Why do women tear down other women?

[Anonymous]

I mean, come on. I guess I’m just a private person because truthfully, I don’t give a fudge about what other women or even men do with their life. I don’t care what they do to their bodies, family, friends. It’s not my business, simple as that. But I see women left and right judging other women for many random things!! Like what they’re wearing, how much money they make, who they’re dating, their behavior (in which affects you in no way in the freakin least!), their appearance. Like jeez, you live your life and I’ll live mine. What an awful way to live! Just sitting there being all grumpy and spiteful, judging people instead of, I don’t know, living your life? Gosh, even as a woman women confuse me sometimes🤦🏼‍♀️

[Appless]

Women are crazy, myself included. We thrive off tearing down someone else in the hope it’ll make us happy. But, this is only due to a reoccurring cycle. One woman will make another woman upset so this woman will carry on this trend. We’re constantly hurting each other and then blaming it on the other gender. If a woman posts a provocative picture- she will be taken down by other women.

Now, similar to what another answer said. There is definitely a difference between being mean and being honest. When it comes to close friends especially, I want the best for them. If one of my friend posts a practically half naked picture of herself on the Internet, I will take action. This isn’t due to hatred or jealousy, it’s because I don’t want her to be taken advantage of or spoken badly about.

Overall, women are like this because we’re brought up having the same standards. We all want to look “pretty” and will therefore tear anything down to get to that.

[Melodie_Flowers]

Thank you!
Hun, I'm the same way. I stay out of peoples buisness, and honestly it's sickening to see other females tearing apart their friends, or people they know, trying to give advice about dating, and who / who's not good for them, etc.
People in general have become very judgmental now a days, and it's sad.

I love my friends, and I'm not going to insult someone I meet, or be rude or ignorant to another woman just because of they way she's dressed, or how she looks physically. There's SO much more to a person than that!
Props to you hun for being sincere, and a decent human being <3

[Asker]

You are such a sweetheart! I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. I love my friends too, and if they ask for advice I give it to them in the most sincere and honest way possible. However, if they don’t want my advice, I just support their decision because it’s their life and they can do what they please. People learn from mistakes, so I trust they’d, in the least, learn something from an experience... even if I think it may be risky or something of the sort. I just respect people’s privacy, so I don’t share personal info or secrets, and I expect the same in return, you know? People don’t know everything about someone’s life so it’s not fair to judge anyone.

[Melodie_Flowers]

Couldn't have said it better my self! :) I agree 110%!

[ManFrom1982]

There is actually a practical, sociological, and psychological reason they do this, especially if your context is them actually talking to others about another woman: competition.

It's a method of using one's own influence to tear down another woman's status with others. The more threatening the target is, the more extreme this form of character destruction can order become, especially if the woman doing the destruction happens to be very attractive (sexually or socially) herself (i. e. she has something to lose because she has a status of her own to maintain.

Men do this too. They will try to get their friend groups to exclude other men that they feel somehow threatened by and will even use physical intimidation or displays of wealth to reduce a rival's status or get them to submit.

This stuff is almost instinctual. Once you have some social status, you'd be surprised how tempting it becomes to engage in.

[Loverpool]

Great post. I see that all the time. I think it goes back to evolution, all the cavewomen fighting over the toughest caveman so they & their kids have the best chance to survive the sabre tooth tigers! Nowadays Brain beats brute strength but most girls follow that retarded behaviour. Go for a big bad boy & put up with being abused etc. You are highly intelligent for questioning it. If You don't follow the other sheep, You may well end up with a fantastic life with a winner of a guy, not a scumbag thug.

[elizabeta]

Nice guy
Crying

[Loverpool]

Can't work out if that's a complement or an insult. I ain't crying. I am right you know, the way to pure love is to not follow evolutionary instinct. Just go for whoever makes you feel truly happy & supports you 100%

[Asker]

Nicely written and I appreciate the compliment. Not a fan of the “R” word, as someone who volunteers with special needs children, but I get what you were trying to say. I’m glad other believe in privacy and people don’t think I’m just some stone cold hearted girl😂 I grew up with a... troubled family, but I’m from a small town. Word travels fast and as a child it leads to a lot of issues. So I’ve always valued my privacy and the people who respect the idea of it.

[EmergingAlpha]

It is done for social standing reasons.

TL;DR? It's human nature, and there's not much you can do about others doing it.

Women rely upon social standing in a fundamental way. Without approval of the tribe, their children would die and they would die during childbirth. Run that psychology for hundreds of generations and you have heavily ingrained human psychological needs to have and improve social standing.

Women cannot fight physically. I do not mean that in the literal sense, but in a practical way. They cannot resolve disputes using violence in any sustainable way--it risks their reproductive success in inviolable ways. Men are expendable in this way, biologically. For much of our evolutionary history, it was one man mating with several women (like 17 women). Run this psychological scenario over hundreds of generations.

What emerges are two distinct ways to increase reproductive success. The male strategy of high risk, high reward disposability for most, dominion for few is one. The female strategy of go along to get along, but orient the tribe against rivals is the other.

Welcome to your species, enjoy the stay.

[Blunique]

Jealousy. They say guys get over differences by fighting each other physically. But women fight each other mentally and emotionally and they never get over it. I've never tore a chick down or made her feel bad. I was and still am shy and introverted. I kept to myself. I did get bullied in high school by overweight girls and random dudes for being skinny though. At one of my jobs there were only guys and two women including myself. I would try to bond with her and she was always so cold and disinterested with me. But she would go out of her way to have long conversations with the guys and she was so friendly with them. The guys would try to leave the conversation to go and work and she would try to force them to stay. I learned the hard way to stay away from her because I thought maybe she was having a rough day but she was like that to me all the time. But I noticed it's usually the insecure ones that are mean.

[SaskiaBlueRaySoul]

hey well done you and i hear you, if i made a guess jealousy is the strongest cause. I make efforts if i see a female and think something positive about her, maybe her hair for instance I've seen a lot of amazing ladies showing their natural grey hair its so beautiful i can't help myself to tell them... women claim to want the right of freedom but seeing it in others actually using it, living it creates negative responses, jealousy is the shadow of greed, a saying i once heard and very true... xx

[Guanfei]

Because women are very competitive, and while men don't quite like to see or hear that another guy is better, many women actuelly can't accept that anyone could be as good or better, and will do anything to show they're better than other women.
As a guy, I could see that when you tell a woman she's pretty. Immediately, any other woman who would be near will think that if a man finds a woman pretty, then he thinks ALL the other women are ugly. As if there was only one girl who could be pretty in the entire world and dominate the rest, like some kind of chosen one of prettiness.

[_lauren_]

Because society has designed us to be like this. Existing systems understand that if you put marginalized people against one another you prevent them from realizing their true social power. Women are treated very strangely by society if we're tomboyish then we're told were not feminine enough. If we're girly then we're called airheads. If we're smart then we're fake geek girls and if we're not smart then were shallow. We romanticize this idea that if you're "not like other girls" then you're better than other girls. Of course women attack each other when every type of women is viewed as "not good enough"

[AlienChickk]

I don’t understand it really either. I will say I have personally made assumptions on someone based on those things, but its part of human nature. I let them do their own stuff, and I do mine as you said. I don’t interfere with their life. I don’t really understand why some people revolve their world around judging people or stirring up drama.

[leMadPotterHattress]

I recall reading/hearing something that actually made sense... Don't recall the exact quote, but it basically said that it's a learned behavior from society. Something to do with keeping women from all uniting.

The original info source made a lot more sense lol 😅

[theflash675]

Nobody is united.

[theflash675]

That's what makes us human. There is no such thing as human unity we aren't evolved enough to be a collective force.

[Goodwifie]

I've been judged by other women for being skinny after having babies.
I had a woman tear me down when I volunteered to run our local play group. She didn't the way that I was running it but instead of treating me like crap and back stabbing me she could've just helped me.

[wankiam]

here's a short public information film on the subject

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGuml-tc75A

[Asker]

I definitely look into that! Thank you💓

[MimiHashima]

Some of it jealousy, some believe it heightens their self worth, puts them above others (which it does not; makes them go down from what people have seen as maybe a 10 or 8 - 2) territory kind of thing, building their self esteem off of it, had previous issues in the past and unfairly take it out on others around them... though this is not only some women believe it or not, it’s some men too.

[MimiHashima]

The drama from some women is personally a bit too much for me and I don’t really have time for that, which is technically why guys tend to like talking and hanging around me a lot.. though i have a slight phobia of approaching men due to young, hurtful experiences (it’s not exactly relationship related) that make it hard to trust much people.. i only take certain helpful criticism, not the crap that tears me down and makes me feel like nothing cause they don’t define me; my actions and me defines me on who I actually am (which somethings proves as some of the things that may have been said or not) at the end of the day, you’re your own person.

[MimiHashima]

I see it as immaturity completely.

[CandacePerry]

True too. That why I prefer to hang out with my male friends.

[LadyDahliaS]

In my opinion, women tear down other women because they are insecure about how they look or their lives. If a lady sees someone living a better life, they tend to envy it and try to make themselves look like they have the perfect life.

[ChosenBeauty]

Very True... I love Females From a Distance most of the Time it's the Insucure Ones. I feel we are All Beautiful and Unique and I let anyone Know With Each Chance I Get.. We are All on The Same Journey Just Different Walks That Leads to The Same Destination 💕💯

[Asker]

Exactly!

[exhaustedfromlife]

I agree with ChronicThinker, there's a difference between being mean and criticism. Being mean is someone just saying really harsh things for no reason. Criticism is when you point what's wrong with that person is doing especially if they make it public. Women tear each other down because of jealousy or competition or they're insecure or think they're all high and mighty.

[exhaustedfromlife]

Also to add, in my opinion it's most older women that tear each other down.

[Anonymous]

Insecurities. Women compare themselves, in their mind, with other women, it’s almost inevitable and can relate to it, sort of, when I see a Abercrombie and Fitch Model Ad, and think... damn! “I need to do more stomach crunches, I wonder if that asshole has to work at it, as much as I do?” I think it’s like that but amplified, volume is turned up full blast, us guys don’t dwell on it really, but only example, I can think of, where i can understand

[Tideo568]

I know this is a common thing. But one time I had been bullied by this kid and sat alone in a corner crying. When I opened my eyes 20 girls were sitting around and comforting me. I thought they all hated me because they ignored me , but when push comes to shove they were there for me.

[outside_Toronto]

I think the simple answer is jealousy. It's just wired into them from day one.
Everywoman that acts this way is figuratively screaming for attention. When another female comes along that could potentially take the attention from her, she freaks out.

[wizkid828]

Full disclaimer not everything applies to everyone, what I'm about to say. But that's how our culture has taught young women that they need to reach a certain standard of beauty to obtain what they want. You see the makeup commercials or the glamorizing of having a big butt, not all but most women at least in America feel the need to reach that standard to obtain a man, and the worst part is there are a good portion of men that one that, but there are a lot of men that do not care about that at all. And a lot of women fell to realize that. But the fact that you're asking this question, shows that you don't fall into this category.

[ravedave]

Jealousy and "moral" superiority.

People shit on others because it makes them feel better about their own sad lives, so they pick on people who don't follow their own idea of what's "right" and "wrong"

[CandacePerry]

Jealously. Someone gaming skill or another woman they might get her man for no reason just seem higher than her. it did happen to me . one girl that I used to befriend with went after my asshole ex-bf when we were together. She didn't listen to means she knows that he was taken at that time. I caught him cheating dumped him and move on someone better and dumped that girl as a friend she is now an ex-friend.

[bubbles328]

Tis true
I feel the same way as you, so long as their behaviour doesn’t hurt anyone else who cares?

Best thing you can do is find a few good solid friends then when you come across negative people who cares? There’s no purpose for them in your life