Eehhh. You are in the wrong era. You are not too nice, but you may want to stop picking those type of girls cuz it seems like you might have a "type". I know 5 girls that'll kill to have a guy do all those things, however there are some that actually DON'T want you to hold the door for them. Go figure. Since you don't have a time machine and cannot go to a place and time that would appreciate such chivalry, here's what you do: Be aggressive. Defined as in, say "No" more often. Don't ask them their opinion, just make the decision. For example, when you take them out on a date don't ask them where they want to go and don't even tell them. Just show up at the place you want to go to and go inside. Also ( and this should shake that 'nice guy' shadow) when it's time to fuck, don't ask them anything about what they want. Just do it. Don't ask them what position, just roll her ass over and start banging it from the back if that's your pleasure. And when it's time to bust that nut..., you put it where YOU want it to go: on her ass cheek, belly button, etc. and do that shit like she asked you to! And don't act like you fear them leaving. Act like it doesn't matter if they go especially if you know you are right. Create the illusion as if you have a ton of chicks waiting to beat your door down and that she needs you more than you need her.
Here is the secret and it's science: women want the best man, the strongest, or the smartest, or most charming, etc.. Basically the man that represents the most desirable qualities -to her, in a man.
The science part is simple, evolutionarily and genetically women tend to go with men they feel will be the best provider- again what is being provided; entirely subjective.
What women Do Not go for is equally as simple: they will practically Always reject a man whom they perceive is Willing To Settle For Any Woman. How do you suppose it would make a woman feel if she knows who you are with Doesn't Really Matter? Quick answer- Not Special.
Yes, there are some woman who will be with you; but you Don't Want Those Women- they tend to be the type that search for money, uses, etc.
So there's a question you have to ask yourself- why are you trying to be with so many random women?
Solution to your problem: be thoughtful, understand what You want (that in itself will make you more desirable), and learn what you Will Not Settle for, because to make a woman feel special - you have to appreciate exactly who they Are and Who They Are Not.
They weren't 'so many random women'. They were all exclusive efforts, all of them girls with whom I pursued them and courted them alone, rather than settling for any other options which might have been 'easier', or dividing my efforts to hedge my bets. And I wanted a good woman- a woman who wasn't just sexy, but who was a nice person on the inside. Which meant getting to know them personally first and foremost- which led to my getting friend-zoned by the majority of them, because in becoming viewed by them as their friend, I was no longer viewed by them as being attractive or desirable. That's where being thoughtful, appreciative, understanding and considerate gets you.
What I said still applies. Was the attraction mutual in these cases?
Can you say that they all fit a particular 'type'? I immediately suspect No, because you say Nice and Good to describe them.
Proper response to being friend zoned- if the attraction is mutual, let them know you aren't interested in being just friends & that you are about to move on if it will be like that. And if it is like that- Keep moving.
Don't be too nice, or try to be the perfect guy. Just be you, and be comfortable.
Are you that nice with your guy friends? If not don't do it, just be who you are. Anything else will end in failure anyways
I was interested in being friends as well, so I accepted that and moved on each time. But I now have dozens of female friends, far more than the total number of male friends I've ever had in my life, and it's getting a bit much. Like I won't ever get a girl if I keep being myself and being comfortable, because who I am is "too nice".
when she is a bitch to you, bend her over and spank her. then when she says what the hell? tell her to shut up and suck your dick. while she's sucking your dick tell her that this is what she gets for saying "you're too nice."
Just remember, she can't say no with a dick in her mouth.
Oh and when ever she tries to get off bed smack her in the ass, and tell her to call you master. Of you can't do that, then you're being too nice.(*cough cough* pussy)
PS. don't forget to cuddle after the angry sex!!!😇
well you're not wrong about the second part, but seriously in the nicest and most honest way I know how to say this... if you act like a vagina all the time it's not going to work.
Oh you want meanness, I can be mean. You should not talk so disrespectfully to a man young lady. If I only knew the man whose property you are I would request he punish you for being so sassy.
lol see if you talked like that to your girl youd be fine. there is this saying I find me and a lot of other girls agree with... Treat her like a queen, but fuck her like a slut.
i know from experience girls are actually into this shit, but y'all ruined it for yourselves. a man would rather just walk the fuck away then risk going to prison over you. you want your fucking rape fantasies fulfilled, you shouldn't have cried wolf. you got bitches calling rape just for changing sex positions without a signed permission slip... ain't no fucking way we're gonna touch you when you act like that.
@TesticleMonster Lol that came out of no where. I never asked for a rape scene though I know girls who have, and enjoyed it somehow...
However what I do you enjoy is being punished, being controlled, being dominated.
It's called Safe. Sane. Consent. I have every right to tell my Dom no if he is doing something I don't like and same thing goes for a Dom if he's not comfortable with what the sub is doing.
Just because you're scared of being cried Wolf Don doesn't mean other men are in my man is not afraid because we both know what we like and we talk and we know our limits unlike most people
i'm not afraid i'm just consciously making a choice not to put my life, career, and everything that matters to me in harms way just for some fucking tang. you ain't worth that. and i get it if there's an agreement before hand, safe words and whatnot, thats all cool but you have to express you want to be fucked that way.
Louie CK has a great routine about it. "what are you outta your fuckin mind? you think i'm just going to rape you on the off chance you're into that shit?" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hNaFkbZYU
they are. and it would be satisfying. but men should not.
@TesticleMonster people into BDSM tend to have the best relationships because we communicate. For example the one thing my Dom will not do is slap me in the face. The one thing I never want is to be raped again, there for i would never ask for that and he knows this. There is a lot more to kink and BDSM than people who like rape scenes. They are called scenes because it's an act, fiction, something that ends when you say it does.
People need to be educated on BDSM because like you and many others it sounds as if you misunderstand it.
I would be happy to debate anything with you. And that "tang" that you speak of does not put people at risk if everyone is on the same page. A responsible and competitive active participant in this lifestyle knows that.
And if you are worried about that many heavy BDSM people will make up contracts, as silly as that sounds.
no i know about BDSM and i partake in it when i'm feeling kinky. and you got raped, because women behave in a way that intentionally frustrates men into doing so. in fact, i can't tell you how many girls have intentionally pissed me off, then get creepily turned on when i yell at them. except to get to that point they've constantly pushed my buttons to the point where i'm absolutely repulsed by them, so the thought of fucking them, which they would have refused up until that point but now have become so overbearingly direct about it that it actually makes me nauseous, is the last thing that i want to think about. and i have to imagine the only kind of people who actually get laid in that situation are a perfect storm of having no respect for her, and no respect for themselves.
so the scene you describe, which sounds like something straight out of pornstarpunishment. com, is pure fantasy. real life doesn't work that way. it SHOULD, but it doesn't.
i'll tell you what i told dani, and mandi, and natalia, and fuckin too many fuckin girls to remember... if you want me to fuck you aggressively just fuckin say so. i am more than open to making you my bitch. don't act out to provoke me. you'll never be MY bitch that way... you'll always just be A bitch.
@TesticleMonster Like I said my Dom knows how to fuck me you pig.
And I never acted in a fucking way to get raped I was fucking 14. I have nightmares almost every night of that fucked up evening.
I wake up having cried in my sleep and I don't think I'll ever forget it. And for you to blame anyone for being raped is fucked up. Only now can I talk about what happened to me. Before if I even thought about what happened it would set me back To where I can't even function properly.
I remember everything, I was wearing all black. I was wearing a baggy hoodie and jeans that were too big for me on. My hair always covered my left eye. I was wearing a Nirvana T-shirt and a decepticon cloth wristband.
Fuck you trying to blame girls what happened to them I didn't ask for that shit I didn't even parade myself around with most girls I was silent and that was my down fall. I kept to myself, and maybe if I had been with my friends instead of watching from a distance, things would be different
i'm not saying YOU did. i'm saying at least various other members of the female race did. you were probably the female that just happened to be nearby when he snapped. though if i wanted to blame you i'd ask you how you let someone attack you with literally the most vulnerable part of their body.
Again, not blaming rape victims for being raped. But you heard what you want to hear because you want some reason to get offended at what i'm saying. You beat a dog with a stick enough times he's going to bite indiscriminately. Most men have the self control not to revert to base instinct, but every single man on this planet has self control that is limited to some extent. Most should even be praised for it. You're being a bitch to me right now and i'm not going around raping people. You called me a fucking pig. How many times do you think i have to be called that before i decide to act like one? Don't give me another reason not to value female consent. I already have 10,000 to ignore.
by the way you opened this post by openly suggesting the asker rape a chick. "she can't say no with a dick in her mouth." those words literally came out of your mouth. shut the fuck up.
@Jackblue i may as well be. who could blame me? you know i actually stopped a girl from getting raped once. huge mistake. i found out later that bitch was CRAZY. like grade A detached from reality. now i hear screams of domestic violence going on in the apartment next door and i don't do a damn thing. why? its a guy that lives there. the chick keeps coming back for more. you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped and i don't owe her or any other woman on this planet a goddamn thing. not even base civility. you don't gotta fuckin like it. i don't respect you either.
if you ask me elliott roger is a prime example of a dog that got kicked one too many times. you watch some of the people interviewed about the sorority girls that got shot, they give the exact same descriptions as the chicks talking about that sweet 16 girl frank shoots on god bless america. that kind of movie is cathartic because its what we all really want to do deep down, elliott rogers just did that shit in real life.
@TesticleMonster I have never seen that movie, but I watched the scene and read the synopsis. You are right there isn't much difference. The guy in the movie and Elliot Rodgers both convinced themselves that the whole world should conform to what they want. If anybody acts in a manner which they don't like it becomes a personal insult and something the person deserves to die for. Don't become that man. You won't go down in a blaze of glory, you will die for nothing more than your own ego and people will spit on your memory.
Personally, I'm not into guys like you just because I don't like a guy who's nicer to me than I am to him. I don't talk about my feelings and I like my alone time, so if you stop by to give me flowers, chances are I won't appreciate it. But if I were to date a guy like you, you'd have to be a beast in bed. Screw sweet love making, you won't get me anywhere with that. You know, I have a friend whose tactics are to befriend the girl, then act like a dick, then do something sweet so suddenly she feels special and he has her. Total douchebaggery but it works. Women can go on and on about wanting the nice guy but in the end we want the biggest jerkface because it makes us feel special. Like we're the only woman for you. But then I don't think you should change because of someone. I'm pretty sure there's some girl who will appreciate it. I would go for the lonely ones. You will totally score.
@whiner_clam I'll admit that sounded better in my head. I just wanted to say that sometimes girls don't want the nice guys and you can try however you want. So this guy's probably just targeting wrong women. (Btw this opinion of mine wasn't supposed to be taken that seriously, so, sorry, what sounds like a joke to me doesn't sound to other people)
Girls do like a nice guy :) it may be that these girls are not looking for a good guy or they are not mature enough for one. You don't have to be a jerk to get girls. Sometimes some girls go through a bad boy stage. Unfortunately, some girls feel if a guy is too nice, he's either a push over, clingy, neddy, insecure, pushy, or boring, so they look for someone else. I'm not sure what to tell you as far as how to stop girls from rejecting you but i can tell you to make sure your not being too clingy or insecure. Hope this helps some. :)
A young man sat and pondered the next phase of his life. “It is time,” he said, “for a girlfriend.” Yet, this new course in his life seemed both exciting and frightening. “But success will not come without much failure,” he realized. “If only there was a way to avoid the painful trials ahead.”
And then, like magic, appeared a Pook!
As like anyone shocked by the sudden appearance of a Pook, he was speechless. But this happened to be a talkative Pook who said, “I will guide you. The constant heartbreak, the loneliness, the feeling of having no control- these can be avoided. Follow me and I will show you many of the lessons that must be learned.”
“Oh Pook!” the young man cried out. “Would it not be better to throw myself into initial error? Is not error the best way to success?”
“No; your heart does not need to be shattered to realize its lessons. Do successful marriages come from a series of failed ones? Of course not. For...
With that, the young man asked, “And what is the first lesson?”
The Pook replied, “Follow and see.”
Thus, the young man followed Pook to a nearby college campus. Pook then said, “Behold, the first example.”
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Lesson One
A young man, overflowing with desire, saw a woman he thought was extremely cute. She was simply walking around and was involved with her own things.
“I should speak to her,” he told himself. “I must meet her!”
But his body would not obey. He stood there, watching her in the corner of his eye, and felt as if he was burning. She eventually left and he cursed himself even more.
Then appeared another woman who was even cuter!
“I should say hi,” he told himself. Yet, he stood like a statue and his body felt as if he was burning. “She is out of my league. She would never go for someone like me!” He never approached and the woman left.
Yet, another woman appeared more beautiful than the first two!
Somehow, he got himself to approach. “Hi!” he sputtered nervously. She was pleasant. He
These 15 chapters (it is free) contains lessons what a nice guy should learn about girls first. I recommend to read those first. It tells you how to treat girls respectfully while getting them and what mistakes nice guys make and how to avoid beeing the nice guy who gets friendzoned but be the guy who treats girls respectfully and gets them.
1- I already do that, acting to seize every half-opportunity whenever it arises. It doesn't get me anywhere.
2- I don't get this. It's called being a boyFRIEND for a reason, right? What are you supposed to do- just tell her "STFU, bitch, I don't give a fuck"? Why don't any women want any man to care about them?
3- I do. But whenever I show any sign that I care, she immediately stops showing any signs that she does.
4- If women weren't significant, why the fuck would I want one in the first place?
5- There lies the path to getting locked away as a sexual criminal. Men can't do this any more, not in this day and age.
6- I did follow the second path. I've always been an outcast because of that, and I crashed and burned. NO-ONE can redefine the world, or their place in it- society will always judge you, and there's nothing you can do to rise above it.
7- I do always end up walking away. Does that make them want me? NO.
8- Whenever I have, I've been rejected as a pervert.
9- I can't NOT be contained by formula- It's only because of formula, skill and discipline that I'm capable of social interaction at all, and without it, I'm socially impaired.
10- No man can be himself if all of these things are held to be true- it's a futile exercise.
11- Then WHAT'S THE POINT? What is success? If you love her and lose her, SO WHAT- didn;t you still have her? Isn't that better than to die forever having been alone?
12- You CAN'T take whatever the fuck you want and ask questions later- THAT'S RAPE. You CAN'T go and create a world of your own without going your own way and becoming a hermit. THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS.
13- Charm is treating women like little girls? So what, I'm supposed to be a pedo, is that it? I'm supposed to desire immature, childish females who haven't grown up?
14- Always have a back-up chick? Then why bother with being monogamous at all- why not have them all?
15- Risk it all- I ALWAYS DO, and I ALWAYS LOSE. Because struggle ISN'T winning.
@Gommers Sometimes answers are more complex than a short sentence. You need to read the full version to completely understand it. But here the most important points just for you: You need to accept that you must not always avoid hurting them because it sometimes will hurt them and you more if you try to avoid and you are unable to succeed because you are just too afraid of hurting you or her. You shall not make you their slave because in general women want men who are at least equal. You need self confidence. You need to act instead of overthinking all. Accept rejections and learn that there are others and don't fixate on a single one. The full text explains how to reach all these things.
A couple of things: 1. What kind of girls are we talking about? Often girls that are younger just don't get it. Around their late 20's or early 30's many figure out that they would be better off with someone nice. Also certain types of girls will always be into jerks.
2. What is your relationship with these girls? If it is someone you have only been on a couple of dates with, you could be coming on a little too strong.
3. Don't be a doormat. Girls make this mistake all the time, but I imagine guys can make it, too. If you are always being the first to text or initiate contact, don't do that. I always found a good rule of thumb is to make it even in a new relationship. It worked for me.
Well, to be fair, that probably is the main issue. I've focused my efforts primarily on girls my own age or younger (no older than a year older, no younger than 1/2 my age + 7 years), so the majority of the girls I've approached in that way have been in their late teens or early twenties. As for my relationship with them, it's typically girls who I've met and had contact with several times, through shared interests and the like, but who I haven't been on official 'dates' with either. When I try to take things to the dating stage, that's normally the stage where I get rejected, where I've gotten told that I'm "too nice"- and even when they themselves admit that they're attracted to me (which they always have to be for me to try it on with them in the first place), they still tend to turn me down because they "don't want to ruin things between us". I'm not a doormat at all- I'm just the kind of guy who needs to know a girl first, before seeing her as someone I might want to be with...
... By getting to know her, I can see what she's like as a person, and that's the only way to know if a girl's truly attractive. And if we're personally compatible, with shared interests and opinions, and similar personalities, then we will become friends in the process of my getting to know her- it's unavoidable. But then, we reach the stumbling block- I see a sexual relationship as "something more" than a normal friendship. I couldn't envision a girl being girlfriend material if she weren't my friend. But it's almost like girls feel that boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are less personal, less intimate and less meaningful than regular friendships. I'm "too nice" to be a boyfriend in their eyes- they all wanted me to keep just being their guy friend instead. And at first, I was happy with that- I was a loner and an outcast as a kid, and hardly had any friends, but I have real friends now, and they're all girls, all but two of whom effectively friend-zoned me.
Anyway, I'm a good guy at heart, and because I was being nice naturally, being myself, and wasn't just faking being nice and friendly with those girls in order to try and convince them to have sex with me someday (like the trademarked, stereotyped "nice guys" who give us all a bad name do), I was content and happy with my place in those girls' friend-zones. They're great people, they're the best, closest friends I've ever had, and I'm grateful to be their friend. I don't take individual rejections hard, and I don't get embittered about it. But I do still want to be something more than a friend to one of these girls some day, just one. I may be a real, genuine nice guy, capable to being purely platonic with girls even when I find them sexually attractive, but I still have burning sexual desires as well. I still want to experience a passionate, intimate relationship with a girl. And I'm not devaluing friendship, but one true love would mean more to me than a hundred true friends.
My boyfriend is the sweetest and he's been rejected by girls too who think he's too nice or clingy. It really comes down to finding a girl that adores that in you, it's part of your personality and going into a relationship they can't expect only certain segments of your personality.
Also, just not necissarily being dominate or possessive, show her that you're "in charge" occasionally too.
Really what it comes down to is finding someone who appreciates that in you. And don't ever change yourself to be more appealing to her especially if it's a negative outcome for you.
You just have to remember she's out there, the girl who will love your caring personality, my boyfriend did ; )
It depends what nice of a person you are, in my opinion there's three: those who fake it, those who are it without boundaries and those who are it with boundaries. If your the type of guy who gets easily convinced or/and drops their plan just because SO wants you to, it obviously gives off the impression your easy to manipulate. That type of behaviour also has the potential to attract females who actually want to control you ( the dominant partners). There's no shame to be nice because that truly is a beautiful quality for someone to walk around with, but really you need to be careful of those who take advantage of it. Lay down your boundaries and limits. Choose wisely when it comes to relationships 👍
I'm not easily convinced at all, but I am and have been extremely open. If I don't have a plan, I'll be willing to go along with what my SO suggests if I like the sound of it, and if it works for me. For example, I'd typically ask girls when and where would be most convenient for them to go out on a date, not because I'd drop whatever else I was doing for them, but because I had flexible work-hours and had far more room to adjust my plans. And because I have epilepsy, I wouldn't be able to pick them up in my car and drive them around- they'd have to be able to get to and from there themselves, and there'd be no way around that. I make an effort to be flexible and accomodating with them, as I do with everyone- that's how casual interaction in human society works. But I always had boundaries and limits- all I did was to acknowledge that their boundaries and limits mattered just as much as mine did.
You seem like a true gentleman. I wouldn't advice you to change anything about yourself, you're doing a good job in my personal opinion. I suppose it all comes down to why you're attracting those types then. You might want to consider changing the place you meet girls in general. It's better to pick the ones who are emotionally mature and have emotional intelligence. The chances are less that she will take you for granted as well as be not accepting of your kindness. I'm also sorry to hear you have epilepsy.
I've always had trouble being too nice, too shy, and I didn't get into any fights at school because I was trying to get good grades for obvious reasons. People called me a pussy for that. One day I stood up for myself and knocked the dude out. I got suspended and girls called me a dickhead, and even then I got no respect, no matter how much respect I give. I'm a friendly giant ( I'm pretty tall ), and people always fuck with me and I have no other choice than to accept it. Life is crazy and I've branded myself as a lone wolf, as if this is how life works than I ain't even gonna try.
You ran with wrong the bros, man. We almost always had a friendly giant running in crew. Never know when you might need to wreck s*** when it gets real. But I'm guessing you knocked out an a**hole that girls pined for and they hated you for it. Kicking that guys a** was probably an insult to them in their warped, immature girl minds. Don't sweat it, girls mature into women and they drop some of that self-centered selfish bull s*** that plagues them in adolescence.
Start treating them like you would a child. Assume you know what's best. Assume they can't control their emotions. Think about what they need, not what they say they want in any given moment. Don't throw more responsibility at them then they can handle, because you don't want to disappoint them picking the 'right' thing. That's what they want. You don't need to be selfish, but you need to be more confident, and frankly, treat them less as equals, and more as helpless but charming creatures that you can look after.
If you mean 'too nice' as in you're kind, caring and a gentleman it's always good. But sometimes when women say 'too nice' it might mean they think you're clingy or maybe a little desperate. Try being more assertive and decisive, while also relaxing and trying not to take things too seriously. Girls don't want a player or an asshole, a lot just want someone more strong-headed or exciting. Although, if it's just your personality I don't think you should change for anyone even if it leads to them rejecting you. Don't ever hold back your kindness and decency!
As someone who was a nice guy just like you for years and who has changed significantly in the last year, you DO need to change. See, being too nice you dont come off as a caring love interest, you come off as a needy guy who turns out to be a caring friend. If you wanna come off as a caring love interest you should turn her on, be flirty, confident and playful, engage in actual contact, and, after getting in a relationship you start to show some of the care you show today. Women who are treated too well for too few/put on a pedestal will think of you as someone who doesn't value himself enough to even try, someone who acknowledges weaknesses but doesn't work on changing and accepts a position of inferiority. Start by learning how to love yourself, to be confident, to not overthink stuff and to never (I mean NEVER) try to buy her love with nice gifts.
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Some woman feel easily smothered. Personally if you were always asking me what I want and if I was okay I'd scream. I don't want a jerk, but I NEEDsomeone who can make their own decisions and can balance doing what they want with what I want. The relationship should not be built around me and when you attempt to cater to her every whim that is what you are doing. A relationship is a joint thing. If your running around doing everything it will just be too much. How do you treat your friends? Are you the same way with girls you are not interested in?
I'm not always asking them what they want- I'm just asking them on one of two occasions. Whenever I tried making those decisions without thinking about it, it'd never work out- they'd never be able to make it to that place at that time, and the money I'd spent on these things would go down a black hole. I ask them because I want to balance what I want with the opportunities for me to do it, instead of wasting my time and effort. The relationship shouldn't be built around her- what should it be built around then? Sure, it's a joint thing, and there are two pillars, but if you take either of those pillars away, me or her, it's still going to collapse. What I'm describing is the way in which I try and treat my friends- I am the same way with girls I'm not interested in. It's like, are you free to come have fun with me? If you are, then great, let's do something, I know just the thing/place! If not, then never mind- I understand if you can't make it. Have fun- maybe next time, eh?
What does it mean if she dumps that on you during the break up but while in a relationship with you says we don't spend enough time together, rare communication, and she needs more attention?
They are lying to you when they say you are too nice. What they are really saying is that you are too passive and you are boring. Stop asking them where they want to go and plan a date all by yourself. One reason to date is to learn something new. So invite women to do things you like to do. If they don't want to go, that's fine, you may not be compatible.
By being so accommodating, you are giving the message that you don't really care who you date; all women are the same to you. By constantly asking them what they like, you are telling them that you haven't bothered to pay attention and learn what they like and that you have no interests of you own.
If you want to date successfully, get a life and offer to share it.
Don't ever give her gifts, don't ever be compassionate unless she is your girlfriend or your friend, don't show your too soft show them your tough if she tries to yell at you or insult you don't just take it insult her back and if there is a crow embarrass her infront of the crowd. Show her where her place is make it known she cannot use you as her amusement if she acts like a bitch always call her out on it, you don't have to yell just act cool when you make fun of her back. Don't ever got on your knees when asking her out only do that stuff when you are already in a relationship chivalry is dead for a reason.
Make friends with others. Find hobbies. Doing more with your life. Gain more insight and experience in life than relying on the attention of people you are attracted to more. Diversify your mind. Don't set a trap for yourself like that in life that will seemingly entrap you forever in a cycle of infatuation with women. May not lead yourself to the most constructive path in life. Not saying women aren't worth caring about. Saying that you can end up setting yourself with all the wrong women and ruining yourself along the way because you didn't have enough control over your own life when it came to women being any part of that.
Desperate romanticism may not be the most desirable among women either. People in general probably do not care to feel neglected or overwhelmed by other people's emotions and desires. If you think about this enough, would it not make sense to you?
You don't need to be a jerk; just don't kiss her ass right away. If you were in a relationship with any of those girls, there would be nothing wrong with offering to buy her a gift for her birthday or Christmas, but, if you aren't, it comes across as creepy and desperate (excluding family, although I'd bet a lot of adults don't even buy gifts for them, very few adults buy gifts for anyone, so your offering to buy them one so soon is probably very jarring). Just hold back a bit until you've gotten to really know each other.
In addition, some of those girls (probably most of them) just weren't attracted to you in the first place, and their excuse was that you were too nice.
"too nice" doesn't really mean too nice. Maybe you are just coming off as too eager to please, not confident in your own decisions, and second guessing yourself. And don't forget, while most girls want a confident man, there is also a lot of different tastes out there. Some girls want a man who takes the lead, and some girls want a guy who is more passive. Be the best you you can be, and find a girl who agrees.
Actually it's partially true, I do find guys who have a way of leading and making the choices attractive compared to the guy who is always up for everything i'm up for.
Although being too nice isn't a justified reason to break up, I don't know if it has to do with biology. Or humans in general who dislike pushovers.
The things you mentioned seem like awesome things to do, but if there are instances where you're allowing them to take advantage of you (they're going to lose their interest in you)
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Eehhh. You are in the wrong era. You are not too nice, but you may want to stop picking those type of girls cuz it seems like you might have a "type". I know 5 girls that'll kill to have a guy do all those things, however there are some that actually DON'T want you to hold the door for them. Go figure.
Since you don't have a time machine and cannot go to a place and time that would appreciate such chivalry, here's what you do: Be aggressive. Defined as in, say "No" more often. Don't ask them their opinion, just make the decision. For example, when you take them out on a date don't ask them where they want to go and don't even tell them. Just show up at the place you want to go to and go inside. Also ( and this should shake that 'nice guy' shadow) when it's time to fuck, don't ask them anything about what they want. Just do it. Don't ask them what position, just roll her ass over and start banging it from the back if that's your pleasure. And when it's time to bust that nut..., you put it where YOU want it to go: on her ass cheek, belly button, etc. and do that shit like she asked you to!
And don't act like you fear them leaving. Act like it doesn't matter if they go especially if you know you are right. Create the illusion as if you have a ton of chicks waiting to beat your door down and that she needs you more than you need her.
Here is the secret and it's science: women want the best man, the strongest, or the smartest, or most charming, etc.. Basically the man that represents the most desirable qualities -to her, in a man.
The science part is simple, evolutionarily and genetically women tend to go with men they feel will be the best provider- again what is being provided; entirely subjective.
What women Do Not go for is equally as simple: they will practically Always reject a man whom they perceive is Willing To Settle For Any Woman. How do you suppose it would make a woman feel if she knows who you are with Doesn't Really Matter?
Quick answer- Not Special.
Yes, there are some woman who will be with you; but you Don't Want Those Women- they tend to be the type that search for money, uses, etc.
So there's a question you have to ask yourself- why are you trying to be with so many random women?
Solution to your problem: be thoughtful, understand what You want (that in itself will make you more desirable), and learn what you Will Not Settle for, because to make a woman feel special - you have to appreciate exactly who they Are and Who They Are Not.
Don't be desperate -EVER
They weren't 'so many random women'. They were all exclusive efforts, all of them girls with whom I pursued them and courted them alone, rather than settling for any other options which might have been 'easier', or dividing my efforts to hedge my bets. And I wanted a good woman- a woman who wasn't just sexy, but who was a nice person on the inside. Which meant getting to know them personally first and foremost- which led to my getting friend-zoned by the majority of them, because in becoming viewed by them as their friend, I was no longer viewed by them as being attractive or desirable. That's where being thoughtful, appreciative, understanding and considerate gets you.
What I said still applies.
Was the attraction mutual in these cases?
Can you say that they all fit a particular 'type'?
I immediately suspect No, because you say Nice and Good to describe them.
Proper response to being friend zoned- if the attraction is mutual, let them know you aren't interested in being just friends & that you are about to move on if it will be like that.
And if it is like that- Keep moving.
Don't be too nice, or try to be the perfect guy. Just be you, and be comfortable.
Are you that nice with your guy friends? If not don't do it, just be who you are. Anything else will end in failure anyways
I was interested in being friends as well, so I accepted that and moved on each time. But I now have dozens of female friends, far more than the total number of male friends I've ever had in my life, and it's getting a bit much. Like I won't ever get a girl if I keep being myself and being comfortable, because who I am is "too nice".
when she is a bitch to you, bend her over and spank her. then when she says what the hell? tell her to shut up and suck your dick. while she's sucking your dick tell her that this is what she gets for saying "you're too nice."
Just remember, she can't say no with a dick in her mouth.
Oh and when ever she tries to get off bed smack her in the ass, and tell her to call you master. Of you can't do that, then you're being too nice.(*cough cough* pussy)
PS. don't forget to cuddle after the angry sex!!!😇
I know you are just joking but I think somebody has a bit of a masochistic streak to her.
well you're not wrong about the second part, but seriously in the nicest and most honest way I know how to say this... if you act like a vagina all the time it's not going to work.
Oh you want meanness, I can be mean. You should not talk so disrespectfully to a man young lady. If I only knew the man whose property you are I would request he punish you for being so sassy.
so my girl showed me this. I already do 😈
lol see if you talked like that to your girl youd be fine. there is this saying I find me and a lot of other girls agree with... Treat her like a queen, but fuck her like a slut.
i know from experience girls are actually into this shit, but y'all ruined it for yourselves. a man would rather just walk the fuck away then risk going to prison over you. you want your fucking rape fantasies fulfilled, you shouldn't have cried wolf. you got bitches calling rape just for changing sex positions without a signed permission slip... ain't no fucking way we're gonna touch you when you act like that.
@TesticleMonster Lol that came out of no where. I never asked for a rape scene though I know girls who have, and enjoyed it somehow...
However what I do you enjoy is being punished, being controlled, being dominated.
It's called Safe. Sane. Consent. I have every right to tell my Dom no if he is doing something I don't like and same thing goes for a Dom if he's not comfortable with what the sub is doing.
Just because you're scared of being cried Wolf Don doesn't mean other men are in my man is not afraid because we both know what we like and we talk and we know our limits unlike most people
i'm not afraid i'm just consciously making a choice not to put my life, career, and everything that matters to me in harms way just for some fucking tang. you ain't worth that. and i get it if there's an agreement before hand, safe words and whatnot, thats all cool but you have to express you want to be fucked that way.
Louie CK has a great routine about it. "what are you outta your fuckin mind? you think i'm just going to rape you on the off chance you're into that shit?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hNaFkbZYU
they are. and it would be satisfying. but men should not.
@TesticleMonster people into BDSM tend to have the best relationships because we communicate. For example the one thing my Dom will not do is slap me in the face.
The one thing I never want is to be raped again, there for i would never ask for that and he knows this.
There is a lot more to kink and BDSM than people who like rape scenes. They are called scenes because it's an act, fiction, something that ends when you say it does.
People need to be educated on BDSM because like you and many others it sounds as if you misunderstand it.
I would be happy to debate anything with you. And that "tang" that you speak of does not put people at risk if everyone is on the same page. A responsible and competitive active participant in this lifestyle knows that.
And if you are worried about that many heavy BDSM people will make up contracts, as silly as that sounds.
no i know about BDSM and i partake in it when i'm feeling kinky. and you got raped, because women behave in a way that intentionally frustrates men into doing so. in fact, i can't tell you how many girls have intentionally pissed me off, then get creepily turned on when i yell at them. except to get to that point they've constantly pushed my buttons to the point where i'm absolutely repulsed by them, so the thought of fucking them, which they would have refused up until that point but now have become so overbearingly direct about it that it actually makes me nauseous, is the last thing that i want to think about. and i have to imagine the only kind of people who actually get laid in that situation are a perfect storm of having no respect for her, and no respect for themselves.
so the scene you describe, which sounds like something straight out of pornstarpunishment. com, is pure fantasy. real life doesn't work that way. it SHOULD, but it doesn't.
i'll tell you what i told dani, and mandi, and natalia, and fuckin too many fuckin girls to remember... if you want me to fuck you aggressively just fuckin say so. i am more than open to making you my bitch. don't act out to provoke me. you'll never be MY bitch that way... you'll always just be A bitch.
@TesticleMonster Like I said my Dom knows how to fuck me you pig.
And I never acted in a fucking way to get raped I was fucking 14. I have nightmares almost every night of that fucked up evening.
I wake up having cried in my sleep and I don't think I'll ever forget it. And for you to blame anyone for being raped is fucked up. Only now can I talk about what happened to me. Before if I even thought about what happened it would set me back To where I can't even function properly.
I remember everything, I was wearing all black. I was wearing a baggy hoodie and jeans that were too big for me on. My hair always covered my left eye. I was wearing a Nirvana T-shirt and a decepticon cloth wristband.
Fuck you trying to blame girls what happened to them I didn't ask for that shit I didn't even parade myself around with most girls I was silent and that was my down fall. I kept to myself, and maybe if I had been with my friends instead of watching from a distance, things would be different
i'm not saying YOU did. i'm saying at least various other members of the female race did. you were probably the female that just happened to be nearby when he snapped. though if i wanted to blame you i'd ask you how you let someone attack you with literally the most vulnerable part of their body.
Again, not blaming rape victims for being raped. But you heard what you want to hear because you want some reason to get offended at what i'm saying. You beat a dog with a stick enough times he's going to bite indiscriminately. Most men have the self control not to revert to base instinct, but every single man on this planet has self control that is limited to some extent. Most should even be praised for it. You're being a bitch to me right now and i'm not going around raping people. You called me a fucking pig. How many times do you think i have to be called that before i decide to act like one? Don't give me another reason not to value female consent. I already have 10,000 to ignore.
by the way you opened this post by openly suggesting the asker rape a chick. "she can't say no with a dick in her mouth." those words literally came out of your mouth. shut the fuck up.
@TesticleMonster You are sounding like Elliot Rodger man.
@Jackblue i may as well be. who could blame me? you know i actually stopped a girl from getting raped once. huge mistake. i found out later that bitch was CRAZY. like grade A detached from reality. now i hear screams of domestic violence going on in the apartment next door and i don't do a damn thing. why? its a guy that lives there. the chick keeps coming back for more. you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped and i don't owe her or any other woman on this planet a goddamn thing. not even base civility. you don't gotta fuckin like it. i don't respect you either.
if you ask me elliott roger is a prime example of a dog that got kicked one too many times. you watch some of the people interviewed about the sorority girls that got shot, they give the exact same descriptions as the chicks talking about that sweet 16 girl frank shoots on god bless america. that kind of movie is cathartic because its what we all really want to do deep down, elliott rogers just did that shit in real life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s4GWiJE9RE you tell me how different it looks
@Jackblue sorry I didn't mean for things to go to that level that died is an ass.
It is not your fault this guy is so troubled.
@TesticleMonster I have never seen that movie, but I watched the scene and read the synopsis. You are right there isn't much difference. The guy in the movie and Elliot Rodgers both convinced themselves that the whole world should conform to what they want. If anybody acts in a manner which they don't like it becomes a personal insult and something the person deserves to die for. Don't become that man. You won't go down in a blaze of glory, you will die for nothing more than your own ego and people will spit on your memory.
Personally, I'm not into guys like you just because I don't like a guy who's nicer to me than I am to him. I don't talk about my feelings and I like my alone time, so if you stop by to give me flowers, chances are I won't appreciate it.
But if I were to date a guy like you, you'd have to be a beast in bed. Screw sweet love making, you won't get me anywhere with that.
You know, I have a friend whose tactics are to befriend the girl, then act like a dick, then do something sweet so suddenly she feels special and he has her. Total douchebaggery but it works. Women can go on and on about wanting the nice guy but in the end we want the biggest jerkface because it makes us feel special. Like we're the only woman for you.
But then I don't think you should change because of someone. I'm pretty sure there's some girl who will appreciate it. I would go for the lonely ones. You will totally score.
"Women can go on and on about wanting the nice guy but in the end we want the biggest jerk'
Honey, tell me how you feel twenty years later.
@whiner_clam
I'll admit that sounded better in my head. I just wanted to say that sometimes girls don't want the nice guys and you can try however you want.
So this guy's probably just targeting wrong women.
(Btw this opinion of mine wasn't supposed to be taken that seriously, so, sorry, what sounds like a joke to me doesn't sound to other people)
Girls do like a nice guy :) it may be that these girls are not looking for a good guy or they are not mature enough for one. You don't have to be a jerk to get girls. Sometimes some girls go through a bad boy stage. Unfortunately, some girls feel if a guy is too nice, he's either a push over, clingy, neddy, insecure, pushy, or boring, so they look for someone else. I'm not sure what to tell you as far as how to stop girls from rejecting you but i can tell you to make sure your not being too clingy or insecure. Hope this helps some. :)
Also, make sure your confident as well. :)
Then please tell me when in this f*cking life you girls think you were ever "mature" enough to change your taste of men
A young man sat and pondered the next phase of his life. “It is time,” he said, “for a girlfriend.” Yet, this new course in his life seemed both exciting and frightening. “But success will not come without much failure,” he realized. “If only there was a way to avoid the painful trials ahead.”
And then, like magic, appeared a Pook!
As like anyone shocked by the sudden appearance of a Pook, he was speechless. But this happened to be a talkative Pook who said, “I will guide you. The constant heartbreak, the loneliness, the feeling of having no control- these can be avoided. Follow me and I will show you many of the lessons that must be learned.”
“Oh Pook!” the young man cried out. “Would it not be better to throw myself into initial error? Is not error the best way to success?”
“No; your heart does not need to be shattered to realize its lessons. Do successful marriages come from a series of failed ones? Of course not. For...
“Foresight teaches gently; error teaches brutally”
With that, the young man asked, “And what is the first lesson?”
The Pook replied, “Follow and see.”
Thus, the young man followed Pook to a nearby college campus. Pook then said, “Behold, the first example.”
Lesson One
A young man, overflowing with desire, saw a woman he thought was extremely cute. She was simply walking around and was involved with her own things.
“I should speak to her,” he told himself. “I must meet her!”
But his body would not obey. He stood there, watching her in the corner of his eye, and felt as if he was burning. She eventually left and he cursed himself even more.
Then appeared another woman who was even cuter!
“I should say hi,” he told himself. Yet, he stood like a statue and his body felt as if he was burning. “She is out of my league. She would never go for someone like me!” He never approached and the woman left.
Yet, another woman appeared more beautiful than the first two!
Somehow, he got himself to approach. “Hi!” he sputtered nervously. She was pleasant. He
Because of character limit here the link to what helped me:
https://bookofpook.neocities.org/#ch-3
Because of character limit here the link to what helped me:
https://bookofpook.neocities.org/#ch-3
Okay then- what's the first example? Or are you saying that I should try going after college girls? Kind of hard to tell...
Hmm, interesting. Let's take a look...
These 15 chapters (it is free) contains lessons what a nice guy should learn about girls first. I recommend to read those first. It tells you how to treat girls respectfully while getting them and what mistakes nice guys make and how to avoid beeing the nice guy who gets friendzoned but be the guy who treats girls respectfully and gets them.
too long, didn't read
1- I already do that, acting to seize every half-opportunity whenever it arises. It doesn't get me anywhere.
2- I don't get this. It's called being a boyFRIEND for a reason, right? What are you supposed to do- just tell her "STFU, bitch, I don't give a fuck"? Why don't any women want any man to care about them?
3- I do. But whenever I show any sign that I care, she immediately stops showing any signs that she does.
4- If women weren't significant, why the fuck would I want one in the first place?
5- There lies the path to getting locked away as a sexual criminal. Men can't do this any more, not in this day and age.
6- I did follow the second path. I've always been an outcast because of that, and I crashed and burned. NO-ONE can redefine the world, or their place in it- society will always judge you, and there's nothing you can do to rise above it.
7- I do always end up walking away. Does that make them want me? NO.
8- Whenever I have, I've been rejected as a pervert.
@Gommers I think it is helpful for nice guys not getting girls but nobody forces you to read it
No storytime bullshit is going to fix someone that can't get laid. Either give an answer in a short concise format or don't answer at all.
9- I can't NOT be contained by formula- It's only because of formula, skill and discipline that I'm capable of social interaction at all, and without it, I'm socially impaired.
10- No man can be himself if all of these things are held to be true- it's a futile exercise.
11- Then WHAT'S THE POINT? What is success? If you love her and lose her, SO WHAT- didn;t you still have her? Isn't that better than to die forever having been alone?
12- You CAN'T take whatever the fuck you want and ask questions later- THAT'S RAPE. You CAN'T go and create a world of your own without going your own way and becoming a hermit. THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS.
13- Charm is treating women like little girls? So what, I'm supposed to be a pedo, is that it? I'm supposed to desire immature, childish females who haven't grown up?
14- Always have a back-up chick? Then why bother with being monogamous at all- why not have them all?
15- Risk it all- I ALWAYS DO, and I ALWAYS LOSE. Because struggle ISN'T winning.
@Gommers Sometimes answers are more complex than a short sentence. You need to read the full version to completely understand it. But here the most important points just for you:
You need to accept that you must not always avoid hurting them because it sometimes will hurt them and you more if you try to avoid and you are unable to succeed because you are just too afraid of hurting you or her.
You shall not make you their slave because in general women want men who are at least equal.
You need self confidence.
You need to act instead of overthinking all.
Accept rejections and learn that there are others and don't fixate on a single one.
The full text explains how to reach all these things.
Sorry, there is no 1 size fits them all but this is something that helps most, so sorry if it soesn't fit you
A couple of things:
1. What kind of girls are we talking about? Often girls that are younger just don't get it. Around their late 20's or early 30's many figure out that they would be better off with someone nice. Also certain types of girls will always be into jerks.
2. What is your relationship with these girls? If it is someone you have only been on a couple of dates with, you could be coming on a little too strong.
3. Don't be a doormat. Girls make this mistake all the time, but I imagine guys can make it, too. If you are always being the first to text or initiate contact, don't do that. I always found a good rule of thumb is to make it even in a new relationship. It worked for me.
Well, to be fair, that probably is the main issue. I've focused my efforts primarily on girls my own age or younger (no older than a year older, no younger than 1/2 my age + 7 years), so the majority of the girls I've approached in that way have been in their late teens or early twenties. As for my relationship with them, it's typically girls who I've met and had contact with several times, through shared interests and the like, but who I haven't been on official 'dates' with either. When I try to take things to the dating stage, that's normally the stage where I get rejected, where I've gotten told that I'm "too nice"- and even when they themselves admit that they're attracted to me (which they always have to be for me to try it on with them in the first place), they still tend to turn me down because they "don't want to ruin things between us". I'm not a doormat at all- I'm just the kind of guy who needs to know a girl first, before seeing her as someone I might want to be with...
... By getting to know her, I can see what she's like as a person, and that's the only way to know if a girl's truly attractive. And if we're personally compatible, with shared interests and opinions, and similar personalities, then we will become friends in the process of my getting to know her- it's unavoidable. But then, we reach the stumbling block- I see a sexual relationship as "something more" than a normal friendship. I couldn't envision a girl being girlfriend material if she weren't my friend. But it's almost like girls feel that boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are less personal, less intimate and less meaningful than regular friendships. I'm "too nice" to be a boyfriend in their eyes- they all wanted me to keep just being their guy friend instead. And at first, I was happy with that- I was a loner and an outcast as a kid, and hardly had any friends, but I have real friends now, and they're all girls, all but two of whom effectively friend-zoned me.
Anyway, I'm a good guy at heart, and because I was being nice naturally, being myself, and wasn't just faking being nice and friendly with those girls in order to try and convince them to have sex with me someday (like the trademarked, stereotyped "nice guys" who give us all a bad name do), I was content and happy with my place in those girls' friend-zones. They're great people, they're the best, closest friends I've ever had, and I'm grateful to be their friend. I don't take individual rejections hard, and I don't get embittered about it. But I do still want to be something more than a friend to one of these girls some day, just one. I may be a real, genuine nice guy, capable to being purely platonic with girls even when I find them sexually attractive, but I still have burning sexual desires as well. I still want to experience a passionate, intimate relationship with a girl. And I'm not devaluing friendship, but one true love would mean more to me than a hundred true friends.
so you are telling him not to date girls under say age 26, is there any hope with young girls?
@diegoD From what I have seen and from my own personal experience, most younger girls don't know what they want or are naive about relationships.
My boyfriend is the sweetest and he's been rejected by girls too who think he's too nice or clingy. It really comes down to finding a girl that adores that in you, it's part of your personality and going into a relationship they can't expect only certain segments of your personality.
Also, just not necissarily being dominate or possessive, show her that you're "in charge" occasionally too.
Really what it comes down to is finding someone who appreciates that in you. And don't ever change yourself to be more appealing to her especially if it's a negative outcome for you.
You just have to remember she's out there, the girl who will love your caring personality, my boyfriend did ; )
just confirms that this "too clingy" shit just comes up in your minds... otherwise you'd already have reported him for stalking you.
It depends what nice of a person you are, in my opinion there's three: those who fake it, those who are it without boundaries and those who are it with boundaries. If your the type of guy who gets easily convinced or/and drops their plan just because SO wants you to, it obviously gives off the impression your easy to manipulate. That type of behaviour also has the potential to attract females who actually want to control you ( the dominant partners). There's no shame to be nice because that truly is a beautiful quality for someone to walk around with, but really you need to be careful of those who take advantage of it. Lay down your boundaries and limits. Choose wisely when it comes to relationships 👍
I'm not easily convinced at all, but I am and have been extremely open. If I don't have a plan, I'll be willing to go along with what my SO suggests if I like the sound of it, and if it works for me. For example, I'd typically ask girls when and where would be most convenient for them to go out on a date, not because I'd drop whatever else I was doing for them, but because I had flexible work-hours and had far more room to adjust my plans. And because I have epilepsy, I wouldn't be able to pick them up in my car and drive them around- they'd have to be able to get to and from there themselves, and there'd be no way around that. I make an effort to be flexible and accomodating with them, as I do with everyone- that's how casual interaction in human society works. But I always had boundaries and limits- all I did was to acknowledge that their boundaries and limits mattered just as much as mine did.
You seem like a true gentleman. I wouldn't advice you to change anything about yourself, you're doing a good job in my personal opinion. I suppose it all comes down to why you're attracting those types then. You might want to consider changing the place you meet girls in general. It's better to pick the ones who are emotionally mature and have emotional intelligence. The chances are less that she will take you for granted as well as be not accepting of your kindness. I'm also sorry to hear you have epilepsy.
Opinion owner. I like your opinion , that's right also
I've always had trouble being too nice, too shy, and I didn't get into any fights at school because I was trying to get good grades for obvious reasons. People called me a pussy for that. One day I stood up for myself and knocked the dude out. I got suspended and girls called me a dickhead, and even then I got no respect, no matter how much respect I give. I'm a friendly giant ( I'm pretty tall ), and people always fuck with me and I have no other choice than to accept it. Life is crazy and I've branded myself as a lone wolf, as if this is how life works than I ain't even gonna try.
Aside from the thing about height, I can totally relate with every single tenet of that. It's almost like the same life story...
You ran with wrong the bros, man. We almost always had a friendly giant running in crew. Never know when you might need to wreck s*** when it gets real. But I'm guessing you knocked out an a**hole that girls pined for and they hated you for it. Kicking that guys a** was probably an insult to them in their warped, immature girl minds. Don't sweat it, girls mature into women and they drop some of that self-centered selfish bull s*** that plagues them in adolescence.
Stop being their servant.
Start treating them like you would a child. Assume you know what's best. Assume they can't control their emotions. Think about what they need, not what they say they want in any given moment. Don't throw more responsibility at them then they can handle, because you don't want to disappoint them picking the 'right' thing. That's what they want. You don't need to be selfish, but you need to be more confident, and frankly, treat them less as equals, and more as helpless but charming creatures that you can look after.
fuckin blue anons mannn
If you mean 'too nice' as in you're kind, caring and a gentleman it's always good. But sometimes when women say 'too nice' it might mean they think you're clingy or maybe a little desperate. Try being more assertive and decisive, while also relaxing and trying not to take things too seriously. Girls don't want a player or an asshole, a lot just want someone more strong-headed or exciting. Although, if it's just your personality I don't think you should change for anyone even if it leads to them rejecting you. Don't ever hold back your kindness and decency!
As someone who was a nice guy just like you for years and who has changed significantly in the last year, you DO need to change.
See, being too nice you dont come off as a caring love interest, you come off as a needy guy who turns out to be a caring friend. If you wanna come off as a caring love interest you should turn her on, be flirty, confident and playful, engage in actual contact, and, after getting in a relationship you start to show some of the care you show today. Women who are treated too well for too few/put on a pedestal will think of you as someone who doesn't value himself enough to even try, someone who acknowledges weaknesses but doesn't work on changing and accepts a position of inferiority.
Start by learning how to love yourself, to be confident, to not overthink stuff and to never (I mean NEVER) try to buy her love with nice gifts.
Some woman feel easily smothered. Personally if you were always asking me what I want and if I was okay I'd scream. I don't want a jerk, but I NEEDsomeone who can make their own decisions and can balance doing what they want with what I want. The relationship should not be built around me and when you attempt to cater to her every whim that is what you are doing. A relationship is a joint thing. If your running around doing everything it will just be too much. How do you treat your friends? Are you the same way with girls you are not interested in?
I'm not always asking them what they want- I'm just asking them on one of two occasions. Whenever I tried making those decisions without thinking about it, it'd never work out- they'd never be able to make it to that place at that time, and the money I'd spent on these things would go down a black hole. I ask them because I want to balance what I want with the opportunities for me to do it, instead of wasting my time and effort. The relationship shouldn't be built around her- what should it be built around then? Sure, it's a joint thing, and there are two pillars, but if you take either of those pillars away, me or her, it's still going to collapse. What I'm describing is the way in which I try and treat my friends- I am the same way with girls I'm not interested in. It's like, are you free to come have fun with me? If you are, then great, let's do something, I know just the thing/place! If not, then never mind- I understand if you can't make it. Have fun- maybe next time, eh?
What does it mean if she dumps that on you during the break up but while in a relationship with you says we don't spend enough time together, rare communication, and she needs more attention?
They are lying to you when they say you are too nice. What they are really saying is that you are too passive and you are boring. Stop asking them where they want to go and plan a date all by yourself. One reason to date is to learn something new. So invite women to do things you like to do. If they don't want to go, that's fine, you may not be compatible.
By being so accommodating, you are giving the message that you don't really care who you date; all women are the same to you. By constantly asking them what they like, you are telling them that you haven't bothered to pay attention and learn what they like and that you have no interests of you own.
If you want to date successfully, get a life and offer to share it.
Don't ever give her gifts, don't ever be compassionate unless she is your girlfriend or your friend, don't show your too soft show them your tough if she tries to yell at you or insult you don't just take it insult her back and if there is a crow embarrass her infront of the crowd. Show her where her place is make it known she cannot use you as her amusement if she acts like a bitch always call her out on it, you don't have to yell just act cool when you make fun of her back. Don't ever got on your knees when asking her out only do that stuff when you are already in a relationship chivalry is dead for a reason.
Make friends with others. Find hobbies. Doing more with your life. Gain more insight and experience in life than relying on the attention of people you are attracted to more. Diversify your mind. Don't set a trap for yourself like that in life that will seemingly entrap you forever in a cycle of infatuation with women. May not lead yourself to the most constructive path in life. Not saying women aren't worth caring about. Saying that you can end up setting yourself with all the wrong women and ruining yourself along the way because you didn't have enough control over your own life when it came to women being any part of that.
Desperate romanticism may not be the most desirable among women either. People in general probably do not care to feel neglected or overwhelmed by other people's emotions and desires. If you think about this enough, would it not make sense to you?
You don't need to be a jerk; just don't kiss her ass right away. If you were in a relationship with any of those girls, there would be nothing wrong with offering to buy her a gift for her birthday or Christmas, but, if you aren't, it comes across as creepy and desperate (excluding family, although I'd bet a lot of adults don't even buy gifts for them, very few adults buy gifts for anyone, so your offering to buy them one so soon is probably very jarring). Just hold back a bit until you've gotten to really know each other.
In addition, some of those girls (probably most of them) just weren't attracted to you in the first place, and their excuse was that you were too nice.
"too nice" doesn't really mean too nice. Maybe you are just coming off as too eager to please, not confident in your own decisions, and second guessing yourself. And don't forget, while most girls want a confident man, there is also a lot of different tastes out there. Some girls want a man who takes the lead, and some girls want a guy who is more passive. Be the best you you can be, and find a girl who agrees.
Actually it's partially true, I do find guys who have a way of leading and making the choices attractive compared to the guy who is always up for everything i'm up for.
Although being too nice isn't a justified reason to break up, I don't know if it has to do with biology. Or humans in general who dislike pushovers.
The things you mentioned seem like awesome things to do, but if there are instances where you're allowing them to take advantage of you (they're going to lose their interest in you)