How can I stop being "too nice" for girls? (Page 2)

Question

I've lost count of the number of times I've been told that I'm "too nice" by girls, and been rejected by them. And it's typically for tiny little things. Stuff like asking them what they'd like to do on a date and when would be convenient for them, like asking them if they're alright if they've fallen over and hurt themselves, like offering small gifts on special occasions like Christmas or their birthdays, like offering emotional support, and making an effort with their families.  All of these things and more, literally anything that I've ever done for any love interest which offered any indication that I cared the slightest bit about her or about anything that she had to say, has been cited by that girl as me being "too nice", and used to justify rejecting me and breaking up with me. So why is that? Why does it seem to be an instant turn-off for any girl whenever she realizes that a guy genuinely cares about her as a person?  Why does it seem like I'd have to become a total jerk, an asshole and a womanizing player for any girl to remain attracted to me, and to acknowledge me as a "real man" with all of the others? And is there any other way to get these girls to stop universally rejecting me and emasculating me for being "too nice"?

Cthulhu · Answer

Perhaps it comes off as disingenuous, assholes are seen as more honest and confident. But I find the same girls who ditch a guy for being too nice are the same type to ditch a guy for not complimenting her enough. It could be seen as clingy, or creepy. But there's a difference between "too nice" and "hannibal lecter-y" which the only nice guys I've been with were much more the latter. Just treat them how they treat you.

NobodyKnowsAnything · Answer

I feel like doing the things you mentioned does not make you "too nice". It means you care and that is certainly not a bad thing. But you should definitely not bend over backwards to please the girl. DO things for yourself and remember that it is two people in a relationship.

Nico1as · Answer

There is no such thing as too nice. When you hear "too nice" that usualy means too needy. Even if you're scared as f*ck and you ask a girl out ready to run for the hills, she will respect you for your bravery. In fact she will be even more drawn to you because you are not a player.
Being too nice means you text her all the time, you always try to please her and never confront her about anything. Have your own goals, have your own life, and be nice to a girl you like. She will like and respect you.

animelover2301 · Answer

okay well first i don't think that you should change yourself from being a nice guy. you are such a great guy from what you said and no you should not become a "total jerk". I'm telling you be yourself and if i knew you i would want to go out with you! there aren't many guys like you in the world, so when you seriously meet the one she will accept you and your genuine caring self :)
wish you luck <3

whyisitso · Answer

You are a guy every good girl dreams of. Do not change for some childish girls who were looking for something temporary. But you should be more confident, maybe if you go to a date, suggest something! No one really thinks a question "are you okey?" would make you somehow less attractive, it is a sign of caring. But don't overdo it and exaggerate so you ask her the same question in every situation.

kaylaS91 · Answer

Is there any way to get girls to stop universally rejecting you?
Well.. a good place to start would be not expecting them to let you stick it in just because you gave them a bouquet of flowers or took them out for dinner. Unless the girls you're hoping to keep interested in you are prostitutes, you'll need to put in a little more effort. 👌

KellyKatt · Answer

I wouldn't take it what the say seriously. Most likely all it is is that the girls may no feel the same way about you or are maybe having second thoughts and thought saying you are "too nice" would be nicer than saying they are just not interested. Lots of people don't know how to say they aren't interested anymore so they either make excuses or don't say anything.

Serah8675309 · Answer

It sounds like an excuse. If I was dating a guy I didn't have full fledged feelings for, and he always did sweet things for me I would feel undeserving and that he is "too nice." Once you find a girl that appreciates you, she will love that you are a sweet guy. Don't stop being sweet just because you've supposedly been broken up for it before. There may be underlying reasons.

LemmeKnow · Answer

There's a difference between being too nice and a push over. Did you guys fight occasionally or did you always let her have her way? I understand caring for a person so much that you lose an argument for the sake of not losing them but sometimes it's a good thing to argue. It shows that you are comfortable enough with each other to really speak your minds. If this isn't the case and you did put your foot down but treated her nicely like you've written above, maybe, as cliche as it sounds, you just haven't found the right girl yet. But if it is as I've written above, you don't need to be a douche (lol) you just have to be a bit more affirmative. Hope this helps!

vishna · Answer

Ok, buddy.
"Why does it seem like I'd have to become a total jerk, an asshole and a womanizing player for any girl to remain attracted to me, and to acknowledge me as a "real man" with all of the others? And is there any other way to get these girls to stop universally rejecting me and emasculating me for being "too nice"?"
How about-become an asshole at your own risk. You will not get more dates as a result, but you might get a bad reputation.
Any way to help you get girls-well, you just seem like a bad guy. Let me explain, because of your interactions with less than.01% of the female population, you've now decided that being an asshole is the most logical thing to do. That's just lame.
Maybe you need to reevaluate the type of women you are bending over backwards for and put cement in your spine to keep you upright.

nduhesk · Answer

Try being yourself, sure you don't always get the girl but who wants to pretend to be anyone else but themselves. Not all girls will like you, but more than you know will actually appreciate who you are and how you treat them.
Just give yourself time to know someone, don't go being all clingy and doing everything for a girl on the first date.
Establish some basics in a relationship first, learn to appreciate them with time and understanding. Pour more of yourself overtime and not all of yourself at a point in time; there's a reason why Romeo is a fictional character.
Nice guy or not, cut yourself some slack - the odds are in your favor. You'll understand it better with time.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

You have to stop seeing women as delicate, precious, perfect snowflakes. Every woman has flaws and is only human and that's what you should remember. Don't buy gifts for a woman on Christmas and stuff like that (you're not an asshole if you stop doing that, I mean you don't buy your friends those gifts and they don't consider you an asshole). Also you sometimes have to lead: for example, you plan the date, don't ask her where she wants to go, just pick something and stick with it.

Anonymous · Answer

You sound like a pushover, no offense. Girls don't really think you're cool if they call you a nice guy and then reject you. You have to be a bit more fun to be around. For instance, one day I tried to cut in line at school and this girl was like, "so and so, I'm going to fucking kill you if you don't get back. So I go up to her (I'm like 6 inches taller than her) and I'm like, oh yeah, are you and smirk at her? She's like, yeah I will and then starts laughing and doesn't care that I cut in. You gotta treat them nicely, but also be slightly mean so they think you're fun. Other girls are the same, they'll call me a douche and then always say hi to me and try to talk to me. by the way looks won't get you that far. You could be gorgeous but if you're a loser most hot girls won't respect you.

nakeli · Answer

It's okay to be nice to girls. I guess it depends on which girls. These girls trip me out. They want a nice man, but when they get one, they complain and act an ass. They love a man kicking the ass, cheating, and being a low life. What a shame. Well, Be nice or join the other low life men

singlebeachgirl · Answer

I think (for me at least) I want a guy to just plan something and not make me decide where we go or what we do. I like to plan but it's nice to have a guy take charge too. And it could be the age of the women you are trying to date. My personal experience: took me a lot of Aholes to realize what a nice guy was.. Asking about my day, the "text me when you get home" type are the types of men you appreciate as you get older and have had the Ahole experience :)

NJ_Casanova · Answer

That's one of the hardest things to change. It really takes getting your heart crushed by a girl to get a guy to change. That part of your heart has to die for you to become one of those heartless jerks that girls like.

mrf284212 · Answer

Stop being nice and start being kind.

thisGUYknows · Answer

People can go over board with being too nice. Do u let people take advantage if you? Do u stand up for yourself or do u shy away from confrontation? That can be another definition to "too nice" some girls like their man to be assertive and not take crap from people. Of course that varies from girl to girl. It's also a confidence thing. Girls like confidence. You don't gotta be cocky, you just gotta be comfortable in your own skin.

Embercelica · Answer

Don't be a jerk. The jerks never really get the girl in the end. Too nice may mean your passive or patronizing them. Just be yourself girls like that kind of stuff. If they want jerks then they deserve jerks. How frustrating for all the nice guys when they do. Honestly no sympathy for the women who end up marrying these jerks.

Theaveragegirl · Answer

I think there's something you're missing here. Girls like all the things you've mentioned, even love them. However, I think maybe you come off needy or too strong or maybe you're not too confident. Try not trying so hard. Playing hard to get a little bit and easing in to things goes both ways. Continue to be nice but don't jump in head first

SarahsSummer · Answer

The key word in the description woman have given you is "too"
Tone it down a bit. Don't give gifts unless you ARE in a rekationship. When you are decide the date instead of having her pick it. When "too" is used to describe, it implies you are insecure, needy, desperate. Tone it down and you'll find more interest. Everyone wants what they can't have and nobody wants desperate.

tbm1986 · Answer

If you lack muscle, gain some. If you have a biy of a podge, lose some. Try to be funny and not so down-to-earth all the time. Make your life a bit busier so they have to vie for your attention. Politely disagree with girls sometimes or they'll think you're a pathetic yes-man with no backbone. Take the lead in dates and be sure of yourself (but not to the point of arrogance.

I hope the above pointers help you get out of the friend zone.

Shpongolia · Answer

A few things:

Don't put a girl's priorities before yours. Worry about yourself first, then put time aside for her later.

It's OK to disagree with her opinions. Believe it or not, no girl on earth has ever said, "I didn't sleep with him because he had different opinions from me." If anything, having a different opinion from her can challenge her beliefs and make for thoughtful discussion.

Don't put women on the pedestal. Girls don't like guys who become voluntary door mats to them.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I wrote a myTake about the "nice guy" label: Please take a look and let me know your reactions.

ibodi · Answer

You have been knowing it so I just said my experience cause I dont know why either.
I found girls like my penies, I dont believe it
they like such ugly thing but It give me confident.
It is weird experience to shock
There were crime cases
Women would love the person who rapping and beating them.
I guess cause the guy was happening to show the power that women rely on and seek for
So they dont run away instead

Aidan99 · Answer

There's nothing wrong with being nice it's just that you don't want to be like their servant. Don't buy girls gifts unless you're like their best friend or ur dating them and remember to playfully tease them every once in a while. Don't be too soft prove to them that you're a man and not a soft bunny. Other than that all I can say is be yourself and if you're really concerned about this issue work on yourself because being too nice for an average looking guy can translate into being really sweet if you're attractive. Good luck man.

orphanedmind · Answer

I would like to say, "you are screwed", but that is unfortunately the opposite of your actual situation. Girls are selfish and emotional by nature, and they don't understand men who are not that way.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

i was trying to answer another of your questions, but it seems that question doesn't allow replies. i can see why they don't like people knowing the truth. enjoy!

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

forget what the girls are saying. girls dont know what they want. you want to stop being a doormat? dont let ANYONE walk all over you. and alll these girls are wiping their feet on you. you can forget the odd whatever and she won't hate you for it. pissed but not hate you.

IceCubedude · Answer

girls like a gentleman who is nice but assertive and rltakes the lead i dont think yourr too nice however you are giving too much attention which is bad, give small doses of attention if she hurts herself just look at her with a blank face and ask if she's alright and continue your thing.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Lol that's funny, I'm one of the nicest and kindest guys (in real life) that you'll ever meet yet I have no issues at all with women in fact it's what they like about me, that I'm a gentleman.

I just think you have the wrong taste in women or have really bad luck.

Anony77 · Answer

You have to stop putting all eggs in one basket without getting to know the girl. It's not the niceness thats a turnoff exactly because it comes pf as desperate, overwhelming and not genuine. Jerks are attractive because they seem like they are picky and in demand so you just feel like falling and fighting for them. In your case, you're too easy

BuchitaBuchys · Answer

"Too nice" isn't actually a thing. They were probably not attracted to you and tried to let you down easy.

Anonymous · Answer

too nice just means your not datable in some way. maybe your ugly, stink, fat or whatever. trust me try be the opposite of nice for a few years and you'll see no improvement they'll just use the excuse your a jerk or douche. them saying you are too nice or too douche or anything that has to do with your personality is just their scape goat. women see men as accessories they'll want something from you that will benefit them and you have to be able to make her look good or better in the eyes of others in order for you to be able to be seen as a potential partner by her. generally for the girls considered 7-10 by most people girls that tend to be seen as a 6 or below probably are not like this

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Nice guys are amazing, those girls are silly, when they get tired of getting their hearts broken and playing games with the jerks.. they'll come running after the nice guys..

Schwetties · Answer

Good rule of thumb-
When you find yourself doing something nice for a woman... Ask yourself- Why am I doing this?"

When women think men are being too nice- it's generally when the mans behavior is seen as approval seeking or trying to get them to like them... Both are awkward to be on the receiving end. Not attractive.

legs_n_sheets · Answer

It's all a matter of being reasonably polite and indifferent to anyone. You don't bend yourself just because the individual you're talking to has a vagina. If it's a girl you're interested in you just act flirty and build some sexual tension, which only you can do with practice. But indifference is pretty much key, regardless of what personality type you have.

Anonymous · Answer

Treat them like people and like equals. They don't deserve anything more than that.

It's a fallacy to think you have to be a jerk. But to a pussy "Nice Guy" any guy with a spine who doesn't walk around on his knees all the time, seems to be a "jerk".

Barrabus_the_Free · Answer

Easy. Practice being a dick. Put YOUR schedule and YOUR desires above all else. And when it comes to dating, invite her along for the ride, but do something you'll enjoy doing even if you get rejected.

Marinepilot · Answer

Many women have such low self esteem that they'll go with bad boys thinking they are exciting. They get knocked up, have kids, bad boy runs off and they
come groveling pathetically back to good, decent men. And are pissed that we
don't want them. Why should we? They're looks are gone, they're used and damaged goods and are of low dating and sexual value to men with half a brain. I'd say, be classy, but not a doormat.

Unit1 · Answer

I can help you with that! Read this and you can stop being too nice for girls :P :)

BoopPeenParty · Answer

Chivalry doesn't work. That's why it is gone. It's amazing how people praise the chivalry of the 50s and quickly forgot, "oh my god? He opens doors for you and only hits you twice a week? And gives you an allowance? That sounds like the man for me". Being too nice is just social retardation. It should be just you hanging out with another person. If you overcomplicate things you're just going to fuck yourself in the end.

tyrantfuryre · Answer

Dude, in this world, you have to take what you want.

Sometimes you have to do it aggressively.

Women don't want you to wipe their ass for them.

A little chivalry is good, but mostly they want to be treated with respect.

Even though you have good intent, sometimes it's actually a turn off to them.

Gommers · Answer

Don't stop being "too nice". Never believe that's a means to a woman. What you really need to do is stop taking shit from women. They say something ridiculously stupid at dinner when you take them out? To the point that it offends you into feeling sick? Ditch her with the bill. Send her a text when you get home asking if she made it home.

Don't put up with people playing you or using you.

johari · Answer

Stop idolizing them and putting them on a pedestal! Treat them how you would your mom or sister

Anonymous · Answer

Become a misogynist or chauvinistic bastard becuase let's face it they actually get laid more than good caring nice guys. Women are so fucked up and mentally backward these days it's the reason MGTOW exists. Feminism killed the nice guy unfortunately bro.

Tomboy5249 · Answer

I don't know if u want to stop do anything i guess except treat them like crap cause then they will think ur a jerk and not want to hang with u also personaly i like nice guys they are easy to talk and you dont really get mad at them as much so if i was u id stay the same and keep being nice

Justinaveragedude · Answer

Well if you don't want to be too nice, you could be a jerk, not that it will help anything. Just keep confident, parient, don't sweat the little things. If she us upset offer support or encouragement, if she is hurt, aid, but remember woman don't want to feel like a burden so they will push themselves to show they are capable of taking care of themselves. Give them space and independence, as Sting (a British teacher turned rockstar) said, if you love someone set them free.

AIAthefirst · Answer

You got it all wrong brah, you should be nice to the women who would actually appreciate it. Be an asshole to bitches and a gentlemen to ladies, its all about balance.

Speedbird_747 · Answer

I just gave up completely after all the cheating, insults, bullying, and fakeness. No woman is worth the heartbreak they constantly bring men. I say leave women alone completely and never initiate any relationship with them. Ever. Not even talk to them.

mostwomenshouldstfu · Answer

Be independent and think what they might like yourself. Stop making them do all the work dumb s***. Take a risk at them... not liking your dumb s*** ideas. Then learn from them. Womanizing isn't the answer either, those guys are full of s*** and "women" who are stupid enough to fall for those scammers deserve to get hurt.

skykidx1 · Answer

Take it from me keep being yoyrseld but learm whem to stand up for yourself and 2rd dont wait for ever to try kissing a girl or u will be friendzomed. 3. leaem when to tale the lead my girlfriend loves me for who i am bit also likes when i take thelead from time to time

BreathingFire1994 · Answer

You don't need to quit being a nice guy, you just need to start representing yourself as the "dominant" one in the relationship by keeping her thinking. Women just basically want the relationship to be about her, but in the same time wanr you to take the leading role.

Lawdog · Answer

You don't have to.

Just raise your standards for girlfriends. Talk with them, get to know them, but don't date them until you know them well and find they're good people. Most women are just like most men, not very nice. Find the right one for you, then date her and go slowly. Don't develop bad habits just to appeal to women you don't want to marry. They're losers. Good luck!

Bamaty · Answer

What does ''' too nice '' mean? Some girls just aren't into the '' nice guy '', doesn't mean you are TOO nice. You want a girl who likes you for who you are, not a girl who you can't be yourself with, so stay as you are.

devilish-cutie · Answer

the key i balance in being nice good person, but not being like pushover, too much of a pleaser, you also gotta be confident and stand your ground and be independent

apple24 · Answer

you got be nice and mysterious. Like let her do the talking. Don't say what you think or feel. Until she earn your trust and than if she doesn't like you anymore. Say okay whatever and leave. That leaves a Big impression like I am happy without you.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't!! Just find the right girl that accepts u as u. Any woman who uses the "too nice" excuse is just not emotionally mature yet. We accept nice jobs, nice clothes, nice cars, nice vacations... but what is it about nice guys they reject?

Its nonsense! Stay true to you, it will be worth it when u find the right girl

Fathoms77 · Answer

It's a matter of balancing things out, you know? There's a "too nice" line men can always cross... the challenge is knowing exactly where that line is. ;)

Anonymous · Answer

Don't give a girl what she isn't giving back. It should be 50/50. If she's saying all of these things are too nice and she isn't doing the same tone it down and then once you're not giving her the time of day she'll be in your face.

How can I stop being "too nice" for girls? (Page 2)

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