Why do so many women find taken guys more attractive when all else is equal?

[Anonymous]

Without fail I’ve had several women suddenly become very visible and available when I've been in relationships in the past. I didn’t cheat.

But here is why I think women do this:

• Taken guy usually doesn’t care what other women think of him. This makes him more himself and he says/does what he wants. Women see this as confidence. He is more of challenge
• Women see him as being “tested” by other another women and somehow of better of value
• Women are competitive of what they perceive as the top male (which he may or may not be). Kitty cats compete. They get jealous of other girls.

What this results in:

• taken guys being more tempted to cheat.
• single guys being passed up and becoming increasingly more frustrated
• Paranoia and broken hearts for women who got cheated on
• Bad reps for females who intentionally go after taken males.

This is bad all the way around for everyone. If if a girl manages to steal another woman’s man... who is to say he will stay with her?

Anyway I see women demanding men to change their behavior all the time in the modern world. But will women ever change this?

I’m personally not at all more attracted to a taken women. If I find out she has a boyfriend/husband I will immediately stop pursuing her. Three times in my life I was hit on by married women but I turned them all down (one was gorgeous too). Adultery is adultery.

Updates

+1 y

Again this is from my observations. I don’t pursue taken women.

I have hit on women who I did NOT know where taken. Some of them didn’t tell me they had a boyfriend/husband. That’s different.

But I personally think it’s bad karma trying to seduce a girl to cheat.

Updates

+1 y

This question is inherently “sexist” I admit. Not surprisingly I got some nasty replies about it. But I have no doubt women are generally worse about this then men.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t asshole guys out there who pursue taken women nor is there plenty of decent women who let off they find out a guy is single. But seriously I find women are more competitive over this.

[Anonymous]

Your explanations for it are pretty much on point. Taken guys are ‘proven’ to be worthy; in that other girls want them, they’re more loyal, and are boyfriend-material. Girls like the social proof that taken men have.

They also like to one-up another girl (especially if the other girl is more physically attractive than she is) to prove her “value” by getting the guy. In her mind, if she can get another girl’s boyfriend, she is just as pretty or just as valuable as that girl. This is why a lot of very attractive women have jealous girls hitting on their boyfriends. It’s very twisted but some girls are like this. I would never take another girl’s boyfriend because that’s just a nasty thing to do.

[Asker]

thanks for owning up to that. Anyway it almost seems like an exercise in futility to demand females change their behavior. However women HAVE changed men (in general) in the last 50 years via feminism.

This dynamic creates a lose lose lose scenario. Not saying it will magically change overnight but still it’s fucked up.

Also again their are scumbag guys who do this and decent women who don’t. But let’s be honest women tend to be worse about this.

[myname604]

Contrary to feminist propaganda, women are competitive and possessive, we want what we can not have, we are more territorial then men. We are complicated so it is best for you not to try to understand everything but there are some little things you need to know but if we have to explain it to you, you simply don't get it.
W are neurotic and can be violent. You don't need to be psychic but you should be able to understand us.
Do you understand?

[Asker]

Thank you for owning up to that.

[coachTanthony]

Simple because women are attracted to men who have already been signed off by another woman!

[Dalton57]

I'm having that experience now.
This year I've been in two relationships.
The second one seems to have triggered some girls.
These are girls that I tried with before the first relationship but they weren't really interested.
Now, with this second relationship I've seen some serious (non-physical) flirting from a couple girls but one girl actually seems bitter judging by her sarcasm.

A lot of girls seem to be more interested in talking to me. Some of them are going out of their way to comment on my appearance, telling me how much they like how I do my job (my personality) but this one girl is a bit nasty. She was the one I was closest to having a relationship with. She didn't seem to care at all about my first relationship this year.

So what's up with that?

I suspect it's not as simple as just being taken.
I do believe it's connected to my behaviour though.
Their perception of the relationship as revealed by my behaviour maybe.

As other guys have said I steer clear of women in a relationship.
It's why nothing became of my attempts with the unhappy girl. She mentioned she had a boyfriend. I backed off immediately. Maybe that's not what she wanted, I don't know.

Interesting topic for discussion. I am really interested in the girl's opinion of this topic.

[rjroy3]

I have mixed reasoning. On one hand you had to be a certain way to get your girl. Which happens to be good enough to get that other girl you notice now. You didn't change, but your circumstances.

On the other hand, when you take other girls off the table you're free to live your live and simply notice the girls who have always showed you interest that you overlooked while single.

Then there's girls noticing other girls like you. That universally makes you more attractive to other girls if for nothing more than this is a sign that they can be safe around you.

If I so much as go out somewhere with my sister I see the difference. Go out with my sister and my girlfriend? Even more. Remember one time my waitress basically threw herself at me in front of my girlfriend and my sister.

[Asker]

Yeah I hung out with sister about 2 weeks ago and a random (older) woman walked up to me and asked where the nearest ATM was for Chase bank. She has GPS on her phone. My sister called it that she was trying to flirt with me (too bad she wasn’t very attractive.).

I’ve had random women hit on me while I was out on dates. That actually pissed me off (one grabbed my crotch on a dance floor once). If the roles were reversed all hell would of broken loose.

Still though this behavior in women is counterproductive and stupid when it comes to dating. I sure as hell don’t hit on taken women in public. Even if the other guy might be her brother or just a friend I still don’t do it.

[Finchie40]

Probably the challenge and thrill of it , hard to get , Guys do this as well , I think it comes down to the person that is pursuing a taken person , thinking they are better then that taken person’s partner , it’s a ego booster , . It’s similar to how a single person will really like someone and the person they like has no clue , that they like them , but when they find out that they like them and they decide to like them back they are no longer interested , the thrill of the chase is over , Girl’s tend to do that more than guys do. Can’t tell you how many times I have witnessed that , where a girl will like me a lot and then when I find out she likes me and then I like her back , she is no longer interested , Why girl’s are like cats lol

[Splatzonelover1]

Yep this did happen with guys that I did have relationship. Women did find him more attractive and was for thriving and is was challenging to get person to cheat. Other women started drama when I always did have a boyfriend. One women theated me to break up with my first boyfriend and he did also cheated.

[Slartybartfast]

After my divorce, the ONLY time women showed interest was when I was wearing my wedding ring.

I wore my ring for years after as I wasn't dating anymore and thought (wrong) it would keep women away. (Quite the opposite)

Also married men gain status ( or I should say unmarried men are viewed with more suspicion) .

[Anonymous]

I agree with your explanation, it seems like this is the same thing with taken girls too. When I was single I rarely got hit on or the guys I liked didn't like me back. When I got my first and current boyfriend, more guys started hitting on me and some of the guys who didn't want me before started liking me.

[billboy567]

Guys do this too. I personally think all women have a home wrecker chip in them. Only low self esteem women allow it to take control though same for guys.

[shadyresidence]

I've had this happened , roles reversed, maybe people only like what they can't have or we didn't seem appealing until after someone took notice of us. People be weird

[CallmeTheKnight]

Low hanging fruit tends to be the easiest to get, but they're not as good as the fruit who are hanging higher and alone

[Account]

To be honest I have always been hitten on more when I was taken too, so I don't think it is a gender issue.

[slatyb]

It's like having a recommendation from another woman.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Women, AND MEN, for that matter

want what they can't have

ITS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY, ALWAYS WILL BE

[Asker]

I have never found taken women more attractive. I never met a woman who “I was on the fence with” then all of the sudden want to pursue her she got a boyfriend.

Yes I’m being sexist. But there really is a bigger issue with women on this.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

I guarantee you, you want women MORE when they're taken

[Asker]

Not true in my experience. Once they are gone they are gone.

But many taken women love just LOVE to keep orbiters around them. I refuse to be one.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

I guarantee you, you do

[canucker90]

a guy who wants drama will pursue a girl who’s taken. That’s not a funny matter. If a girl is taken a guy should leave her alone. If not, a girl could tell her boyfriend to go kick the guys ass. I’ve heard so many disputes involving two guys where one pulls a gun on the other over a girl. When a girl is taken, move on.

[Dalton57]

Orbiters are weird and creepy. They can and do cause problems in the girl's future relationships.

[Dalton57]

The only men I've known who persue a girl that they know is in a relationship were doing it on purpose.

They got their kicks out of fucking someone else's girlfriend or SO. It was some kind of ego or power thing.

If I'm interested in someone and I think they might be interested in me I try to find some way to ask them if they have a boyfriend.

[Asker]

@Dalton57 yeah I got a principle about never doing that. I confess there was one time way back in college where I did this because I started dating the girl first (not official) and then she went to some other guy, still kept talking to me (even calling me) which gave me a deluded hope I could steal her back. I didn’t know what the friendzone was back then but she confidently shoved me into it (hard lesson back then). If she was still single I would of only kept pursing more consistently.

Anyway to get back to my point. I am NOT more attracted to taken women. Even if I do not like the guy she is with I figure if she will cheat on him she will cheat on me. I don’t pursue it. I’ll stay friendly but not “friends”. Big difference.

[Dalton57]

I thought it was important to put it out there because of posters who wrongly claim that all men persue woman who are in a relationship.

It's been my life experience that only an asshole would do this. They couldn't care less about the girl. They just want to fuck her and/or fuck up her SO. It's how they get their kicks or maybe how they get their revenge on a world they think owes them something.

[hi_it_is_me123]

You can't steal anyone's man. He made this choice. Only incesure beta simps like taken men

[crazy8000]

Forbidden fruit.
Doesn't deserve better.
Want a peace of it.

[In_Trance]

Because your energy changes. The desparation if being single disappears and they see a better picture of who you really are

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Psychologically, humans desire what they can't have.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why so many men find taken girls more attractive when all else is equal

[JustMe62]

Because many of them want whats out of reach or they like a challenge.

[Anonymous]

it's in women's nature, they would destroy relationships to get in instead of working on something, because people in relationships are much easier to break.

[CallmeTheKnight]

I don't know how you came about your results for single guys but I have no sympathy for a woman with a broken heart. She's responsible for it since she picked the man that broke it.

[Asker]

I dunno if that’s fair. I have seen plenty of women make disgusting stupid self destructive dating decisions. That is they date assholes and the writhing is on the wall they will get burned but they do it anyway. Those women don’t deserve a shoulder to cry on. They made their bed now lay in it.

But to be fair there are other scenarios where the guy seemed decent on the surface. There are sociopaths out there and that’s a different story.

[shadyresidence]

So if a woman broke your heart, does that apply to you?

[CallmeTheKnight]

Yes it applies to me. When you pick bad, you get did badly

[CallmeTheKnight]

People reveal who they are with time and stress. When we make bad decisions, we make them, not anyone else. If we stay with someone who doesn't reciprocates and is a bum, then we made that bad decision.

Too many people avoid working on "Self" and healing, but would rather want to carry the emotional baggage to the next potential partner. People limit themselves because of the damage that refuse to heal from. I've met a few women who were decent on the surface and as soon as they got comfortable, here comes the insecurities and drama.

[Asker]

It’s a 2way street. I broke up with my last girlfriend because I didn’t see a future with her and the physical attraction faded fast. Truth is I wasn’t that attracted to her to begin. But I told myself to stop being a shallow dbag since I’m not getting younger. She had a good personality but I later found out she came from a VERY fucked up family. It was one thing if she can grew apart from that but she didn’t.

Anyway I have no regrets breaking it off. I did it respectfully face to face (2 hour ordeal) and she went psycho ballistic which further confirmed I was in the right.

BUT I do have one regret. When I was “trying to look deeper” I gave her false hope. It’s not “her fault” she didn’t see through it. Given that I had other women do this too me I really should of known better to not do it to someone else. But I did and I own up to that.

[AmeerX]

@CallmeTheKnight you are an idiot. That's not true at all

[CallmeTheKnight]

@AmeerX whatever you say, but people choose their partners. If she's chosen a taken man and is hurt because he didn't want her in the end, then who's problem is it? You learn what you're getting into after awhile of being with someone.

[CallmeTheKnight]

That is one good way to look at it. When the attraction was no longer there, I'm certain you questioned yourself over and over again and even had doubts, but the experience was soon to pass. Still, everyone has a part to play when the relationship begins and end, no matter the outcome.