Girl didn't offer to help pay for date?

[Anonymous]

I recently went out with a girl, and she didn't offer to contribute at all. We were at a bar, and she drank quite a bit, and she was hungry so I also ordered food. I live in a major city, and vast majority of the time, girls have insisted on contributing to dates. I'm not a high schooler and I don't date children. I date grown, working, professional women.

I'm genuinely angry that she didn't even offer to buy me one drink. I view it as discourteous and childish. She has a job, so she can damn well pony up for one lousy drink.

Just curious to hear other people's ideas. I know everyone is different, and I see nothing wrong with my opinion. I want to date a partner, not a child who can't take care of herself.

[ltmcneill]

Maybe I am old fashioned but if a guy didn't pay for the first few dates , I would answer my phone, except if he is having major financial problems. I always say "please and "thank you" for him paying for me. I never use guys, if I don't like a guy I won't let him pay for me. but guys I like, and who claim to like me, better treat me like a lady. After the first few dates , then I start chipping in. Most guys I date won't even let me pay or offer, that's how I like it. it is a turn on for a man to want to provide for his woman, when man makes a big deal about paying for dinner its a turn off. My father always told me if a man wants you/ and likes you / and sees a future with you he won't complain about a few bucks for dinner. he will enjoy doing that because you are his girl. Given this, I don't try to order the most expensive thing or run up a large tab. I am very respectful and gracious for anything a man gives me. I know some women would say you should go dutch , but I am not down with that. I like a gentleman that open doors for me, makes me feel protected, and wants to provide for me. I can provide for myself but the fact he wants to take care of his girl is sexy and my definition of a man. In return , I will take very good care of him. But him taking the initiative to take me out, shows he sees me as worth his time. Doesn't mean everything, because some guys will do that and still just want to f***. But most of the time, a man doens't want to fork out bucks on a chick he just wants to bang...he wants to be as cheap as possible and get the goodies.

[digital_haze]

everything can be solved with just one solution. Offer to pay. If he's a gentleman, he'll not let you and pay the bill. He'll feel better that you offered and you be happy that he payed. If he accepts your offer to pay then you know right there that he's not the type of guy you want so it makes things easy. Win/win.

[ltmcneill]

good call! sometimes I forget though...make it easier to quickly weed out those that don't fit the bill! I shall implement this

[Asker]

That's very interesting, and thanks for your insight. It's just a matter of personality. When I pay like this for the girl, and she never even offers to buy me just one drink, I view it as "I'm paying this person to hang out with me." And that really angers me. I don't pay money to hang out with someone. And where will it end? If she and I actually end up BF/GF, will I have to budget a big chunk of my monthly savings just to "show her a good time?" That's just me.

[Anonymous]

If you asked her out, you should expect to pay. I do think that she showed poor manners for a date by drinking a lot. I have always been careful to not drink like a fish or expect food on a date that clearly is not a dinner date. I also always offer to help pay for the date. Most guys turn the offer down but I always am prepared to follow through and split the bill.

I personally can buy dinner for myself and my date too. I just am not into a guy who wants to go dutch or have me pay for dates. Once in a relationship I would like the ability to take us out here and there. Certainly if I can afford to go to a very nice place I would like to be able to take my guy there, not hint around that I want him to take us. Most guys don't make the kind of money I do so I am conscious of not wanting to strap them with a big dinner bill.

I also think you should get the kind of girl you want and if you want a girl that offers to go dutch, you should only continue dating girls like that. I am sure this girl is not getting a 2nd date with you.

[Ingrid422]

Here are my rules:

When dating (for a relationship, not casual sex or whatnot), the guy pays.

When in a relationship (at the beginning), the guy pays to show he still cares. The girl pays for herself once in a while.

When in a relationship, the girl pays unless the guy asks her out on a date. In that situation, the guy is kinda expected to pay, but he is welcome to ask the girl to split the tab. It's fine.

So as of now, since I'm in a committed relationship, I usually pay for myself unless we're on a date and 50% of the time, I pay for myself on those occasions. So overall, I pay for myself and once in a while, my boyfriend pays for me.

[digital_haze]

I hear ya man. I'll gladly pay for a date but when a girl acts entitled, its a major turn off.

[candlewax]

I get the argument that "you asked her out, therefore you pay" bit. But at the same time, I understand your annoyance. The fact that she went crazy and drank so much, along with the food, it's all just very tacky. You don't go hog wild on drinks and food unless it's offered in such quantities. It's like someone who orders the most expensive thing on the menu because you're paying and they aren't. How rude.

Liquor ain't cheap and you aren't her personal bar. She could have at least attempted to chip in if she realized she had been drinking so much.

[dryad]

This is why I like my sex money paid to me in cash not alcohol.

[Asker]

Truth: the only other times this has happened to me, the girl ended the night by coming home with me and having sex. This one just hugged me goodbye and left.

[dryad]

Well she was under the impression you were going to pay for everything. She's probably a gold-digger, testing to see how much she could take from you, and the more you gave the more respect she lost for you, thus the less likely she was going to sleep with you. That could've been what was going through her mind.

[Asker]

Makes sense. Though, I was assuming she'd offer to buy a drink or something. I wasn't fawning all over her like "ohhh you're so hot, I'll buy anything you want". I don't feel rejected, I feel taken advantage of. I've dated other hot girls, and they didn't pull this.

[MulanBarbie]

I feel like she might have been using you. How did you two meet? Was this your first date? Is she a shy kind of girl?

[Asker]

We met through a mutual friend, and it was our first date. She's definitely not shy. She is, however, extremely good looking. But that's no justification in my eyes. I don't believe hot girls should be "paid" to hang out with guys. And I have more self respect than that.

[MulanBarbie]

Have you told your friend who set you up with her? Did she flirt a lot and keep eye contact or fiddle around and show nervous habits?

[Asker]

I don't think I'll tell my friend; don't want it to get awkward. She was flirty, but I was so appalled as the date went on that I lost interest. She wanted to go out again, but I don't feel like blowing more cash. I'd rather spend the money on myself or hang out with my friends. As a girl, do you see her side?

[vmw2008]

Just don't go out with her again if it bothered you and you view her as a child. Problem solved.

[Asker]

Oh I already turned her down for another date. She called to say hi, I said I was busy, and I'm sure she got the message.

[vmw2008]

Then why the need for the question? You said yourself, most women you go out with don't act like her anyway.

[b61983]

why would she? its a guys job to pay...like its a girls job to clean the dishes

[Asker]

Zing!

[mwaaa92]

u belong paying, its the guys job. its rude for you to even want her to pay

[Moloch]

It's your job to stay in the kitchen.

[nickydrakeluva]

no no no no no no if you invited her its your job to pay but if she invited you she cn pay half but a gentlemen wudnt let her do tht no matter wat