I love my boyfriend but I feel like he doesn't appreciate me? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend a lot, I would honestly do a lot for him. I'm a really caring & generous person, & I feel like I do a lot of little things for him like getting little gifts etc, checking up on him, supporting him in small ways. I feel like when I do things like this, he just doesn't really super notice? Like I'll get him something he goes "oh thanks", then just goes back to what he was doing.

I try to be a really attentive girlfriend, & also give him space, but I feel like maybe my expectations are too high? Like when we hang out, it's sometimes just kind of awkward, he's a really serious guy, not much affection, he's okay w/ just chilling & watching Youtube etc. He likes a lot of alone time & his own space, so he'll kick me out a lot early, kiss me once, and he doesn't really like to cuddle or anything. Think that's just him.

Maybe there's something wrong w me or he's just a mellow guy. For example, every past boyfriend has said how pretty I am etc., or kind, but he's never complimented me once? Like it's just implied, but makes me feel strange. He likes so much space he doesn't really have the drive to be "around" me much. I just feel like he doesn't really "notice" me. I bring up all the time that I can't tell if he likes me, I'm a really funny person but he doesn't like to joke much.

Also, he never really thinks to invite me on trips. He goes with his friends a lot but I never get invited. He goes & does errands by himself all week, & checks in on me, but I think this is his personality too, & he likes being alone, doing his own thing etc.

He says he thinks his efforts are enough, & he really believes that. Are we just not a good match? I told him recently he should be w/someone else and he got offended. How do I bring up something like this?

I've started to hate myself. I just feel like I'm "too much" for him or any guy. I don't know what to do

[DaveJord]

Well I would always say that everyone faces moments like this throughout their lives. Failure and rejection is an in grained part of the dating process... its literally unavoidable. So you should never take other peoples inadequacies in a relationship to personal nor should you take responsibility for their failures.

But if you believe you are in a imbalanced relationship and you are putting out way more effort than he is then, you need to quit blaming yourself and move on. There's a good chance that it has nothing to do your failures, and more about your success at over compensating for his short comings.

Like I said just previously in another post, I am 45 and I have dated over 20 women in my life and only truly been in love 3 times. Every time I have met that someone I knew would be special it was easy, and I never had any doubts... we just vibe and everything flowed smoothed.

So I would always encourage a person no matter the issue they are dealing with to step back and do some serious self reflection on yourselves in order to learn what you need to learn from the experience and then make the right adjustments to become the best version of yourself moving forward.

But honestly if you are not with the right guy for you, then you need to quit blaming yourself and get back out there and find the right person. If this guy was the right guy for you then you would not be feeling this way at all.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like you are in the wrong relationship and that this guy is not good for you , when you give more than you receive that’s when things start to get bad , you will eventually start resenting him so before you waste more of your time , you are better off ending it with him and realize you deserve someone that wants to give back pretty much the same way you give , Cuz right now it sounds like you are in a one sided relationship and it will just get worse for you , Value your self worth and realize you deserve better than that, To me you sound like an amazing girlfriend that I would appreciate and would want to give back to

[Asker]

This is the best answer so far and it really made me feel a lot better. I really agree with this bc I feel like nothing I did was really reciprocated that much. I appreciate this too I think this was the answer I was looking for. Thank you❤️

[Finchie40]

No problem at all, I been in a relationship like yours before and the best thing that happened was moving on and realizing there are better people out there that want to give and receive the same way you do , Every relationship has it’s ups and downs and sometimes we have to give more then we receive but it shouldn’t feel like a constant thing , when it starts feeling constant you have to become a little selfish yourself and realize you are not appreciated the same way you appreciate them , so it comes to yourself always feeling like you are giving without receiving, you are just wasting your time with that person , when someone values you they will want to show their appreciation to you and make you feel wanted and be happy to have you by their side , someone that needs space from you a lot doesn’t value you they only like the convenience of you. You aren’t their priority , find someone that makes you their priority like you make them , friends should never come before your partner and that’s where so many people go wrong , your partner should be your best friend period

[Staximus]

This guy is right

[Jesibel]

Look I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it's clear you are not a good match. Your love language are not the same. There's nothing wrong with either of you just so I'm clear. But if you've stated how you feel and there hasn't been a change then there never will be. So stop the cycle. It's not fair for you to have to accept not getting the fulfillment you need in a relationship nor is it fair to ask him to change how he is or who he is to suit you or your needs. So my advice break it off on good terms so you can find someone who will treat you and care for you the way you need. You'll never be happy and there isn't a real future in the cards for you and this guy. So don't waste either of your time and energy. You may care for this guy and you've already have invested so much time in the relationship but if it's as you describe now it will only get worse later on down the line. I hope what I've said helped.

[Hürrem]

Action speaks louder than words. A relationship should be two-way and not one way.
If he is into you, he should show signs of affection at least even a simple hug or compliment that would made you feel appreciated or reciprocated.
If he felt and said that he did his best as a boyfriend and you are not really satisfied, then it is time to move on as both of you have different kind of level that just does not match.

[Naimgood]

You could be too available. There's always 1 person chasing the other in any relationship. Married or not. Or his mom did a bunch of stuff for him so he just expects it. Or... you're not as generous as you label yourself and your seeing things 1 sided. Do you do all this because you're a great person or do you do it so it'll be reciprocated? If it's the second 1 then you have to understand people don't work like that. If you do something for someone that doesn't enter them into some contract to do the same for you. If you do all this because you're just genuinely that nice then you wouldn't expect it returned bc you just enjoy needing nice.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. i really do everything bc I care about him & don't expect anything back, but I really feel like I get almost nothing back from him at all. I think it's bc if you're a generous person, you expect others to be the same, but i have to realize that that's not true. He just has a different way of showing things. Thanks for this

[boggboss]

If u ain't happy explain to him u want more there is nothing wrong with wanting more lol u have to just find out if he is willing to provide more or if u 2 are not compatible

[Asker]

Great answer and simple. I think this is what it comes down to. appreciate this, gonna try

[boggboss]

👍🏽

[Guy13]

Take Mr. Distance down, unzip his pants, and execute in a proper manner. Right as or before BINGO, withdraw, zip up, and it's time for you to go. Walk him to the door and shewwww him out with the hand thing. That worked for me with a selfish but super-hot woman I was kinda dating like your situation. Smile while you are executing and glare as you open the door for him to exit.

[Staximus]

There's nothing wrong with you. Go find a guy that actually wants you around, appreciates you, and isn't afraid to show it. This guy sounds like a little bitch boy, probably an undercover fruit

[Staximus]

The was a girl I moved heaven and earth for once, and it didn't even matter. It might as well have been anybody, judging by the amount of appreciation I received in return. No matter how much I did for her, it wasn't enough to make her care as much about me as I did about her. Go find somebody who appreciates you and wants you around and isn't afraid to show it. Ditch that bum

[Ninania]

That's just the way he is, sounds like. You two are just not compatible. You want something other than what he brings to your relationship. Nothing's wrong with either of you, you're just not a right match.

[Hellraiser1984]

I think he's trying to dump you. You deserve better than him. Move on. I'm sorry you have gone through this.

[sheikalana]

you need to sit and talk to him about what you’re thinking or feeling. he probably appreciates you a lot but doesn’t know how to express himself.

[Not_Average]

Sounds like you need to communicate have you feel and give him the opportunity to adjust

[Pterodon]

Nothing you can do and it won’t change so you have a decision

[Asker]

Thanks! Are you sure? Any way to talk to him? I appreciate this

[Pterodon]

You can try to talk and tell him your feelings but people don’t change

[Asker]

I really appreciate this a lot. Thanks <3

[Pterodon]

Leopards don’t change their spots

[driven159]

he is not going to change so if you are unhappy then time to go

[EaterPeter]

Be kind with your self, appreciate yourself and try appreciating him

[sdsalyer1979]

Try treating him like he treats you

[Godsvengeance]

Dump him if you aren't appreciated