Girls message then unmatch me on Tinder? WTF?

[Anonymous]

This has happened to me on multiple occasions now.

I'll be talking to a girl, she'll message me and when I finally respond a day later, she unmatches me. Or even worse, I'll be talking to a girl, I get a notification at work which tells me that she's sent me a message. When I finally get home at night and check Tinder, she's not there anymore - she's unmatched me.

I can only assume these girls are coming from a very negative place, a place of deep insecurity. Me taking a little longer to respond makes them feel insecure and they almost need to get one up on me by unmatching me. It's pathetic behavior.

What do you think?

[Astoriana]

No, they think that you’re not interested because you don’t respond.

Listen, women are not stupid. We know that men aren’t terribly selective on dating apps. If you don’t respond within a reasonable time frame, it’s because you don’t want to.

Put on your profile that you’re not great at checking messages, or give your number or some other method of contacting you out earlier on. The messaging system on Tinder is annoying anyway.

[Asker]

It's still insecure though. So what if I don't respond, I don't unmatch a girl if she takes longer than x amount of hours to respond. Like I said, one of them messaged me whilst I was at work, I'm not going to go on Tinder then.

Taking the time to actually unmatch me when she could just ignore it or wait shows a definite 'revenge' type attitude in my opinion.

[Astoriana]

I suspect that’s more likely due to an overall negative opinion of women than due to one’s actual actions.

[Astoriana]

@ruffik hi hello did I ask?

[Asker]

Has nothing to do with my views on women. I'm responding directly to the poor behavior of select women on Tinder.

[Astoriana]

Is it really all that poor though? Like, in the grand scheme of things, unmatching with you is a pretty small “offense”. You have to be pretty goddamn insecure to take it as an insult.

Dating apps are a numbers game, really. They’ve moved on to people that they’re more interested in, likely with texting schedules more similar to their own. Wouldn’t you rather find someone who is not bothered by your being busy than with someone clingy?

[Asker]

I never said it was an insult. I said multiple women do it and was curious as to the reasons why. Honestly, I couldn't care less other than it wastes my time. But these women must have serious issues going on. You don't base your attraction to someone how how long they take to reply to you. It really doesn't make much sense other than they think they're 'punishing' me or something stupid, lol.

[Astoriana]

They’re not punishing you. They’re just moving on to someone else.

Not everyone is focused on you and your happiness. They’ve got their own lives going on.

[Asker]

So why take the time to unmatch? It would be much easier for them to not respond. I'm not buying that. They're angry because I didn't feed their ego and that's all they're in it for because they're insecure.

[Astoriana]

Why bother to ask the question if you’re not going to listen to any answers?

[Asker]

I was interested in people's thoughts, but I'm questioning what you're saying because you seem so sure of yourself to the point that you dismiss any other possible reason.

[Astoriana]

Darling, look in the mirror before you say that to me. You’re convinced that they’re trying punish you. They aren’t. It’s not personal. It’s like buddy who hates me for no reason said: you’re just weeding out the ones who aren’t into you.

[Asker]

Ok, don't know what that guy's issue is. But I just explained my problem with what you're saying on his comment.

[Astoriana]

No, I’m defending them because you’re taking something incredibly personally when it isn’t personal at all. They could have met someone else. They could have deleted Tinder altogether. They could have decided you don’t actually have anything in common. There are plenty of reasons one might decide to unmatch someone; very few of them are vengeance based.

[Asker]

Well I guess it's just funny how no one seems to change their mind and unmatch when I reply quickly. Literally the only times I've been unmatched are when I take a while to reply. I'm just putting 2 and 2 together.

I know why they've unmatched me, it's pretty obvious, I just want to know why these women are so immature. I guess that's what I'm trying to get at.

[Astoriana]

I’ve told you, but you refuse to accept it: they think you’re not interested.

[Asker]

I realize that. It's just when women aren't interested in me, I don't get all huffy about it. I'd spend hours if I went through every girl who I've matched with on Tinder and unmatched every single one of them all just because I thought they might not be interested.

[Astoriana]

Well, it’s a good thing you don’t waste your time on feeling betrayed by being unmatched.

[Asker]

Haha, I don't feel betrayed. It can be annoying when it happens a lot, but I'm more just curious about the issues these women have going on, mentally speaking.

[Astoriana]

How can one diagnose someone that one has not met? And why do they have “mental issues”? They unmatched you. That’s neither a crime nor strange. I feel like unmatching you right now.

[Asker]

I believe they're coming from a very negative place, mentally. Possibly have some kind of rejection phobia. The moment I don't respond within a quick enough time frame by their standards sends off an alarm in their head that makes them worry that I'm not going to respond at all and then they'll feel rejected. They then quickly unmatch me so they can get one up on me.

Lol, that would actually be a reasonable unmatch because you'd unmatch because you don't like me based on what I've said. As for these women, they seem to unmatch based on what I haven't said (or at least haven't said in the time frame that they demand).

[Astoriana]

Only negative attitude I’m seeing here is yours so.

[Asker]

Incorrect. I generally radiate positive vibes as I've got a strong and confident mindset. Unfortunately I can't say the same for these women.

[champofchampz]

Some of us have a life and therefore don't check Tinder every minute lmao. Definitely insecurity.

[Saccharissa]

Tinder is that thing where you judge people purely on looks, yes? I'd say it's a safe bet quite a few are there for superficial affirmation, yup.

[ruffik]

If you disagree with those girls who unmatch you, why even bother? It's better to have 1 girl who understands you, then explaining your point of view to hundreds

[Asker]

I guess it's annoying at the time because you can be having a completely normal conversation one minute and they vanish the next. Maybe once or twice I wouldn't bother, but it's happening on multiple occasions, lol

[ruffik]

it just shows that they are not serious and probably are playing with the app. Basically having fun more than anything

[Water_Bottle]

You seem the bastion of security incarnate let me tell you what! The avatar of confidence! I think you're wrong of course. They just want quick responses.

[Astoriana]

😂😂😂

[Asker]

There's a deference between wanting quick responses and actually going out of your way to click on someone's profile, click unmatch, click a reason why.. All because they didn't respond to you as quickly as they would like.

That's not just wanting quick responses, that's saying I want quick responses and if you don't give that to me, I'm going get one up on you.

It's the type of girl who senses she's about to get sacked and then quickly announces she's resigning just so she can feel like it was her choice.

[Water_Bottle]

Well even if what you say is true... What's wrong with opting out when things look grim? That's smart not petty.

[Astoriana]

Buddy just wants to be mad at women and blame them for everything.

[Water_Bottle]

@Astoriana You've this strange idea that I want to talk to you. I do not. I don't even want to interact with you. I do not care what you think and I do not need you to state the obvious.

-Thanks

[Asker]

@Astoriana And this is my exact issue with you. It has nothing to do with women as a whole. You're taking my select experience with select women, defending them just because they're women and trying to create some rift between me and women.

I think anyone who can be having a good conversation with someone and then go to the trouble of deleting them just because they take 'too long to respond' is incredibly petty and immature.

@Water_Bottle Why do you have to opt out? It's Tinder.. Not some chat club I'm demanding that they attend. It's absolutely ridiculous, it's like they've got a stopwatch ticking down and you've got x hours to respond or they unmatch you, in order to make themselves feel better.

"What's wrong with opting out when things look grim?" What you call smart, is what most people call cowardly and insecure.

[roroshack1178]

I AGREE

[champofchampz]

Stfu retard, the asker is right. You can go back to bed now.

[psychosam]

Girls seem to be touchy about how long you take to reply for some reason. Its bizarre

[Stmarco]

1 they were drunk, or 2, what you said

[whatever1010]

Women on those dating sites are a joke