Am I in the friendzone?

[Anonymous]

So some details here. We are both in college and wanting to be doctors. We met each other over a online class due to the pandemic and from day 1 I had a crush on her. I didn’t message her till four weeks into the semester, and I made the stupid mistake of asking to hangout too early, to which she stated “I am genuinely not looking for a relationship right now.” So I backed off that. I messaged her again weeks later and we have been texting over snap ever since. We have both been getting to know each other’s lives outside of school, what are interests are etc. she is extremely school and goal focused. She also is always the first person to view anything I post on Snapchat, nearly every single time i do, she’s the first to view. Everything she does is centered on school. Anyways, I texted her something about good luck on ever finals not going to say exactly what I said, but she replied “thank you so so much, you are a great friend I appreciate your sweet words! :).” Seeing the “friend” part feels crushing to me to be honest. I can’t tell if she likes me or not, she seems to be interested and ask a lot of questions back, but I just don’t know. I like this girl and I don’t want to be just friends. I understand relationships are scary especially when you have worked so hard in school. What do you think? Is this something I should continue to pursue and just keep letting her know that I won’t ruin her career or should I give up? Is she just being careful?

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like if she is in medical school or studying to get in, she likely does not want a relationship and has nothing to do with friend zone. Seeing as how you are trying to achieve the same, you should know how much work that can be.

Perhaps she is just telling you the truth that she is not interested in relations and she is putting her studies first, which she (and you) should be doing. There is plenty of time after school is over and careers begin for relationships.

I would respect the fact she wants to just remain friends and concentrate on studies. You never know what might happen in the future if you remain in touch.

[Asker]

Thank you for this. Makes me feel much better about it. I just overthink everything. You don’t rush things that you want to last forever

[PrettyPriya]

Exactly! That is a good attitude to have. Stay close and maybe when things settle or you get in the groove of school it will all change. She may just develop feelings out of the friendship you share.

That happens. One day, she may realize... hey this is a really great guy. Not unheard of. Best of luck to both of you with the med school!

[Squaresquirrel]

How about you invite her out?
"I would like to take you out on a date" emphasize date so she knows it is a date and not a hang out.
If she says no to that too, then back off and focus on your own thing but you would know for 100% sure and you can move on if you really don't want to be her friend

Personally, I would sometimes say "you're a good friend" if I wanted to provoke him, to see if he does anything about it, or not. Not saying your friend would do the same, it's just me.

[Asker]

I am worried about asking her out on a date straight up, we have never seen each other in person. I wanted to “hangout” with her first hopefully this summer IF she has time then later ask her out on a date. But I don't know I am so overthinking it.

[Squaresquirrel]

OH, okay, I didn't realize you haven't met. That changes everything. Then I would say, move on if you don't live close enough to meet regulary. Life is too short to waste on someone, waiting for the summer when you might meet.
But yes, you are overthinking it too.

[Asker]

We live in the same city, just I know she is super busy, she literally just does school. I was waiting for summer because that’s when we both should be free to at least meet

[Squaresquirrel]

What PrettyPriya said is a good advice, I would only add, don't wait for the school to end. Don't waste years on hope. Stay friends, but give chance to others who would be more open.
But at least invite her for a coffee on a Saturday morning , she needs to have some rest too. If she says no to that, then the first part of my reply applies.
Seriously, life is too short to waste years.

[random_girl95]

As I understood from your description she sees you just as a friend. Her studies are more important to her than relationships. If you can't accept the fact that she sees you as a friend and forget about any romantic interaction then you should stop talking to her.

[dazzinu69]

Only time will tell

[Anonymous]

Maybe

[Asker]

Maybe what?

[Opinion Owner]

most likely you are