What am I supposed to feel about my boyfriend?

[Grimwaldo]

I hear people talk about their partners sometimes and they sound excited most of the time. I don't feel that way and i never have. I felt that way about a girl once. But that was a very long time ago in highschool. Now i have a boyfriend and it just feels like we're buddies same as any friend and the only difference is i have to kiss him and there's occasional sexual obligations and I'm actively reminding myself to be flirtatious and thoughtful. I like him as a human. He treats me nicely. I like how he treats me. Logically we fit into each other's lives in a way that makes sense. We have similar values and expectations out of relationships. That's pretty much it. He stops and stares at me silently often and plays with my face and tells me how beautiful my eyes are. He's an objectively attractive person but i don't feel any urge to stare at him like that. It just feels like I'm his partner because that's what makes sense analytically because he wants me. He's a good person. I just don't know how I'm supposed to feel about him. I like our dynamic. But i always have to talk myself into sexual acts for him as oppose to doing things because i like any of it. It's a lot of telling myself I need to calm down and get it over with. Figure out ways to deal with it. Because it's mandatory. He's not forceful or rude. He doesn't do wrong things. I just don't know what I'm supposed to feel and why it doesn't seem like other people's relationships.

[Mofunfour20]

Because you're comparing him to the other relationships. Why bother with what other people are doing if you're with someone else sharing an experience already. Thats goofy, you already got something special. If not leave

[ChrisMaster69]

Do you have any strong emotional connection with him?

or is it more, he’s a friend feeling?

also with previous dating, how did you feel with them or is this your first dating partner?

[Grimwaldo]

No but i respect him so i understand being loyal for that reason.

More like he's an acquaintance. I feel like the dynamic is more like he's the captain of tbe boat and I'm the lookout or navigator. Just cuz i do what he wants out of respect but if i had any type of problem or was sad i wouldn't tell him because it would feel awkward like I'm bothering him with plebe problems for being a girl. Like there's a hierarchy and what he experiences is real and important and what i experience is just a distraction to keeping our relationship moving forward. He leads cuz he's a guy and i follow cuz that's what you do.

The guys i always feel like this. Like there is no emotion I'm just being respectful and dutiful because it's my place. The girl i fell in love with. She was everything to me and i still think about her and wish we were together.

But i have a male friend I'm emotionally bonded to and after two years i feel sexually attracted to him and willing to do what he wants and open to initiating and experimenting. (Im not cheating i just mean emotionally i would want to and when we're both single i can speak freely and sexually with him and I do think about wanting to. We have discussed it at length. I gave him oral once cuz i wanted to but that's it. But it was fun. That kernel of proof i could be bi/confused keeps me trying to date males.

[ChrisMaster69]

That sounds a lot like Demisexuality.

Based on your other friend.

Demi sexuality or romance.

Will dig something out for you.

[ChrisMaster69]

Have a read through these.

medium.com/.../the-faqueer-series-8-things-im-asked-because-i-m-demisexual-ae97d25c0b1f

medium.com/.../what-does-it-mean-to-be-demisexual-6e6d2e62d0d5

demisexuality.org/articles/what-is-demisexuality/

[Grimwaldo]

Okay but is it possible to be demi towards men and not demi towards women? Cuz I've heard that before but then it's gets more confusing because i don't need an emotional connection with women. I can hook up with one within the first 10minutes of meeting one. But feeling emotionally connected is necessary for men. Especially if there's a penis involved. Like if it's just hand stuff w men I'm not turned off. I can hook up w a man pretty immediately if it's all just hand stuff too. It's when hetero penis to vagina sex comes into play my brain goes *nope* and i fail to make myself interested/willing. Also kissing men ever makes me bored. I actually have to face away from them so i don't have to look at them if we're doing anything sexual/physical.

[ChrisMaster69]

Yes you can be pretty much how you want.

Try and ignore labels (he says using one lol).

Think of it as a sealed cylinder where green is physical and blue is emotional.

Your average heterosexual sits around 40-45% blue with rest being physical.

Move to 50% blue and beyond and you entering Demi territory

Now throw in some sexuality attraction and well you need two cylinders or one that just changes it’s amount of emotional requirement based on the gender and even the person.

Some girls will struggle to get wet with a guy if not enough emotional connection.

That sort of make sense?

[Grimwaldo]

It does actually. Thank you. I wasn't sure about posting about this but you made me feel a lot less unsure about whether i was wasting his time just cuz i don't want to have sex and I'm not doodling his name on notebooks or whatever. This helped a lot

[ChrisMaster69]

No problem, I’ve done a few posts now on Demi on here.

Also done it in real and it’s more common than people think, but more as a floating value that changes with who we are talking to,

For example the guy thing with you, may change if the guy is more feminine looking, acting.
(Or could be other extreme).

There is also often a submissive or deferral part to it but won’t go there lol.

[ChrisMaster69]

@Grimwaldo thank you for MHG most appreciated

[FireFox001]

That's a dead relationship right there the moment you meet a guy that makes you really horny on first sight.

That sucks. But that's the truth.