Why does he like putting himself down and making himself the butt of his jokes?

[Anonymous]

This guy I like is doing that and I don't understand why. Many of his jokes are about his screwups and he often puts himself down while he does that (not seriously, but somewhat jokingly). I just don't get it. Why would he do that? It's not like it makes him look good or anything, because I feel like he's lacking in self-confidence or something...and it's somewhat immature. Any ideas anyone? Thank you!

[demonpixie]

I have a guy friend who also puts himself down all the time. I find that he does it for attention mainly. He wants to be the main center of attention; he wants to have people around him feel sorry for him.

And I have been guilty for doing this too. People who put themselves down are only looking for the attention that others will give them.

[Asker]

The thing is he doesn't do it in front of any of our other friends. It's just me. I used to strongly suspect that he liked me as well, but normally wouldn't you try to impress a girl instead of making a fool out of yourself? Or is it like what you said, that he just wants attention?

[demonpixie]

If he is saying it only in front of you, then he is only looking for you to boost his ego. He wants your attention and for you to give him complents. DO NOT DO THIS! Just tell him the basics (ie: he is a good guy, he shouldn't put himself down, you will be his friend/be there for him), but do not go all out to "make him feel better". He is only looking for you to boost his ego.

[stercor]

You've assessed the situation well.

He has low self-esteem.

You can help him with that --- maybe.

Ask yourself if he's high-maintenance. If he is, the self-deprecation will get old.