Why do I seem to only attract broken women?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I only seem to attract women who have been through some sh-t. Bullied, emotionally/verbally abused, sh-tty father, r-ped, lied/cheated on, used, etc. Every single girl I've dated or was talking with (like 5-6, I'm only 20) so far has been like this, some worse than others. I don't know what it is about me that attracts them. I'm not that great looking of a guy (bug I am quite big) and I'm not the best at dealing with people, very introverted. However they still like me anyways. This wouldn't be a problem if it didn't cause ME to be much more stressed out and have to constantly be that shoulder to cry on. I don't enjoy hearing the stories or having to talk them out of harming themselves, and I have ended up being used and burned by every one of them, making me now have trust issues.

The only answers I've gotten from some of the girls themselves were that I just "seemed like a kind guy" or "somebody to learn from", but that doesn't really answer it for me. I feel like there has to be a deeper reason. There has to be something I am or that I do that makes me such a beacon. I also didn't know any of these girls had such issuses until weeks into dating/talking with them.

I'm sorry if this seems very hostile of a post. At this point I'm begging that I can just find an average, normal girl and not have to constantly be trying to make someone like themselves. Thank you for the answers.

[ebbyeb]

I completely understand what you mean though! I have similar issues. The thing is, you're probably too polite. Being extremely polite draws those types of people, because being introverted, you hold your true opinions in from the get go and say what's most polite. This gets them to trust you and they realize this and take advantage of it in a way. You simply become a punching bag for them because they know that you're too polite to oppose. They out all their frustrations with you. So, I think if you work on being more direct, even if it isn't too polite, it'll help you out! For example, if someone is complaining about something, shutting it down relatively quickly is the best way to go! For example, they're saying that their last relationship really sucked but they still love them. You could say something like, "you told me yourself that the relationship sucked, so you just need to leave it in the past and move on. There's more people out there." I know that might seem really direct, and it really is, but that's how you can shut it all down early, before you get stuck listening to their woes for an hour. I hope this helps! ☺️

[BuchitaBuchys]

This is why girls like me are hesitant to date. I pretty much am that girl you attract, I know it's difficult to deal with us. But you don't know how special you are. We usually have a hard time opening up, we can be clingy and attached, a lot of us are scared or have abandonment issues, we are insecure and self loathing/self deprecating, but we still want love. We still want trust.

I understand that it's a lot, it is, to ask of someone to understand and empathize and even still handle. But I guess those girls saw you as kind, strong and willing to handle it.
This is why I try not to date. These walls take strength from both of us to tear down. I'm sorry you have been put in such stressful situation.

[NtotheO]

I know this thread is old, but what broken people need is a therapist. If we really have issues to sort out wouldn't it make more sense to spend time with a professional that can actually help us? Rather than vomit on person after person for temporary relief? I understand friends should support one another, but unless your friend is a counselor or therapist, they are extremely ill-equipped to help you grow through your trauma into a healthy place.

My sons are sweet boys that almost got sucked into this. I told them as much as you want to help broken women, you aren't trained for this and being a listening ear is not enough. The woman walks away feeling a temporary relief, but lives out the same patterns with the same scars. I also shared with them that if you care about the woman as friend, then encourage her to get help so that as she heals she can promote healthy relationships.

To the OP, it will feel rude, but the moment women start getting into trauma remember it's not your job to heal them. You get to decide how much you want to listen to their problems, but the moment you realize your ability to listen won't actually heal them, please tell them to love themselves and seek professional help. How much a person, man or woman, wants to be healthy is completely within their reach and solely their responsibility to pursue. Our overall mental health is worth saving money for or seeking out equivalent free resources. My two cents, maybe it was a dollar...

[Shorty1991]

I sort of know what it feels like to attract the types of people that you don't want to attract. By being my usual jovial self, I have the knack of attracting slimeballs, cradle snatchers, greedy guys (already in relationships) or guys who lack the balls to bring a bit of verbal communication into the equation. Before then I used to agree with the fact that you attract people with the vibes your sending out. Which due to my experience isn't true. Don't worry, this isn't a reflection on yourself. You mentioned being big, some women see big guys as protective and intimidating to other people. The trouble is, you can't really help who you attract. The same saying goes for, you can't really help who you fall for.

[Deanbeams87]

You'll probabaly disregard it, but it's probably white knight syndrome. I had it before.

Basically, you see yourself as the guy with all the answers to take away the pain of others. Lol Not laughing at you. It just sounds ridiculous.

I changed it up though. I still show I care to any woman I meet, but I remember to back it up with a "pick yourself up by the boot straps" mentality. I'll care, but not so much that I'll seek them out or show too much interest in them.

Besides, broken women are insecure and a hassle in the long run. They think they're not worthy of love and respect. They seek drama wherever they can get it and can't understand why the man they're with doesn't actually want any part of that kind of life.

Stay away from them bro. Seek out a woman who is sure of herself and has good values and principles. You won't have any issues then. And besides, take this one with you and consider that women would never give a broken man a chance. They expect the man to be sure of himself, so expect the same of women. Be strong minded in will because honestly, that's what people really want.

[Emielio25]

Totally agree, you are the componist of your own life. Stay away from those toxic girls. Been there, done that. Nothing more than a burden

[bloodmountain1990]

I know the feeling. I mean I haven't attracted ONLY these women but there was 4 girls I was seeing (not all at once) over the summer that all had some major issue usually from being broken.

1 was very very insecure and clingy.
1 was very clingy, controlling, and possessive
1 was acting overly sexual by sending nudes to me and boasting about her sex life to "impress me".
1 was on the rebound and acted very hot and cold throughout the time we dated. It was an absolute mindfuck and very draining.

It seemed more stressful dating them than being alone.

[Anonymous]

Most girls I know have been through something that you mentioned... so it may not be you as much as some of that is normal in some income bracketts/ areas... really normal where it's far easier to fine someone who has been through the ringer then not... I wouldn't refer to them as damaged... everyone has their cross to bear, the fact they are sharing their issues shows that your easy to talk to so your prob viewed as safe, which isn't a bad thing in my opinion btu if you can't take it just don't be so easy to talk to so that people don't feel the need to share or lean on you...

[TruthOrDeath]

most girls unfortunately had somd hardships like these.. but I would assume the reason you keep finding yourself involved with girls who end up emotionally blackmailing you or just using you is probably just because you seem like a compassionate guy.. and you don't want to judge someone for something like that, and that's a good thing.. but just look out for red flags to tell you whether or not a girl is broken and toxic or rather trying to overcome the abuse in their lives. they both exist, the latter is just more rare due to the courage and self awareness it requires. just pay closer attention before getting too invested

[dakota_kyote]

I think it's all very common in girls nowadays. I know it is for me and many of my friends and people I know. A lot of it is the age too I believe you go through a lot of difficulties at this age and that its when you really need people. I don't believe it's the type of girl you attract but just how it is. I know they will really appreciate it even later in life being able to open up to someone about it and be supported. Hence committing to people is a way of finding some support in a way. And girls that don't have things going on which is rare maybe haven't learnt the qualities others have from those experiences in which actually attract you (not the actual problems themselves though)

[Kellibabe]

Well a girl with issues of the past are NOT gona confide or shoulder cry to an asshole so you must have a good aura about you which is a good thing however a guy deserves a chance with a girl with no baggage "apart from her makeup bag" so take your time and ask the right questions... good luck

[Anonymous]

Everyone is broken in this world. But it's not easy to talk about it to anyone. You are just someone that they feel like they can open up to. Share their darkest secrets to. If you don't like it, break up with them at the beginning of the relationship. And do it face to face.

[Cyhhgg]

Hmmmm not sure about this. I'm pretty far from broken. Not to toot my own horn, but I don't let hardships break me down. Its not in me.

[Anonymous]

You don't just need to ask what attracts them to you, but also what has attracted you to them time and time again. There is some common thing they all share that you have been attracted to also. Look for their similarities, look at similar things they say, watch their actions, and learn how to avoid that type in future.

[Anonymous]

To attract what you want you have to vibe in that frequency. If I'm feeling sorry about myself, lying in bed all day watching netflix and wishing God could do something for me that's all I'm gonna get from the universe. You can't attract one energy you don't embody, maybe that's why you're attracting wrong people.

[BestBud]

Some people are just really open and accepting. If you are a really kind guy and try your best not to hurt other's feelings, then these "broken women" will want to be with you because they can trust you not to hurt them.

[Izumiblu]

Well a lot of women have been through those things. You really sound kind of whiny and that may be why you are attracting girls with those personalities. Just because you've been through something hard doesn't mean you are broken.

You kind of sound like the "nice guy" type of person so you are going to get some of the girls that maybe don't want to take too much of a risk because they feel like you are easy to deal with.

[Asker]

I'm whiny for being tired of having to convince some girls not to take their own life or have to constantly try to make them feel content with themselves?

You do realize that this isn't normal relationship things right?

[Izumiblu]

Just your wording and tone of writing, you sound like a victim. Grow some balls go after women and quit waiting for them to be "attracted" to you. If you can't deal with it, you can't deal with it, you are only torturing yourself and them. If you can't deal with it, then end it and move on.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar issue. I attract extremely sad and broken individuals. I have no clue why that happens to me. I can only assume. Do you happen to have a savior complex?

[JensonStatement]

Because they see something in you that they need. I know it's not the best or good but i think you've got a job to do.

[Intraluminal]

Tbh, it's probably you. A lot of young guys have white knight syndrome. I know I did.