What should I do with this girl in my office who is acting in a rather mysterious way (I'd like to stay friends with her)?

[meastupidguy]

I like this girl in my office. Both of us are new joiners and were very good friends. We spent the break time together (I mostly called her. Sometimes, she did). Our friends started to tease us about it that we were onto something, but she told that she was unbothered. After a while, she started to be cold towards me. I gave her space but, after a while with no light, I contacted our mutual friends. No light, I texted her directly about it. She directly told me that she only sees me as a friend. I made the mistake to talking to her directly in the cafeteria. She made a scene, said things like "be an adult" "do not include everyone with yourself". I told her that this will not happen again and completely walked away.

I heard that some of her friends tried to convince her to file a harassment case against me to the authorities, but she refrained. She deleted my phone number but did not block me. So did one of our mutual friends. This went for a week. After that, she blocked me and the mutual friend saved my number. 3 days after that, she called me. She apologized to me and said to forget everything that has happened, things happened because one of our other mutual friends apparently ridiculed her in front of everyone regarding me and made her block me. She told me that she will unblock me and we will meet like we used to and she does not care about what other said anymore. That call was on Monday and I did not contact her that week. I could see her in the cafeteria but she never engaged me in a conversation with me so neither did I. After that week, I called her once in the cafeteria, talked to her but she was extremely dry. After that, I texted her once, she completely ignored my texts. I called her, she did not pick up the call and she did not call back. Whenever we are in close proximity we steal glances, but she breaks off as soon as our eyes meet.

What should I do in this situation? How should I approach? What can be done?

[Anonymous]

I would love to hear again how @boobslayer treats women in his office. ﾠ ﾠ

[BoobSlayer]

The slutty ones or the pregnant ones?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know which category @wilmareportu falls in

[Opinion Owner]

Did wilma get MHO here?

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on this situation, I would recommend distancing yourself from this coworker and avoiding any further attempts at friendship or communication. Here are my reasons:

• Her behavior towards you has been inconsistent, dramatic and even hostile at times. This suggests an unhealthy dynamic that is best avoided.

• Her blocking you, getting friends involved and threatening to file a harassment claim indicate a lack of maturity and communication skills on her part.

• Even if she later apologized, her subsequent cold and ignore behavior show the apology was not genuine or meaningful.

• Stealing glances but then looking away suggests confusion or lingering interest on her part, but not enough to actually pursue a real friendship.

• Continuing to pursue this person risks making things even more awkward and potentially jeopardizing your job. It's best to move on.

• Friendships at work require a foundation of respect, clear communication and consistency. This dynamic does not have those things.

• Focus your energy on more stable, healthy friendships - both at and outside of work. Leave this woman be.

• If she approaches you in the future seeking to reconnect, judge her behavior going forward before deciding how to proceed. For now, distance is best.

In summary, this coworker has shown she is not ready or willing to have a healthy, drama-free friendship with you. Any further attempts at connection likely risk more confusion, frustration and potential issues at work. For your own wellbeing and career, I recommend letting this one go and focusing your energy elsewhere.

[meastupidguy]

Damn man. Thank you😎.

by the way, her ignoring me after the apology call, do you think she is trying to get a reaction out of me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on what you've described, I don't think she's trying to get a reaction out of you by ignoring you. Her behavior since the beginning suggests she's just not interested in a close friendship.

Some things to consider:

1) When she first became cold and distant, it was likely a genuine expression of her feelings - that she only saw you as a colleague, not a friend.

2) Her blocking you on social media further confirms she wants distance. That was a clear signal, not a "test" to get your attention.

3) Her apology call seems like she may have felt bad for overreacting in the cafeteria, but it doesn't change the underlying fact that she's not comfortable being close with you.

4) Her continuing to ignore your texts/calls after the apology indicates this isn't a game to get a reaction - she just has no interest in engaging.

5) When you see her in person, she breaks eye contact quickly. This suggests she still feels uneasy or awkward around you.

So in summary, all of her actions point to her genuinely wanting space and distance, not trying to pull you into some kind of "test" or manipulation. The best course is to respect her wishes, remain professional but distant, and move on emotionally from any hopes of friendship.

The most likely explanation is just that you read the initial signals wrong - she saw you as a colleague, not a friend - and things got awkward from there. But no need to play "mind games." Just accept it for what it is and focus your energy elsewhere.

Hope this perspective provides some clarity. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[meastupidguy]

This sounds harsh. But, truth is truth. Let's do it then.

[meastupidguy]

It's just that, it has been hard for me to take it.
As she said in the call that "we will meet like we used to, I don't care who says what" and previously when these things did not happen, she called me when I did not to meet me. These things still linger in my heart. But, I will have to forget them. Somehow.

[meastupidguy]

The blocking thing, she said once that she had a fight with a guy regarding me and ge told her to block me (I take that with a pinch of salt). The day of apologetic call, she said that she will unblock me. But she unblocked me after 2 days. Things are really idiotic. I will just ignore all of it. Will only talk to her if she does. If not, we will not talk anymore until we need to.

[Oliverlogan263]

You've got the right attitude with just letting it go and moving on. Some additional thoughts:

• Her words and actions are inconsistent and confusing. Trying to analyze or make sense of them will just drive you crazy. The situation clearly stressed her out, so she may not have been thinking clearly.

• It's best not to try and "figure her out." People are complex and sometimes we don't understand each other fully, no matter how good our intentions are. Accept that and let it go.

• Focus on processing your own feelings around this. Reflect on any lessons you can take from it to improve yourself and avoid similar situations in the future. Your growth is within your control.

• Interacting with her minimally and professionally keeps things simple and drama-free. It allows you both to move on with your lives. There's wisdom in that approach.

• If she does eventually want to reconnect on a personal level, that will be her choice. But give yourself permission to say no if interacting with her still feels uncomfortable or triggering. You have to put your own wellbeing first.

• With time and distance, any awkwardness may fade. But you can't force a genuine connection. So focus your energy on other fulfilling aspects of your life for now.

Overall, moving on with grace and letting go of needing to understand her is the wisest path forward. Simply interact in a polite, professional manner and see what (if anything) develops naturally over time. But set clear boundaries that feel right for you. You've got this - wishing you all the best moving forward.

[_Maya_]

She seems like drama from what you write. I have no clue about some of what you describe though. You talked to her in the cafeteria and she threw a fit? That seem extreme. My best advice is focus on your job and forget about friendship or whatever you wanted it to be with her. I cannot believe she would be able to file harassment over anything you stated here. There isn't anything harassing about talking to a coworker. Unless I am missing something just do your job which is what you should be doing anyhow.

[meastupidguy]

Her friends were trying to convince her to file a case against me. She did throw a fit. She started to say things like "be a adult and stop including everyone" and all.
Anyway, I was just thinking that why would she ignore me after the apology call?

[_Maya_]

She started to ignore because she is drama dude. I would stay away from this one.

[meastupidguy]

At first I thought that as we were coworkers, she wanted to have a opening to talk to me if she ever needed any kind of help or we were thrown into the same project.

[_Maya_]

I totally get your view of it. That is normal coworker behavior. She just seems like she isn't as practical thinking as you are.

[meastupidguy]

Really, if you want the things to be normal, why ignoring and avoiding?
Highschool games.

[_Maya_]

They are high school games 1000%

[meastupidguy]

Once I asked her that if she had a boyfriend. She directly told me that she did not. Then, after sometime, she told me that she had one whom she had attachment issues with because he worked from a different city so she considers herself single.

Anyways, do you think that she is doing it to get some sort of reaction out of me?

[_Maya_]

It is either that or to see if you are down to hook up with someone in a relationship. She is trying to justify it by saying she is not technically dating because of the situation.

[meastupidguy]

No, I mean, why ignore after that apologetic call?
It's kind of irritating tbh.

[Anonymous]

It really depends. ﾠ ﾠ

[meastupidguy]

Like?

[JackCarter]

Just ignore her like she ignores you!
Never give up your self respect...

[meastupidguy]

I am doing that right now.

[Nikki1989]

I don't see the problem here, just ignore her.

[In_Trance]

Block her and move on

[meastupidguy]

That the issue. We are coworkers and I cannot block her.