those risks don't yield the expected result.

[Asker]

A guy who wants to have sex with me while also having sex with multiple other women. That's the key words for players. And good guys are mainly guys who avoid trouble, are good for me and who I can make some progress with.

[GreatnessRevamped]

"A guy who wants to have sex with me while also having sex with multiple other women. "

I didn't say that, did I?

"And good guys are mainly guys who avoid trouble, are good for me and who I can make some progress with."

Of course, but progress means taking risks in life.
I'm just saying.

[Asker]

I didn't day you said that I just know how the guys are that I call players. I don't liable people good or bad I just say good for me or bad for me. Because they could be a good guy, but not the right guy for me. I don't think its anything wrong with a guy wanting to have sex with me and multiple other women as well, that's just natural. What's wrong about it is that that is not what I want or need, so I avoid those kind of guys. And I don't just pick and choose who I think is bad or good I am just really observant and I like to gather my facts before I make decisions.

[Anonymous]

I think it just comes down to perhaps we're not as confident or as talkative in a way, assholes always have that 'I don't give a fuck' aura so they tend to be a lot more out there than other guys. Especially in my case I don't tend to make a move because I've gone through a lot of shit through the past couple of years, once I'm familiar with someone i'll have no problems, is just depends on finding someone who's not trying to get you in bed.

[Anonymous]

It's not you, players approach shit ton of women, they need to as most will turn them down. "good guys" are more hesitant and only approach a girl they have some connection with.

All girls will get approached by players more simply because players approach girls a hell of a lot more than non-players.

[JuicyBrain]

What makes you think they are supposed to approach you? If you want a nife guy, approach him yourself and stop waiting for other people to do everything for you.

[Anno_Domini]

Amen. She probably won't respect him if he won't approach, though.

[JuicyBrain]

@Anno_Domini Why wouldn't she? Do you disrespect girls you approach?

[Anno_Domini]

No, but traditionally, men are supposed to do the pursuing.

[JuicyBrain]

@Anno_Domini Women themselves have fought to get rid of those traditions. It would be doubly hypocritical for a woman to approach a guy and then disrespect him since SHE is the one who approached and she is living in a world where women are fighting against sexism. Though I don't doubt she could very well be capable of doing this anyway.

[Baconburger]

How do you know what type of guys they are? Did you go out with them and tried to have actual conversations or did you just look and them and made that distinction in your mind?

[Asker]

No I heard them talk about girls though. One guy who approached me didn't know it, but I overheard him talking to his biddy saying he broke up with his girlfriend because she wouldn't suck his junk. And I did give many guys ch aces even despite bad reputations, but dealing with them gave me a bad reputation myself for some time. So I stopped just giving my number to guys with bad reputations or talking to them because people talk and it made me look bad for a while. I have reasons for rejecting people and they are usually backed by my personal experience with their friends (I live in a small community so everyone is pretty much family or friends to each other) but no I am not just rejecting any guy who I think is a player I just am very observant about who I talk to. Not being aware can get you a bad reputation, I have learned

[Baconburger]

Overhearing bits and pieces of the conversation means nothing. Sometimes whatever you overheard, because it was taken out of context, is actually the exact opposite of what you're thinking. That's like not even reading the cliffnotes, but reading your friend's Twitter summary version of the cliffnotes.

You're judging people way too fast over partial information. What one's friend thinks, or even how one acts around their guy friends, can be totally different from how they handle themselves around a girl. Are there good guys and bad guys? Sure. But if you don't at least try to get to know them, a cup of coffee or any actual 5-10 minute face-to-face conversation, then there probably won't ever be a "good" guy that approaches you because they probably already did, got judged by you, and left feeling rejected and confused as to what they did wrong. Next thing you know there's going to be posts on this website by good guys asking why girls only like the bad-boys.

[esparc]

Good guys either are usually taken or have been beaten down by getting dropped in favor of girls that want a bad boy type. A player-type guy can take getting rejected easily, a good guy takes it pretty harshly and it can take him years to recover.

[Wikingguy]

Nice guys approach nice girls. Do not wear too sexy, I mean ultra mini skirts and wheels, don't make up so much. Wear feminine but more older type. Then, some nice guys will try to approach you , if you are not super ugly.

[Asker]

I do dress feminine but older. I'm very simple, I don't really dress like a model or anything but I do dress like a girl with some simple and pretty style. And I am not ugly at all I don't think

[Transigence]

Because good guys have other shit going on in their lives besides the pursuit of women.

The bad boy types don't have anything else.

Maybe you should stop playing the passive role and go get what you want.

[JSmuve]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a4520-why-you-arent-getting-approached-ladies
You're welcome

[AleDeEurope]

How hot are you on a scale 1-10, no need to be humble.

[Asker]

I want to say 8?

[AleDeEurope]

Well, maybe they're intimidated since you're quite above average. There's this believe that hot girls are stuck up and bitches, which puts many guys off, except for the assholes cause they don't gove a fuck, since they just wanna fuck.
Also, it's easier to get rejected by an average girl than a hot one, that's why many guys only approach girls that are average, or slightly above.

Also, it may not be a guy issue, but maybe your body language is negative, you give of a bad vibe, maybe you have a resting bitch face (I have it, and it sucks xD).

[Asker]

Yes I do have resting bitch face. And I used to have bad body language because I was shy but I fixed it a while ago. Thanks for the helpful pointers

[realname]

i would love to find a girl like you, maybe its just that you haven't been lucky (i could tell you i havent) maybe try to hang out on places good guys hang? which i honestly dont know if that is a thing

[Riggers]

Maybe you don't don't put yourself around those type of guys enough matey?

[Intraluminal]

Players LOVE virgins. It's the "challenge" in their minds.

[Asker]

But I don't tell anyone I am a virgin. I assume they could probably guess I am a virgin because I act like one I guess, however the typical virgin girl may act, but I am really private and too close and I don't tell anyone.

[Intraluminal]

They can guess.

[Yomini]

I actually tell them I am virgin on purpose to put them off. 90% of player I have meet dont bother to take that Challenge.

[Intraluminal]

@Yomini And 10% LOVE it.

[Yomini]

Yeah, but just around 1% bother to try over a week lol

[carlitoswayy]

If your always dressed and sexy.. you migght attract players...

[Asker]

I don't really dress sexy tbh. I dress mostly simple but feminine. Like sweaters and scarves and jeans and you know... simple stuff.