Should men open doors for women, pull out a chair for her to sit on, and generally speaking, always go by the "LADIES FIRST" rule?

Question

DOGMA1954 · Accepted Answer

I think this is something that all young men should learn to do and older men reinforce by having others see them to it also. Nothing wrong with showing a woman politeness and manners. It also shows that you dont have that me first way of looking at things. A woman will respect you more for the little things you do for her.

Dargil · Accepted Answer

Absolutely yes. If you want a girl with authentic femininity, treat her that way.

A_Bell · Accepted Answer

It's a big winner with me.

redheadtigger · Accepted Answer

Yes they should

sejla · Answer

It doesn't have to be a rule. Is it nice to do it especially if a woman is struggling. In Texas its just common place. I don't wait for a man to open the door but if I see a man coming I gauge whether he's going to do it or not. 9.9% of the time no matter what the race, ethnicity or age of the man he's probably going to open the door and I thank him. Even 4 year old boys will open doors. These aren't whipped men but masculine men who pride themselves in being masculine.

I don't know why opening doors and pulling out a chair is a sticking point for some men. I would think seeing if a woman is kindhearted or not might be a more important thing to focus on.

The thing about giving freely is to give without thought of reciprocity. If a man gives freely and the woman never reciprocates then it's time to move on. Things can't always be even but there should be some give and take especially in hard times.

I guess the rule should be that a man treats the women who pass through his life at least as well as he treats his mom, sisters, aunts, cousins. If the man treats his female family members like trash when they aren't bad people then he's pretty much a lost cause.

rjroy3 · Answer

Think of it like a Commoner, the Prince and the King.

If a Commoner pulls your chair out for you it means one thing.
If the Prince pulls your chair out for you it means another thing.
If the King pulls your chair out for you it means everything.

Who you are and the place it's coming from is what matters. Not the thing itself.
Men need to be men and it would also be good if they looked out for women as a general rule. Just having a ladies first mentality doesn't matter and ultimately is missing the point.

When you think of the reasons men "should' do those things it's because you associate those things with being a real man. When the thing doesn't matter. Being a man matters. The other stuff comes from that, but more specifically those things are cultural specific. Looking out for your woman and the women in your life is more specific to being a man inherently. The protective nature. But opening doors and pulling chairs is just a cultural specific thing that is a manifestation of mens true nature.

Be a man first. Decide if you care to do the other stuff later.

Anonymous · Answer

As a feminist, I've struggled with this. The answer is No, as in I don't think any sex or gender should be taught that they have to behave according to any specific gender standard. It's against my politics completely. Also, some men are bi or gay, so even if they adopted some standard on who is supposed to be treated in the way the "lady" is treated in antiquated heteronormativity, they're both men.

BUT I just don't have the energy to push back every time a guy holds the door open for me anymore. Sometimes I still insist that strangers or friends go ahead of me, but sometimes I just smile and say thank you and keep it moving. Yeah, it's sexist but I can't bear the cross all the damn time. And I know that in most men's minds, they're trying to do something kind and that it makes them feel better about themselves.

However, in my personal relationships, I've softened on this a bit. I would never date a man who didn't agree with feminist values, and such men usually aren't interested in me once we get to know each other. However, I also am at the point of meeting people where they are in different ways. Many men who are leftist/feminist still do this because they have learned this as a language of caring for the woman they have affection for. As long as I know he understands sexism and that the root of these practices is backwards/sexist, but he still wants to show me how much he cares in these ways, I don't mind. And it is nice too sometimes. I don't expect it but it happens a lot to me. A friend of mine said men never hold the door for her which surprised me because I feel like always men are holding doors, asking me to go first, etc. Maybe not always, but often. But if it's a guy I like who likes me, I'm okay with him spoiling me.

nopedydoo · Answer

depends. on certain ocassions it can be super sweet and romantic, but dont over do it. also if you're asking about opening doors in general too, just do it to everyone regardless as gender. but in a flirty way, i think its sweet to not overdo it bc sometimes it can make it seem like you think the girl is incapable of everything. but also, im sure it depends on the girl. read her cues, if you do it once and ahe seems to like it, go ahead and try again. to more independent and feminist women this might be rude or smth but to others should be nice

WindAtMyBack · Answer

I think it's a good way of doing things.

I remember asking a friend once if her husband opened the door for her. She answered "Yes, but he doesn't need to." She said it in a fond way, like it really meant something to her.

That's exactly the point. He doesn't need to. That's what gives it meaning.

I think too many guys think that she can open her own door, so why should he? Of course she can open it. You don't do it because she can't open the door. You do it as a gesture. It's small and trivial, but it has meaning.

The man doesn't need to open the door for her, which is exactly the reason he should do it.

MissKittyz · Answer

No, but it is a nice thing to see though. My fiancé is that type of guy. He always pulls up the chair for me, always opens the car door for me and waits for me to get inside and kisses me before closing it, he will open doors for me, if it is raining, he will be the one running outside to get the car lol I've never asked for any of that. He just does it cause that's just how he is. But I honestly love it. True gentleman.

Those are very nice acts but it isn't necessary to me. I think it is better to do it to someone you care than just random people.

devilish-cutie · Answer

no. I mean if you want to do it okay but if a woman tells you she doesn't want you to do it for her then dont fucking do it, isn't it the whole point to please her? Men make it about themselves being a gentleman but it should be about the woman if you were really a gentleman
personally i prefer people being kind to you generally and allowing me to be kind to them too, I want to hold doors for others or help them carry stuff, men often dont allow this and thats so annoying. Also I dont like when men act that traditional way cause i like to be seen as a person rather than female as some gender stereotype

LightEnd · Answer

No, women are equal to men, not only are they equal, but they are superior. They are treated less harshly by the law, they are treated as the weaker party by the government. They want you to share in traditional female tasks. Such as housework, but also want you to fulfill your traditional male tasks. Such as fixing the car, mowing the grass, taking out the trash, electrical work, plumbing, etc etc.

So let me. get this straight... your equal when it suits you. Your weaker when it suits you. You claim patriarchy when it suits you and you claim chivalry when it suits you... yep sounds like a modern woman to me.

Open your own door and pull your own chair. I'm not that desperate.

akihon · Answer

No because equality doesn't start at 9 am and finish at 5 pm, so if women want equality as they claim to then they should have it but they should have all of it and not the bits they enjoy.

That means they split the bill and if they won't then they don't go out or you go out without them.

It means they pay their share for everything and that means a 50/50 split and if that means they have less money then it's up to them to get a better paying job.

In an emergency they get to go to the back of the line like everyone else because they wanted to be equal and that means a pussy is of little value and certainly no more value than a set of balls.

Now watch how many women are going to get upset by this.

nella965 · Answer

I'm so sick and tired of men like you always complaining about men having to open doors for women or pull out her chair to sit on. Nobody is forcing you to do those things. Society is not forcing you either. You don't feel any obligation to do it either. So quit complaining.

Username_notsure · Answer

I will always do it. I have never seen a girl be unhappy about having a door held open for her or anything like that. Even in a non romantic setting like work or school guy should know a little etiquette. Like if you are about to walk through a doorway the same time as a woman dont just push past her, stand back and let her walk first. Its just basic manners, doesn't even need to be romantic.

Frenchbrit · Answer

Personally I like doing things for myself but if someone's behind me I'll hold it open or if there hands are full I'll help. It's just being kind and polite. I think pulling out a chair is a tad too much considering it's so simple and easy to do yourself. As for the ladies first rule I always thought it was a ploy to see your bum based on what the lads who were a little tmi would usually say. I would hope that's not really the case.

Киттйлинк · Answer

It’s not about should or shouldn’t.
Only if it comes natural to him..
do what feels right.
If you don’t feel right doing all that, don’t.
If you feel right doing it, do it!
I opened the door for my boyfriend a few times and waited for him to walk and he looked at me weird and then laughed, I felt I should do it because I wanted to lol 😝 ! but I feel he feels emasculated lol which is totally Not what I’m trying to do.. just being sweet and nice to him 🥰!!

SomeGUYonGAG · Answer

I don't open doors for just women, I open doors for men, children and everybody too.

I never pulled a chair out for a woman because I've never been on a date before, but I've done it for elderly and disabled people of both genders.

I sometimes go by the "ladies first" rule but it's usually when I'm in a group and doing something like putting cargo in the car.

Do I do it to get in a woman's pants? No. Do I expect anything in general fo it? No. I do it because I'm a gentleman and it's just who I am and if some people don't appreciate it then they can go fuck themselves because I'm not changing.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

You're asking about being a proper gentlemen. Well yes, I believe we should generally strive to do so, and if feminazis want to make themselves feel raped because of it so they could squeeze some cheap attention from strangers online and have an excuse for the rotten failure that is their life and personality - well then good for them! :)
However, I forego certain gentlemen ceremonies with my wife, because come the fuck on, we're parents together, nobody will die if she holds the door for me from time to time :)

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I always conduct myself as a chivalrous gentleman and really can't imagine doing things any other way!

McKellar · Answer

It can be a nice rule to go by to show how polite, sweet, pleasant, and a gentleman you are,... but there will be a good percentage of women who will love & appreciate these type of qualities in a gentleman. Other women,... well you can be a gentleman all that you want,... in a realistic sense, either they are not going to care about that or what it will plain and simple come down to is you can be a gentleman all that you want,... if you are not her type,... she's just going to tell you straight out & not be very responsive nor react in kind all that much towards a guy being a gentleman.

Anonymous · Answer

I still hold the door for them it doesn't matter man or lady. In my opinion I say man and woman should be treated equally. Some girls would say aww that is so cute. You don't see that in today's younger generation. I saw that happen more often in the 90's.

babywerewoof · Answer

Ehh, it depends. That stuff can be EXTREMELY creepy and uncomfortable. Like if you're at the door and you see someone coming guy or girl, just hold the door like its a natural kind thing to do. Dont rush ahead to open the door for a girl, tip your fedora, and then let the door shut in a someone elses face. Dont pull out my chair for me or open my car door like a limo chauffer, especially if thats not how you usually act and you're only doing it to try and impress me. Its weird.

LeFrogDog · Answer

I don't just stop at the ladies. I do it for the elderly, kids, a fellow bro, etc. Courtesy should be shown to everyone. If I happen to like a girl I don't want to be defined on the fact that I can open a door or pull a chair back.

theCobbler · Answer

I believe Yes, indeed! !!! but , Your gonna find that its not always appreciated, especially by a " Feminist " ( no offense to any ), but 90 % of the time, I get that
" Doe in my headlights look...😳 " and then a big Smile and a thank you, !
Chivalry, will never die! Hoorah!

lokix98 · Answer

I'm been brought up a bit old school. Not every woman out there likes it though.

So the best advice I can give is be your self. It comes naturally do it. If they don't like it, then depending on you it may or may not work out. But secondly there is always the option to turn it down.

Any way, hope this will help.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

No. They should be polite but they should not give women even a single hint of greater deference then any one else. If a woman wants to be treated like a lady she has to earn that right by acting like a lady and thus far I have seen very few women who are deserving of such treatment.

AbleLearner · Answer

Steve Harvey seems to think so, but I've never actually met a woman who wanted a man to do all that. Maybe she's okay with him occasionally getting a door, but the woman is your girlfriend/wife, not the queen or something, you're not supposed to bow and scrape before another human being.

Adam1978 · Answer

No not unless they want to. Holding up the door I do for any company I got if I reach it first. So women included even strangers that just happen to come at the same time. The chair I think is silly, that she better handle on her own. So simply make up your own mind and do the ones you appreciate and skip the one that you think is over the top.

cth96190 · Answer

Women marched in the street for 'equality', wore vagina hats and screeched their hatred for men.
They also blamed everything that was wrong with the world on white men, although many of those women were white.
We should extend traditional European social courtesies to them because. . . ?

Screenwriter · Answer

In formal situations it's a lovely nicety. If the ship is sinking, knock her out of the way and make sure your genes survive...

Justacatlady · Answer

I think it’s nice to just do these things for others. I hold open doors, offer to pull out chairs and put on coats, I also as people if they need a hand with things. It’s just common curtesy

JaydeAG · Answer

Honestly, I think yes! It's just polite and very gentleman like, not to mention a nice think to do. I'll even do these types of things for my guy friends when I'm trying to brighten their day. Of course "Ladys First" I think will apply to you more when you're trying to "woo" a girl, for lack of a better word. Only bit of advice: know your audience. Some girls dont like that, and that's ok.

redroses2124 · Answer

N0, I am a more masculine woman and I like being independant and doing things for my self, also establishing dominance and giving that you can call me pretty but f with me your dead vibe. I am currently certified in two types of martial arts and going on a third. Floor any potential rapist, I would be offended.

SpiderManFan2002 · Answer

I don't really expect it to be honest, but I'm not gonna go on a mad one if a dude holds open a door for me- I've held doors open for people too, it's called being polite😂😂

AbsoluteCutie · Answer

*Should* they? Well, they don’t have to but the gesture is appreciated. I think it’s nice, but you should be nice to everyone. I’ve held the door for a man before so I mean 🤷🏻‍♀️

1Sophisticatedme · Answer

Not necessarily for me... i am easy going. So if he wants to do that i am totally cool with it, if not its cool too, no big deal with me.

Elliegirl · Answer

Generally, yes. Chivalry is a good way to score brownie points with me. The only exception I can think of is men should always go through a revolving door first. That’s so the lady can follow behind him and won’t have to push.

Vero4567 · Answer

Of course. Being a gentleman, wins a woman's heart.

MzAsh · Answer

They don’t have to. But I like them A LOT more when they do.

Purple_Summer · Answer

Only if they like it. If they naturally have such manners and enjoy treating ladies like ladies. If they don't and feel bitter doing things like this then no thanks, I don't want someone opening the door for me if they feel it's a burden or unfair

Anonymous · Answer

No.
If a man did that to me I'd immediately assume he thinks Im too weak... I go by the equality rule.

Anyone that is at the chair first pulls out the chair for the other, anyone at the door first opens the door for the other etc..

clampfan101 · Answer

I preform casual chivalry. Doors, “ladies first”, etc. They all seem to like it. I’ll be as chivalrous to my girlfriend as she wants. I think it’s fun.

Lloyd_the_Ace · Answer

If you're on a date and your date likes it, then yeah, go for it. But if it's just a random woman, just hold the door like you would anyone else. Anything more is just creepy

Rory2706 · Answer

It depends on the situation. First date, yes. Formal dinner, yes. Friendly group get together, no. I think it depends on who this girl is to you, a friend or a potential partner. For a formal dinner that is just what you're supposed to do no matter stranger or partner.

Bee-Hatch · Answer

It's the 2020s now, not the 1920s. Once we figured out how to get a vote each, the figuring out how to use a door or chair for ourselves was pretty easy in comparison.

Laozi · Answer

Not always. But if she's his queen then definitely. Obviously it depend on whether she's feminazi or not. If she is one of them then don't bother (also always split bill whenever you're taking her outside).

tsmith90 · Answer

I'd not be pulling the chair for her indefinitely. Not meaning I'd ditch chivalry full stop. But the chair thing is over the top long term. On the contrary life long door opening for a lady is mandatory. And ladies first isn't a must more a situational choice

VivMeg · Answer

It depends... holding a door at a restaurant shows kindness but opening the car door or pulling out a chair is a bit too much I think

R_ūshī · Answer

Nahh, I don't expect them to do it. I mean they shouldn't. We're equal right?

backinblack22 · Answer

It was ingrained in me to do this from a young age.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I do that for all people, doesn't matter if it's a female or a male. It's my choice, i can get some rude comments now and then but! MEH.

lightbulb27 · Answer

yes, they should do what they want to do, and this is classy. I've never had a woman complain...

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Nah, bitch can get her own chair. "Ladies first". Show me a lady and I'll consider it, but 99% of the women out there don't even resemble a lady.

Bananaman177 · Answer

I just hang out BY the door, and whenever a girl opens it for herself, I offer her congratulations and a high-five.

soleil2666 · Answer

Dude, you serve the army while they're busy bitching about equality.

ILoveAnime · Answer

I mean we are all human and as such e qual so I guess not.

ecfresh · Answer

Gentlemen should, and I intend to conduct myself as a gentleman. I also expect her to be a lady.

crswantsluv · Answer

Forever and always what man are you if you don't lol😆

Oram52 · Answer

Going by female responses its clear Chivalry is dead. Its called benevolent sexism.

l0x-90 · Answer

If he wants to impress her, he should lol Esp on first dates

AynonOMouse · Answer

Like this? lol

bamesjond0069 · Answer

They should always do that stuff for ladies. They should not do it just for any old women. A lady is like a gentleman. Not every man is a gentleman and not every woman is a lady.

dbr1987 · Answer

Fuck this shit, they all walk over you if you do that, since they all preach equality they need to go by that rule

Should men open doors for women, pull out a chair for her to sit on, and generally speaking, always go by the "LADIES FIRST" rule?

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