Is it wrong to have expectations for my boyfriend to treat me occasionally?

[Anonymous]

I have been going out with this guy for about a year now. In the beginning he took me out on really cute dates and paid the large bills while I paid the small things (popcorn, a drink, etc.). This habit slowly faded when we got more comfortable and I found myself paying for the majority of the expenses. I had a conversation with him about this and how I felt like things were uneven. He began to explain that he does things 50/50 in relationships, to which I responded that in my past relationships, I never paid for half. The man always paid at least slightly more than half and I felt taken care of and appreciated in this way. He agreed that he wanted me to feel provided for and since has paid more for coffee, date nights in, etc. However, I still feel like there’s an awkward aspect to it where I know he doesn’t want to spend his money. He makes more than I do, has a comfortable salary, and constantly tries to get deals on things or is stingy with food options. (Wanting to get Wendy’s for dinner). I can’t help but feel undervalued in this way considering past partners have gone to much greater depths for me before. He still does the occasional special thing but it is always still the cheaper option (pizza)

He also brought up that he wanted to take me on a beach vacation. I recently found out that this beach vacation is free because his parents are paying for it and they are going with us. For context, he is a 29M and I am a 27F. Although I see it as a great opportunity from his parents and I am appreciative, I wonder if he would have wanted to go if he knew he would have to pay. I don’t expect him to pay for me (I will be buying my own plane ticket). Also, the dynamic with his parents will be totally different than what I was expecting if the vacation was just him and I.

Am I expecting too much? I don’t want to feel like he is treating me against his will - only bc he knows he has to. And it turns me off that he finds these loop holes so things are cheaper

[Finchie40]

First It’s wrong that you are comparing your boyfriend to your exes , sadly , that is actually a selfish disrespectful trait that you have within yourself. by basing your expectations , off of what you used to have , compared to what you have right now in front of Your face , you and your boyfriend will never be on the same page with things, if you constantly compare him to your exes, So stop comparing him to your exes period. if you want your relationship to last the long haul with him if not , Your relationship with him probably won’t last the long haul , if you keep comparing him to your exes. If you love your boyfriend and want your relationship to last and want love to grow between you both? you are best to compromise together and stop comparing him to your exes period. If your exes were such great people? Then why are they your exes in the first place? Exempt them from your life , they shouldn’t mean shit to you , they ahoukd be a closed chapter in your life. Understand , that money shouldn't be the reason , you and your boyfriend. Are together in the first place. If it is the reason? , you are both doomed and your relationship more than likely won’t last. You both need to compromise with each other to become a team , instead of being against each other and pointing fingers at each other , if you want your relationship to last the long haul and not the short haul. Understand that money easily comes and goes , and understand Love doesn’t come from money. If you think it does? You are in for a rude awakening. The fact that your boyfriend has a job and he works for a living. makes him a good guy , just because you feel he is stingy with money , doesn’t mean he is a bad guy , he might be stingy with money for a good reason , especially if he is preparing for his future with you. If you both end up married and want to live together and buy a home together , you will see money just disappearing in the air the second you both get paid , when you both have to pay utilities and house payment and cars and car insurance and gas for the cars , and groceries , and if you plan on having kids? Say bye bye to your fun money lol All I am saying is stop comparing your exes to your boyfriend, if you want a happy healthy relationship with someone , Kick your expectations out the door and focus on compromising with your boyfriend. If you can’t compromise with your boyfriend , then you are best to walk away and be selfish , and find yourself a guy that you think will completely provide everything for you , Good luck with that shit lol Sadly You will never experience true love if you have that selfish mindset , Selfish people do not know what Love is period , because they only love themselves and what they feel is best for themselves , they are users , not lovers. If you want someone to stand by you? You need to stand by them no matter what on obstacles come
Your way. You weren’t put on Earth to be completely catered to , if you think you were? You are doomed , sorry to say.

[AJR78]

A healthy relationship is one that should never feel contractual or like there are arbitrary obligations or expectations. 50/50 in the truest sense is impossible. Period. I could unpack that to TED talk levels and a literal book, but I digress. Ultimately you are going to need to have a thorough conversation with him. Blunt honesty and transparency are the only way to reach the result you desire or free yourself to find someone who is more suited to your desires and idealic expectations. Do you have the guts to tell him: "I want a man who is a provider and won't compromise"? Then detail to him everything that you desire and expect. Give him the chance to react and respond and then decide whether you will compromise based on his wants or cut him off to find someone else. I don't know you and won't judge, but simply based on your post, if i was in your boyfriend's shoes and you had the conversation with me that I just outlined, I would dump you without a second thought. I am naturally a giver and always feel inclined to give all I can to anyone I love, but the minute they make me feel as though it is expected and that they feel slighted if taper off briefly or flat out stop for a period of time for whatever reason, a strain will immediately be put on that relationship due to that being blatant disrespect to me. Far too often, women have the mindset that allowing access to their body to their partner is everything they need to give in a relationship. Essentially that sex is the currency with which they invest in the relationship. While also believeing that time, money, adoration and priority are all required from the man, at all times. While also believeing that for them as the woman, time is: at their discretion, money is: at their discretion or never required at all, adoration is: part of and expressed by proxy of allowing access to their body and that priority is: if they so choose and is condonable to not consider at all. Flawed AF and not any kind of fair or mutual, but very typical.

[DishLady]

Tbh if you’re looking at a long-term relationship with your guy there are points at which you should share things, though it IS nice if the guy understands that you’d like to be treated to a special night if you’re home tending to things (or whatever your situation is). Having said that, it’s nice to remember he’s human too and needs a treat or two from you as well. (50/50 isn’t always a dollar amount but a mode of thinking… give and take… reciprocity.)


If you’re not seeing eye to eye with your 50/50 guy, have a sit down with him and chat through it till you find your common ground.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I'm just going to say it. Women like you give all women a bad rep. We can't say out of one side of our mouths that we want equality and then out of the other side say we expect men to pay more in the relationship. That's not equality. Yes, he should treat you, but you should also treat him equally.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Oh, darling, the world of romance and finance - such a tangled web, isn’t it? Your feelings and expectations are perfectly valid. Relationships are all about feeling cherished and valued. It seems like your love language might include gifts and acts of service, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with desiring a partner who speaks your language fluently. It’s important to remember that communication is key. Have an honest conversation about your feelings without making it seem like an attack on his character. Maybe phrase it in a way that focuses on how certain acts of generosity make you feel loved and appreciated. Each person has their own approach to money, but it’s essential to find a mutual understanding that leaves both parties feeling valued and respected. Love and finances can coexist harmoniously with openness, understanding, and compromise. Remember, it's not about the price tag, but the thought and effort that counts. Keep talking, stay flirty, and find your common ground. 💕

[V_Injector]

Bla bla bla... It's the year 2024 and now women pay for everything.

Drizzle Drizzle

Soft guy summer is about to hit... you better get a 2nd or 3rd job.

[Anonymous]

Most men have been conditioned to pay for the first couple of dates and will do so, but not every man wants to pay for most things unless he's traditional. And if he is traditional, he wants a traditional woman---who also fulfills those roles by conventional women.

I for one, have had bad experiences with a few women. I've paid for nearly every date in a situationship I was in a woman, and never again. I felt like I was being taken advantage of, and she wasn't really giving me anything besides her time and company.

So I would have another conversation with him about this. It's clear that you guys have very different expectations and roles, and it doesn't seem it was clearly communicated from the get go. I don't think he necessarily gave less effort over time. He made that initial effort, and it seems to me that this is just how he is. He doesn't want to pay the majority of a woman's expenses.

Have you treated him? What do you give him in return, even if its not monetary? You say you've paid for the majority of expenses.. but what do you mean by that?

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Girl, don't listen to people saying it's wrong. It's not wrong. It's your standard, they don't have the rights to change that, or nag at you. If you are looking for a husband in the future, of course you would want someone who can provide for you and your kids.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Before I answer that, you said previous relationships the guy paid for more than half.. Where are those guys now? Going out with other people.. right?

My question therefore is, is it SO important he pays more than being in a stable relationship? His parents obviously like you as well or they wouldn't be keen on sorting out a holiday break that included you!

As for are you wrong to want more? No, you aren't, but just be mindful that money isn't everything!

[ThaMaskedMarvel]

It's not wrong, but you have to communicate this to him. If it's very important to you to feel this type of fulfillment in your relationship, then tell him. Perhaps you could even come to a compromise where you treat him as well. If he doesn't want to do it, just break up & find someone who does.

[jahaims]

You are assuming people find value in the same things. Just because you think that way doesn't mean he does so you can't make assumptions based on preferences. You need to work on communicating with him so you can be on the same page. I will never understand people in relationships that don't communicate.

[Twalli]

My view is that once you're relationship develops, the man should always be able to pay, but not expected. I usually pay when my girlfriend and I go somewhere, simply because I have a card and she doesn't. If it requires cash, she usually takes care of it.

[Anonymous]

Your question, and the responses from female users, is just more evidence of the entitlement and hypocrisy of modern women. You want equality except when it doesn't benefit you. You want to abolish gender roles except the ones that are in your favor. You should definitely dump him and let him find a better woman.

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

hey, honestly it sounds to me like you two are to different, it doesn't sound like hed change, ask him about when you are pregnant and have a baby what then?

[Blue_Brady]

You chose him girl, if he's cheap he'll remain cheap and if you try to change him he'll probably feel pressured. Anyway talk to him, tell him how you feel.

[sheikalana]

Hmmm I don't see him as a very serious man to be in a relationship with. He treated you really well in the beginning but once he had you in his hands he stopped making the effort. That's the beginning of the end.

[MrNameless]

I don't necessarily think he stopped putting in effort. Guys usually pay for the first couple of dates, but not every man wants to pay for most things, unless he's very traditional and seeks a conventional partner. It's a give-and-take thing. But they seem to have different values. She expects him to pay for the majority of things and be "treated," while he wants an equal partner.

[sheikalana]

@MrNameless that's why when you go on dates with someone and during the talking stage you should discuss these type of things before jumping into a relationship.

[Krealot]

Do you ever treat him? If the answer is no, then you (in my opinion) do not have the right to complain. Give and take.

[Pillubi]

I feel this is going to take a toll on the relationship, time to back off. Find someone else who has the provider mindset.

[Whitedog1]

You need to be treated as his princess if this is to become a serious relationship. When you become pregnant he has to be head of the household.

[nawtee_me]

Expectations are disappointments waiting to happen. They are our own wants projected onto someone else. It isn’t fair to them at all.

[moneymagnet24]

Wtf wrong with this dudes..
I never asked any girl to pay bills

[Amara_09]

No. You are not wrong.

[Anonymous]

Yea you're kinda giving off brat vibes

[In_Trance]

Yes it is

[Kingofkings1992]

No, it’s not.