Thoughts on high maintenance girls?

Question

I don't necessarily mean like some crazy, over the top kind of high maintenance like you see on TV but a more normal kind of high maintenance.  I've been told I appear to be high maintenance because I like wearing nice clothes and designer bags and like to go out to nice restaurants.  I'm in college so obviously I can't afford to do that all the time (even though I'd like to).  And it's not like I walk around campus in Gucci and Prada but it's pretty much pulling teeth to get me to go into Marshall's and even harder to get me to actually find something I like (I couldn't say why that is but the few times I've been there I can't find anything I like).  So guys, if a girl appears to be high maintenance is that a complete turn off to you even if she's a nice person who just happens to enjoy nice things?

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

personally, I think (hisangel) has the best answer; so I'll just put in my two cents.

A girl who takes care of herself, is not a girl that's "high maintenance;" that's just a girl who takes care of herself.

A girl who expects a guy to pay for the things she wants, or in order for her to take care of herself, is "high maintenance."

Guys love the first kind of girl. Who doesn't? Her hair is done, as opposed to not. She's dressed well as opposed to not. Her nails and toes are perfect as opposed to undone; etc.

With the other girl, her ATTITUDE says; "if you want to be with someone like me, then you're going to have to pay for it." (and THAT is what guys are turned-off by.)

and for good reason..

How would you feel if a young, tall, handsome, doctor; didn't TELL you, but simply had the ATTITUDE that said; "if you want to be with someone like me, then you're going to have to put out by the second date the latest, threesomes with your hottest girlfriends is a must, and I hope you love anal because I do."

(that's great; go f- yourself) <-- THAT would be your emotional reaction to someone like that.

Now, if that guy would then turn around and say something to the tune of "Gosh, women are so prudish these days; or, what a prude." Does that really apply? Is that even a fair statement? No. Of course not. The guy is a jerk.

Well, that's EXACTLY how men feel about women who carry that ATTITUDE with them. And when the guy objects and rejects her attitude and she turns around to say something like "I guess some men are really cheap; or, you're so cheap." It doesn't apply, it's not a fair statement, and however the girl feels she is or worth; to the guy, she's just reduced herself to an overpriced prostitute; one whose price way exceeds the value or worth of her services, and that's why he's not paying for them and she remains unsold/un-rented.

If you wanted to PAY for the doctor to be with you, then you'd wh0re yourself out and hope that one would stick around. But that would cheapen YOU, and the relationship just wouldn't feel the same!

likewise,

If a guy wanted to PAY for a girl that looks good, then he's open up his wallet and do just that. But that would cheapen HIM, and the relationship just wouldn't feel the same!

Nobody wants to feel that "the other person is with me because I paid for him/her to be here." It's not a barter, commercial transaction or trade; it's emotions, feelings and love.

It's more meaningful to have a beautiful girl next to you, not because you paid for her to be there, but because SHE WANTS to be there.

similarly;

It's more meaningful to have a great guy next to you, not because you paid for him to be there, but because HE WANTS to be there.

As soon as the ATTITUDE of "wanting or demanding payment from you" starts to appear; both guys and girls lose interest.

Johnnyboy84 · Accepted Answer

I love high maintenence girls aslong as I'm not the one who has to maintain them. I'm the type who dosnt save a penny, when I get money I spend it on myself. I love to spend and to have something to show for my hard earned money even if it is just a hefty hangover. I'm attracted to them as I like the finer things in life myself so there's already a connection there just by looking at the way dress. Don't get me wrong, I don't hoard my money, I would pay for the meals out ect with the occasional gift but if I was asked for money on a regular basis I wouldn't be too happy about it.

hisangel · Accepted Answer

Guys kind of wear their personalities in their clothes. Even a guy who wears torn up jeans and an old t-shirt is trying to send a message of what he is like. He is casual guy who doesn't make a fuss. In his clothes and his personality. So guys might be misinterpreting what you are wearing for your personality. You will always hear guys say "If she doesn't want me to look at her boobs why does she wear that shirt?!" But as women, we don't always wear that shirt to get guys to look. So you may be wearing designer labels because it makes you feel good or you like the way the fabric feels or how they hold up or how they look on you as opposed to something cheaper, but a guy is probably getting the message "You need money to spend time with me."

Guys are good at being logical before they jump into a relationship. So a guy may think you are nice or pretty but if he isn't racking in the money he might think that you two aren't a good match cause he won't be able to live at your level. Not that he has to buy your clothes but if you like going out a lot, he probably considers that too.

Guys want to make us happy and not let us down. If he thinks there is a big chance of that happening he might be a little more cautious about pursuing anything.

An example of this is a friend, who when she was dating, her boyfriend joked about her being high maintenance with her designer jeans and sunglasses. They got married, he was able to buy a house, cars for them, just all the necessities. He lost his job and now they fight about money ALL...THE...TIME! Everyday they fight about how much she spends on simple things like groceries or if she gets fast food. She never buys anything designer anymore but she still has a need to buy. So she now does go to places like Marshall's or Ross cause she just wants to buy something! She is trying not to buy expensive things but she is still buying things and he hates it cause he thinks they can't afford it. That's what guys are afraid of. Not that you like nice things. They are terrified of being in a position where they can't provide yet your tastes have remained the same.

No guy wants to be left over money issues like no woman wants to be left if she gains weight. So you might run into some underlying fears if you are dealing with just normal guys who aren't extremely wealthy.

peace-love-couture · Accepted Answer

I find this question extremely interesting.After reading through some of the answers,I think any people are confusing "High Maintenance" with being stuck up,b*tchy and having your head in your a**.

I get told I appear high maintenance.I do only have designer,of course not premier designer bags because they don't really appeal to me besides LV & some Chanel,but yes designer bags.My clothing doesn't come from Marshalls either,generally A&F,Hollister,Forever 21,Urban Outfitters,Banana Republic,AE,Charlotte Russe,Macy's or Dillards.I dislike Marshalls also,the stuff is not cute,nor of good quality,I do not understand how any one could perceive you as high maintenance.I'm all for saving money but Marshalls,nahhh girl,not for me.

I would never expect a guy to buy me things.

I take care of myself.

High Maintenance means you expect the best quality of what you can afford or have in my opinion.It doesn't mean you are full of yourself.It means you enjoy nice things.

I like this Q though,I'm notebooking this

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I can't speak for any of the guys here. But I'm just like you. I refuse to shop at places like Marshall's or Macy's, etc. They just don't have anything I like. My boyfriend goes shopping with me, he doesn't mind that I like designer things. Does that make me high maintenance? Absolutely not. I don't expect him to buy me anything. Everything that I have, I bought myself.

There's nothing wrong with wanting expensive things if you can buy for them selves. But don't expect the guy to do it for you because that's like prostituting yourself out for money.

Bruce · Answer

My kind of woman / person...I see the other side of the coin in my work place with the exception of a lot of the women in my area, Orange County- San Clemente, California. When I was married, I tried to get my wife to shop at Nordstrom's or Bloomingdales, but she did not "want to spend the money" on clothes. I would not be caught dead in Marshalls, nor for that matter, any of the low end stores shopping for clothes...That being said, you don't have to spend yourself into poverty on clothes to still dress 'WELL"...That idea that you want to dress well, will fit nicely with a guy that feels the same way about how he "presents' himself to you and your and his peers.

I know that I GET WHAT I PAY FOR...Bottom line...

On the contrary, if you date a young guy that is struggling, financially, paying his way through school or living on a tight budget, he will see you as extravagant and probably 'High Maintainence...

I am not from a "monied" family, but I went to a relatively affluent high school and most of the 'kids' there, dressed well and their parents could afford to dress them that way and send them on to college...I worked my way through college, and STILL wanted to dress well.

My suggestion to you would be...you enjoy nice things and seem to have the assets to pay for them...when you look for a guy, don't look to someone that tends to 'dress down' for an occassion that requires dressing up...If you get stuck with someone like that, appearances will be a secondary issue for him as long as you are together...

I looked at an Armani sport coat...at Nordstrom...$1500.00...now that is OVER the top for me for a sport coat, but still, that being said, the way that sport coat looked on my was far and away superior to anything else that I saw...

The expression of having "champaigne taste on a beer pocketbook" does have some merit, with our discussion, and I can't always afford to buy what I want...BUT what is wrong with aspiring to better things/ nicer things ?

A huge answer to your question, I know, but your is a great question, and requires a thought out answer by someone that shares the same values as yourself.

Regards,

Bruce Alan

nawtyjay · Answer

I don't think enjoying nice things makes you a high maintenance girl. Liking high-end clothes, and preferring them to low end shops, or preferring fancier restaurants is all well and good. The issue that could potentially make you high maintenence is how you deal with these things in a relationship framework.

Are you ok with a guy who doesn't wear high end clothes, or prefers cheaper items? Could you go to Marshalls with him and help him in a constructive way (i.e. not sit there saying he has terrible fashion sense and you hate it all)?

Can you find the romance in something simple like staying at home watching movies and eating pizza? Or are you the type that needs these "high end" outings to qualify as dates? By which I mean, if a guy doesn't take you out to nice restaurants as often as you like, would that make you view the relationship negatively?

From what I'm seeing; no you are not a high maintenance person, but rather are someone who prefers to spend her money on quality items. It becomes an issue of maintenance when it spills into your relationship and starts affecting your dating decisions.

Calmador · Answer

Wow lot of guys here seem to fail... epically...

KillerrMike

"Why are your spending habits relevant? I don't pay for any girl's sh*t, so it doesn't matter to me"

^^^ doesn't matter... hmm I wonder why so many family's have money issues... gee I wonder.

I'm old fashioned... actually extremely old fashioned and that comes with good values...why? Well I think about the future... I think hey if I'm going to date a girl... I'm basically finding out if she's a girl I'd marry... because that's what dating should be about right? Yeah... its sad how so many people don't think of it that way.

Anyways if a girl is high maintenance... that means she's stupid with money in my book... so if I married a girl like that someday... my family as a whole would suffer from her bad spending habits. I don't care if your rich, I don't care if your poor... spending money on luxurious things should only be for special occasions... not every-day. I'd like to have a wife that is smart with the money of our family.

So that being said... I would run away from a high maintenance girl. I won't a girl that's satisfied with the real things of life... not anything money can give you. I'm disgusted by high maintenance girls.

Hope that helps.

Jtmatt · Answer

I wouldn't say that most girls are "high maintenance," as much as I would say that particular person is simply picky. To me, "high maintenance" women and men are people that see to get themselves into situations in which it requires a "X" dollar amount or an "X" amount of time to get them out of trouble. (I.E. Accident Prone, time consuming, takes 1 hour 45 minutes to put make up on to go to your local gas station that is only 5 minutes away)

In terms of people that wear more desirable articles of clothing and accessories, I would consider them "flashy." And that isn't a bad thing because I dress a bit flashy myself (Me looking good is negated because I'm an asshole lol). But for a lot of people, typically people that are frugal with their money or conservative with their fashion choices, they get turned off and I respect that.

I hope that helps.

jtj25m · Answer

If she has no problem maintaining herself it won't be so much an issue as it would be if she expects me to maintain her. It's all about reasoning behind it for me, if it makes you feel good, great for you, however if you're just doing things as such to draw attention to yourself and it's for the sake of what others will do for you as a result, then it's a turn off, for me.

I like to wear nice stuff too but I shop sales and goodwill when I can. I bought a suit jacket at goodwill for 12 dollars and you can't tell the difference between that and any other, and it helped out less fortunate peoples=P

bobbi789 · Answer

I think the high maintenance label comes more from attitude, not appearance. Anyone judging you based off of your clothes is being unfair and could be jealous, but making a big deal out of going to Marshall's could rub people the wrong way. Just because Marshall's doesn't meet your standards or have things you like doesn't mean it's beneath you. I really like designer clothes and have things by Missoni, Stuart Weitzman, Valentino, etc, but that doesn't mean it's "pulling teeth" to get me to go to Old Navy with friends. So at the end of the day, keep liking nice things but don't completely reject a store like Marshall's- if you have to go, just let your friends shop and don't buy anything.

BrettH · Answer

yea I avoid high maintenance women like the plague. I want a girl who looks nice yes and who says she can't have some nice expensive clothing and a nice bag. but its when she gets a winter and summer coach purse or has a closet full of designer clothes and wouldn't be caught dead at walmart or target. that's where I draw the line. to me that's just an expensive habit ur not gonna break I know I won't always have money and I won't be able to support ur habits so I won't even try to start it up with you. ill pick the girl whose in walmart clothes that still looks cute any day over the girl with designer clothes on.

selfishstars · Answer

I'm not a guy, but I do date girls, so I figure I'll put my two cents in.

I think there's a difference between being "high maintenance" and "enjoying nice things". It's one thing to like nice things and to take care of your appearance. However, if a girl spends 3 hours getting ready to go out, would refuse to leave the house without make-up on or being dressed up, would refuse to wear/buy anything that wasn't "brand name", shops beyond her budget in order to have these things (because I don't want to date someone in unnecessary debt and without sense), and/or looks down on people who don't spend as much time and money on these things, then I find it annoying and a complete turn-off.

Also, I have to say that there's something undeniably sexy about a girl with the confidence to walk outside in sweats and a tank top, no make-up and hair in a ponytail and still knows she looks hot.

datgully · Answer

I know a lot of very hot girls that were high maintenance. It didn't work out for them. Economic times have changed too,so not a complete turn off,your gonna have to meet in the middle. Don't be a liability to a guy you like or he will end up ending things. Girls I know got creative with less expensive clothes and it looked better. High maintenance I guess is a turnoff. I talked to a really attractive girl the other day but while were talking I was looking at her style and I thought "She's gonna need a lot of materialistic things to keep her happy" Times have changed. I heard on Entourage the other day "In these financial times,ya you'd really look like a dipsh*t driving a Ferrari"

Anonymous · Answer

high maintnence is insecurity. it is a girl trying to over compensate for something she feels she is lacking. I'm not saying don't ever buy yourself anything nice, imjust saying there's no need for everything you have to be designer (because quite frankly becides you and probably a few of your friends, no one will even notice). you mentioned your in college. which is understandable. once you graduate college and realize what it is to really work hard for your money, you spending hundreds of dollars on a meaningless bag is going to get painfull. I'm assuming your family supports you which is amazing your so lucky to have that, thank them every day for what you have. I have been on my own since the age of 14. I know what its like to have nothing. it makes me sick to think there are such materialistic people out there who think theyre too good for certain stores, if only we could all be so lucky.

Gregs · Answer

I don't mind if a girl is high maintenance, so long as she PAYS FOR HER OWN SHIT.  There are plenty of rich 40+ guys that would be happy to buy all the crap that you want but your not going to find me dishing out 200 for a pair of new shoes every other day.

anonymous491065 · Answer

You can wear nice things that aren't expensive.  But yes, I avoid high maintenance looking girls because to me it appears they are too focused on looks/material things and waste money on things that aren't important.  If I really like a girl, she can be wearing track pants for all I care.  Actually I prefer girls like that because I think they're more confident in themselves and don't need designer accessories to feel valuable.

theyareallcrazy · Answer

If you're really a nice person, Nope.

I would bet that most guys wouldn't even recognize the brand of whatever you are wearing or carrying. Women, on the other hand, are a completely different story.

Nothing wrong with looking nice. Do what makes you feel good.

WeaponZero · Answer

Personally they steer me the wrong way.  I don't like them because I associate the way they dress with negative personality traits.  I would assume that they were demanding and controlling, which is not always the case but is true a lot of the time.  But also, and this one does turn out to be more true, I have found that women who dress high-end and try to look high-end, they tend to be much more high-strung and stressed out.  I want someone who is much more laid back.

bytesunfish · Answer

Really nice over the top things are unattractive at first glance. A girl who works her butt off and decides to user her own money to get nice things is totally hot, but that isn't noticeable at a glance. I just would worry about how guys will perceive you at first glance. Simply put, it's only unattractive beneath the surface if they expect the guy to support (monetarily) her high fashion sense.

martyfellow · Answer

Yes for most guys this would make them hesitate unless they are in a position where money isn't an issue, and how many are there these days!   We think a girl who is 'high mainteance' won't look at any guys unwilling to 'maintain' her and usually that's right.

girloncue · Answer

I've seen the results of both sides after having a very 'sweatshirt' semester. You have to meet in the middle

When I wore neat shoes and a great purse and the perfect outfit, I didn't get hit on much.

when I wore minimal makeup and dressed nice, I got hit on and stared at a lot more.

when I wore sweats, hair in a pony tail, and no makeup, got a few but nothing really.

Akeela · Answer

I'm a girl, and I'll tell you what I think: girls like that are shallow, bitchy, insecure, and can't find a deeper meaning in life, or have trouble 2. I have a friend who's somewhat high maintenance, she's EXTREMEMLY nice  and not bitchy at all, but she has trouble having deep conversations and relating to things that are somewhat painfull to think about, so yeah, one way or another High Maintenace will get to your head.

here4you · Answer

if you buy it yourself then its your thing. What you do with your money is your choice

but if your looking for your boyfriend to buy you designer items then your going down hill

but everyone can enjoy nice things. Even though I don't have much money I still buy a designer shirt with my money. I don't expect people to buy them for me.

If a girl appears to be high maintenance then I will try not to judge her then get to know her and figure where I stand from there

Eugene · Answer

I look at them like at girls who are more interested in guys wallets instead of personality / feelings and appear to be nothing but expensive toy to fool around with for limited time.

So I simply try to avoid them.

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