Should I be concerned my wife is cheating?

[Anonymous]

Long story short my wife is in nursing school. She has a study group she spends a lot of time with. They go out every now and then for drinks. There’s this guys in her group. I’ve watched them interact and they seem almost a little too comfortable for my liking. They joke around and laugh quite a bit. I don't know if it’s just me in my head at this point. The study group was supposed to go out together recently and everyone but my wife and the dude cancelled. She said she felt bad because he was ready so she went anyways. I found out by going through her phone. When I asked her about it she said she didn’t think it was a big deal and was annoyed that I didn’t trust her and went behind her back. You hear stories of people cheating in nursing school so that plays in my head. I know how academically rigorous nursing school can be so I haven’t really said anything else. What do you guys think?

[LogicBomber]

Signs she is fucking someone else:
-“he’s just a friend”
-“it’s not like that”
-“I don’t think of him that way”
-“he’s like a brother”
-“I’ve known him my whole life”
“Trust me, there is no one else”.

-If she leaves out a specific name every time she mentions a group of people, she is 1000% fucking or will be fucking that person.

-“you need to trust me”
She is trying to keep you from finding out shit and wants you to stop asking questions

If she mentions a weird truth that makes you feel she can be trusted, but makes her look vulnerable. Ex: “Some random dude asked for my number today.”

Actions that show cheating 1000000000%:
-changing passwords
-talks about someone more than normal
... then stops talking about them completely.
-hiding phone or being protective of it

-telling you something that makes them look like they’re trustworthy about another male.
(“Kevin asked if I wanted a coffee, ew he is gross.”...) she is deflecting from something else

-deleting text messages/emails or letters

-hanging out with people or doing something not ordinary more often.

-doing anything she has to hide.

-Gets angry when you ask basic questions (where were you)

[TheMajesticKing777]

I can see your concern, if everyone canceled and I had a girl and it was just me and some other girl, I'd cancel too, I wouldn't care if the other person got ready, the study group was canceled, if most people cancel then that means the study group is canceled, it bothers my girl and that would be my number one concern, seems to me like she put his happiness over yours in this situation and I'm just a paranoid person in general but that shit would rub me off wrong in this position, it's not even about trust at this point anymore, because if this happened to her I'm sure even if she trusts you, she would be concerned, it's not about the trust for your partner but more on what the other person is going to try on my partner, I'd trust my partner, I wouldn't trust him, I have no reason to trust him, he isn't a friend, he isn't a brother, he is a stranger and you know damn well ima trip, girls say you should trust them when the distrust isn't even on them, it's about the other person, he can grab her and rape her if he was crazy enough and this is what women don't understand when their partner trips about situations.

[TheMajesticKing777]

Bro you tell her what you wanna tell her, it has nothing to do with her, it's the dude that's the problem and that you don't trust him, she can't force you to trust him either, you really shouldn't, sounds like he guilt tripped her as well, how does she know he got ready and why does she feel bad when it's not a big deal to cancel plans, she's either too nice or he's manipulating, because in a normal situation, how he felt at the moment no one should have been concerned about his emotions unless he mentioned it and why would anyone mention it

[TheMajesticKing777]

My brother girlfriend easily canceled plans because my brother felt uncomfortable about the situation and she did it without a problem, with no grudge, no anger and no sadness, she just knew it wasn't worth putting my bro through the struggle

[True_Sage]

Your bro is an actual man who asserts himself

[True_Sage]

And his girlfriend actually gives a shit about his feels not like that other selfish ho. :)

[True_Sage]

I totally agree with your interpretation in message 1. That dude is trying to flex his game. I've been that guy

[TheMajesticKing777]

Yep indeed

[Mamaganja]

As someone in the healthcare field and working on becoming a nurse, flirting is common. Literally all of the men at my job ask me out on a date. Even doctors. Healthcare is one of those fields where you’re around each other so much that flirting is inevitable. Shows like Greys Anatomy are legit when it comes to workplace flirting/everyone sleeping with each other. If you don’t trust your wife, mention to her what’s bothering you.


Though I always believed that if someone is accusing you of cheating, they’re the ones cheating so how she perceives you bringing it up to you could be extremely negative and create problems within the marriage.. esp if she’s not cheating.

[CallmeTheKnight]

That's not just in Healthcare. I work in the medical field as well, but everyone doesn't flirt, go on dates, or sleep with each other like you're saying like all of them do. That's just false.

[Mamaganja]

No it’s not. Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Maybe you’re just not in the loop.

[HollyK21]

Unless there are other, more concerning instances between them then based off what you’ve provided, I don’t see a problem. Cheating is a big accusation, and you want some solid evidence to back it up before even thinking to suggest something like that. Her and a classmate appearing to have some chemistry, coupled with them opting out of the study session or whatever just isn’t enough to create trust issues. You’ll quickly find your relationship in shambles because no one likes to be accused when they aren’t doing anything wrong. Wait to see if some solid proof pops up, but unless that happens then it’s better not to create an issue where there isn’t one.

[True_Sage]

That said... I've f*cked the shit out of the other TA in my class when we get together to mark students work and she has a boyfriend. She texts me behind his back like literally in bed while he's asleep. I laugh her man is a fat loser beta and she just takes it. Sometimes laughs too. I really enjoy that steal lol.

So... you could be right, but I don't know not enough here yet.

[HollyK21]

@True_Sage hey I’m not putting anything past anyone lol that’s why I said given the information provided. What he listed just isn’t enough to accuse his wife of cheating and risk their marriage. If it were more substantial then sure, let’s take a look at it but this just isn’t enough, that’s all.

[True_Sage]

Yeah I agree with you. There's not enough here.

[Zondahyura22]

@True_Sage i didn't know alpha's shaming betas for their appearance and struggles and laugh about them and do things behind people back

[True_Sage]

@Zondahyura22 well no big need to knock on people until they get in your way. And it's hard not to laugh at someone that grovels, begs for someone that doesn't want or respect them. Or needs to get drunk to even confront the girl.

Like... how don't you laugh at that? But... in usual life it's better to appear kinder more measured thoughtful empathetic blah blah blah. Everyone acts. They just don't always know they're acting.

[Zondahyura22]

@True_Sage Well i was talking about the alpha's as you considered that man as beta and you're alpha. To my knowledge alpha's is brave and never have such things shaming people for their struggles and appearance
its well known alpha's lift people and inspire them and always show help. only when things goes wrong and there's threat thats the moment when the tough side show up.

Laugh on them or shame them or talk behind their back as you laugh behind them. But don't mix good with bad and alpha's with betas and talk shit behind that man who knows he might beating himself every morning to provide her and himself good life while that woman make laugh at him with you. If you're alpha enough then go and laugh in front of him and say what you want in the face.

Just a question based on what you considered him as beta and you're alpha? Who's the coach or who told you about alpha's and betas?

[True_Sage]

@Zondahyura22 yeah that isn't the right definition. You're thinking of heroes in cheesy superhero movies. Not alpha personality.

It's about dominance assertiveness and not grovelling/begging. Alpha can be manipulative or not. It's not a requirement.

Brave sure. But you don't go running around helping everyone like a game character being noble all day long. And I don't know where he lives or works. How or why travel all that way just to laugh and go home? His job to control his girl or leave her.

[True_Sage]

So they're not supposed to be bad or good. Just assertive and not get pushed around or taken advantage of.

[True_Sage]

@Zondahyura22 of course he wants to provide for her lol. So she takes what he gives abd sleeps with me lol. Far as I know they haven't has sex in a few months. Tho this girl lies so you never know.

[Zondahyura22]

@True_Sage The definition im talking about i have seen it and lived it and seen people talking about it. Not from cheesy movies at all.

Dominance can be in coward way too there's big difference between real alpha's and someone showing off alpha's are genuine i believe alpha's never show's off unless there's a need.

I didn't say running and helping everyone like game characters or noble. Some people doesn't even deserve the help. His job to do his best he can never control someone behaviour or actions people have different behaviours and habits its based on what they Believe and where their mindset belongs too and some may get effected because of some trauma or whatever event. Now of course he must leave if he finds out that's another story.

By now you probably understand alpha's and betas

[True_Sage]

@Zondahyura22 genuine? Huh. Never heard that as part of the definition. As I think of it Stalin or George Washington could both be alphas. They can be noble or monsters.

What do you mean "do his best"? Not sure what that means. You shouldn't be a servant to anyone. If your woman gives properly to you, you give properly to her. If she isn't doing her part she deserves to be corrected.

Does that make sense?
Anyway. Tell me what "do your best" means?

[True_Sage]

@Zondahyura22 he going to find out soon i bet. Sounds like he's very suspicious and upset :) but I bet he will try to beg her to stop seeing me and come back. He wants to be with her forever kind of thing lol.

I dont really.. she's a bit too much liar and untrustworthy, but a big titty goth girl and that's fun for now.

[Zondahyura22]

@True_Sage You do your best for yourself first and from there if she can't see or appreciate anything then its her fault.
Your best as a man you have security money ambitions and sometimes supportive.

No one can make every one faithful or loyal no matter what you do if the person is not loyal and bad from inside nothing gonaa change. God himself is not loved by everyone.

Our conversation took another way i think its going nowhere and im not type of proving people wrong just the idea and what was talking about.

[True_Sage]

@Zondahyura22 OK. I dint think we were arguing though. This last message of yours makes sense to me and I agree with you.

It's hard to find actually good women though in western big cities.

[Zondahyura22]

@True_Sage This will be the last. You don't know what this man may feel if he founds out i was in similar situation i didn't know she had someone who's in love with the moment he saw us it was like he saw his life shattered to pieces and a grown man was in tears i had to tell him i didn't know about that he knew i was telling the truth i had to leave her couldn't be the reason to break his heart and that woman was cold about it when i confronted her. Well that's your life of course we are free and different but there's thousands of woman out there and one day you marry and want peace of mind i believe if you continue in this way later you will get doubts too. Im not telling do this or that but i believe what you're doing is wrong. We all have choices. Ended

[True_Sage]

@Zondahyura22 I understand. Maybe I'm partly mad about how stressful covid restrictions been in the country and taking it out on others heh.

Thanks for the conversation. Good night.

[Interstate]

Going through her phone was over the top. It just sounds to me as though you are just paranoid. It is o. k to be concerned, but when it gets to the extent of invading privacy, something has got to give. You need to trust and have faith in her. If the two of you have a good solid loving marriage, there should be no reason for you to be concerned about her behavior. But also something else to consider. What was your past like? Did you have a string of relationships that didn't work because they cheated or just failed? Past occurrences can catch up with some people, and in the long run cause damage or interfere with their personal life.

[True_Sage]

You wouldn't say that if he did find good evidence lol. The horrible things I made girls say about their boyfriend behind their back. Getting them begging for my cock while in sleeping at their man's. We talk about fucking in his bed. Like.. find that shit it's diff story. But she would never ever let him in her phone. Sometimes wipes her msgs.

[Interstate]

@True_Sage But keeping in mind he is concerned that she is cheating. There is no definite evidence she is committing wrongdoing. The only way to conclude with a definite yes or no is to hire a private investigator to follow her to see what she is doing when she is around him. Outside of that, he is in a "he said/she said" situation. Where all he can do is speculate.

[True_Sage]

Yes that's true. But her reaction matters. If she gets angry real fast she maybe is guilty and defensive. If she stays calm laughs it off and keeps cool you're probably wrong... unless she's a crazy good liar. Better to ask her calmly so she's less defensive and it might be easier to get at the truth.

It's not an easy situation. I was screwing some dudes girl but eventually he confronts her and she told him. She lied said no for awhile but I'm sure ahe did it kind of sus way

[Interstate]

@True_Sage Something to consider, look at your third sentence about anger and being defensive. Some people are that way by nature; Others from history. And there are people who are just to be that way. They use it as a tool to make themself superior to others. But it all depends on the person.

[True_Sage]

Yeah you're right. Individual differences. Defensiveness is a sign but not the full truth. But.. I'm pretty sus of very defensive women as they tend to minimize male problems and exaggerate theirs. Anyone saying "it's the patriarchy" is a divorce waiting to happen.

[Fuentes]

Personally it sounds SuS & if your gut saw their interactions as off shit could be looking scary or it is scary. Both canceling and then deciding to go anyway to probably meet separately somewhere else. I'd check her for it.

Personally I would never date a nurse i worked in the hospital doing security for a long time & so many married nurses were caught in the parking lot with dr's other nurses or staff, even a few of my co-workers dipped into some married dr's and nurses. I have also done my fair share of sleeping with married woman in the past.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I would give her an ultimatum. She would either need to put my mind at rest or we break up. If she wants to break up then I would know she's been cheating.
Before anyone says of that would backfire.. no I don't agree. If I'm being cheated on I would want to know

[Guy13]

Invite the study group to your residence and cook and study…as a SURPRISE for your wife…like an apology. Extend hospitality.
-The NEXT time you are around them suggest that to individuals and get contact information.
-set-up as apology-surprise for Wifey. Birthday would be killer…free cake, ice cream…beer.

[libsaretards]

Has she ever given you a reason to suspect she is not loyal? If not then you may be looking too deeply into this. What you should do is talk to her. Do not sound like you are accusing her of cheating. Phrase it so that you can express what about their interactions is making you feel uncomfortable and talk them feelings out. How she reacts to that should give you your answer and it is not a dishonest tactic.

[exitseven]

I went to grad school after I was married and used to socialize with a few of the people in my classes. We did projects together and sometimes studied together. Occasionally we would go out for drinks. There were a couple of girls in the group. They were pretty nice looking too but nothing ever happened.

[MissResilient]

I think you both should sit down and have a heart to heart. You’ve brought somethings to her attention but really allow her to see how it’s bothering you. If it comes from a place of love, not possessiveness she should understand.

[shanom]

You can't stop a woman from cheating... you can't let her see that it bothers you, she'll lose whatever respect she has for you and she will see you as less of a man. Then she'll definitely cheat. Go out and make a female friend and throw it back at her

[bamesjond0069]

She met a man alone at a bar without telling you. That is 100% wrong and inappropriate and id demand she drop that class. She can pick it up next semester and if that messes up her plans then too bad so sad. Otherwise she can be a single mom.

[Anonymous]

I've seen less signs than this in a similar situation that ended badly... But then if you don't have proof it's hard since cheaters are meant to hide tracks and gain the trust of their supposed partner. Maybe offer your place to invite them over and if the guy refuses to be friends or acts awkward then you can be more alert. Let's hope she's being truthful

[Anonymous]

She was more concerned with him being let down than she was with what you would think if it got back to you. Can you imagine if the roles were reversed here?

[GMANN56]

Your job is to do the best you can to be what she needs.
It's not your job to stop her from cheating.
You can't do it.
If she is interested in someone else, your spying is
going to drive her to him.

[True_Sage]

Wow. That sounds so beta

[GMANN56]

@True_Sage Small minded people can't survive without putting labels on people.

[True_Sage]

You're saying your job is to service a woman selflessly. You're a small minded slave bro. Beta and not a man. It's not my label you said it yourself.

"Your job" is to serve.
Beta

[GMANN56]

@True_Sage I believe that when you marry a woman it's your job to give her all of you.
It's her job to give you all of her. As long as this guy is doing his part, if she doesn't
hold up her end then it's on her and he can leave. Spying is petty and a guy with any self respect
shouldn't do it. I think a marriage is a even partnership. Call it whatever you need to.

[True_Sage]

OK. It's important to always include that the woman should give her all, too.

In my country men are second class citizens, especially if you are white. Women hold all admin positions in universities and they plus our government are destroying the country. Record inflation, food prices at the highest since 1970s; there will likely be a famine late in the year.

A big part of the problem is we put women on a pedestal and treat men poorly.
So we hate to hear people say men should serve women without saying women should serve men.

Hope you understand.

[True_Sage]

Also our internet is going to be censored like China soon. Laws are on the books now. It's a hellhole. And women + very high divorce rate (triggered by women) are a big part of it.

[GMANN56]

@True_Sage Yeah, no doubt, marriage is 50/50 and I was just making the point that as
long as this guy is doing his part, if she is stepping out, the marriage failing is on her.

[True_Sage]

OK. I understand. Sorry for attacking too much at first - we have a serious problem here with men being de-emphasized/marginalized in society. Many of our TV sitcoms promoted that years ago and now here we are. Too much girl power is destructive.

Thanks for understanding and again apologies. Be well.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You have a legit concern, but from what it sounds like, you're not even telling her your concern and the reason why. Just go ahead and say it bro

[Xoirwinkan]

"Didn't think it was a big deal" already makes me wonder what's up. Sounds like she doesn't really care about your worries and won't even try to reassure you. Sounds like a cheater.

[msc545]

Almost all women cheat, so yes, she is probably doing that. Either get used to it or divorce her because she will not stop.

[Waldoe]

go with her next time... you never get to see her, you hate being left at home, and Afterall, it's just "drinks"

[Zygum]

Better you both discuss about this matter, and go to conclusions, as far cheating is concerned, anyone can cheat, not only nurses

[imfreeze95]

Start writing this stuff down in case you need to see a lawyer and recording her suspicious behavior

[In_Trance]

This is retarded. If you don't trust each other, break up

[rayanderson]

Yes you should be cause she is your wife mother of your kid a side chick or a girlfriend