Why do girls complain about their boyfriends to great guys and then say, "I wish I had a guy like you!"?

[drummerdude25]

...but then its as far as it goes... The girl never ends up getting with that great guy, and continues to pursue an idiot that treats them like dirt.

I had a very interesting talk with friends and some acquaintances last night about girls and dating... The girls in the group admitted that this happens a lot. And a guy said he's had girls say it to him... I basically have too. And as a guy in the situation it's like... 'Well... I'M RIGHT HERE!" ...Like what is holding the girl back from dating the guys like me and the other guy? Then they go back to the idiot and whine and complain some more...

Its like girls are attracted to guys that they can find fault in and complain about... I thought love was admiring someone for all that they are... Sure its hard to fine someone you can appreciate to all that they are, but frequently these "great guys" come into the lives of the girls they like, get a BS statement like that, and after a while, leave the situation confused, hurt, and feeling inadequate for ultimately "being the perfect guy"... which makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE whatsoever...

It's one of the worst things a girl could say to a guy...

Then the girls talked about the clingy guy vs. the guy that gives them little/no attention... I popped the question, "Ok, well would you rather have a guy that is an idiot and ignores you and doesn't give you what you deserve, or a guy that is obviously into you, wants to be with you, and shows you his time of day and cares about you?

That kinda made them stop and think for a second, but then they said while they're dating, they don't want a clingy guy, but when the settle down that's ok... So it doesn't really make sense to me. It seems like girls turn down a lot of lifelong potential mates, simply because they're not ready to settle down, or they like to party, or ultimately, like to be treated like dirt for the time being...

The girls complain about the guys not being able to commit, but really, aren't they afraid to commit as well, in turning down great, perfect guy that they wish they could have, but don't take?

Girls are just as afraid of commitment, but it shows in a much different way...

[tyrone_slothrop]

Here's what David DeAngelo (dating expert) has to say about it, and to me it made a lot of sense:

"I love the idea of being successful with women, but I HATE the idea of mistreating people, being mean to them, lying and misleading, etc.

Deep down, I want to be a good guy.

I decided that there MUST be a way to make this work, and to attract women without being ABUSIVE.

The good news is that THERE IS a way.

But it requires that you put aside your current ideas for just long enough to entertain some new ones.

First, let me say that I believe I've found a way to take the things that JERKS do to attract women and use them WITHOUT THE ABUSE. When you learn to do this, you can really have the best of both worlds... you can be nice to women on your own terms, and give them what they REALLY want, and what REALLY attracts them.

So WHY DO WOMEN BECOME ATTRACTED TO JERKS?

The short answer is that they don't CHOOSE it, it's something that just HAPPENS.

ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE.

It's an emotional response to certain things.

Women don't CHOOSE to feel the emotion called ATTRACTION for jerks any more than YOU choose to feel the emotion called ATTRACTION for young, beautiful, hardbodied women.

Nature has pre-programmed MEN with a mechanism that works like this:

SEE HOT WOMEN ---> FEEL ATTRACTION

Well, women have a similar mechanism. But I think that the female version is MORE COMPLEX.

Yes, women do feel attraction for extremely handsome men... but they feel a MUCH STRONGER ATTRACTION for certain PERSONALITY TRAITS and BEHAVIORS than they do for physical looks alone.

So again, the short answer is that it's just something that "happens" inside of a women. She doesn't "choose" it.

It's NOT the abuse (not usually anyway). I don't believe that women are attracted to that abusive, mean, negative part of the "jerk personality".

I think that jerks JUST HAPPEN to also possess several ATTRACTIVE qualities that are SO POWERFUL that that they literally make women BLIND to the abuse... women will rationalize and excuse the abusive behavior because they are so attracted to these other qualities.

HERE IS A PARTIAL LIST OF WHAT CREATES "ATTRACTION":

-Unpredictable

-Uncontrollable

-Challenging

-Dominant

Of course, there are many more, but this will get us started for this discussion.

The qualities I've listed above, when presented correctly, trigger the natural "attraction mechanism" inside of women.

Jerks have taken natural qualities that are ATTRACTIVE to women a little "too far".

But because they're still there, the qualities trigger the attraction anyway."

He goes on by explaining what this means to guys like you and me and how we can deal with the way things are without becoming a jerk.

You can read more on that here:

link

[tyrone_slothrop]

Sorry for all the "CAPS SHOUTING", I was too lazy to edit that out. Anyway, I swear this isn't spam, go look at the link, it really helped me.

[tyrone_slothrop]

Oops, I'm sorry, that's the wrong link in the answer, although it is very related to the topic. I actually quoted from here: https://www.bullz-eye.com/relationships/double_your_dating/2005/062201.htm

[ArtistBboy]

I think we all get frustrated at that concept over time. Check this:

When we are first getting with someone, we strive for what's attractive because it catches our interest. Once we have given our energy/focus towards someone, we are stripping our own power from ourselves. Then they can choose what to do with their newly raised value; they could walk all over you with it, or turn and walk away. Rarely would someone with more value, stick with someone of lower value. So here's an example that describes it all:

1) During highschool, the girls date a jerk / player at least once

- He knows what to do and say to push her buttons in attractive and playful ways. Then after he has earned her attention and she has fallen for him, he moves on and continues his little game; while she ends up hurt and ultimately repressed from seeking further attention from random strangers. This is known as the beggining stages of developing an understanding of your personal boundaries.

2) During college, the nice guy seeks the repressed female.

- He thinks that being nice and interested is what will win the woman over. They go on a couple dates and then he is left scar'd and frustrated. Back to the drawing board. This stage is a developmental stage of finding out what is or isn't attractive.

etc etc etc

These types of "stages" build on a fundamental block of who we are. Just because I have the power to say this, and because I'm a humanist, everyone has the power to change. We always have had that power and we always will have that power.

So here's your current mindset:

- I can't believe these guys are being assholes! Gah I know I'm Mr Right. WTF

And here's your new mindset:

- I'm not interested in pursueing a woman that is looking to be mistreated. That's not who I am at heart. I'll continue with my passions and keep my eyes and ears open, looking for another opportunity.

And girls are flat up terrified of comittment, thanks to those jackasses

~ ArtistBBoy

[gotc147]

Good guys are boring and have no backbone, pricks that they keep chasing are fun.

At least according to females.

A guy who treats her right can't keep her interested because he is too submissive, can't be a man, and is too passive. Guys who are only interested in the girl for her body and treat them like sh*t otherwise can defend them, always have good ideas for things to do and will stand up forthemselves. At least that's the steryotype women keep going by.

It makes me sick and I'll admit, it makes me hate women. I like women, I'd like to find one to settle down and make a family with, but it's this reason that almost makes me feel sexist. Are women just stupid or what? There is no logic anywhere in that train of thought.

Ladies, if you know something I don't please share it, I REALLY would like to know your reasoning for giving pricks everything they want and leaving men who you constantly say you want but never go for behind.

[Harsh_5299]

Honestly THAT would be a good quality cuz they are being loyal even if they don't have the perfect mate
If she does what you expect her to do, what makes you think she won't leave you if she finds someone better that you?
Compromise is THE most important part of any relationship...