Confessed to a married girl. How should I proceed?

[storm2]

A bit of background. I work in the top management of a small company. I am an introvert. A girl joined about an year ago. I started noticing that she used to stare at me frequently and I used to reciprocate.

For some reason I started liking her and would look forward to seeing her everyday. In our company there is a level of mistrust between top mgmt and employees, so we rarely talked to each other or became very familiar. However I made efforts to reach out to her. And she also started to interact more. All in professional context.

So you might think nothing much happened between us and you are right, but most of our interaction was in terms of body language. Now I am a fat to fit story kind of guy, and I have a nice physique now. I have caught her blatantly staring at me and zoning out. I have also seen her change her posture when I am near her, as in sometimes accentuating her breasts when I am looking at her directly.

She is almost 8 years younger than me and married. She is still quite young and immature I would say. Pardon my immodesty, I usually compare myself to her husband and see how I much better I am. Much more qualified, impressive background, awesome at my work, a leader in the company.

I never made a move on her, but I wanted to. I have developed feelings for her. She recently resigned, and now that we are no longer in the same company, I made the audacious move of calling her and confessing I will miss her. Nothing else. She reciprocated quite well, but tried to make the talk more general. However, for the first time I had a casual chat with her and it felt great. She told me she felt good that I called, but not sure if she didn't know how to react, she genuinely felt it.

I am not a bad person from heart and know that what I am trying to do is not noble. But the heart wants what it wants.

All the women here, what do you read from her reaction and if you think I might have a chance with her? What should I do next?

Updates

+1 y

Just an edit. She told me she felt good when I called. But I am not sure if she said this because she didn't know what else to say, or because she genuinely felt it.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the views. However I know what I am doing is morally wrong. The funny thing is that I have never confessed feelings to a woman before.

I don't want a moral lesson. I just want to know if I can get her.

[WalterRadio]

Men have a habit of over sexualizing what women say to them. How you determine whether you have made that error is you give her the invitation to contact you. If she does, then she wants you. If she doesn't, then you messed up.

You blew it in that call. What you should do to recover is wait a few weeks, then happen to be in the same place she is, like the grocery store. Be far enough away that it doesn't look like you were following her, then make her see you, then go over to her to talk. Chat for five minutes and leave her your number or just say, "Call me sometime, I will take you to lunch."

I have been with a few married women.

Most married women who are flirting with a guy will merely go home and have sex with their husbands. It makes them feel good that someone else finds them attractive. Maybe they will think of you, maybe they won't.

If they are not having sex with their husbands anymore, then they will gladly have sex with someone else if they want to have sex and as long as they think they won't get caught. If they know or suspect their husband is having sex with other women, they might as well, but it is less likely to be a relationship and more of revenge sex.

[Anonymous]

StGoP lol. Heart wants what the heart wants, but you've got to be all in.

Most guys who succeed in your endeavor are family friends. I'd say find a hobby you guys can share; ones that break modest barriers and inspire conversation are ideal, like hiking, swimming, or yoga. Set up some (very) occasional dinners or activities that include her husband so she has no choice to compare you both. Lastly, plan break periods so that she knows she is capable of losing you (aka so she'll miss you) - traveling both works and makes you more eccentric.

Obviously this would have a time scale no shorter than six months, but hey it's the success story my dad likes to tell so I hope it works out.

[storm2]

Thanks. I realize your plan is ideal. I can try to plan such activities, but don't think I will succeed.

Rather I am thinking of waiting a few months and then making a call to her where I am more direct. I will ask her to just tell me if I should pursue her and if we can meet in private. What do you think?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't want to sound unemotional, but I think the more time you aren't "working" on her, the more "work" you have to do later on. I think getting close first is key, because you would be courting an already taken woman

[broncobryan]

Sounds like a good way to get shot by her husband.

[Opinion Owner]

The husband would have to be very unhinged, that's up to @storm2 's judgement

[Anonymous]

Setting aside the moral failing you are experiencing, she’s not interested

She tried to keep the conversation more general and she said it “felt good” that you called. She basically repeated what you said because you startled her and she sensed you were overstepping a boundary but she is hoping you’ll not get up the nerve to do more and hoping she can go one about her business without burning bridges and without interference from you.

So now youve put her in a spot where she feels awkward and uncomfortable... good job. Way to treat people you like and respect is to make them feel like shit.

[storm2]

Well I don't really see a bridge. Under normal circumstances it's not like we will ever interact again, even remotely. We are not friends, we live in different cities and in all likelihood will never work in the same industry again, forget the same company. I don't ever expect to see or talk to her again.

In this situation why would I make her awkward or uncomfortable. She could just turn me down and move on if she's not interested in me. I don't see what I am doing wrong here?

[storm2]

Well wrong apart from asking a married woman out.

[Opinion Owner]

You know she’s married. You two were coworkers. You don’t know what kind of situation this creates for her. If you can break this boundary what’s next?

[storm2]

No I don't know. Please tell me what kind of situation this creates for her? I would like to understand.

[arabgoddess]

She came into your life to give you the confidence to be able to approach girls. That's the sort of girl I am.. Im married and have had introverts approach me, though I'm not technically married, I still won't cheat, but I use myself as a human tool to help that person to be able to talk to the next girl he fancies. I think it works!

[storm2]

Thanks from fellow males... I guess. Your intentions are noble. But think about how many hearts you might be breaking.

[arabgoddess]

I don't break their hearts, how would I when I've accepted them for who they are and was very kind. I gave them hope ☺ ☺

[AmandaYVR]

She may be attracted to you, may like you, but she's given you no indication that she's going to cheat on her husband. She was friendly or warm on the phone because of the former, or because she's polite. You should respect the marriage. She knows you're out there. Let sleeping dogs lie.

[coachTanthony]

Every woman that is worth having is already taken!

Coach T Anthony

[storm2]

So how should I proceed?

[coachTanthony]

I think Karma never loses and address. That's my answer.

[coolbreeze]

That is good that you made an effort to talk to her and reach out to her. It sucks she doesn't work at your workplace no more.

[MissDawn7961]

she is interested in you and you know she is married ! so she divorces her husband and marries you ! then she sees someone better then you , cheats on you with him like she is doing with you behind her husbands back ! do you really want a woman who cheats on her husband and once she has you then she will cheat on you with some one else? think , man , think

[Anonymous]

For the moment I too agree you've done nothing wrong. But do you really want to be with a woman who's in a married relationship, leaves the current husband for you and pray to God this situation doesn't provide karma to you in future?
It sounds like you mean very well and I know you can't help your feelings.
But it's not love, it's all lust.
Lust can get you into trouble my friend.
Back away I'm sorry to say bud

[Anonymous]

Don't. I've seen the fallout from a spouse cheating and it is pretty bad. Not just one divorce many. There is absolutely no reason to pursue this woman unless you want to destroy 2 people's lives. You might have caught her at a vulnerable time but just don"t.

[MelnTx]

As of now, I don’t think you’re out of line. I would leave the situation—including her—be.
You can’t help who you develop feelings for, but you can control whether or not you act on them.

[nerms123]

I don’t think she would try anything. I think she just found you good looking and likes you as a friend

[nerms123]

Also watch out because she probably already told her husband

[storm2]

Come to think of it, I think she must have already told her friends in the office, but I don't know. However do you think that I was totally out of line? After all all I told her was that I will miss her.

[nerms123]

No so far you’re ok. But anything else would be a mistake. Find a single woman.

[Chilly23]

"I'm soo much better man than him"

LOL

If you have better job/more money, that doesn't mean that you are better than somebody.

Not by any man. It can only mean that you are wealthier.

+ By doing this you're proving that you're def NOT better man than he is. :)

Ps.

Leave her and move on.
That kind of things always lead to bad endings.

[abbybbgirl]

If she's married it's wrong but it's her relationship on the line not urs. You could also be just misreading her because if you find her attractive you will think everything she does is some kind of sign people mix up signals with me sometimes thinking I'm leading them on when really I'm just being myself and that's just how some people are

[storm2]

Probably you're right. but how do the guys find out? By asking you right? How would you prefer them ask you which makes you tell them about your genuine feelings upfront? I am just asking for advice.

[abbybbgirl]

Just ask her if she'd like to go out with you or something and if she says no I'm married then there's ur answer if she says yes then pursue it

[Rundown]

This is why it's SOOOOOO hard for guys and girls to be "just friends", situations like this. When you know the person is married, and you know you like them

[abbybbgirl]

Yup its rough

[Rundown]

I don't know why they even try to

[pleasestopthis]

I will never support a homewrecker. Not nice, dude. Have some honor.
Besides, if she lets you drill her, she will cheat on you too.

[SarahsSummer]

you should take your nice physique, impressive background and company leading awesomeness and use it on UN married women. Don't be a douche.

[storm2]

Why am I a douche, I have not harassed her or used my position to get her. And why are some of the women like you here so offended by my question? It's not like I am planning to stalk her or do something sinister. My only plan is to be straightforward with her and get a straightforward answer. Surely I will move on if she rejects me.

[SarahsSummer]

Why be a disruptive force in another couples relationship? I try to live by the golden rule. If you were this woman’s husband, would you appreciate your behavior towards your wife?

[storm2]

You are right. I wouldn't appreciate it. But if my wife decides to leave me for another man, I would resent it, but wouldn't bat an eyelid before letting her go.

[Appetite]

She's married, jesus christ just drop it.

There are a literal shit ton of potential partners you could pursue who are into your kind of cocksure behavior.

[raxhere]

But she's married. You don't wanna ruin her married life right?

[broncobryan]

Dude you really need to stop, you do realize you're about to fuck up a happy marriage. Go find another girl to play with and leave the married ones alone.

[storm2]

To be frank I don't think she will go for me. I am a little emotionally fragile for her, so maybe the irrational me wants that 1% chance to work out. At the very worst I will get closure.

[broncobryan]

Yeah you may get closure, but then again if hubby finds out you may also get shot.

[shimmeryns]

Ummm.. She is married.

Unless if polyandry legal and commonly practiced where you at then I might have suggestion on how to proceed.

[OddBeMe]

You’re management and she is an employee. She is probably just being nice to you. Regardless this will not end well no matter what. Most companies have a zero tolerance policy toward sexual harassment.

[Iron_Man]

Are you kidding me that's a dangerous game you never mess with a married man's wife never no matter what and that's committing adultery that's a huge mistake you're making Let It Go

[LaVillaStrangiato]

For the love of God, dude. STOP!
You're going to ruin your career and end up completely heartbroken and miserable.

I speak from experience.

[RandomFinnishdude]

Everyone already knows. But they are polite, and maby just look past it. Would not pursue this without a very very good reason, i mean a bitter ex can do anything, for a long period of time.

[MsElizabeth96]

What you should. do is cut off all contact with her and leave her alone.
She's taken, get over it