So I have a new job and I'm high on a little weed right now. Looking back at the past few days I realized I really dont like the way I've been acting and it makes me physically cringe and almost feel nauseous at the way I've been when interacting with my new coworkers. I feel like I am a very high anxiety person and I act a certain uncomfortable way that makes other feel uncomfortable. Now that I'm high and I have work after having a day off I really look back and can't stand my self. I feel like quitting my job because of it! I don't want to lose these opportunities but I feel like I can't cope with this self loathing. I hate myself in hindsite. I realize this when I smoke weed. I feel embarrassed. When I look back at my day from work to hanging out with my boyfriend and his family (which ESPECIALLY makes me cringe at my behavior) i even get so upset i talk out loud (never so anyone can hear) but I'll say things like " what a fucking idiot" and "i have to break up with him" . I say these things because I feel like I have embarrassed my self so much that I need to start fresh. I literally hate myself. But I generally a happy, smiling person. Judt going along, keeping it simple. I work as a dance/school/family photographer. I'm normal to everyone else I think, I'd imagine they sense my social awkwardness but I feel like other people are awkward too. I don't know. Life makes me cringe. What should I do?
Am I schizophrenic? Do I look crazy?(profile photo) please answer anyone with your opinions?
Most Helpful Opinions