I have a feelings for a girl who works in my office. She recently became very good friend?

[alimusharfx111]

I couldnt control my feelings and revealed my feelings to her on message. From that point she became very reserved to me. I tried to persuade of fear of loosing her as friend. Recently i wrote a message but she didn't reply. She also made a plans to hang around with other office fellow but i was ignored no one asked me to join. I recently seen her office but i didn't show myself to her because she didn't respond to my last message. I feel quite unsecure and could have any idea how to face that embracement? please tell me how can i face her with true confidence and elegance. Should i interact with her in friendly way or reserved manner?

[Anonymous]

I would send her a last message asking if she wants to talk about it. And also add that if she does not, then you hope you can forget about it and still be good colleagues.
You crossed a line of no return when you send that message and I'd say now you should not do more to get her. But if she wants to talk about it maybe you can solve it and still be friends.

[alimusharfx111]

I like her so much , still so much is passed and i couldn't completely forget her. She wasn't very beautiful but I don't know i like her so much. There are other girls in town who are more beautiful but i find connection with her and suddenly she ignored me after that text...

[alimusharfx111]

Consider u are at her place and i send u this? How would u react?

[Opinion Owner]

But she is obviously not interested. Sorry, but best is to move on. Alternatively get a new job and then keep flirting and getting to know her better to see if she comes around, the work place is really not the place to do that.

I did have someone who liked me, or at least confessing some kind of interest indirectly. Made me very uncomfortable. I had to go to work and could not ignore him completely. I even tried to talk to him about it, but he started again some time after.

[alimusharfx111]

Confession of feeling is good or bad idea? How did he make u uncomfortable? What have u done after that?

[Opinion Owner]

in a work context I personally think it is a bad idea to say what your feelings are, unless you are willing to take the consequences and find another job. also if the feelings are reciprocated it is better to not work together when starting a relationship I think. Can go bad sooner or later, and there are also colleagues who maybe have to work in a tense environment because of this.
But now it is done, so better to move on, than keep pursuing it when she is not feeling the same anyway.

He would for example give unprofessional compliments in meetings with colleagues, ask if I need help with work things, or ask for help to get me alone and come with more flirty remarks.
He eventually left the workplace so it is not an issue anymore.

[devilman666]

Confessing your feelings is only good if the lady feels the same way... but also she will refuse to give you any signs until you confess. Basically, as men, we are expected to just confess to any beautiful girl and if the girl doesn't like us then we just confess to someone else. If you are hurt because a girl rejected your confession then it makes you look weak, so never confess to a girl you actually like, because that makes you vulnerable. If she rejects you, best to just move on quickly and find a new girl to confess to. Sadly, expectations for men haven't changed in like 100 years, so we always have to be the ones confessing, meaning we just have to confess over and over until a girl accepts it. I wish we lived in a world of mutual confessions, but we don't, the vast majority of women hate confessing their feelings and want you to make the first move. However some women also get upset if you make a first move and she isn't into you, so it can be very hard to read, you just gotta confess over and over and ignore the ones who get upset.

[Opinion Owner]

@devilman666 what is your point? confessing you're feelings or not? You write to confess feeling to as many as possible (sorry but how many girls do guys actually get genuine feelings for? xD), and then you also write, 'never confess to a girl you actually like'. Wtf.

[devilman666]

Confessing to girls you actually like is a risk to your confidence, and confidence is the most important thing a man can have. If you get rejected by someone you really like, it hurts, and it can make you scared to confess again and get hurt again. So it's better to confess to a stranger, that way if you get rejected it doesn't hurt. You can just say, "always more girls like her anyways", and move on without a care in the world.

Guys get genuine feelings for girls pretty often, we just tend to hide it because like I said, girls who you have feelings for are the dangerous ones. They're the ones that will hurt you, cripple your confidence, and leave you as a broken mess that no other girl would want.

[Opinion Owner]

@devilman666 so what is it that you confess to girls you do not like? that you find them attractive? At some point you do need to tell you have feelings anyway if you want things to evolve into a relationship. There is a risk of getting hurt, that is a point about having feelings, they actually mean something. Being attracted without genuine interest is just superficial and you will only get something superficial from that.

[devilman666]

Yeah, you just say "you're a beautiful woman, want to go on a date some time?". Some guys will leave relationships if they catch feelings for her, it's scary being in a relationship that can actually hurt you, especially when your entire value as a human is based off of your confidence. Personally, I believe that when men fall in love, they fall harder than women do. When my grandma died from cancer, my grandpa has remained single for 20 years and didn't even go on a single date. When my great aunt's (my grandfathers sister) husband died from cancer, she remarried a couple years later. Yeah but getting hurt as a man is much worse, it hurts the confidence and makes us have less desire towards confessing again, it makes us weak and afraid, but men should always be strong and fearless, so getting hurt like that is very dangerous because it hurts your value as a man, no woman wants a broken man, so if you give your heart to a woman, you have to be 100% certain she won't break it. I agree it's superficial, but that's better than getting a scar on your heart that will make it impossible for you to love or be loved.

[Opinion Owner]

@devilman666 then I say better to have loved once than never. But if you want to risk staying single the rest of your life, this sure is the way to go.

[devilman666]

Easy for you to say when you're more likely to break hearts than get your broken, also men will accept a broken woman, women will not accept a broken man.

Also, do you know that men commit suicide 3 times more often than women? Divorced men are more than twice as likely to commit suicide when compared with single men. Clearly men do not agree that it is better to have loved once than not at all, men want a long lasting love, not one that will spit in their face and destroy their life after 5 years together.

https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/men-are-dying

You think it's okay because your life isn't being destroyed, it's not the same for men, I'm not blaming the women who divorced these men for their suicides, but I am pointing out that they did not have enough support, and they were clearly hurt far more than you recognize.

If I ever find a woman who manages to earn my trust, then I'll probably be willing to risk my heart again, I'm a dumbass who desperately wants to love and to be loved. I'm just not willing to throw myself in front of a bus for a woman who would throw me under that same bus if it benefitted her. My friend is married now, and his relationship gives me hope, I think he found a genuinely good woman, which I think is rare in today's society. In my opinion, good women don't use men, they are independent and only look for serious relationships when they fall in love. In my view, too many women nowadays are playing games with men's hearts, or using them to enjoy an easier lifestyle. Why do you think women always marry a man who makes more than she does? She wants to be protected and provided for, she just doesn't want to be controlled in anyway, therefore she wants to use men without giving anything in return.

[devilman666]

My other friend just went through a really superficial relationship that he thought was serious, it's hard to let him down gently because he gets really emotional but it seemed pretty obvious to me before that that their relationship was fake af. One day she told him she loved him, then the next she was no longer in love with him, she wanted out, she went off to "drive around with a friend", which we all know is code for "getting fucked by her new guy". How are we supposed to trust when women lie about their feelings, use us, and monkey branch (meaning they stay in a relationship until they have another man ready, that way they fan swing from one man to another the way monkeys swing from one branch to another)? Women are superficial and fickle in relationships, so why should men put themselves at risk for these women who don't put their own hearts on the line?

[devilman666]

That way they can swing from one man to another*

[Opinion Owner]

@devilman666 suicide rates tell that men do not seek help as much as women. Women normally have a better network of friends to help when they are going through something tough like a break up. If men made more sure to have a kind of safety net they will probably not go so far. Individuals can try to do this. Looking at statistics and fearing such a fate and therefore avoid it all together is not going to change much. It is anyway also just general trends, by far most men get over break ups and get back out there.
You generalise and focus on really bad cases. I know it is difficult if that is all you are exposed to, but if you look at more people you will see that many relationships and women are not that bad.

[222333444]

Be friendly. She's avoiding you because now she feels awkward. Don't keep pushing your way. That'll just scare her off. It might turn into something. It might not. Buuut it certainly won't if she feels too on edge.

[alimusharfx111]

please dm