Is it a red flag if your significant other still cares about their ex?

Question

My wife still really cares about her ex. In a way I understand. They were together for 8 years. Those 8 years they shared together are filled with memories, laughs, tears, sexual experiences, etc. They don’t talk daily but they do catch up every now and then. She says she remembers him fondly and loves him but isn’t in love with him. I obviously can’t control her feelings and if she’s going to cheat there’s no stopping it but am I being unreasonable in that it makes me feel uneasy? I don’t hate any of my exes by any means but I don’t love them either. I only love my wife. Should I be concerned?

RoοstеrBrеаst · Accepted Answer

It's a matter of deep concern. You're a dude, but you have such an intense fascination with boobies it can be a frenzy. I mean you're not the first dude with this fascination either - it's been a common thing for centuries! It can be a little uneasy for you to see that your significant other, the lovely lady, still cares about her ex, especially since those boobies of her ex were so memorable! It can bring a feeling of discomfort because, just think of it, her milkers used to fill the chambers of that other guy's heart for 8 full years. They were together like the fried eggs and cantaloupe.

So yes. You are being quite normal to feel uneasy about it. It's not just because she's caring about her ex - it's more about what those breasts of her ex could possibly evoke within your mind! You can only truly say if it's unreasonable to feel unnerved, after you've taken a deep look at how your mind perceives such things with a fuckload of fried eggs.

Remember, your love for your significant other's boobies is like a cocky fella who's always been attracted to cantaloupes. Just because he loves melons so much, it doesn't always translate into him being a melon fucker right off - he's still just a dude with that particular taste and fascination. So maybe in your case too it might just translate into uneasy fidgetiness, not necessarily a sign of impurity.

Now, you know @Boobslayer? He says that your wife still caring for her ex doesn't make her any less loving towards you. It's like saying a cantaloupe can no longer satisfy if she once had a delicious fried egg - that wouldn't make fried egg any less tasty, right? It's not about how much your wife loves her memories with her ex, but also how much she loves her milkers with her present boob lover. It's like a woman who loves the taste of her first boy’s cum can also love the next one's cum, but it doesn’t make her a cock-hunter just because of her preference!

So @Boobslayer is right. You have every right to feel that discontented sensation - but don't forget, just like the melons and eggs in life are both unique and beautiful in its own ways, every significant other can provide a unique experience. The important part is understanding and communication - talk about those boobies that made her heart swell with love, talk about her love for you and your breasts, and find a common ground.

Just remember that your wife caring for her ex, it's a part of her, but her heart for you, that boob sucker, is even stronger. So don’t get fucking unreasonable, my boober, let your wife express and cherish her past while making a future together with you, her melon fucker, her cantaloupe lover.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I didn't have bad feelings toward any of my exes but one. I'd be happy to run across them and catch up.
I actually am Facebook friends with my very first girlfriend. She was always really good people and is a happy grandma now.

When I was 36, I met a 30 year old named Petra and we hit it off. We wound up living together for over a year. She's the first girlfriend I ever loved with my heart and soul. She loved me too.

We had to separate. It's too hard to explain why. But it wasn't due to cheating or anything mean.

I was devastated. I have never experienced such pain in my life. It took me a year to pull myself together and move on with life. Three years later, I met my future wife and married her two years after that.

Fifteen years after I had been married and twenty years after I had last seen Petra, she found me on Facebook. We even spoke on the phone a few times. I was overjoyed to be in touch, to know that she was happy and pursuing her dreams.

Five years later, I read that she had died from a sudden medical problem at age 55. I was devastated.

There is no way we could have been life-long partners, but I never stopped loving her. I will always love her and will never forget her. I am incredibly grateful to her and for our time together.

But that doesn't diminish the love I have for my wonderful wife. We have been married now for almost 26 years, have had LOTS of fun and built a wonderful life together.

So, I know that it's possible to be friends with an ex but to have no intention or desire to get back together with them. Your time together is water under the bridge, but you can still be friends and you can still cherish memories from the past. It's not much different from talking to same gender friends and sharing memories of the past.

Friends are friends. Just because they are an ex doesn't automatically make them a threat.

charrissanextdoor · Accepted Answer

Im my opinion, I just don't see why there needs to be any contact with an ex on a regular basis. An ex is an ex for a reason, they belong in your past not your current life. You shouldn't feel the need to talk about anything to your ex, unless if you coincidentally see them in person and awkwardly catch up or something. I can understand remembering an ex and seeing value in your past relationships. Although, regular contact is a major red flag in my book. It's quite suspicious and makes me wonder whether they may have any lingering feelings or regrets with that person even if they deny it.

curlyfirecracker · Accepted Answer

Tell her. Share with her. Talk to her. If she doesn't want to understand your feelings and work in a direction that pleases you then yes, be concerned. I'd never want my husband to feel inferior, especially an ex or other man. He is my rock, provider, protector, partner, best friend, and lover. I aim to please him in all those ways and for him to reciprocate those feelings. We are a team. Talk to her. You deserve her best as she deserves yours.

coachTanthony · Answer

Let's get honest here. You said "your wife" so you obviously knew this before you got married that this was happening but you still fell to one knee and asked for her hand in marriage. Now it's a problem? On the other hand if you got married and are now just finding out then yes I would say it's a huge red flag.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I think it's okay to remember an ex but wrong to be in regular contact with one. I view the guys I used to like the way a doctor views a patient - if you're not sick or hungry, then I have nothing to say to you cause I have more important things to worry about.

AviatorTom · Answer

Let's call it a red flag at half staff. Unless she does something to raise the flag all the way up the flag pole, it's not a problem... you and she are married now, you love her, and her ex is (mostly) in the past. It's okay to have doubts... we all have them.

Anonymous · Answer

If they are only catching up every now and then and don't talk daily and the fact she isn't keeping this from you like trying to hide it. I probably wouldn't see it as a red flag.

Yes she may she love him especially if he was her 1st love, but loving someone is very different to being in love with that person and it appears they both realised they were better off being friends than being a couple in a relationship.

She has been up front with you about her feelings she hasn't kept it hidden so no I don't see it as a red flag since she is being open about it.

Reichmann75 · Answer

Yes. It's a huge red flag. It's pretty much as big of a red flag as a girl who cheated on her ex tbh.

It means that she is still emotionally attached to the guy and your relationship will never be a 1on1 relationship. It's an emotional threesome. It's funny you ask it now, I made a topic 2 hours ago about my ex who's married and have kids now and still tries to contact me. Girls seems to think it's pretty normal, but as a guy, if I was the cucklord of a husband, I would have divorced the woman on the spot XD

AlbantheGreat · Answer

I'm not sure. There is that song: I have exes. Even if it didn't last as long as much with your wife, well I still built these houses of memories. If they are bitter-sweet for me nowadays, it's still my past, an important part of my past. I become why I am nodaways partly because of these past relationships. I don't know if I'll see one of them again. I don't know. Ah... I'm a stoic, as such, I try to not care about things which are outside my control. But when people are close of you, it's difficult to not worry about them. Wait and see.

Anonymous · Answer

I kind of understand. I have a ladyfriend that I'm very good friends with. Her husband, (understandably) is not cool with that. We don't talk anymore and i respect that because I respect that her husband come FIRST obviously.

My answer to you is this. No, you can't change your wife's feelings anymore than my ladyfriend's husband can change my ladyfriends feelings. But this comes down to RESPECT if you ask me. If you love someone YOU DON'T disrespect them. Flip it and imagine the roles were reversed how would she feel about lady friend that was too close to you. Even if she new you loved her she'd feel disrespected. I think if it bothers you that much you need to that it bothers you. And then you need to take the appropriate action based on her response. We have to teach people how to treat us. And if they don't sometimes we have to set them straight.

Anonymous · Answer

The hard honest truth is that nobody here is qualified to answer that for you. Only you have all of the relevant information to know whether it’s a concern or not. The best person to talk to this about if you want what’s best for your relationship is a therapist, you barely get many wise or helpful answers here, mostly just people projecting their own traumas onto your limited words on a screen. Your relationship is important so let’s keep this in perspective here. First look at yourself, are there any reasons you may be prone to having trust issues even if you think you’ve dealt with them? Then look at your partner, have they ever done anything else to make you question them? What I’m trying to get at is normally I’d say trust your gut, but you can only do that if your radar is set clearly, if you have previous issues it won’t be calibrated properly, and that’s where you need therapy to help recalibrate it.

petitedollbabee · Answer

No, you can still care about someone and wish them well without loving them. I still care about 3 of my ex’s, I hope they’re doing okay, but I don’t love them anymore.

Dinn3r · Answer

Yes you should be concerned; and given from your description of the situation, you are, and you have every right to be concerned. If my girlfriend is friends with her ex that would confuse me and bother me so much let alone my wife. I wouldn’t want her to be spending times with a person she was so close to in the past. I feel like that is slippery slope even if hers and his intentions are good.

Anemone978 · Answer

It is strange.. definitely... I would never still want to talk to my ex, unless we had kids together or I still held feeling for him... Fair enough if you are on friendly terms but to remain friends and still call each other is pretty odd..

DextroShade · Answer

You feel uneasy for a reason and shouldbe very concerned because it doesn't sound like she is over him. If you get into a big fight or something he will be her first call. Contact with exes is completely unacceptable and she needs to know that. Tell her that she can either have you in her life or have him in her life.

sheenagwapa · Answer

i care for my ex but i don't think i wanna catch up from time to time. my ex his importance is equivalent to that of a family member. more important than my friends and relatives but i don't love him anymore. he is just family

Sweetsurprize · Answer

All my exe's aren't in my life so yay for me and very lucky for my boyfriend. He doesn't have to deal with that shit past.

MikeInHawaii · Answer

What should a woman be concerned if I don’t hate or badmouth women I’ve gone out with in the past? Wouldn’t it mean, if we break up, I won’t be hating and badmouthing her?

hardboiledink · Answer

Nah it's a part of learning to love and I think it's fine to love other people yet not be in love with them

artgorgeous · Answer

Have you ever seen a big Chineese flag? That's the kind of flag color, yes.

catarecute · Answer

she is not over him you could be a rebound but i think she will eventually get over him.

exitseven · Answer

My wife used to still send Christmas cards to her ex fiance and attended his mother's funeral. i did not like it but I tried to understand.

Nikki1989 · Answer

No, not at all. Friends should remain friends.

Is it a red flag if your significant other still cares about their ex?

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