Why do girls read and reply later on whatsapp even to friends/potential lovers (see details for clarification)?

[Anonymous]

I noticed that people do this. For the sake of the question we'll say girls. Either way I think it's a bit weird, pretty inconsiderate and rude. You can't be that busy if you're texting others. Let's say she is SINGLE.

Some girls seem to read a message on whatsapp/viber and then not reply for ages whilst their last seen changes and you can see they texted others. Now why would they do this to a male friend.

Especially when the girl herself texts a long reply, asks multiple questions or even is almost asking out or suggesting they both meet herself?

It makes no sense why you wouldn't just not read the text and bluetick the person when you are actually going to respond instead. Other girls do this, and that makes far more sense if you really are waiting to talk to them properly.

It seems silly that you delay texting someone, especially if you then are unhappy if the guy then doesn't text you back promptly. Tbh the guy would normally text her back quickly, but the weird response time puts him off. And it leads to the texts getting dragged out, a no win for both parties involved.

Why would a girl do that if she's clearly being keen, sending interested replies, long in length and asking questions, wanting to see you etc, especially to a friend?

Updates

+1 y

Also as an aside, have you noticed that some girls seem to really keenly text you sometimes and then do this bluetick thing at others?

Furthermore, sometimes the same girl will text you often when she is not single. And when she becomes single, switches to girl text games mode?

Well, what do you all think about the whole thing guys and girls?

PLEASE READ THE DESCRIPTION BEFORE ANSWERING

Updates

+1 y

It doesn't make sense why women do this?

[JellyBean333]

There are times when I literally cannot answer the message right away because I'm too busy. If it's a long message which needs thought - I can't do it in a rush!! So sometimes I will wait until I'm not so busy to read over the message you've sent and think up a reply.

As for the being online frequently and still not replying, it's usually because I'm talking to a group of friends about something that needs my immediate attention.

However, I know some girls who the 'treat them mean, keep them keen' game which I hate and try to avoid at all times. If a guy does that to me, I tend to be put off so much so I don't usually do it myself.

[Asker]

Wouldn't make sense though. Why "bluetick" the message if you are truly busy. You can just read it on your notification and not insult the other person?

If it needs thought then surely you'd explain the delay. And not read it and text others to show the other person you just ignored them.

I agree on that treat them mean thing. It's total bs. That's just called being inconsiderate right :-D

What do u make of my description please, that's what I'd like to know about?

[Asker]

Well?

[JellyBean333]

Jeeze sorry for not replying straight away.

If I have another conversation on at the same time, when I click on the Whatsapp icon, it loads the most recent conversation - which might be with them - hence the bluetick. I then proceed to click back in order to go into the other conversation which needs my immediate attention. I haven't chosen to ignore it - there are other people I need to talk to.

For example, there are numerous occasions when I might be late to meeting my friends so I need to text them and let them know where I am and that I'll be there soon. I haven't got time in that situation to send a massive long text to that other person.

Yeah sure, I have probably told them before that I'm really busy and can't reply straight away. If they just have a bit of patience, then I'll get there soon enough.

[Asker]

Hi!

Look I kinda get what you're saying, but as far as I can tell, if you open WhatsApp it does not open a conversation that is unread. It's only if you actively open that chat, it opens and blue ticks it.

Obivously even what you are suggesting, it wouldn't take days though to respond would it! And in this case, she has texted me first, sent super long texts with questions, so how can it be she isn't keen etc. It's just crazy? I actually kept my text succinct too, whilst still being upbeat and asking something back.

It's pretty rude isn't it? I mean I don't really think it's acceptable or considerate to do that to a friend who she just talked about meeting and asked me a question? It's insane. I mean I just texted another mutual female friend and met up, obviously she didn't behave like that, so it's not on my end doing anything wrong?

What to do

[Asker]

Hello bump

[Asker]

Hi? anything?

[Anna96]

Well there are several possible reasons.
1) Perhaps she simply doesn't know how to reply without making it a one-word response?
2) Perhaps she likes you and wants to ask her girls for advice.
3) Perhaps she is just leading you on because sadly that's what many girls do.

[Asker]

I like how you break it down! Ok so well,
1) Possibly, but I mean she sends super long excited texts, asking questions and seems keen/affectionate. And surely my response kinda reciprocates hers and thus isn't a one word reply type of thing. I don't get it?
2) Haha is that a good thing? Does she like me as more, she is single now. But I mean I don't know if it would take that long to text me back. She never used to do this by the way. She used to come online whatsapp/viber as I was typing my response to her. She has always seemed keen?
3) Yes I see your point. I mean ultimately though I am a friend and it seems so hurtful/cruel to do this. It makes me nervous as to how promptly and how affectionte/flirty to respond back. I just continue to not be bad and do it back, because I don't bluetick people. But I dunno what to do. She suggested we meet, initiates that, and then hasn't responded to my response?

[Anna96]

Just go and meet her already!! Whatever she has with her ignoring/answering kind of thing, she can't do that in person. Meet her and see how it goes :).

[Asker]

Haha I wish I could, but that's the whole point. She's recently got back here and has always been texting me keenly about meeting me. SHE suggests it and texts me. But I can't meet her without her reciprocating to my confirmation that I would like to see her.

She's suddenly taking a long time to respond when she never used to. I want to meet her, but it damn hurts you know?

[Asker]

I can't meet her unless she responds lol?

[Anna96]

Perhaps she's avoiding the actual meeting? Just ask her something along the lines of 'I'm free on Saturday, would you like to meet for coffee?". She'll then be forced to either agree or decline.

[Asker]

Yeah I mean she kept saying when am I back from a trip. Then another time she hopes to see me soon and I responded to suggest I welcome her back. I asked her for her schedule. She read it and didn't reply for ages (a month) and then texted as if it's normal to ask me how I am later. Her last seen obviously updated in the interim. That really hurt. No explanation. I made a joke of it, and asked her how's life etc. She then said sorry, texted me a super long text about her life.

After that , to my next response, no reply. This is unusual for her like I said, she normally texts me as I reply and is super affectionate. Though her replies are still long. Then a week later she texts me out of the blue to ask me about meeting early next year (?) do I want to catchup if I'm free. At that point, I replied in the evening after work to continue the conversation (she asked me another question too). So far read and no response?

I dunno about specific this week, given she might not be free.

[Asker]

I mean last time I already asked her her schedule didn't I?

I find it so confusing and damn hurtful tbh. Even with her latest suggestion, I don't get her going blank now (her last seen has since updated and I have been blue ticked 48hrs ago)?

[Anna96]

Even if she's interested in you, she's not worth your time.

[Asker]

Yeah I see your point. I also believe in manners, respect etc. I mean I met a mutual friend who didn't waste any time and it smoothly happened within 5 texts and we met up. I don't get this girl doing it, it's not like her and it's almost like she's crazy. Certainly she's been inconsiderate and disrespectful.

But what to do, I mean given what she asked and how I replied, I don't get why she initiated asking me if I'm free to catch up and then has not replied to my response?

It's so hurtful and makes me nervous when she does reply, what to say

[Anna96]

Just forget about her, honestly. People like her will never change her ways.

[Asker]

I know it's just that at least with ME, she never has done this in all the years I've known her (both her being taken when we met and single for the last 2 yrs). She literally would reply virtually instantaneously or else within minutes to hours/next morning at most.

She would always read my message and respond at the same time. Versus now in the last month where she has blue ticked me, used viber/whatsapp often and not texted me till a long time later.

But her responses in terms of length and excitement seem to suggest still the keen/affection there. Only thin was first time she didn't address the point (i responded to her suggestion to meet). Yet this time round she has suggested it and again not responded to my response?

So confusing given we are friends?

[Anna96]

I dare say she is holding you at arms length. Leading you on. She might truly like you as a friend but I presume to her there's nothing more. Otherwise she would always respond when she is online.

[Asker]

Yes I concur. BUT she always used to respond to me when she opens the app. So how has she "suddenly" changed like that?

And it's still long texts like before. Honestly before she was super super excited.

So it's leading on and wtf am I meant to do then given she yet again read and has not replied. No one is that busy esp as her last seen updates. It's so awkward and inconsiderate.

Surely the onus is NOT on me to text again? Isn't it up to her to respond to my question and the convo continue and then we can arrange to meet up (as SHE suggested or asked me)?

[Anna96]

Of course it is up to her but she obviously cares about texting others more. If she doesn't see the importance of answeribg you right away but sends you long answers when she does, she sees you as a friend.

[Asker]

I dunno I mean I don't consider someone who does that even a friend tbh.

Yet she still sends excited long replies. I should emphasise again she tended to always come online/open whatsapp as I was replying. Literally she'd be replying immediately before I even finished typing! Very prompt responses otherwise, e. g. minutes or max a day. She'd never bluetick me.

It's only recently she did this. When I jokingly asked what happened the first time she did it, I noted she didn't bluetick that response, she waited and responded the same time lol.

But to think she asks me a question, I respond and then it happens again, it's inconsiderate and crazy sigh. I mean there is something there, I can feel it, but ultimately it's just bad behaviour on her part is it not?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the text if you can.

Otherwise, is it best just to wait then yeah? What do I do, just still be me and reply normally?

[Anna96]

Of course it's bad on her behalf. Just wait and see how it turns out. Perhaps she has a lot going on and different things on her mind?

[Asker]

I guess, I mean over the last few years, whether she's been taken or single (the last 2 yrs) she's responded super fast with super long replies. Now she's giving me super long, yet really delayed responses in the last month or so. Yet she had demonstrated a keenness and enthusiasm to see me?

I can't see though how she can be that busy, certainly compared to either myself or other friends (one of whom I texted and who texted me back promptly and I met last week). And her whatsapp last seen updates so she must text others sigh. It's so confusing?

I dunno what to do but wait tbh? And when she responds, tbh I'm still me and I'm not cruelly blueticking?

[Anna96]

I don't really get her either. You either bluetick somebody because you're not interested as short as possible or you answer lenghty but immediately.

[Asker]

Yes that's what's highly confusing. She used to:
1. Read/bluetick and then immediately respond to my message
2. Sends me super excited long text
3. Sometimes as I'm still typing, start texting me so it's a live conversation like IM

Now she's (only very recently)
1. Blueticking me whilst her last seen updates and not answering then and there. Time passes. (time being a long time)
2. Sends me super long keen messages and asking questions like before, even suggesting to meet up, the latest one being a specific time in the future
3. Still displaying interest, but very confusing as no explanation provided for her delays (she's responding as if it's totally normal)

What to do? (Like I said, I texted and met a mutual female acquaintance recently who responded fast/smoothly etc so I don't think it's my texts?)

Wait then?

[Anna96]

Don't wait on her for a relationship. She is obviously not capable of it. Remaining friends is fine and won't do any harm. However waiting for a relationship is only going to hurt you more.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree. Trouble is I feel attracted to her, I did kinda see her as my 'first time' as well. Is that possible and still be friends?

What do you make of what she is doing given her previous behaviour (sweet). She's still enthusiastic but it feels like the convo is being reset each time lol

What do I do now, wait? How to see her alone?

[Anna96]

I'll be honest with you because you seem to be a great guy. Forget about her, try and get over her. It's most likely not going to workout.

[Asker]

Haha thanks, yes I guess I am and you seem like a great girl!

I mean it's so sad as I always viewed her as a special friend who I want to know forever tbh. I do really find her attractive as well and now she's single and moved back here, well I just figured I'd like to let her know that at some point. Is it possible to become more than friends intimately and then still be friends (she wasn't single when we met in a work group at uni)?

This texting habit of hers is very recent so I don't understand it (literally in the last 3 months of knowing her for years?). I mean I'm not going to text her again I agree with you there (though unsure what to do at Christmas and new years, her bday etc?).

I just want it to return to her texting fast like usual, she still seems keen, but is taking ages and clearly can't be that busy given her WhatsApp last seen updating. As for the catchup she suggested, well maybe if you read the texts you could advise me, but I'd like to see her alone?

[Asker]

She texted me out of the blue? Now what to do lol

[Anna96]

Meet her. Talk it through. Obviously social media just ain't cutting it.

[Asker]

I mean I texted her back. Yet again, honestly it's worthy of being on a tv sitcom, she yet again blanked my response and her last seen has updated. I'm pretty sure her profile pic has changed to her somewhere on holiday too?

I mean it's just it's not the way she usually texts me so I feel pretty saddened by the whole thing. I'm now unsure whether to text her on xmas? I mean the proposed meet is (not confirmed) in January. I kinda feel like she ought to have responded with something to my response to her.

I'm happy to show you the text pm if you can help decipher it. But I don't get it. I feel thoroughly confused and almost thought I was going crazy. But like I said I texted and met up with a mutual friend, went smoothly. I texted that girl again and had a great conversation, so I don't understand this girl?

[Anna96]

Forget about her. She's useless in that way. She just keeps on dragging you along. She just throws you the bait and waits for you to follow, she is kind of using you for her own entertainment. She expects you to be there whenever she feels the need to talk but doesn't do the same for you.

[Asker]

I also begin to think about her like you said. My only gripe is that she only very recently behaved like this. Before (2 months ago for all the years I knew her) she has been nothing but texting me REALLY FAST and really long enthusiastic responses, etc. It's only now that she still sends long texts, but spaced out, and obviously can't be that busy. Her last seen and holiday picture make me feel irritated and saddened.

I mean she's still referred to meeting me in that last text hasn't she to which I responded. I have no idea why there is no reply yet and she read it. It makes texting her more often hard given that I feel it's awkward/makes me look bad if I text her again before she responds when I don't really 100% feel the conversation has ended compared to the way we used to text?

As for Christmas, should I let her text me first now? It'd feel odd not to text her, 2yrs ago she initiated first, last year I did (tho tbh she should have given she was abroad timezone wise). This year?

[Anna96]

DO NOT TEXT HER FIRST.

[Asker]

Yeah I guess so, it's just I mean I'd be really sad if she didn't text, because if I don't text either at all the entire day, then what does that mean?

Two years ago, she texted first, on Christmas and new years excited etc and flirty with me. Last year I texted first, and her reply was excited.

Will she reply to my current message lol, I don't feel like it's ended. I've texted other girls including a mutual friend in the mean time of course and those felt natural (much like they used to with the other sweet girl?)

This year, what is my course of action for that day?

[Anna96]

Do not fall for her games again. Don't text her first. She's just dragging you along, take care of girls whi are worth your time.

[Asker]

Yes I do agree on that point. I don't understand as she didn't do this to me before. Yet suddenly out of nowhere the ghosting and dragging on.

My problem though is that she has mentioned about the meetup in January to which I am concerned things will be awkward text wise haha. I have never had an Christmas or new years or bday since knowing her where we didn't converse by text at the very least?

I mean I do think it's awkward for me to text her since she isn't really responding properly. I think my text deserved some response of acknowledgment given the vibe it portrays. I feel odd if I don't text her on Christmas day though when I text other girls including the other mutual friend I met up with recently and who texts me just like the original girl used to?

What's the gameplay for Christmas then? Just wait and let it expire?

Also I have another question about another girl lol on asking when her birthday is?

[Anna96]

It doesn't make a difference, hiw awkward it might seem. DO not text her. It will give her the feeling of approval she wants and she'll continue on pkaying her ganes with you. Don't fall for it.

[Anna96]

Tell me about the other girl :).

[Asker]

Are you sure? I mean I'm worried that if I don't text her merry Christmas whilst I text others (including mutual friends such as another girl I texted and met up with which felt a bit like a date to me at least), that I might seem like I'm a bad person. Or else whether the friendship is at risk?

Obviously the text reply to her about potentially meeting in January has been read and not replied to. I honestly don't feel like it was a closing text from me, so I feel peeved off at that. Her WhatsApp profile pic suggests she's on holiday as well, not busy! Last seen updating.

I mean are you sure I shouldn't text her if she hasn't texted by evening? She's usually very sweet, affectionate and flirty, I do not get it?

[Asker]

Haha which one lol. Ok well this one, there's a bit of a context, so it kinda helps to know, but the gist is I'm trying to ask her when her birthday is by text. I feel silly not having asked in the 3+ years of having met her. The trouble is the level of "closeness", the luck of meeting her at the wrong time (when I was about to move jobs and cities). I'll explain if you can bear with me:

[Asker]

'I met a girl a while back when I was moving to go work abroad. (Just my luck) This hot girl was actually on the internship (different department) 2 years before (where we met and I was charming haha) with me and she remembered me and walked up to me in the dining area and said hello. This is a girl most guys wanted lol. I mean I was pretty sure she had a boyfriend anyhow, but I must admit having a good rapport then in those brief moments. I was about to leave the next week, and decided just after I left, nothing to lose, emailed her and got her number. Quite proud of that.

I kept in touch by text on certain days like Christmas, new year, and some other random times, though the best responses from her were special occasions. I feel like she is nice deep down (though maybe a glamour girl persona). But just not enough time to build up that great rapport from the chance cafe meet. Trouble was I'm not in her city atm. BUT

[Asker]

I figured if I can text on her birthday, I can flirt and it might be helpful to build rapport at least as a friend, as there is a certain rapport there. I actually RANDOMLY met the girl when in town for business, but as luck had it I was running for a train (didn't tell her that) and she was also late for a friend (she said that's why she was all dressed up and lipstick etc). I forgot to ask her then. Pretty sure she has a boyfriend and heard a rumour the bday is in January.

Just wondered:

WHEN TO ASK - Christmas, new year's?

HOW? - what to say? Can i be like, (her name), when's your birthday btw?

I mean she knows me, just we're not close close? I feel like sometimes I do make her laugh, and if I wasn't so nervous, might have hit it off even more?

[Anna96]

No, you shouldn't text her first. Never again! Perhaps for her Birthday but tht's all.

As for the other girl, you could just casually ask her.
"A friend of mine is having her birthday party this weekend and it's going to be amazing. Just like my next one, which you are invited to of course. Which reminds me, I don't even know when it's your Birthday?"

[Asker]

Are you sure though? I mean as a gentleman I feel bad not to, I've never had a Christmas since knowing her where we didn't text each other (last year I initiated, the previous year she did and long convos) and I don't want to be the bad guy here lol.

It's just that I feel very irritated and let down by her yes, I agree. Should I wait till the evening or will not texting her on Christmas help my cause?

The birthday one, I was thinking of just point blank asking her, as I dunno if I'm going to be in the city for my birthday, I dunno if she's single either haha. But yeah I'd invite if I were there. I have a feeling her bday is near jan time. I wrote a brief question on it:

[Asker]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2223684-how-to-ask-a-female-acquaintance-when-her-birthday-is-by-text-on-a

[Anna96]

Just don't text her. If she wants to talk, she'll start a conversation.

[Asker]

So the girl who was acting weird (suddenly compared to her usual super keen nature) actually texted me first hahah!

Very awkward given she didn't text back about my other response, but she wished me first. I just replied when I saw it with wishes, I threw the ball back to her though in terms of starting a conversation (which normally happens because of her asking more as she has previous years and normally) which didn't happen on this occasion.

Still awkward and disappointed. I mean with another girl I initiated, and she extended the convo over 2 days lol.

But the first girl is very keen usually and still that potential meetup is in January so a bit nervous sigh.

The 3rd girl with the unknown birthday, the problem is she always replies normally on events like this, but on this occasion didn't respond to Christmas wishes? So a bit sad and unsure whether to wish on new years or ask about the bday now

[Anna96]

She might have been too busy. Many people get carried away in Christmas season. As for the girl who texted first, don't fall for it.

[rubyrose83]

I check messages sometimes when I can't reply at that moment. Girls don't like to seem desperate. Sometimes waiting is a game we play. Sad but true

[Asker]

Yeah I know you can get nervous, so do guys lol. I mean I for instance am nervous about a female friend I like, so I might not reply immediately, but I'd only wait a few minutes lol. But one thing I don't do, is openly bluetick her message and text others so she can see it (last seen changing). It seems a bit inconsiderate to do that to anyone, let alone a friend?

[Asker]

Also did you see my description and what do you think?

[rubyrose83]

I think it's a bit inconsiderate for sure. Sounds like she's just playing games. No one wants to seem over eager. I would think it rude for a friend to do that though

[Asker]

Rubyrose, you are truly a good person, thank you! That's what I think too. I mean it's seriously inconsiderate to display you've read it, last seen updating and not responding right now.

I mean she's a friend and also texts super long replies, asks questions and seems so keen to meet up etc, so it's so confusing. I don't get it. All over the place and no idea how to respond to her or to continue being my good self and just replying promptly as usual?

I don't understand why one wouldn't reply to a friend on time. She used to do it virtually immediately btw! As in seconds.

What do you think about the whole thing?

[rubyrose83]

She definitely seems interested but I don't think she wants to come off that way. I usually don't advise game playing & I know it's probably out of your character but do the same thing to her. Wait the exact amount of time she takes to respond to respond to her. See how she likes it

[Asker]

Hahaha this is so confusing though. I mean it would make a good movie. I guess that would kinda make sense. It's just then how am i meant to show I am interested or know she's keen still. It actually really hurts tbh when a girl does that, especially a friend, especially one I like in that way.

I also don't really like games, but when she takes a long time, and I can see she read it and was last seen just now lol, then I feel pretty hurt. When she does reply, I am put off replying immediately in case I'm taken for granted. But even if I wait a bit, what I do NOT do is bluetick her and do the same thing. I just wait a small amount of time and then reply.

It feels really bad to bluetick someone, and it feels like I'm just slapping her in the face if I did it?

She sends long texts and asks stuff though, so must be interested and keen. Once she awkwardly blue ticked me after she herself suggested meeting up,

[Asker]

and replied super late and didn't address it. Yet just now she's texting me and being more direct about meeting up, I responded, and it's happened again lol, though it's only been a day this time round.

Ruby rose, what am I to do and what is with this phenomenon?

[rubyrose83]

I don't know. I wouldn't do that. I say treat her how she treats you. Give her a taste of her own medicine. If she really likes you, her response time will improve.

[Asker]

Yeah I hear you. I mean literally over the time I've known her, she tended to respond to me lightning fast, if not immediately as I was still typing my response haha.

So it's suddenly changed and it seems super rude tbh. Pretty hurtful. I mean it's confusing because she still sends excited/keen long replies and asks me multiple questions?

I feel really bad though to act like her, it's like I'm doing the same thing and have no moral high ground though? Not to mention, is being rude myself the answer?

[rubyrose83]

Sometimes people don't understand how something feels till it happens to them. Sounds like she's taking you for granted a little bit

[Asker]

Yes I hear you there! Yeah it does feel like she is. But it feels like if I say anything I become the bad guy ironically haha. Even though I haven't done anything wrong?

I feel really bad though to do that to them. Tbh I don't really do it to anyone? And this is a friend/girl I really fancy tbh. It hurts so much, I wouldn't really wish it upon them.

Dammit, I don't know what to do or what it means given she sends long texts, asks me questions, blue ticks and acts like it's totally normal?

[Asker]

I feel bad you know, and I was hoping to be the good person here still. I do want her back to the usual mode of texting prompt again. She's still keen I can see, but it's just... well weird?

[rubyrose83]

I understand but honestly sometimes you got to be a little mean to us girls. Too nice won't get you respect

[Asker]

I know you do. You're a decent person.

I really like this friend though and tbh she's a cute person so I don't get it. Always sent long replies, but promptly. Now it's this bluetick thing which is super hurtful.

But if I'm mean, then am I any better than her and won't it become the norm?

I mean I am good and confident, surely that's an admirable trait. I'm not a pushover, and the first time she did it, I did jokingly (without shouting at her) say wow you left me hanging, where you been. Got a lame "sorry" and that's it. Yet still super long replies etc.

She just did it again recently, so I'm pretty irritated tbh. But I find it hard to bring myself to do the same thing. I did meet a mutual female friend for dinner recently, I wonder if that's what sparked her to contact me suddenly.

But it's so mixed messages from her? Seems keen to catchup and see me, and this texting mayhem?

[Asker]

Haha are you advocating I do the same? It feels so so cruel though. I also worry it sets the precedent that it is normal to do that?

I mean I showed my displeasure once by simply not reading it, not opening the app and replying three days later (reading and replying at the same time and not being a blue ticker)?

[rubyrose83]

Treat her how she treats you. You won't have to do it for long. She'll get the message

[Asker]

I do agree you have to treat her the same. But treating others how I want to be treated would suggest I'd be almost justifying her behavior?

Or would it send the message? I feel honestly really bad to do that though. It's so cruel and I worry if I won't get to meet her if I bluetick her? Or if she'll take that as a sign I consider such things normal and acceptable?

[rubyrose83]

If she thinks it's normal to do that to other people, she shouldn't get mad when it's done to her. That would be rather hypocritical

[Asker]

Yeah haha I agree!

It's just she didn't used to do this to me. She literally responded virtually immediately (even when she temporarily lived abroad). So I don't get it at all. Especially as her replies are long and she's keen to see me?

That's what I mean though. If I do it to her, then do I become just as bad or set the tone that it's normal to do that (I don't want it to be the norm).

Or will she get the message and stop this silly childish behaviour and not take me for granted?

[rubyrose83]

until she started taking you for granted. It happens, you gotta get her respect back :)

[Asker]

Get her respect though? I mean there's always been a mutual admiration between us. I don't see how I somehow lost her respect. I feel pretty hurt tbh and if it were anyone else I would have cut them from my life. It's because I think of her as someone I hopefully am friends for life with as well as fancying her that I am trying to resolve this issue and seek advice.

By behaving poorly back, I'm not sure I would respect myself though? :-)

Is that really the way that she "gets the message" as you put it and would stop doing it and revert back to responding super fast as she always did?

[rubyrose83]

I think so. A lot of times girls take advantage of the nice guy. If you let us, you lose a little respect. You seem like a nice guy

[Asker]

Why thank you. I mean look I am nice, I was brought up to have manners etc. I mean I am confident though as well. I know she admired my drive, energy, style etc when we first met. So I don't get why she suddenly behaves like this.

So I don't know what to do tbh. I feel like I wouldn't really respect myself if I blue ticked her back and ignored her for a bit? ;-)

So do you really really think it would help to do it and make her notice it and then stop it? Would she start to text much much faster again as she did before and the meet she seems keen on happen?

You are very nice by the sounds of it, and I respect that by the way (I already follow you and liked your tea question)

[Asker]

What do u reckon?

[rubyrose83]

I think it's your best shot at getting her to respond like she used to :)

[Asker]

You are very wise (I can tell from your questions and opinions too) :-)

I mean it's just I feel bad to do it, I respect myself for being a gentleman who is confident and genuinely a good person. So to be cruel (even to be kind), even for the greater good, well it's not in my nature and worry that it might allow it to become the norm then?

I don't get it though, she is literally asking me about meeting, texting me super long texts and then blue ticks? It's only in the last month or so in all the 4.5 years of knowing her. (Always used to be super fast).

Do you think it will get her attention? I feel so bad to do it though like I'm being naughty! Will that revert her back to normal flirty friend mode?

[rubyrose83]

I think it's your best chance. A little naughty isn't always bad :)

[Asker]

Hehe I hear you there! It's just our messages always flowed and it got a little affectionate/flirty by virtue of that it was almost like having a conversation face to face.

I'm only concerned that if I do the same thing she is doing, that it becomes "ok" to bluetick me since I'm doing it as well. Or are you saying she'll suddenly perk up and realize the error of her ways?

I'd love to be naughty haha, just more in the intimate sense with her, than through losing my manners/being genuinely good as a person? I mean for instance I communicated and met with a mutual female friend and it went so much more smoothly with fast replies, no blueticking etc. So I don't get it. This girl never did this before to me...

I'm actually worried to be naughty and do that haha, does it actually work?

[Asker]

Either way I guess I have to let her reply first right

[Asker]

You think?

[rubyrose83]

yeah for sure, u don't want to seem desperate :)

[Asker]

Haha agreed! Ok, I'm gonna wait. I'm just thoroughly confused now milady. I mean the texts themselves when read without the timestamps seem super keen/enthusiastic etc? It's a recent phenomenon for her and me. Maybe you'd be able to help decipher lol?

So best wait for now?

[Asker]

Hi! So in the mean time she replied after 2 wks, I replied, yet again she blanked for a week. What a change from sweet to crazy so suddenly? It's about seeing me in January.

Anyhow I replied to that. And yep, she has read it and I didn't feel the convo had ended. The thing is I've never had an Christmas or New Year where one of us didn't text the other to wish on each day and we had a brief convo. Two years ago she did most of the initiating (ahead timezone) and very flirty. Last year I had to initiate despite being behind her timezone wise, but excited response from her.

She's back in the same country now. Not sure why it became awkward/erratic with responses. I can see from her whatspp profile pic that she looks like she went abroad on holiday as well just now! Wtf, so much for being busy?

This year I dunno. Should I wait for her to text or text her first on Xmas? Just be a gentleman and forget it?

[Asker]

What do you think?

[bedroomdweller]

Responding to a guy on a dating app, or even by text message is not a priority to a woman. That, of course, until they notice the guy is reach or famous or smth.

I don't use dating apps but rather approach women in person. All dating apps do is to feed the ego of women, and their endless hunger for hypergamy. I don't support that

[bedroomdweller]

rich*

[Asker]

Haha the final part of your second sentence is telling right? :-D

I mean I agree on dating apps. But if you check my description please, I'm not referring to dating apps. I'm talking about texting (or texting apps like whatsapp which they use).

I'm also asking about a female friend who texts me first, long texts, questions, excitement etc etc. Then blanks my reply. And it's also a recent thing where she never did that before?

What do u make of my description?

[bedroomdweller]

Well, yeah women play games at the beginning of meeting a guy. Even if you play right and are able to get her she will still shit test you constantly during a relationship. I think you are at a stage where you overanalyze the game girls play. The hot and cold act, if you will.

I don't think I can specifically help you much here because I'm way past that. I'm almost 30' now, with more ambition and career goals. And I am blunt/direct and honest as I fucking can. If I text a girl is to ask her to go out with me, I don't play text games. If she says no or gives me an excuse to me it's like ok fuck it, and move on.

[Asker]

Too true. BUT this is a girl I know and she knows me as a friend. She didn't do this before so it's confusing as f**k.

Lol, dude I respect your ambition and experience, but don't get me wrong I am 110% sure I have ambition and goals thank you very much. In fact I am not even socialising as much to fulfil those lol.

I don't play games either. I texted a mutual friend in the interim and met up with her. I didn't seem to have any problems there. So it can't be my fault.

Pls read my description or what I'm talking about haha. The first friend is texting me long long excited texts, about meeting up as well and then blanking/ghosting me for a while which makes ZERO sense?

[bedroomdweller]

I'm sure you do man. Didn't meant to imply otherwise.

In terms of your question she is shit testing you that's all. To get a grip of your interest. As I said, she's playing hot and cold. It doesn't have to make sense. When she ghosts she is just waiting (not expecting anything, just waiting) for your reaction. Will you ask her back to go out, or not. Are you a guy who will keep texting back and forth or not. It means she is probably interested, but also remember some girls test the waters with their friends to brush their egos. It can only mean one of those two. Why? Because a girl who has zero interest in anything does not text you at all, period.

[Asker]

Thanks, sorry I just wanted to reiterate that haha. I can see you're a successful guy man, and I appreciate an experienced guy's advice!

So my friend is testing me? I mean I kinda thought that at the back of my mind. But man oh man it hurts and it's just so... awkward lol. I mean she seems pretty interested and excited so I'm confused. She never did this before.

Actually seeing the texts might help, I can pm you if you have time and could help. For instance she always used to come online and text me when she lived abroad (as I was still typing), has been keen to tell me she's coming back, made it a point to visit me in the past when visiting family here. When she landed back home she texted me. She also kept asking me stuff about my work trip and when I'm back. Then when I got back she texted Hope I can see you soon lol.

It's just when I texted to say I'm welcoming her back, got ghosted, no explanation and she texted me a month later. Wtf given she never does that. Then

[Asker]

Then I jokingly referred to the lapse in a hopefully savvy way, she responded again, hardly apologising though and another long long text from her. I responded to her questions and then a week later she texts me again this time specifically asking about catching up on a certain date in jan. Then I respond, I can see she read it and once again blanked. This time though I didn't give a direct yes or no and simply stimulated more convo.

So I'm wondering wtf lol. I guess she could be testing. I haven't texted her again and figured I have to wait now. A girl here is saying to text her again, but I feel like the onus is on the girl now not me. I think having met a mutual cute friend last weekend helped me to not feel urgency to see her haha.

I agree she would not text me at all if not interested at all. But the sudden difference in response time is weird. I'd appreciate your advice on what to do. Or you looking at the texts. I kinda feel like I have to wait? And not call her out on it?

[Asker]

Thoughts

[Asker]

It's texting mate, not a dating app, so what is she doing

[Ephemera1]

I do this sometimes too. I open my phone thinking I'd be able to read and reply but get caught up not doing either. Then when I actually get the time I reply. If she left you on read she either got caught up or doesn't have something to say.

[Asker]

Unlikely though given she herself asked multiple questions, sends super long texts, then when I reply, does the bluetick thing and last seen updates on her end?

Read the description and what do u think

[Ephemera1]

I did read the description but I was confused on whether she reads it leaves it on read then replies later or just takes time to reply.

[Asker]

I thought is was pretty clear, but I'll clarify for you.

1. She reads the message and thus blue ticks it.
2. She then doesn't reply then.
3. She uses the app to text others and her last seen updates.
4. Time passes. You feel hurt.
5. She texts you later a long time after as if it's immediate.
6. Her messages are long, keen, ask questions demonstrating interest.
7 She is a friend.

[Asker]

Is that clear now

[Ephemera1]

Yeah its clear. Should've just made that list the description. Seems like she isn't wanting a discussion at the time you sent it so she read it to clear the notification then when she's ready she hits you with that paragraph which took time to write.

[Asker]

Yeah but that's super rude of her. Because she:
1. Didn't need to mark it read. To clear the notification you just unlock your phone. Or open the app but DO NOT open the specific chat.
2. It's rude because she's not truly busy.
3. It's rude because SHE HERSELF asked long questions and is leading you on.
4. I'm a friend?

[Ephemera1]

Let her know then. Be like "bitch da fuq is your issue treatin me like trash. Fuck u I ain't trash bitch" ykno something like that but nicer

[Ephemera1]

Oh and slap her face into the ground for dramatic effect pls

[Asker]

Lol made me laugh bro. Made me laugh.

It really hurts tbh. Someone here (a girl ironically) is saying to do the same to her. But it's f**king cruel man.

[Ephemera1]

Nah seriously just ask her why she does that.

[Asker]

Yeah but guess what'll happen if a guy calls out a girl on her bad behaviour. Same thing that the female anon who keeps spamming here is doing. They justify it as if they are in the right. And they label you the bad guy.

I did call her up my friend in a joking way once and she said sorry, but nothing else and continued the convo with a long text and asked me questions. I then replied and she did literally the same thing.

It's f**king stupid and inconsiderate. But I don't know what to do.

[Ephemera1]

Your interested in her right?

[Asker]

Yes. And she seems interested to see me and sending long replies, so I can't see that she is disinterested.

[Ephemera1]

Maybe she reads and replies later to show a lack of interest? Just my guess here

[Asker]

To show a lack of interest. I guess. But then what am I meant to do. Are u saying she is pretending or doesn't care. The trouble with her not actually being interested is the length and content of her replies. Part of me thinks she's insane lol.

It's driving me mad though. I mean now when she replies say after two days or more. Am I meant to reply on time, am I meant to bluetick her and be an asshole. Am I meant to just be me and reply right away when I'm free.

Lol.

[Ephemera1]

Just do you fam. Don't change your style for some hoe

[Asker]

Yeah I hear you bro. So if she responds, just respond promptly. But tbh I feel pretty irritated by this. Tbh I wonder if it's coincidental that she texts me shortly after I met another female friend she knows for supper?

[Ephemera1]

Could be. The world may never know.

[Asker]

Haha

[ManOnFire]

Sometimes it does happen. It can be an indication that she's not really that interested or something came up.

[Asker]

Yeah I hear that. I mean I always thought if jessica alba texted a guy, he wouldn't not reply. But then again, should that matter if you're friends (see description)?

As in if a girl initiates and sends a long reply indicating interest, is a friend, and demonstrates curiosity/interest in you in length of text, it doesn't make sense they suddenly go into radio silence mode and their last seen updates sigh?

[Tdieseler]

Ok, im not really big into that whole messaging thing but i DO have whatapp, but i dont use it much but i know about the blue tick.
Let me put it this way, sometimes people dont know what to say so they wait and think first, sometimes, they forget to reply. Another one (and i do this) is that people have lives and may be busy. I know I've sometimes seen a friend's text but because i am driving, i dont reply, and end up forgetting. Thats why I usually send a reminder if i haven't had a reply in a few hours. Don't sweat it, its only a messenger.

[Asker]

Yeah I'm talking about things like whatsapp.

Yeah I guess they can think, but then wtf why would the girl open the message. You can see it on your locked screen. Just leave it unread and don't forget. I receive dozens of messages from friends and girls, I reply to all of them (as I don't give my number to people I don't want to know). I don't bluetick people let alone her.

If you're driving you wouldn't bluetick the message unless you unlock your phone lol.

I mean it's weird as she is initiating messages and sending long long long replies. She's also a friend. And she's talking about meeting, she's never done this bluetick thing before in the years I've known her. Obviously I like her as more too so want to try and flirt more when i see her in person.

But it's insane, inconsiderate and hurtful for her to bluetick me and not reply for so long. What do u make of the descritpion?

[Asker]

Well?

[Tdieseler]

like you said, just unlocking your phone will blue tick it. doesn't mean she read it. key to all this (and other online forms or communication), the key is patience. i dont ever text/message anyone then wait by my phone. I send it, and i go do other shit. if they reply immediately... great, if not, I've got shit to do.

[Asker]

Nope. Only OPENING the app blue ticks. Unlocking your phone to use your phone for other things does NOT. Hell even opening the app and not the specific chat of that person won't bluetick it.

You have to physical swipe on their text unlocking your phone or else open the app and open THEIR text to bluetick it.

So if you read my description and what I'm telling you, it's unacceptable and rude behaviour. The receiver is at fault not the sender right?

[Tdieseler]

no one is at fault. like I said, all that is needed is patience.

[Asker]

Yeah but patience if her last seen updates?

Which means she is texting others and not replying to me till later. Which is rude, she's not that busy.

The only thing is she doesn't usually do this to me. But it's rude given she gives no explanation and mad given she sends super long texts with demonstrable keenness?

[Tdieseler]

if you can see she's texting others, then just wait your turn. And we are back to patience. Also you say she doesn't do this usually, so whats the problem? just chill.

[Asker]

Because it's so hurtful and rude of her bro. Not to mention , SHE is talking about meeting up and then acting weird now. I don't get it.

I also don't appreciate her blueticking me and not responding for days. That's just stupid. No one is that busy if they are texting others. I don't put her at the bottom of the queue.

[Tdieseler]

honestly dont believe there is a queue... but you sound like you are expecting to be prioritized.

[Asker]

No but it's obvious she read it and ignored. I don't do that to people. And other girls I have met including recently don't do it either.

You can simply read the message later, you don't have to read it as I already explained. Expecting someone to have common courtesy is not expecting too much lol. I can almost guarantee if I did this to her (if a guy did it to a girl), there'd be a huge hoohaa about how bad I was.

[Asker]

You have to read the description bro haha, I'm not the bad guy here lol

[Tdieseler]

Believe me dude, i read the whole thing, Including the updates.

[Asker]

Good I appreciate it! It's just I don't see what I can do other than wait.

But I don't see why she suddenly changed to this mode given she hasn't done that before. I've heard testing etc, I've heard some people here say call her up on it etc.

If I wait, I guess is best then. But wtf, how do you revert back to our original textual conversations/timing. And wtf is she playing at?

[Tdieseler]

well, other than waiting, (and i dont recommend this) but you can spam her lol... constant reminder. she will HAVE to reply then.

[Asker]

Haha I agree, probably won't go there. But is that what they want you to do? So twisted and messed up. I mean this is a friend as well, she initiated the conversation about meeting up. So I have no idea what to do when she asks a question, I respond and ask back and she blanks. Obviously not busy and obviously not right in the head?

So just wait then yeah?

It puts me off replying promptly to her though and I'm not gonna bluetick her back since it's just bad human behaviour?

[Tdieseler]

Sometimes thats what some people need. A taste of their own medicine.

[Asker]

I guess. It's just if I do that, do I lose the moral high ground and allow her to self justify doing it to me haha?

I mean if I bluetick her, do the same thing text others and text her days later? I really detest people who do it tbh and have always tried to maintain my standards lol?

[Tdieseler]

then you ask her how it feels...

[Asker]

Haha is getting antagonistic with a girl (a friend too) , does it work tho bro.

I mean tbh I don't do bad things like her, she's been a bad girl and I imagine being even naughtier with this innocent friend now lol.

But you think blueticking her back will help my cause since ultimately we wanna text and meet her right?

[Tdieseler]

You never know till you try.

[Asker]

Lol but then do we lose the moral high ground bro or in her mind does it then become acceptable to do it in future?

[Tdieseler]

Didn't know there was moral high ground on social media and messenger apps... i just know you send, and whenever you get a response is when you get one...

[Asker]

It's not social media though right? I mean viber, WhatsApp etc are essentially Texting? When you have read receipts as they do, then clearly it's the same etiquette as talking to someone face to face?

[Tdieseler]

Thats why i said messenger app. Its never the equivalent of talking to someone face to face, even Skype, FaceTime, and all the other shitty cam things are STILL not the equivalent of talking to someone face to face.
Wanna know why? And I've noticed this, people watch their words more when there is possibility of physical harm. so no... as long as you are using a device, its just messaging only.

[Asker]

I guess, but the thing is she always texted me really quick for a long long time and suddenly recently has started doing this

[Tdieseler]

those things fade... they always do... they burn out.

[Asker]

This lasted for years though lol. Only the last month she has done this. It's pretty inconsiderate of her and out of place?

[Tdieseler]

surprised it took years... it really takes shorter...

[Asker]

Well that must mean something then right? So obviously I'm not like other guys for her, but as to why she suddenly does it now I don't know. It's pretty rude. I noticed maybe it's coincidence but after I met another girl she knows (a friend) she texted me about meeting. Though it's been 2wks now since I replied to her. Honestly she never did this before, it's f**king irritating

[Tdieseler]

You need to get out of your feelings lol...

[Asker]

But it's so awkward of her to do this. It's also totally out of character compared to our usual dynamic.

I've already texted a mutual friend and met up just fine. Another girl texting me just fine went well. So I don't get this from a girl who I had a better rapport with

What am I meant to do lol

[Tdieseler]

Stop texting her.

[Asker]

She just replied tho

[Asker]

What about on xmas?

[Tdieseler]

any day you wanna stop, stop.

[Asker]

What?

I'm asking should I text her on Christmas first

I don't get why she's suddenly changed her habits of texting me instantly fast. In the mean time, i've met with three other girls including one mutual friend. Normally she'd text me on Christmas, or at least respond to me.

So this year given she hasn't replied (which is rude), should I? Isn't it bad if I don't text her on xmas?

[Tdieseler]

it isn't bad.

[Asker]

Are you sure man haha, I'd feel pretty bad to do that to her. Damn I thought it was harsh to do that to someone tbh

In this case, given she didn't really reply to my last text when I feel like it wasn't a closing thing on my part, should I text first?

Also can u help on this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2223684-how-to-ask-a-female-acquaintance-when-her-birthday-is-by-text-on-a

[Tdieseler]

i guess she stopped before you.

[Asker]

How did she stop lol. She asked me a question, thus I answered. I mean I feel it's a bit rude to just read my answer and not respond, given it was positive/exciting. Wtf, it's not acceptable.

Once again, answer my points, otherwise this is pointless..

[Tdieseler]

dont see any points...

[Asker]

The points on whether to text first on Christmas
Why she read and didn't reply
Why she's doing this so suddenly when she didn't before - obviously my texts are the same and must be good if other women are responding and meeting up with me
What to do to revert back to usual habits with her in her mind

How to have sex with her lol

[Tdieseler]

Probably senses that and probably doesn't wanna. you want to make her text you like before... make her miss you...
which goes back to me saying..."Stop Texting Her"...

[Asker]

Senses what?

Lol the first time round she is the one who mentioned hoping to see me
The second time again she asked about a specific time in the near future

If you were reading, I haven't texted her other than to reply to these messages, so how does that make her miss me lol?

[Tdieseler]

its not instant...

[Asker]

What does "Its not instant" mean?

[Tdieseler]

it means she won't miss you instantly. Again you are missing a very valuable characteristic here... PATIENCE!!! you lack it. and you lack it bad.

[Asker]

You seem to lack the ability to explain yourself clearly lol. What are you talking about?

It's been at least 3 weeks since I replied to her and no reply. So you're saying don't text her on Christmas and text other mutual friends. And that will work in my favor given she proposed to meet up in january?

[Asker]

Well? Do you understand?

[Asker]

Lol do you actually know the answer and read what I wrote? It sounds like you didn't get it lol, you do realize I didn't send another text after having replied nearly 3 wks ago

[Tdieseler]

thats fine... im still saying wait.

[Asker]

Yeah so what was all that you were saying about sensing something?

Can you just answer the points or write your answer out, I can't understand what you're saying lol.

I already waited 3 weeks, but you're actually suggesting I text other friends and NOT this female friend?

HOW THE F**K is the going to help my cause, I'll look like a bad person surely?

[Asker]

On Christmas Day I mean (AS I ALREADY ASKED EARLIER?)

[Tdieseler]

if you are so concerned with looks then text her dude... dont make this more complicated than it is. Ask your self what you wanna do... then do it.

[Asker]

Concerned with looks? No I'm merely folllowing polite social etiquette. Another girl was flakey on responding, I deleted the attention seeker. I do not give them the honour of being my friend

But this girl has suddenly become dodgy. She's had 2 strikes now. Last one. But she should have responded to my text. I just don't want to allow her to get away with it by texting her. Trouble is it's Christmas, and I'm a decent human being, so I was gonna text her ALTHOUGH I believe SHE should text me first. But she seems to lack basic manners (or lost them in the course of 2 weeks after 4 years of good ones lol)?

[Akari]

I don't leave people on read, me liking them or not, it's something I'd hate if someone did it to me

[Asker]

Thank you. I hear you and yes I feel pretty hurt tbh by a female friend doing it to me all of a sudden (she didn't do it before). What do you make of the description?

[Asker]

I agree, what do u think?

[Asker]

Thanks, you seem to get it akari. Politeness is not asking for too much right

[Akari]

Oh shit, I'm sorry, every time I typed my answer I got busy with something else, I'm so fucking sorry

[Akari]

Honestly, if someone leaves me on read for long amounts of hours I stop the communication altogether

[Asker]

The important thing is you answered now and hopefully can advise?

Yes I hear you on that, it's very rude when they read and don't reply. It's just that do you see my point that this is a friend who never did this before and suddenly has started to ghost and delay? Yet still sends super long texts?

She's done it again and I'm totally unsure what to do?

[Akari]

Tell her how you feel about what she's doing to you.
I'd say for you to ignore her, but it's obvious you care about her to do that. Confront her

[Asker]

I know, the trouble is I do really care about her, always have and now she's single and moved back here. It's hard to explain but she really has been affectionate/excited when it comes to me (either in person or texting). What I don't get is that she has been excited about meeting/seeing me, always tended to reply instaneously (i. e. she opens WhatsApp and replies faster than I can type!).

She kinda led me on about meeting and then when I suggested, ghosted me for a month (despite using the app). I didn't really buy the busy thing. I was kind about it and jokingly said where did she go. Either way about a week later, she texted me about meeting again this time with some specific date some time in the future. But once again, my reply to her has been blanked?

I can't see how to confront her without seeming needy etc. I mean I don't think it's my texting since:
1. She loved it and always replied super fast.
2. I texted and met a mutual female friend and met up.
3. Other girls text me.

[Asker]

I feel unsure what to do other than wait?

[Akari]

call her, call her and ask how's she doing, what's she up to and pay attention to her answers, if you notice some distance during the communication you'll know the answer to your quest... I think

[Asker]

I kinda see your point. Trouble is the established contact between us over the time we've known each other has been texting, maybe whtspp and face to face meeting up.

I feel awkward to call her given we haven't done that before. I'm trying not to text again etc to look needy but it's so hard given she never did this before. And on top of that her responses/texts are still super long with lots of questions. Still seems relatively keen (I mean still asking about meeting up right?).

It's just she was even more excited before obviously when she responded or texted really fast. I don't get it. It's so awkward because of what she is doing?

[Akari]

ohh! :/

[Akari]

That's quite complicated

[Asker]

I know right? She's a friend sigh. I can show you the latest texts, (though they have to be taken in the context of a girl who is usually very excited and likes me/admires/thinks of me highly).

I feel quite sad. I mean I'm confident etc, but man oh man it hurts this ghosting.

I guess I have to wait, it makes me feel helpless tho

[Akari]

I feel your pain dude, I'm so sorry! I hope it'll get better, and try to distract your mind, it seems to revolve around that issue

[Asker]

Yeah I know, it's because I care a lot about this person and tbh I felt like she always has and suddenly out of nowhere this. Yet the mixed message of still sending long texts. It makes no sense whatsoever.

You can understand though that it's hard not to think about when it's a cute friend who I do fancy/like that way, but also a friend who I feel like I lost almost cos of this?

I mean I just wonder what to do from an attraction/flirting stand point? Worried if it comes to Christmas too. Trying to be seen romantically and as special also sigh?

[Akari]

Ohhh I see I see...
I don't know what to say to help tho :( because if it were me the person would be long forgotten, I hate playing games

[Asker]

So do I! you seem like a genuine person. I also don't like games. I mean I literally texted and met a mutual friend in the interim, so I think I must be a smooth guy haha?

What I don't get is why she is doing it at all let alone suddenly? Or what I am meant to do now, I really feel like I just lost a sweet and cute friend (who I kinda fancy too)? It's so awkward what she's done? And if I text again it'll only make me look needy given I already asked her a question back as well?

[Asker]

She just texted me excitedly but no explanation of what happened kol

[Akari]

Hahhaha, maybe that's the way she is

[Asker]

I know but she never used to take this long with me. Makes me wonder if she's gone mad and how fast I should respond? Or what to say

[Akari]

just be you, don't overthink about stuff to respond or timing, be you

[Asker]

Good point tbh I normally reply as so as I'm free

Just wanna know how to ask to meet solo versus in a group?

[Akari]

if you're asking for advice on how to ask her out, I don't know :/ I suck suck suck at that

[Asker]

Haha ok, it's just I'm trying to be firm/make it clear I want to see "her" and not her amongst others? Tbh I don't really go to these things to see them, I barely know them anyhow.

[Akari]

Hahahhahhaha I see

[Asker]

It's just at least for a meal I kinda wanna just it to be her and me? Any after activity I guess others, but you see my point?

I'm just unsure/not that experienced in asking this of a friend that she understands what I mean? What's a smooth way to do it?

[Asker]

I texted her, we'll see what happens, I see yet again she has read it, no response yet (it's been a day)

[Akari]

ohh my friend, you have a lot of patient

[Asker]

Haha tbh I don't agree with what she's doing. Like I said:
- she never did this before, she'd text me within minutes, if not immediately open WhatsApp and start a long convo with me
- at most, she'd never bluetick and reply within a day

I don't get what she is doing and yet her response seems still excited/keen?

I mean it's just that I like her and always saw her as a sweet friend. Anyone else (there have been one or two flaky girls who did this), I deleted as it's not friendly.

I feel sad though, it makes very little sense to me as I never do it to people

[Akari]

if you feel that way, keep talking to her.
But you'll never know the answer if you don't ask at some point why's she being like that.

[Asker]

I know, it's just by asking somehow I'll get labelled the bad guy or being needy lol!

I don't get why she's doing it. I mean I replied with what I think is a pretty good response, maybe could have been tweaked to be perfect, but yet again she has done the same thing (7 days so far). It's insane hah!

[Asker]

I really don't know what to do tbh and am worried about texting first on Christmas. Normally I wouldn't worry at all. I mean I've never had an Christmas where one of us wouldn't text the other. So it's gonna be awkward for me.

I dunno what do u think about Christmas, wait or what?

[chigurl33]

I wouldn't bluetick unless I can reply but she just might not want to talk to you or she's busy or a load of other things that might or might not be true.

If it bothers you, talk to her. But it does happen.

[Asker]

Yeah but she didn't do it before. She is suddenly doing it yet sending long replies. Trying to meet etc.

No one can be that busy, come off it. Last seen continues to update and she's a friend.

I do what you do as well. I don't get why she or others don't.

[BeautifulPromisesx]

Lol man this always happens to me. People get pissed at me and it's like honestly it's not a big deal. Sometimes you look at a message and you can't reply right away, esp when ur a girl and ur watching YouTube vids like halloooo lemme enjoy my beauty vids in peace tyvm.

[Asker]

Haha I kinda get what you want. But the thing is, you and I don't read and bluetick a message till we're gonna respond. You can easily "read" it on your notification screen and avoid hurting the person's feelings can't you.

Yeah I get you might be doing something. But in this case, clearly the girl is using the app to text others if her last seen updates. So you can't be busy. Even if you were just opening it constantly, why not respond as soon as you are actually free?

[BeautifulPromisesx]

Lol no I will literally ignore people sometimes for days. But the ones I'm truly interested in I'll get back to for sure within 24hrs.😂

[Asker]

But you see my point, you've just demonstrated it. That's what I would think too. I mean personally if I like them, I'd get back within a solid 1 hr. Everyone else would get a response with the day though. Because you have time to text everyone at the end of the day.

But it seems super super rude and weird to bluetick the person and not respond for so long?

On top of that to ask the person questions, long reply to them and then go awol all of a sudden whilst last seen updates giving the game away?

Did you read my description lol, because it sounds like you didn't

[Asker]

What do u think about my description

[Asker]

Did u read it lol

[Asker]

Yep you didn't I guess, then why respond to my question lol. It's not about what you're talking about.

[RJGraveyTrain]

For me PERSONALLY:

Never used dating apps, but texting apps? I am extremely busy and busy minded. I will read a message with the intention of replying, start doing something else and forget. I also have a bad habit of laying in bed, texting, and falling asleep on people. It's rarely personal.

[Asker]

Hi, yes I agree on dating apps. Yeah I'm referring to texting apps like whatsapp, viber iMessage etc. Does that make sense?

I mean I get people are busy, so are guys and other female friends of mine. But I can't see how you're busy if your last seen updates right?

I mean it's just that it feels hurtful given it's a friend who is doing this. And she herself initiated the interaction about meeting up. She asks questions, sends long texts (demonstrating affection or interest right)?

Yet blue ticked me. And it's not like she always did this. Over the years of knowing her, it's only recently and it makes no sense. So awkward and a bit rude?

What do u make of the description

[RJGraveyTrain]

Yes it does.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Affection or interest? Not necessarily. Interest on the level of friendship could very well be there yes but determining that from text alone is hard.

Honestly it might have nothing to do with you, if you are concerned though... why not ask?

[Asker]

Well I mean I know this girl in person (friend from uni) so there is definitely an affection/rapport there. Sorry I should have mentioned that!

But also by text, even when she worked abroad for a time, she used to literally come online whatsapp as I was typing my response to her even when it was like 1am her time. She texted me pretty excitedly.

Now it's still long texts, but I kinda feel like she keeps leading me on about meeting up and is crazily then blanking. The latest is her actually asking me if I want to catchup if free, to which I responded (I also responded to the rest of her long text). She's read it, but no response yet?

It might not have anything to do with me. I mean I texted a mutual friend, it went smoothly, we met up. So it can't be my texting, given I use the same style. And the girl did always text me fast before. So it feels weird.

I feel like it's awkward to ask and I'll be labeled a bad guy lol

[Asker]

I don't even get the blueticking behaviour. I don't do that to people, let alone her (whom I fancy/like a lot)?

[RJGraveyTrain]

You're not a bad guy for needing clarification, you'd be worse off assuming she was having negative intentions if you aren't exactly clear. It could be something so simple and absolutely not related to you. Just be chill about it when you ask.

[Asker]

I know I guess so right. I mean I genuinely like her a lot as a person. I did since the day we met. And I guess she liked me too given we stayed in touch and she made it a point to see me when she visited. She moved back here now and she is now single. So I would like to try and flirt more now that I can? She's a sweet person and really fun.

It's just she always has been super affectionate and never texted me like this before - always prompt (i. e. either immediate or at most a day later, but she wouldn't have blue ticked me having not read it).

And she is the one who has been keen to see me etc. I mean on the first occasion she was asking me when I was back from a work trip. Interest? Then when I was back she asked about seeing me soon, I texted, and she blanked me for a month?

I did actually jokingly ask her where did she go without being angry (even though it massively hurt), and convo continued. Then a week later she asks me if I'm free to catchup

[Asker]

and when I reply, she's blue ticked me again and it's been 4 days. This time she definitely asked me about meeting (albeit at a later specified date). So I don't get it? Literally we've never had such spaced out texting which feels like a telegram haha?

I feel lost, I'm just being genuinely decent here and feel taken for granted sigh. I didn't have this problem with the other mutual female friend, so I'm not sure what to make of it?

[RJGraveyTrain]

Honestly the girl is hard to read. Sounds like she could be totally into you but might have some reservations. To be frank though, I think it's time you just put it out there. Tell her you like her and you wanna know what's going on with her ghosting on you. That's not cool.

[Asker]

Yes tell me about it! I mean if YOU are finding it hard to read, imagine ME haha :-D

This is the thing, I mean it's confusing as she (has always) sent me long excited texts, asks questions and seems very keen to see me. Yet then does this slightly flaky thing of blueticking etc. I do like her a lot sure. It's just I figured such reveals of feels might be best saved for that first time reunion in person (she just moved back to this country) when I see her.

I do concur though that the on and off ghosting is inconsiderate of her and man oh man it hurts. Honestly it's like being kicked in the.. well you know what. Being slapped, make sense? I actually feel like I just got hit by a bus.

I feel bad to do the same thing to her as someone else suggested. It feels so "cruel" doesn't it? And calling her up on it again (I already joked about it last time) or saying something and I fear somehow despite not doing anything wrong that I know of, I'll end up being labelled the bad guy here

[Asker]

I met up with a mutual friend and texted her smoothly, so I think I'm doing well text wise lol.

I mean it'd be great if you could read the texts, I can provide context (if you have time), but otherwise I really feel lost as to what to do except wait for her response?

[RJGraveyTrain]

Don't wait for a response dude and honestly I likely couldn't decipher the messages, that ain't my specialty. Time to just be upfront. Just message her, ask her what's going on bluntly.

[Asker]

Haha I like your style, it's just I hear various things on this site included, let alone pua stuff, internet advice, tv etc that guys who do that get labelled desperate and don't get the girl.

Sigh. I mean I do like her as a friend and more than a friend. It worries me to suddenly say/shout at her like "Why are you not responding to me lol and then when you do, you barely apologise unless prompted to and then hardly answer what I wrote? Especially when you are the one who just asked whether I'm free to catch up?"

I feel a bit lost tbh. It hurts like hell to be ghosted. But I dunno if texting her again (the dreaded double text) is the solution. I mean I wanna meet her 1on 1 as well when we catchup, so I stimulated some conversation in response to her recent text and she hasn't answered. She obviously saw it (blue ticked).

Haha I wouldn't mind your thoughts on the texts. I can give you a context and then message you the texts if you think it'll help

[RJGraveyTrain]

Buddy, you are seriously overthinking and over complicating this.

She is your friend, is she not? You've known each other for years. She's not some broad who will adhere to dumb ass texting rules and get all turned off if you double text and ask her straight up what's going on. She cares about you. She might be a bit upset that she bothered you, but if she is TRULY your friend she'll have no problem explaining herself to you.

[Asker]

Haha I guess I am but you know when you like a girl (or guy) it happens right? :-D

She is my friend correct. But though it's been 6 years, we haven't seen each other everyday the whole time. The first year was uni and she had a boyfriend. She definitely clicked and admired me. Made it a point to keep in touch and there was a sweetness there. Second year occasional meetup after graduation which we enjoyed. She then emigrated for 3 years with her boyfriend. When she visited met up with me and a few others (always making it a point to invite me). Then last year met up alone after she met others (I found out she was single) when she visited here. Now this year she moved back to my country and a catchup is due. Which is what she hints at lol.

But I'm worried if I say something it'll make me look less in her eyes when I read all this dating advice lol. I know I'm not a random guy nor is she a random girl. I think the world of her tbh and see her as someone for life as a friend at least. But I do...

[RJGraveyTrain]

If she cares about you, she won't think less of you. Stop being so scared dude, opportunities fly by when you sit on your ass and refuse to act.

[Asker]

concur, there is some affection there and I do think she cares about me. I certainly care about her and hope she knows that. I would have thought that obvious from when I text her on her bday, when she goes on a trip etc. But yes she should explain if she TRULY is a friend I agree!

I mean I already kinda jokingly called her up on it (seeing my text might make this easier) and she didn't really explain it other than a meak sorry and saying she was busy and enjoying work. But I did think busy, yet you used whatsapp to text others? And she didn't address my text about welcoming her back which made me sad. Yet she texted again on Monday to ask about meeting up and after replying yet again no response?

I'm so confused RJ. I don't know how to say it again other than shouting at her lol. The texts might provide context, but ultimately I'm fu**ing confused?

[Asker]

I know but I can't text her if I asked her a question already can I? If I text again, how is that going to help my cause? Do you wanna see the recent texts?

[RJGraveyTrain]

Yes, you can. Why can't you?

[Asker]

I keep hearing about "tests" etc that some women do. I didn't think my sweet lovely friend would though especially since she hasn't done that to me before. But I feel like it's awkward if I text her again. I obviously like her and am keen, so I don't get given she does text long and excited stuff, what's taking so damned long to text me back given she used whatsapp just a moment ago lol and it's been 4 days since she read my response?

She herself asked me about meeting so I feel like I'll look desperate or that somehow I'll look angry or she'll somehow justify it sigh.

I feel sad and lost at this point, I'm a pretty confident guy and like I said I texted others and don't seem to have a problem. Even if we go back in time a month ago, I texted the same girl and she was enthusiastically responding faster than I could type!

I feel like I'll look like an angry teacher if I send another text to call her out on it? Or I'll look lower value?

[RJGraveyTrain]

Maybe I'm just not like other girls but I don't put people I care about through these weird tests dudes are always bringing up. I'm not saying girls don't, I'm saying I can't comprehend it and give you advice based on that other than totally disregard and and not feed into it because it's bull.

Honestly, if you insist then, don't do anything. Sit around and wait but I can't offer you any more advice if that's the case.

[Asker]

Look I hear you. I am like you. I don't put any girl through such tests. Let alone girls and friends I care about. I don't actually bluetick. If I'm free, I open my phone, read the message and reply then and there. Otherwise I wouldn't bluetick you in the first place if I'm otherwise occupied.

I can't comprehend it either which is why I'm asking for help haha!

I mean it's just I kinda did ask her about it (indirectly trying not to sound as irritated/angry as I was) and she didn't really provide a solid answer in my view. And she just did it again which is strike two in my opinion (I believe that's an American analogy? sorry I'm british)

It's just I don't know how to ask this again haha. I wouldn't mind running through her texts with you if you are able to, might help provide context or suggest what to do next. Part of me wants to call her up on it, but then I fear that she doesn't seem very emotionally strong. Waiting though, good?

Thoughts and discuss texts?

[RJGraveyTrain]

Dude I don't know why you're pushing me to read these texts, it isn't going to change anything realistically. I can't decipher her behavior from text alone, you provided enough context for me to come to the conclusion that the only logical thing to do is be upfront. I don't know what you think you'll gain by me reading page upon page of text messages.

[Asker]

I'm not trying to push, sorry if that came across like that. I feel a bit frustrated and just thought a female opinion on them might help. It's hard to explain it otherwise, just easier to paste it for you to read and advise me what to say lol.

I mean she is a friend, she seems interested/enthusiastic, but then suddenly personality shift and I'm dealing with someone who is no longer sweet and I'm thinking wtf?

I sent her a reply to her recent text and I don't get how she read it and no response for days. Sigh her last seen was just a few minutes ago as well. It's irritating, but I feel like if I call her up on it, I'll look silly or not be able to meet her alone or it'll sour the friendship?

It's hard for me to grasp as I don't do this to anyone, let alone girls I am friends with or like?

[Asker]

Just wait yeah

[Asker]

I mean she did text back, to which I responded and yet it happened again lol. I'm slightly unsure what to make of it. If it wasn't serious, it'd be funny, but it's hurtful. I mean her profile pic suggests she is on holiday lol. Last seen updates.

I mean she never did this before, only very very recently. And obviously her responses suggest she is keen to see me. She normally is super fast and very long. Now it's long, but spaced out and blueticking me. I mean in the mean time i texted other female friends/women and met up with some, no of them blue ticked me. This girl didn't do this before and it's out of character for her and I.

I mean I'm now nervous whether to text her on Christmas first? Or wait?

[kcay88]

as a girl, I could think of three reasons. Either she likes you and she doesn't know how to respond and she's texting her friends "how tf do I respond?" Another reason is that she may not like you and she feels like she's leading you on, and the last is that she DID like you and she doesn't anymore and she (again) is asking other people for advice or doesn't know what to do.. those are my thoughts.

[Asker]

Thanks, firstly I must thank you for actually taking the time to read the description unlike many others here! :-D

I appreciate your viewpoint especially as you are a girl. I mean as a confident guy, it really hurts, it's like being kicked in the nuts or slapped out of nowhere. Or kinda like we're at a party, she is so excited and asks me a question, I answer and she still smiling at me walks to the other end of the room and talks to others, comes back later and continues like normal?

Right to your points:
1. If she liked me and is texting others haha, is that good? But it feels so weird. I mean she can't be that busy if her last seen updates right?
2. May not like - yeah I guess. But at the end of the day we are still friends and she's been (see description) leading me on/suggesting we meet, so I don't get it when she initiates that, sends super long excited texts and then blanks me for a while?
3. She did like and changed - I mean she wasn't single before and now is. But there's

[Asker]

always kinda been an affection there so I don't get it. I mean again, she's initiated the idea of meeting up, so I feel lost as to what is going on. Also she always used to reply pretty swiftly so I don't get it and it makes me nervous to be the same guy and reply like normal/promptly and with enthusiasm given this texting habit she has taken up and given I think she's really lovely?

[kcay88]

then she might be texting others for advice. that's my opinion though

[Asker]

So you think there is affection there yeah. But would it take that long? I mean ok like I said, normally she texts back within minutes, seconds, at most a few hours, but never blue ticked me. She reads and responds at the same time.

Suddenly she read and took a month, then didn't respond directly to what I said (having led me on about meeting up). Then a day to respond to my text back to her. Then a week. This is out of character. Now I responded, and it's been 48hrs so far. Like I said her last seen updates. And she seems super keen/long texts? It's unfriendly isn't it?

[kcay88]

Yeah that seems weird, maybe she's super busy... it is holiday season... I'm not sure I'd never do that to a guy I liked.

[Asker]

That's the thing yeah I agree. I mean firstly she could be busy, but then her last seen is updating. Also tbh my life is very very busy and I still reply to people. To put it into context, I just caught up with another female friend (who also knows her) who is also busy, and she always read and responded to my texts promptly without blueticking me. We texted, we met, we ate, we had a good time.

As for "never doing it to a guy I liked", that's what partly worries me. I mean tbh I don't do it to anyone, but I'd never do it to a girl/friend I like a lot. I like her a lot, I always have. Tbh she's always been super fast to respond and always very excited in texts/long. They are still fairly long, but kinda all over the place in addressing things and in the last month (over 4 years of knowing her) she's blueticking me?

I mean she's single, so it's surely fine to meet me and text me just like before?

It seems weird and hurtful?

[kcay88]

I'm unsure at this point. ask her why she's been avoiding you lately, maybe that'll give you an answer. I hate to say it but she might've just been playing with you or something. there are some weird girls out there and their motives... I don't know. they make us good ones look bad. not saying she is, just saying I have no idea what she's doing.

[Asker]

Haha I know but the problem with calling her up on it, is somehow I just know that I end up as the bad guy then. I mean look I've been really busy with all sorts of problems, but I have responded on time. I certainly do not read her text officially blueticking it and openly text others whilst I wait to text her back. To me that's like that party analogy I mentioned earlier.

I agree on some people sadly are weird with manners. I mean a mutual friend, whom I met didn't do this. She was far more flowing and it was polite and we met up.

Yeah I have no idea either haha!

It's just how do I meet her when she keeps suggesting/hinting or even lately saying am I free to do so when she doesn't then respond to my response to her? It's pretty sad and hurtful that she doesn't realize or think it's shameful to do this?

I like her a lot, so I dunno how to meet up and show affection when the texting has gone from instant messaging to snail mail?

[kcay88]

Yeah I just have no idea but sometimes to get what you want you have to be the bad guy. not necessarily all the time, but sometimes

[Asker]

Haha look I mean I am genuinely being nice and a genuine guy. I'm confident, etc and I think she loved that about me even when we first met (and she wasn't single) way back when we hit it off and stayed in touch at uni and after.

It's just I find it to be cruel if I bluetick her back. Would that really make her stop it and text me like before? Or would it then make it normal to do this and I lose the moral high ground and respect for myself?

When you say being the bad person, how to stop this nonsense? Because it irritates me a lot and it's driving me crazy. I genuinely like her, I thought the world of her and actually even got her a welcome home present. I just want to meet her alone at some point to see her now she's back, and she's doing these crazy mind games?

[kcay88]

I'm not an expert, maybe just ask her to meet up like say "haven't talked to you in a while"

[Asker]

Haha you are doing well though, I'd appreciate your views. I mean I could do, but I kinda feel like I have to wait for her to respond now? Don't I appear desperate etc if I ask her what you're suggesting?

I feel like I can't win lol and I haven't done anything wrong, it's on her?

I mean like I said I did actually get in touch when she got back (she texted me on landing is that good?) and I returned from a work trip. And she responded positively, it's just the following month and a half has been a nightmare in terms of her blueticking me. She's never done that in the 4yrs of knowing her?

[kcay88]

on landing?

[Asker]

She had emigrated, and was abroad and moved back here. Make sense?

Thoughts?

[kcay88]

Oh. so when did she text you she landed?

[Asker]

I mean she texted me as soon as she landed. Is that good?

I went for a work trip. Got back. Texted her after I got over jet lag. I texted her about a month and a half ago. I mean she kept saying when am I back from a trip. Then another time she hopes to see me soon and I responded to suggest I welcome her back. I asked her for her schedule. She read it and didn't reply for ages (a month) and then texted as if it's normal to ask me how I am later. Her last seen obviously updated in the interim. That really hurt. No explanation. I made a joke of it, and asked her how's life etc. She then said sorry, texted me a super long text about her life.

Normally she always texted me (whether she lived her or abroad) super super fast. As in she opens whatsapp as I'm still typing my response?

[Asker]

After that , to my next response, no reply. This is unusual for her like I said, she normally texts me as I reply and is super affectionate. Though her replies are still long. Then a week later she texts me out of the blue to ask me about meeting early next year (?) do I want to catchup if I'm free. At that point, I replied in the evening after work to continue the conversation (she asked me another question too). So far read and no response?

So I feel lost and hurt?

[kcay88]

yeah

[kcay88]

but how long ago?

[Asker]

What do u think? I mean I thought she's always been super affectionate, great rapport, always sends excited long texts. And she wanted to see me again. I get people are busy, so am I, but blueticking wow that hurts.

Thoughts?

by the way I may be offline soon, my internet is dodgy atm, but I will reply when I'm back possibly tmrow!

What do u think?

[kcay88]

how long ago is this though?

[Asker]

Before I go, when you say "how long ago", the landing text was sometimes late sept. I responded shortly afterward. There were text exchanges whilst I was on a work trip abroad over the next 3 weeks. Then when I got back I texted her, responded in 2 days, which is weird for her. Then excited response from her, so I figured text back and suggest to meet (since she said she hopes to see me soon). Got blanked for a month. Then as above.

The latest text was her on Monday, I texted her back the next day (given she took a week to get back) and I haven't heard back from her 48hrs later.

[Asker]

How long ago is what? I just explained did I not?

[Asker]

I await your thoughts!

[kcay88]

I think you got my message after you responded. but I don't know what to tell you I think I've helped as much as I can. I don't know why she hasn't texted you.

[Asker]

I think you responded just before I responded haha.

Could you read what I just sent you in the last 2 messages? It explains it and hope you can help?

[Asker]

Pls any thoughts given I just typed out the information for you?

[Asker]

PLEASE HELP? I just posted a response to you

[Anonymous]

Depends, tbh. Sometimes, I actually don't have time to respond and just read it, it happens. Or I don't think it's that interesting to reply immediately but I sometimes do that to make a guy realize that I'm in fact ignoring him and am not interested in texting him at the moment (only if they get bitchy when I tell them I don't want to teyt rn though, otherwise I'll just tell them that I don't really want to).

[Asker]

Well maybe, BUT if you don't have time to respond to a friend, why are you texting others then?

Not thinking it's interesting. Seems pretty rude though to show them you read it and I'm not replying to you lol? Just leave it unread and text later.

Also if YOU initiated the convo, it's massively insulting to do that when they respond.

Please READ the description. We're talking about friends, not random guys at a bar.

What do u think about the DESCRIPTION

[Opinion Owner]

I was talking about friends. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to a certain friend, read the text and ignore them. It's rude but since it doesn't happen too often, none of my friends ever minded that and with me and my friends, it's pretty common that one person just stops responding at one point during the conversation because they don't want to talk anymore, even if they initiated it. If it's really bothering that much, tell your friend, they're probably not really aware that you don' t like it.

[Asker]

But the problem with that is, in this case (SEE DESCRIPTION), you'd have initiated a convo with a friend. You'd have sent him long text and asked him questions demonstrating you care/are keen/have interest in texting him or meeting up.

So it seems bizarre and very rude to say the least to openly bluetick a message instead of leaving it unread and replying later?

It's not really a justification to say you're busy if you text others. And you don't just drop out of conversation if you just asked them a question. A simple message to end it and acknowledge is better. Imagine if a guy friend did that to you?

What do you think about MY CASE in the description?

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly, I feel like you're overthinking. I've been left on read for hours and if I feel like I did something wrong, I just ask if I did something and the answer always has been no.
She probably was really interested in reading your reply, read it and couldn't answer immediately, forgot until a few hours later. Most likely, there's nothing to worry about and she's not even thinking about it while you're going crazy.

[Asker]

Yeah but in my case, it's obviously not been left on. Your phone will not remain unlocked for hours for a whole day. Please read my description, we're trying to talk about my problem and my girl?

I'm not accusing you lol. I'm asking about this girl who is a friend.

Well yeah I'm going crazy because it really really hurts. I wouldn't do that to anyone, not you, not her not anyone. It's akin to talking to someone you like at a party, asking them questions and laughing. Then you ask them something. You stand there, listen to their response. (BLUE TICKED). In front of them, you don't say anything, you walk over to the other end of the room and in full view start talking to others. A while later you come back and continue as if it's normal?

I dunno what to do, as I feel pretty hurt and she's keen to meet/texting long replies, but the flow is gone. She used to text long and fast earlier so I'm so confused?

[Opinion Owner]

The problem is, texting isn't talking face to face. You don't really feel pressured to immediately reply, so you forget or just reply late because you're not really feeling it right now. If she's a friend and it bothers you, tell her, she'll probably realize it's a problem for you and change it. But you can't expect that someone is always paying attention to you, especially over texts. There's a lot to do during the day and personally, if I'm busy, I put longer/important conversations off during the day until I can respond properly. Plus, she's apparently still interested in talking to you, so why are you worrying? Just because someone doesn't reply for a while, doesn't automatically mean they want to be mean to you.

[Asker]

Yeah but then surely just leave the message unread in whatsapp and read it later?

Given she initiated the text and the suggested meetup, how is it then polite to then read my reply (and display she has via blueticking), then proceed to text others and not reply to what I said? It's pretty inconsiderate to do that to someone. Obviously she sends long messages and asks questions, so it shows interest, but frankly it seems crazy and hurtful?

I wouldn't do it to her or you, so I don't get it. It does bother me, but I fancy her and fear calling her up on it. But she never used to do this, only very very recently. But she obviously can't be busy given the last seen updating.

I'm super super busy, but I reply to everyone within the day at most. You can't be that busy not to selectively not text friends right?

Because it makes me nervous whether to reply promptly or whether she is interested or not/being genuine?

[Opinion Owner]

At this point, I can't help you anymore. Everything seems fine for me, for a friendship, so I don't know why you're freaking out. Are you interested in her as more than friends? Is that why it's bothering you so much?
No matter what's freaking you out, frankly, I think you're old enough to just talk to her about it. Playing games when something is bothering you about your friends, is really damn childish.

[Asker]

I'm sorry, but you really think it is fine? "FOR A FRIENDSHIP?" How is it FRIENDLY?

Well look, ok I admit I like her a lot, yeah fancy her as more than a friend yes. But even if we were just friends, it's incredibly hurtful to bluetick someone, text others back (her last seen updates) and then not reply to me for ages. Given SHE herself is initiating the talk about meeting up?

And in addition, this has never really happened in all the years of knowing her. I really thought the world of her, I like her a lot as a person, sure she's cute, but I thought of her as someone truly special. It's like being slapped in the face. Or you talk to someone at a party who is super excited and gives long replies. They ask you a question. You respond. They walk off in full view of you, talk to the other people around the room and then walk back and resume the conversation?

It's so unfriendly. And makes no sense given what she's talking about to me? I'm not playing games, she is right?

[Asker]

No what is childish is not responding to someone who is a friend. That's pathetic. If you think that's normal, you've got a problem

[chaptersix]

read receipts are a fucking nightmare!

[Asker]

Yep, what do u think of the description?

[chaptersix]

Anytime I see someone has read a message and hasn't responded and it's been an hour+ I get a little tickoff. at least give me some kind of indication that your busy etc. That being said I dont regularly use apps that have read receipts.

[Asker]

YEP I agree on that. It's not hard to let someone know. And obviously they aren't busy if they keep texting others and their last seen updates. The hilarious thing is that women then get infuriated when a guy takes time to text back.

It applies both ways. It is rude both ways.

My description and this girl, what do u think?

[chaptersix]

I'm new to the app and I can't seem to get back to the original post. of what I remember I would think she's inconsiderate but I would want to say something to her about it. Don't know how I would do that without launching a whole conversation about jealousy and/or were the relationship stands

[Asker]

Yeah but even as a friend, she's been a bit rude. It's unlike her, never done this to me before, and she seems to not think it's rude?

[chaptersix]

I would avoid looking at her activity. If you can't on the current app, switch to one that you can. out of sight out of mind.

[chaptersix]

I'm a bit guilty of reading something and responding later but because I don't have read receipts on, no one can tell if I've read it or not so they assume I'm busy. I rarely get called out on it but when I do it's because I forgot to respond and I apologize for it.

[Asker]

Yeah I see your point. See yours is different. Because you are not openly reading it (giving a read receipt or bluetick) and thus you are not signalling to someone that you are ignoring them/not replying.

But I mean it's not my problem if this girl's manners have suddenly (she has never done this in the years I've known her) changed to that of a bad person right?

It's just it truly hurts tbh. Someone here suggested I do it back to her, but I find it so cruel, it's like slapping her in the face?

I mean it's one thing to not reply to anyone and being busy. That would be acceptable. What is incredibly rude is the fact she is using whatsapp/viber to text back others and not me her friend whom she herself just asked a question about meeting up?

[Anonymous]

This is why I turn my blue ticks off. People act like this.

[Asker]

I know, but you shouldn't have to right? It's super rude of them. I note even friends do this. And it's inconsiderate. I don't do that to them or anyone tbh.

[Asker]

The bluetick wouldn't matter, if last seen is still there or you see the person is online and hasn't responded. It means they aren't really that "busy" are they

What do u make of my description though, please read it first as I said haha. See a girl often texts keen long replies, yet does the bluetick thing?

[Opinion Owner]

They're busy maybe. Especially when you know there's somebody you talk to who it's always a bigger conversation and it's long messages, don't have time for it sometimes and need to do stuff so you message them later.

[Asker]

But they can't be busy! By virtue of the fact, they use the app to text others?

I get you might wanna have a long convo. So then why not just not bluetick them. Leave the message unread and then you won't forget to respond later or hurt their feelings?

[Opinion Owner]

They might be sending important messages, or just do what I do sometimes and accidentally leave WhatsApp open so everybody thinks you're online and ignoring them lol.

[Asker]

Firstly if you left the app open, you're phone would exit it automatically by locking itself. So can't be that.

Secondly, if you send "important messages", what does that mean lol? I mean we're talking about a considerable delay. No one can be that busy to not reply to a friend (see description like I said before).

I mean why would you read the message if you're not going to reply there and then? Just don't read it and reply later then? It's rude to bluetick someone and then either forget or give no explanation for the massive delay in responding. Especially if you are leading them on or sending super long replies to the guy which demonstrates interest?

[Asker]

Right?

[Opinion Owner]

No, phone doesn't automatically lock, it depends when you set it to lock. I set mine to lock after I've been inactive for 10 mins.

Seriously, stop being so clingy. She was probably busy. She sends you long messages other times. You're gonna put her off if you act like this.

[Asker]

Yeah I guess, but that wouldn't be the case for a whole day or a week or that kinda time period would it lol.

It's not clingy to expect common courtesy. ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS LOL. Omg, what a pathetic excuse. So if a guy friend did that to you, it's super rude. And you'd accept someone here telling you to stop being clingy?

The person on the waiting end hasn't done anything wrong, it's the blue ticker who is the bad person here (whether they are a guy or a girl).

She sends me long messages all the time if you read the description. The point or question is she can't be that busy if she uses the app a lot can she?

ACT LIKE WHAT? I haven't done anything except wait lol. READ!

What do u think

[Opinion Owner]

I've already told you what I think. And read what you had to say. Can you just stop now. Honestly, I'm beginning to see why she doesn't reply too quickly, she knows it'll definitely take too much time so she can't just chat casually, she needs to schedule you in. You're like a dog with a bone!

[Asker]

Why precisely am giving off a vibe of can't reply quick.

you can't have read what I said, because if you did, it clearly states that she used to reply very quickly and always has sent long replies as she still does.

So you not reading the question, insulting me and trying to intimidate me is not going to work. If you don't know, ADMIT IT and take ownership of that. Don't think you can act all high and mighty and you are somehow superior. Because YOU ARE NOT.

It is RUDE to ignore someone, let alone a friend FULLSTOP. If you don't know that, you are the immature one, not me.

[Opinion Owner]

cdn.meme.am/.../58609464.jpg

[Asker]

You didn't respond to what my question was talking about lol and then lambast me LOL!

[Asker]

Haha you really must think you're superior. What arrogance. Listen, I'm not intimated by thugs/bullies or trolls.

Stop spamming my question. Either read the question and answer it, or admit you don't know and apologise.

In the future, I suggest you don't post an opinion on someone's question if you're not helping them by answering the question. You obviously didn't on mine, because you posted something that did not relate to my description.

That is SPAM. Not an opinion. Don't think your stupid spamming with memes will make you look superior or intimidate me. It only proves your stupidity frankly.

[Opinion Owner]

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...536e20821f.png

[Asker]

Once again you demonstrate your immaturity. Just read my response to you from earlier, I'm not wasting my time on troll trash.

[ElissaDido]

Because we have too many messages and can't reply asap...

[Asker]

ElissaDido, woah I haven't seen you in a while!

Look the thing is why "read"/bluetick the message if you aren't going to reply to it?

I know you can get lots of messages or get nervous, BUT so do guys lol. I mean I for instance am nervous about a female friend I like, so I might not reply immediately, but I'd only wait a few minutes lol. But one thing I don't do, is openly bluetick her message and text others so she can see it (last seen changing). It seems a bit inconsiderate to do that to anyone, let alone a friend?

[Asker]

Did you see my description and what do you think?

[Asker]

The key to answering this question is in the description...

[Asker]

Yeah I can see you didn't read it! Pls read it and answer, obviously you're doing the gag equivalent of blueticking. Pretty inconsiderate!

[ElissaDido]

IT'S BECAUSE WE CAN'T BE ANDWERING ALL THE THINGS ALL THE TIME. People need to do other things in between.
It's easier to check a notification and share on opinion then log out really fast than to keep a discussion open!
Plus sometimes we open them and forget to reply.

[Asker]

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about texting/whatsapp/viber, not gag?

Please read the question and description and what I just said to you

[Asker]

I. e. I'm asking why a girl would excitedly and keenly text a guy friend, long texts, be keen to see him etc, and suddenly after asking him questions etc, go awol by reading his text and not responding whilst texting others and replying much much much later with no explanation as if it's totally not inconsiderate?

[Asker]

Lol you didn't read it at all. My question is ABOUT TEXTING.

READ. And then reply, don't reply to a different question entirely!

[Asker]

Did you now have a chance to read the description and actually understand what I'm asking haha?

[Asker]

Are you seriously not going to back up your answer?

[Asker]

Dude seriously are you not going to help?

[Asker]

HELLO, did you read my message

Why did you post on my opinion if not to help

[ElissaDido]

Wow xD

[Asker]

You seem like a decent person, I'm just asking for some advice. I think you misunderstood me talking about gag. As I updated in my description, I'm talking about TEXTING.

Can you advise?

[ElissaDido]

It's the same with texting... Some of us are just not the texting type. I personally hate texting/messaging.

[Asker]

But that's not answering my question. Look let me break it down as I don't think you read my description. Do you use WhatsApp?

If so you get blueticking yes?

If so would you do that to a friend?

[Asker]

Now on top of that, if you are sending long texts to a guy, in a very excited tone, and being deep with him, you admire him etc. Since you met at university, you are affectionate with him as well as being friends, how is it something you'd do to him suddenly?

Especially when you often opened WhatsApp to text him as he replied to you, etc etc

Do you get what I mean?

[Asker]

HELLO?

if you don't know can you just say pls?

The suspense is killing me lol. You seem to think I'm talking about gag which is why I clarified, but I'd appreciate you replying, otherwise why did you even opine here?

[ElissaDido]

I said it's the same outside of GaG.
Some people like me are really bad with texting! Honnestly many people got pissed at me and asked me why ignored them and if they were bothering me, which is totally not true, I like them and they don't bother me. Sometimes I just happen to open the message in class, or someone talks to me or I get a phone call, or I open the message in the middle of my sleep, so I FORGET TO REPLY, and then I get tons of other new messages and they hide the older ones and I completely forget to reply/

[Asker]

But reading my description and clarification, you honestly are saying that a sweet girl who usually replies very FAST to her sweet charming and confident guy friend, would suddenly start to bluetick him?

Come on you can't be that busy to not reply, it seems pretty inconsiderate to do that to anyone, let alone people you care about. I mean I get loads of messages, am busy at class or work, but reply to everyone. I don't read the message until I'm going to reply, it's plain rude is it not?

Well?

[ElissaDido]

Honnestly I just hate messages and messaging and prefer real life interaction or phone calls by a mile. So sometimes I might take the effort to reply if I'm in the mood, otherwise I just don't want to be messaging/

[Asker]

Oh god yes I agree with you on social media etc. But tbh this is texting (given that phone calls can be intrusive and the other person has to be free).

I mean in relation to what I am asking though lol please. I'm trying to understand why someone who is very enthusiastic about a guy friend and texts him super fast suddenly does this. Yet her responses are super long and ask multiple questions?

Also you can't/girls can't be that busy if your last seen on whatsapp/viber updates, obviously. So isn't it pretty inconsiderate? What if a guy did that to you?

[Asker]

Do you understand what I mean?

[Asker]

Do you?

[Asker]

I'll be honest, pretty disappointed you haven't answered the question LOL!

[ElissaDido]

I don't know.

[Asker]

But you seem like a really smart person, I'm sure you'd know if you simply read my responses to you and what I'm talking about! I'm talking about WhatsApp and a female friend who is now single? So she sends long texts, excited etc, so she obviously considered me someone special. Now suddenly out of nowhere has ghosted etc. Yet still referring to meeting up?

[Asker]

You're extremely irritating in that you don't read and answer the actual question?

[ElissaDido]

I don't want to answer now leave me alone.

[Asker]

You never did answer in the first place.
On top of that you had a go at me and ridiculed my question as if the guy is at fault with some pathetic "so busy" excuse.
Why answer here if you didn't want to help?

I'm just asking for your honest opinion as you seemed smart when I read your other comments elsewhere. If you just read the question and my responses and replied, you might help

[Asker]

Wow ok, pretty sad that you still aren't being helpful

[Autumn-Bunny]

I do it because I don't find the convo interesting or I'm busy.

[Asker]

Ok, but it seems pretty rude? Did you see the DESCRIPTION?

I'm talking about two friends and SHE initiated the texts/asked the questions about meeting?

[Autumn-Bunny]

Maybe she's busy then.

[Asker]

Sorry did you see the description? I went into the "maybe she's busy" excuse haha?

[Autumn-Bunny]

No Lol I have adhd I get distracted easily.

[Asker]

Ok well pls read it.

In any case, you can't be "busy" if your last seen updates. And you can't be busy for days lol. It makes no sense as her texts are so long? She seems keen? And is a friend, I'm not a random guy?

[Autumn-Bunny]

Did you do something to piss her off?

[Asker]

Haha that's what I wondered, but I hope not! I mean I asked a girl to read through the texts and she says I haven't. Of course, I wouldn't mind you looking through, but there'd be some texts to go through and you strike me as someone who wouldn't want to read through it lol.

But take my word for it, other than responding to her saying she hopes to see me with offering to treat her to welcome her home, I can't see doing anything at all?

[Asker]

Make sense?

[Asker]

Hello

[Asker]

That's a pathetic and inconsiderate excuse.

[Anonymous]

If you like her, she knows and she don't like it

[Asker]

How do you mean?

What do u make of the description?

[Asker]

Explain