I have been getting close to this woman, we flirt when not in public, numerous times I have had my hand up her thighs and back massaging her, even giving her a big hug from behind her with our bodies together and I regularly flirt with her touch wise, like the small of her back, hand on her thigh and she never recoils unless it is in public (she does not like PDA), she tries not to show being jealous if I talk about a platonic female friend, she has often said "love you loads" and after I received the below reply she put a poem on Facebook ending with meeting a guy in the park who makes her happy. She asked what I thought it meant, I said weed as that was part of the theme of the poem, she mentioned her friend that it was about something else but when I pressed she would not say what her friend thought it was about, there are tons of other odd subtle flirting bits like this that I see from her. She is going through severe depression at the moment and I have talked this over with a close female friend who knows every little detail about all of our conversations from the last few months. I had asked this woman out once, got a "we are platonic friends", moved on, became friends, she started flirting with me months later and then I got interested again and here we are...
Now my friend, her friend and her mother believes this woman is interested but the time is wrong and that in time something will happen between us. This woman is very particular on grammar and getting it correct and I have been told the 'friends' is being ironic and she does not mean it as we are just platonic friends.
I have just taken this as a "no thanks, we're just friends speech" and will be moving on as I don't plan on hoping for something. What do you all think, is this just a were friends or is this just her way of saying the timing is wrong?
Not necessarily. You're putting yourself in the friend-zone here I think.
The trouble with most guys is that they're too cautious. I see it every time guys post questions like this about their crush. I know that you've asked her out before and that this plays a part, but you're still being too cautious.
What I usually see and what I'm seeing here is this: two people who maybe like each other, trying to guess whether the other person likes them because they're not too sure, both being afraid to actually make a move until the other one shows direct interest. Which isn't happening because both are afraid to just come right out with it.
What I also see is men doubting themselves all the time and second-guessing themselves. Such men are their own worst enemies.
The man is supposed to make the first move. The woman usually won't, at best they'll hint to get the guy to make the move. The guy, because he doubts himself, doesn't take the hint. He might see it, the girl might think that she's giving a very clear sign of interest, but he doesn't act on it because he wants to be 100% sure that she's interested before he does.
The main reason guys end up in the friend-zone is that when they do that they take way too long to make a move, the girl eventually gets fed up of that and mentally moves on from him. It's like you have a certain window, a certain time frame where you can make a move, and then at some point that window is closed forever. How long the window is open depends on how much the girl likes you.
To me it seems like this girl is giving you a ton of very clear hints with the poem thing, allowing you to hug her and all that, getting jealous about other women. And you're dropping the ball.
What can often happen actually is that a girl will say "no" to you at one point, and then realise that she made a mistake. In fact the way you handle rejection can have a lot to do with this. If you make a move, ask her out or whatever, she says "no" and you get upset and start pouting? Then she thinks "yeah I made the right decision there" because neediness is a big attraction killer. If instead you react calmly and you take it well, which many guys do not, that in itself can make her think differently about you because it shows confidence and non-neediness.
Sometimes they also put up "token resistance" even if they like you. It seems a bit of a strange thing to do, but they'll do it to see if you'll pursue them a bit more. Also because they don't want to seem "too easy".
That's what I think might have happened here. One or the other, maybe both.
What those other people are saying about how she didn't really mean the friends thing, I read the texts before I read your actual question, and that's how I read that. She put 'friends' in scare quotes for a reason. I think that she was being ironic. That seems to me like another hint.
I'd say ask her out again, or hang out with her alone and make a move on her when you're hugging and stuff again, kiss her. I could be wrong about all of this, but so what? At worst you'll get "no we're just friends" again. Big deal. More likely though from what I'm reading here she likes you, and by automatically assuming that she's gonna friend-zone you again I think you might be shooting yourself in the foot.
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Hi there just a quick update but tonight we were alone watching a movie and I made a movie on her, I tried to massage her waist and she flinched and was uncomfortable by this compared to previously where she let me massage her back and legs.
Tonight she really did not like me massage or touching her feet or legs an kept pulling away from me, it was clear I was making her feel uncomfortable and I even asked her it I was making her feel uncomfortable and she said she wanted to change the topic.
I don't get how when I make a move on her she now rejects me but gives me lots of hints before that she likes me.
First things first, give up on this girl. You've dropped the ball too many times. As I mentioned above about the window, it's most likely closed by now.
If it's not that, you're weirding her out by doing all of this massaging stuff. Why would you try to massage her legs and her feet again? When I said make a move I didn't mean that. I meant for example you're watching a movie, you put your arm around her, you see how she reacts and if she reacts well, you pull her in for a kiss. Then you maybe escalate from there toward sex.
Basically you're still being way too cautious, too indirect. You have been the whole time. Not to be mean but it makes you look like a pussy to her and it will turn her off.
Friendzoned level: I hope you climb out of the pit you threw yourself in because I figured you out 10-fold. But you deserve the pencil award. Do you even know you're in a pit? Please write down "Still your friend" tell me I am pretty. // and then she added the 😬 in the end. My sir-good guy, its all or nothing with her. By that I mean if your really like her you will watch her help you out of the "pit" of desperation/interest illusion after if it is you are asking for is a wife, not another lap-hopper girly phony fail. As a man, it is ideal to help you understand the basic elements of love, the simpler one guy does it for himself, the easier that compatability comes alongside his partner woman. You have to apply those rescue-inspirational character about yourself you have had before, make you love yourself again, and treat her in such a way, DO appreciate her after all she gave you is this wonderful pursuing experience.. my 11th crush, had made it clear to me, the other dude "I have planned" a date with (her), out leagues everything about me. At this point, if it is meant to be it is meant to be you know? It all boils down to a flat rock-answer thrown for your answer in the lake, you hope it'll take it far, but ALL rocks sink. Don't be the nice guy again. Finish it off the good-guy you came to acknowledge my man.
Oh, I get that lol I am not that dumb. I was just confused as my female friend was saying she was interested so I was thrown off lol. I took the above message as "Not interested".
I mean it’s always possible but from what she sent I don’t want to give you false hope, she might just be going through things and not ready to date either?
That is the interesting thing, my friend reckons she is interested but the timing is wrong due to depression as she is hardly socialising with anyone and has given up hope on a lot of things so she really is in a bad space and my mate would not lead me wrong advice wise.
I was just going to take it as the friend's speech, move on and be friends with her and if she wants something to happen then she has to make it happen, we do still hang out alone and it's almost like nothing has changed between us since this conversation which I find odd but I plan on moving on for my own sake, it's not good hanging around hoping for something that might not be ;)
I thought so. I just don't get why she let me touch her so much she seemed to like and never said to stop. Oh well lol. Thanks for confirming what I thought.
